Wiser Time
by fridayblues
Summary: Due to unexpected incidents, Ennis and Jack were to put themselves in each others’ shoes.
1. Chapter 1 :Ghosts:

Title: **Wiser Time / Chapter 1**  
Author: fridaysblue  
Pairing: Ennis/Jack  
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17  
Disclaimer: Ennis Del Mar, Jack Twist and all characters from the original story belong to the legendary Annie Proulx. I made this story up, and there is no money involved whatsoever. 'Wiser Time' is a track from The Black Crowes, my favorite band, released back in 1994.  
Summary: Due to unexpected incidents, Ennis and Jack were to put themselves in each others' shoes.

Warning: AU, language, m/m sex.

Author's Note: English is not my mother language. Big thanks to my betas; judybluecat , morethanimagine

**Wiser Time**

Chapter 1 **"Ghosts"**

_Don't look at me like that, Jack. _

"See you next month then."

Ennis chewed his nail, casting his eyes down on the dirt. _Please don't look at me like that,_ he begged silently, dragging his feet that suddenly felt heavy and drained to Jack's truck. He could manage only a few steps when he heard the engine of Jack's truck roaring angrily, breaking through his resistance, seizing his heart and soul.

"Ja..."

Muttering, he looked up, but the truck was gone. Dust diffused, air whirling with dry leaves and dirt coloring the blue sky to tarnish it brown. Ennis didn't move even when his daughters called from his truck. He didn't hear anything but the sound of his heart pounding fast. The excitement of seeing Jack again after four months was replaced by pure sorrow and regret in just a blink of an eye. Ennis lifted his face up, hands digging in the depths of his pockets. The air was crystal clear again now but he saw the difference hidden in the same old Wyoming sky. It had turned grey. Jack was gone. And Ennis was the one pushing him away.

----------

_Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,  
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.  
Who cares where we go on this rutted old road  
In a world that may say that we're wrong. _

Oh, shut up, Jack thought furiously but still kept the radio playing. Just when he thought he had cried enough, he winced, then a dam holding back the tears broke down again despite his strong will. Fuck Ennis Del Mar, Jack cursed, wiping his tears before straightening up his back and stepped on the gas pedal, driving his truck faster. Fuck _you,_ Twist. You shoulda known better about that man. What was you thinking anyway? That the shithead would open his arms wide and welcoming you into his now-I-am-free-again life after the divorce? Dream away, Twist, fucking dream away.

_Cause I know a love that will never grow old  
And I know a love that will never grow old.  
_  
Fuck _that_ too. Jack punched the radio button off, and sped up the truck. He knew where he'd head. Mexico. He'd heard people in the bar back at Childress talking about it. Mexico, where you could buy cheap sex from men. _You do this to me, Ennis. You push me to this._ Jack kept talking to himself while watching the road with teary eyes. He didn't even slow down when he saw tree branches strewn across the road. The truck ran over some branches and stumps that looked like the remains of last month's storm. His truck bumped up and down severely and a second later, Jack heard a sound like fireworks from the back of his truck, then the truck seemed to lose control. Jack tried hard to hold onto the steering wheel tightly and slammed on the brakes. But it was no use, the truck was running full speed and didn't stop easily. It spun around, slid off the side of the road and hit the base of a pine tree.

_Great,_ Jack thought. _Just great._ He cursed for the millionth time and got out of the truck, walking to the back where he could see he had a flat tire. _Can this day ever get any better?_ Jack growled, kicking the flat tire and watching it in silence as if he could somehow summon the air up to inflate it again. Tired, he finally leaned on the side of the truck and started to look for the tool box.

"Shit. You're an idiot, Twist."

Jack swore as he realized he had forgotten to reload the tool box in the truck, after bringing it down to fix one of the neighbor's flat tires a few days back. Jack straightened up, hands on his hips, shaking his head in disbelief. He was such a fool, leaving home in such a rush after that one damn postcard he thought was sent from heaven. Thought God telling him that now all was okay. Ennis and Alma had gotten divorced and it was okay now for him to take a step closer to Ennis. He shoulda known better. Ennis's rule of having them fishing trips two, three times a year was not because of marriage. It was all about the damn tire irons, the memory that had haunted him since he was a kid. Jack wondered if the fear would ever leave Ennis. He wondered if they would continue meeting three or four times a year up on the mountain until doomsday, when all he wanted was to wake up with Ennis every morning and fall asleep with him every night. It was that simple. Why were such simple wishes so hard to grant? Jack wondered if that day would ever come. He suddenly felt his whole body getting heavy with despair. And damn he also felt the hot tears stirring in his eyes again. But he couldn't stop the thoughts still whirling around, making his head ache.

You've been driving for 14 hours straight feeling so happy to see Ennis. But he kicked you out and all you gotta say was, "_See you next month then."  
_  
_Haven't you any pride left in your fucked-up little head, Twist?  
_  
Kicking the flat tire again, he wiped the tears with the back of his hand, cursing his luck, cursing Ennis for making up all those fucking rules, and cursing himself more for following them.

Jack tried to calm down and set priorities. First thing, fix the tire and get away from this godforsaken stretch of road, even if you need to fix it with your own fucking hands. But before that, he needed a smoke. Jack fished a cigarette from his pocket and flicked his lighter. He leaned on the side of the truck, closed his eyes and inhaled the smoke.

There...he saw the pair of warm brown eyes he'd been missing badly over the months, looking up at him from below the rim of a light-colored hat, so full of sorrow and hesitation. Jack didn't expect that kind of look from Ennis as he drove down the dirt road, singing his heart out, feeling like the real 'King of the Road'. Especially after getting a warm bear hug that sent Jack back to the world of youth and unconditional love.

_"Got your postcard."_ Jack remembered saying that. "_So I thought...well..." _

He gazed at Ennis who suddenly looked like he was seeing a ghost. And Jack's world was trembling.

"Fuck."

He forced his eyes open, feeling older and alone.

Jack was about to start on the next cigarette when he heard the sound of an engine coming close. But he was in no mood to look up. The truck stopped anyway. Then a door creaked open and slammed shut. Jack looked up, cigarette in between his lips. He squinted at the ray of sunlight reflecting from the newcomer's sunglasses. And the next thing he knew, the blond man with black sunglasses walked right up to him, with a tire-iron held tight in his right hand.

----------

"Daddy, I hate carrots."

Jenny said, shaking Ennis's arm, forcing him to go back to the real world. Sunday afternoon. Him taking Junior and Jenny out for an early dinner in town. Malvin's Diner. People talking. Kids screaming. Forks and knives clicking. Chairs scratching the floor. The waitresses walking around, with coffee pots in their hand. Arnie from the sandwich shop was eating something at the counter alone.

_Jack'd gone.  
_  
"Daddy, you need to eat more bread."

Junior handed him more bread. Jenny discarded carrots to the side of her plate so Ennis gave her his green beans. He then looked down and played with the mashed potatoes on his plate. He didn't have an appetite for food. His throat was bitter. And he wished he was drinking whiskey in his crappy house instead of drinking coffee right here in the newest diner in town.

"Daddy. You like my ring?"

Jenny showed him a tiny ring made from red plastic, wrapping round and perfectly fitting her little left ring finger.

"Real nice, honey. Where did you get it?" he asked, wiping ketchup off the corner of Jenny's smiling mouth with his thumb.

"Monroe."

"Monroe?" Ennis frowned. It had been 5 weeks since the divorce and he knew Alma would move on. But he couldn't help feeling rage building up inside. Though he didn't have no clue why. Junior put her hand softly on his. Ennis looked up and saw the sweetest warmth in his oldest daughter's brown eyes, aiming only for her daddy.

"It's not like that, Daddy. Mommy just needs some friends, you know...and she...well...works with him and everything..."

"You don't have to explain that to me, darling." Ennis flicked her earlobe. "Your momma needs to move on. And...well...she's very kind to let me have you two with me once every two weeks. I am grateful for that. And...Monroe is a good guy..."

Ennis smiled warily. Jenny ran to a table at the back of the diner as she saw one of her friends from school having dinner with her parents, leaving Junior and him alone each playing with the food on their plates.

"Daddy, you ever thinking of...I mean..." Junior stopped. She looked like she was trying to find the right word to say, "settling down again?"

Ennis laughed softly. Girls sure grew up very fast. He had no idea how a 12-year-old girl like Junior learned that kind of phrase. When he was 12, he just fooled around horses with 'gallop' being his fanciest word.

"You don't worry about me none. Now finish your food. We still got some errands to do at the laundry before dark. 'Member?" Ennis said and winked at Junior. He was rewarded by her shy smile rarely seen nowadays. He felt bad that his daughters, especially Junior who was old enough to understand what was going on, had to suffer from all the mess of Alma's and his married life. But that bad feeling was replaced by his sudden thought of the phrase 'settling down again' that kept ringing in his head minutes ago. Did he want to do that? Settle down again? How the hell?

_"We could have our own little cow and calf operation."  
_  
Shit. Ennis heard that voice in his head, popped its way up outta nowhere.

_"You know it could be like this, just like this always."  
_  
Fuck. He needed a smoke.

_"We can live quiet. Nobody would give a damn 'bout us, Ennis."  
_  
And a bottle of whiskey too, a strong one.

Jittery, Ennis excused himself out to smoke in front of the diner. He inhaled the smoke deep, keeping it lingering inside his lungs for as long as he could, then slowly exhaled through his nose, trying to calm down his jittery nerves. Better. He repeated the process again when he heard the sound of more than one engine roaring up from outside of town. People from the stores around the main street started to gather at the side of the road, all staring at the first vehicle that emerged from the whirl of dust. It was a black Cherokee, belonging to the one and only Sheriff of Riverton. Then there was a white truck with a "Riverton Memorial Hospital" sign on it followed close behind. Jenny ran out and clutched the edge of his jacket a little from behind while Junior stood right beside him. All eyes were on the two cars that roared pasted the diner to the south, heading of course for the hospital.

"What happened, Daddy?" Junior asked.

"Some accidents maybe." Ennis looked around. People were starting to talk and make assumptions. But they might not need to now. Billy, the sheriff's assistant, was driving his truck down the road, a little behind the two vehicles that went ahead. A couple of men in front of the diner waved him to slow down until he stopped dead in front of the crowd.

"Hey now, Billy, what's going on? The sheriff drove by here faster than hell there." Ennis heard a man with red hair ask. Billy seemed annoyed but he rolled his window further and stuck his head out anyway.

"_It_ happened again."

"Jesus Christ." "Holy shit." "Oh...my..." People murmured and swore. But Ennis stood still, left hand tucked deep in his pocket clenching tight into a ball, the other hand holding his forgotten cigarette frozen in the air on its way to his mouth, his body feeling numb from head to toe.

"Real bad this time," Billy said. "Happened down the road heading south."

The numbness was gone and now Ennis was shaking like leaves fighting the force of the raging storm.

"Daddy?"

Junior called out, voice trembling with uncertainty and fear at the look of her daddy. Ennis looked down at her. Instead of seeing her delicate teenage girl features, he saw a young man with black hair all covered in blood, lying breathless in a dirty ditch. A tire iron lay beside him.

"Jack..."

----------

Jack startled from a quick nap and looked up with blurry, sleepy eyes to the dirty, narrow road surrounded by vast, drought-stricken fields on both sides. _Where the hell am I?_ Jack winced at the thought and turned his head to ease the stiffness forming at the back of his neck. _How long have I been sleepin?_ Jack closed his eyes again, letting his mind slip back to what had happened. Ennis, the damn song on the radio, Mexico, flat tire...

Shit. His eyes flew open again. He was in a truck. Someone else's truck actually. Then he heard the sound of deep laughter from beside him.

"You were sleeping like a log." the man said, made no attempt to hide the amusement in his voice. "You must be tired."

Jack was quiet for a minute. He heard Ennis's ghost voice whispering near his ear, so close he even felt his warm breath. _'You're sleeping on your feet like a horse.''  
_  
"Jack, ya alright?" the man asked, sincerely sounding concerned.

"I used to sleep like a horse, you know." Jack knew he was talking nonsense, but he couldn't stop. "But now I'm sleeping like a log."

The cowboy at the steering wheel had no comment. He just stared at Jack, looked back at the road then back to Jack again, jaw dropping, looking mighty concerned.

"I'm sorry..." Jack rubbed his face with one hand. "I just had a bad day."

"Don't I know it."

Jack caught the amusement hidden in those words so he turned to the blond guy beside him. The man was still wearing a pair of sunglasses even though it was 6 p.m. And he was now chuckling softly.

"Thank you again, _Luke,"_ Jack said. "I woulda been eaten by insects at the side of the road by now, if you hadn't passed by."

Luke was a tall guy with dark blond hair. He wore a nice black cowboy hat with a pair of black sunglasses, looking like James Dean in a movie Jack once saw. He had headed down to Cheyenne for business a week before and had planned on returning to Riverton yesterday morning, but overslept. He'd left Cheyenne at night instead, hoping to reach Riverton today before dark.

"No big deal. I just came back from Cheyenne. Business. I told you."

"Yeah..."

"But I'm no good with tools. Sorry I couldn't be of much help back there."

"No, no, you don't have to apologize. I got it all settled, didn't I?"

Luke laughed. After trying to act like an expert around the flat tire with his tire iron, Luke gave up and handed the tire iron to Jack. Jack ended up having to change the tire by himself. But the front of his Ford that hit the tree was damaged real bad. His truck wouldn't make it to Riverton if Luke had tried to drag it with rope from his truck. He needed to get the professionals to do the task. Some mechanic who knew his way round fixing trucks in Riverton.

Riverton.

Jack swallowed hard. Did he really need to go back there?

"So Jack," Luke said, bringing Jack back from his thoughts, "what are you gonna do now?"

Sighing, Jack propped his elbow on the window, looking out at the orange horizon across the fields. "I don't know."

"Well, you need a place to stay. You know someone in town?"

"Yeah, but..."

Jack didn't want to tell Luke about Ennis now. After having been practically kicked out of Ennis's house, he had no intention of seeing that asshole face twice in one day.

"It's getting dark, Jack. I think I can find you a good enough motel, just a minute or two from here. Get some rest tonight. Then you can figure out what to do tomorrow. How's that sound?"

"Fine. That sounds fine, really." Jack allowed himself a small smile and went on, "But I don't know much 'round here. Don't know where I can find someone to pull that piece-of-junk back to town."

"Easy. You just have ta walk to the Sheriff's Office.' Luke turned right at the next corner. Jack's heart stopped at the sight.

The Siesta. This was definitely the last place on earth he wanted to spend the night.

Luke said goodbye for now but said he would be back to help out tomorrow, around noon. He seemed like a nice guy and so willing to help that Jack accepted the offer. The good nights exchanged, then Jack headed to his room at the back of the building. _Their_ room.

Jack sat on the toilet, fully clothes, one hand holding his grey hat, the other holding an unlit cigarette between two fingers. Ennis sure was not the only one seeing a ghost today. There were ghosts of two young men in this room. Everywhere he looked, he saw them.

Jack glanced up to the bed near the closed window. There they were. He saw the curly dirty blond-haired man bury his dick deep inside the ass of the black-haired man beneath. He straightened his back, gripping tight onto the hips he was pounding deep into, leaving red prints, as he continued moving in and out hard like it was the end of the world. The man beneath arched his back, meeting him halfway on every thrust. His sweaty head tossed wildly on the sheet, moist well-kissed mouth slightly opened letting moans of pleasure out, gasping for air that seemed to run out of his lungs, his hands swinging around like a blind man's, trying to snatch every part of the other man's solid body closer to himself for more connection, even if it was not possible.

Jack turned away from the sight, dick throbbing. He dared to lift his eyes up again, this time he saw the two men half sitting half lying down on the crumpled sheets, the black-haired man's arm holding the other across his chest loosely from behind, both smoking.

"What are we gonna do now?" he asked.

"Don't know. Guess I'm stuck here the rest of my life..."

Feeling drained from too many emotions flowing inside like a wild river, the blond-haired man closed his teary eyes.

"C'mere," the black-haired man whispered and pulled the other man close and kissed him softly. His mouth opened letting the sweet tongue of his man inside, dancing with his own tongue, back and forth, never wanted it to end. With mouths kissing, nipping, licking and never apart, the blond-haired man slid his body on top of the other one. He stopped the kissing for now, his brown eyes gazing deep into the blue eyes beneath, the tips of fingers running down the side of his cheek with a tender, feather touch.

_"Christ...thought I would never see you again, Jack..." _he whispered and put his head in the hollow of the other man's neck, breathing in the smell of musk and sex that he missed, melting into the strong arms he'd been longing to hold him tight.

The black-haired man turned his head to plant a kiss on his man's ear, closing his eyes, absorbing the warmth and feeling the two hearts pressed close together, beating as fast as a pair of drums. Then he whispered almost too soft to be heard,

_"Missed you, Ennis..."  
_  
Hat and a cigarette butt tossed on the bathroom floor, Jack buried his head in his hands, feeling the stiffness in his jeans and the sharp of pain in his chest.

Jack knew he couldn't sleep on that fucking bed 'cause the ghosts of Ennis and himself from 8 years ago were there outside, haunting the room.

But being here in this tiny bathroom didn't help nothin'. The vivid pictures of the two ghosts could still find ways of replaying scenes over and over again inside his head, haunting him more.

----------

"Fuck."

Ennis cursed and slammed back the refrigerator shut as he found no beer left in there. _How could he fucking sleep without one tonight?_ He growled and walked back to his bed, glancing at a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand. That might do.

After the brief errands at the laundry, the girls had insisted on him taking them to the newly open stationery shop north of the main street. Junior said she needed a new pencil but Jenny just wanted to hang out as much as she could. Alma didn't normally let them stay out of home for too long. Ennis sat outside the shop, trying to focus his mind purely on his daughters. Today was their day and it was important. But it was impossible. The 'incident' that had happened somewhere on the road south of town today captured all of his thought.

Ennis walked to his bed, seizing the bottle of whiskey and took a big gulp.

_You think too fucking much,_ Ennis told himself. _You don't even know who was in the accident_. _It might be someone else._ He took another swig from the bottle of whiskey, trying hard to gather himself together.

_But the time slot is just right,_ the little voice in his head told him. _And Jack took that road south to Texas, you fucking know it. _Ennis tightened his grip on the bottle 'til his knuckles turned white.

He needed to find out where Jack was. He would check at the hospital, the Sheriff's office. Wait...he should call Jack in Childress first thing. Perhaps nothing might have happened and that asshole might be staying overnight at some rest stop before heading home again in the morning. Yes, Jack would be there, in Childress. He's _gotta_ be there.

Despite his own belief that he couldn't sleep that night, the whiskey did the trick. Ennis drifted off dreaming about Jack on the horse, smiling wide, blue eyes glittering brighter than the sky. Ennis smiled in his dream, shifting to his side unconsciously seeking for the warmth from the sheet, causing the bottle of whiskey held loosely in his hand to fall down on the floor. The sound of glass breaking woke him up fiercely. Jack was haunting him in his dreams like a ghost.

"Jack!"

Jesus...Ennis sat bolt upright on the bed gasping, his heart beating fast. If only he had said that name today, Jack would have been staying with him now and safe in his arms.

If only.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2 :Sanguinity:

**Wiser Time **

Chapter 2 **"Sa****nguinity"**

"...nis...Ennis!"

Ennis started. He had to blink several times 'til he could see clearly the bale hook he was holding. He realized that he was in the barn, stacking bales of hay and that Don Wroe had been calling out his name at the opposite side of the barn. Ennis turned to look at his boss. From the bewildered look on the older man's face, Ennis knew he had missed something.

"Ya alright?" Don walked toward him, a bucket of water in one hand. "You look a million miles away, son."

"Um..." Muttering, Ennis turned back to work with the hay, hoping Don would leave him alone. At the same time, he got the strange feeling of wanting Don to talk some more. He desperately needed any kind of distraction from whatever had been bothering his mind since last night. He didn't care if he had to listen to the hundredth retelling of the story of the young Don Wroe fighting with a bear down the river somewhere in Montana, or to the millionth retelling of the love story between a poor cowboy from isolated Riverton who fought to marry a rich city girl from Baltimore and started their little ranch from zero, back in the World War II days. Ennis would sit down and listen to those stories from Don the rest of the day, if that, for a moment, would take his mind away from Jack. If only that was possible.

_Where the hell are you, Jack? _The same question that had been pounding in his head over and over from yesterday, came back again. That shithead shouldn't rush off like that. Well, Del Mar, you told him to go. Remember?

"Ennis." Don walked up to him. Wanting to avoid eye contact, Ennis looked down at the now empty bucket in hiss boss's hand. "What is it, son? Still sore about the divorce, ain't ya?"

Ah...the divorce. Ennis straightened his back and looked out the barn's window, wondering since when he wasn't that hurt when someone mentioned the divorce. _Right. _It was since yesterday 'cause he couldn't think of anything but Jack Twist. Ennis sighed and looked along the line of the wire fence that seperated the ranch from the neighbor's property to the north. Someone, some assholes, to be exact, broke into the ranch on Saturday night and stole fresh potatoes from the field. So, instead of having the regular Monday afternoon routine of just washing the barn, and cleaning Fencer and Maya, Don's favorite horses, he had the fence to fix, too.

"What is it, Ennis?"

Ennis wasn't going to lie to Don that he was alright, but he wouldn't tell the truth either. Don was sure a nice boss but he didn't have to know everything. As always, Ennis let his silence answer the question Don wished to hear.

"Listen, Ennis, this is a tough time. But you gotta hang on. You still got the girls, right? It's not the end of the world."

"Yeah..." Ennis murmured. He looked out of the window again.

"You got somethin' on your mind?" Don followed Ennis's eyes out the barn, then looked back at the younger man. "You seem like you're flying off every minute since I saw you at dawn."

Ennis opened his mouth to speak but Don cut him off. "I know you, son. You worked for me for four months now. You won't ask for a drop of water even if you ain't had no drink for three days. Now stop that. You gotta tell me what you want. You know I'm not gonna kick you out for wantin' somethin', even if it's a quick nap before lunch."

Don was trying to cheer him up and that worked. Ennis smiled his lopsided smile and held the bale hook up. He needed a time off, alright, but not for napping, of course. He had to call Jack. Ennis looked at his watch. If Jack went straight to Childress yesterday, he shoulda reached there by now. Ennis never thought much about Childress. To him, Childress was just a place Jack had to be before they met again for each fishing trip. A place, just a little spot on the map he always saw as a blur when he thought of it. But right now Childress seemed like everyhing that mattered. It was Jack's home, where he had a fancy house with his wife and kid. Whatever Jack had back in his home, it didn't matter to him though. Ennis just wanted Jack there, righ there, right now, safe.

"Don..." Ennis met Don's gaze. "I need to make a call in town. It'll only take a half hour, if you don't mind."

"Important call? Anything serious?"

"Nah, It's just...well, it's real important." Ennis tried to stay calm but obviously he didn't succeed. Just the idea of him finally having a chance to check on Jack in Childress, his heart, that had been under control since this morning, seemed to speed up to a hundred beats a minute again. Don looked at the sweat forming on Ennis's forehead and pointed over his shoulder to the house.

"You can use the phone in the kitchen then."

"No, Don, it's...it's long distance."

"To?"

"Childress..." Ennis wiped off his forehead with the back of his hand. The image of Jack, covered with blood, lying somewhere in the dirt emerged in his head again, making him feel sick to his stomach. "Texas."

He finished and watched Don's reaction. The older man shrugged, put the bucket down, wiped off the dirt and water on his worn-out jeans and walked past Ennis out the door.

"I know the longest time you can _have_ a conversation is five minutes, so the phone in the kitchen will do. Don't see no point driving down to town just for that. Come on, son."

Ennis heard that. He smiled and followed close. For once, he wanted to work at the ranch for a long haul. But he knew he had to quit, for the next fishing trip due next month. He knew for sure even a heaven-sent boss like Don wouldn't stand Ennis taking two weeks off work. And he had no choice, little voice in his head told him. Though deep down inside, Ennis knew well, if given other choices, which route he would choose anyhow.

The kitchen was at the back of the house. Don and Ennis walked through the back door and as soon as they reach the round table in the middle of the kitchen, Don jerked his head to the phone, hanging close to the refrigerator. He then walked farther inside the house to give Ennis some privacy. Ennis murmured a thank you and took out the little crumpled piece of paper from his jeans pocket. He looked at the ten-digit number on the paper, written in black ink, and lifted his eyes to the phone. He felt the sweat burning his whole body. This was new to him. Despite countless lonely nights, he never thought there'd be the day EnnisDel Mar would call Jack Twist. The idea never crossed his mind and only God knew why. But here he was. The man who wanted to pour his heart out with long letters but always ended up writing not more than three words on the postcards sent to his fishing buddy, was about to make a call to him. A real call that could last longer than five minutes. Ennis swallowed hard and reached his trembling hand to the phone. He _really_ had to make this call.

----------

Jack sipped his coffee and grimaced. He had no idea how long he'd been toying with bacon and pancakes on his plate. But the cold coffee that he tasted sure told him it must be a while. The waitress in Hal's, the small diner located opposite the Siesta, walked up to him, smiled and filled up his cup. Jack smiled back weakly. He hadn't gotten enough sleep. He shoulda known that sleeping even in the stinky alley sure was better than on the bed in the Siesta, especially after being treated like trash by that son of a bitch Ennis Del Mar, having a flat tire on the deserted road way in the hell out in nowhere, and ending up spending the fucking night with their eight-year-old ghosts in the hotel room.

Shit. Jack sipped coffee and cursed himself for thinking back to that man again. _What was with that man anyway?_ He never talked. He wasn't even that good-looking. Why did I have to act like an idiot, flying out of the house, and redlining straight here after just a postcard with three words: 'Got Divorced, Ennis'? For God's sake, Twist, that postcard didn't say 'I'm free. Let's run off together'. And you think Ennis would once in a million years write something like that? You were a fool. You just rushed out like some stupid boy running off with a secret lover who might be...poor or black or…crippled, even blind. The kind your parents would rather lock you in the room than let you marry her. But Ennis was not that poor or black, crippled or blind. He was just a HE. Still you were at his door yesterday, and _still_ he sent you away.

"I'd never seen you. You new to town?"

Jack looked up and met the waitress's warm brown eyes. He shook his head, swallowing another gulp of coffee. "I just visited a friend here, from Texas. My truck broke down so I'm kinda stuck here now."

"Oh, that's too bad. What happened?"

"Drove over some branches, got a flat tire...just yesterday. My truck hit the tree and is still out there on the road. I have ta find someone to pull it to tow it to town and get it fixed. You know some place where I can ask for help? Ah..." Jack looked at her name tag. "Emily?"

"Oh..." Emily moved closer to Jack and whispered, "So you're _the other_ one."

Jack's eyebrows went together. "I am what?"

"The other one. Haven't ya heard about yesterday's incident?...Eh..."

"Jack," Jack told her. "Please call me Jack and no I haven't heard anything. What happened?"

"Well, Jack, there were two car accidents yesterday. Riverton is very small, so we tend to know what happens 'round town, interested or not." Emily looked around the diner and grabbed a chair to sit with Jack behind the counter, when she realized no more customers would show up for breakfast at this odd hour of 11 a.m.

"We got this terrible accident. A guy, Tom, hit by tire irons...poor guy, he was just..."

"What?" Jack, looking at her with wide eyes, cut her off.

"I know, it's terrible." Emily patted one of Jack's hands that lay on the counter. "Tom just moved here several months back. Nice enough guy, though different..."

"What do you mean...different?" Jack asked, afraid of the answer already. Emily just shook her head slightly and sighed.

"Just different. I won't go into details here, Jack. I want to give my respect to the dead man, the least I can do."

"Dead?" Jack felt a sharp cold running down his spine. He grabbed the coffee cup real tight, wanted so badly to walk out but he couldn't take his eyes off Emily. Despite the sick feeling in his stomach, he wanted to hear the whole story.

"I don't know for sure, but he was hurt badly." Emily sighed again. "We call a car accident with tire irons an 'incident'. Other accidents happening the same day will be 'the other one'. Well, it's the same but it's different, if you know what I mean..."

"Oh my God." Jack ran his left hand through his hair and brought it down to join his right hand, holding the cup. He desperately needed something to hold on to now. So this was true. Not only hearing about... No. It had to be seeing. Not only seeing old Earl dead in the irrigation ditch himself when he was just a kid, Ennis still heard about it even now, all the time. Tire irons. That what was happened to guys who were _different_ here in Riverton. _Jesus Christ, Ennis. Why didn't you tell me? Does that happen all the time?_

"That happens a lot? Emily?" Jack didn't realize he was speaking out loud 'til he heard the answer from her.

"No, thank heaven. But the last time is not yet long forgotten. It happens, Jack. I don't understand why people have to kill. But the world is not perfect. That's why we gotta pray to God. And that brings me to the next thing I want to ask you."

Emily looked at the younger man. Despite the brightest color of eyes she had ever seen on a man, his face was pale and all gloomy. Obviously he was shocked from the story she'd told. Emily patted his hand on the table again, giving comfort.

"Have you called your friend?"

"What?" Jack asked, confused. He didn't seem to think through stuff this morning. Emily smiled lightly.

"You said you were visiting a friend here."

"Yeah, right."

'Well, everybody in town checks on their family and friends when this kind of accident happens. I told you Riverton is a small town. I'm pretty sure yer friend here mighta gone crazy by now if he hasn't yet heard from you. Have you called?"

Fuck. Jack face fell. He was so mad at Ennis he didn't think about it.

"You should call. The pay phone's over there."

Emily pointed to the phone at the far corner of the diner and walked back to do the washing behind the counter. Jack rubbed the rim of the coffee cup unconsciously. _Did Ennis know about the accident?_ Sure he did. And what did he do now? Did he drive around town looking for him? Jack thought and then he heard Ennis's voice in his head, bringing back the memory of their last year's 'fishing trip' at the Tetons, on their first night.

"_Jack, you shithead, careful what ya doin' now."_

_Ennis shouted from the tent when he saw Jack trying to peel potatoes with a can opener._

"_I can't find the fucking knife and I won't wait forever for you to finish with the tent."_

"_Oh, so you use that can opener to peel potatoes? Real smart, Jack."_

"_Why don't you just shut up and find me the fucking knife then."_

_But Jack didn't wait for the answer. He knew Ennis wouldn't stop with the tent until it looked right. And Ennis didn't even move closer to his bag. He knew well enough Jack would use that can opener to peel potatoes anyway, if he wanted to, whether Ennis found the knife or not._

"_Shit!" Suddenly, Jack cried out as the cold metal of the can opener cut the back of his left hand. He then flicked his hand suddenly, throwing the can opener and a half-peeled potato down to the ground. He used the palm of his right hand to press tightly on the back of his left hand, trying to stop red blood that pour out of the cut._

_Ennis walked up to him, demanded by the look in his eyes to see the cut. But Jack shook his head._

"_Just a cut. I'll manage. You finish setting the tent, Ennis."_

"_Let me see."_

_Jack sighed and let loose of his hand. Ennis grimaced when he saw quite a long cut that looked deep enough to cause pain. Jack winced as Ennis put his hand back to cover the cut and dragged him down to the river by the wrist._

"_Stupid son of a bitch."_

_Ennis murmured and ducked Jack's hand into the river, rinsing the blood and cleaning the cut the best, and the softest, he could._

"_Oh yeah?" Jack raised his voice "I told you to find me the knife, Ennis. But you didn't. Now I got cut causa ya. What're you laughing at, dumbass?"_

"_Nothin." Ennis tried to hide the smile on his face but did not succeed. Jack shoved him hard on the shoulder and shrugged off Ennis's helping hand._

"_It's not funny!"_

"_It is." Ennis grabbed the wounded hand back, rinsing it with water one more time then holding it close to look at it. "Imagine when you get back and Bobby asks what happened."_

_Ennis took the white cloth, which he was planning to use for cleaning the inside of the tent, from the back pocket of his jeans and began binding over the cut. Jack looked at him, wide eyes._

"_What's the big deal? I'll tell him I got cut..."_

"_From the can opener, when trying to peel potatoes. You're not a good example for a kid, Jack." Ennis finished for him. Jack shoved him again, harder this time, and snatched the cloth from Ennis's hand. Ennis couldn't hold back his amusement anymore. He laughed, fully from his stomach._

"_Fuck you." Jack stood up and stormed back to the fire. Ennis was in an amusing mood so he just let Jack be. He lingered at the bank looking at the clear river for a while, feeling content and the sense of peace. Without having to think about it, he knew Jack was now struggling to peel potatoes again. He'd better stay here and let that man finish what he was supposed to do, cooking dinner...with no knife. He knew he couldn't help but get on Jack's nerves if he followed him._

_That night, they had dinner in comfortable silence. The potatoes in the soup were all in funny shapes. Jack laughed when Ennis swore one piece of the potatoes in his bowl look like boobs. But it tasted good. They got to bed early after that, both exhausted from the long drive. _

"_Um..." Jack turned on his side to face Ennis. His eyes cast down to the blond-haired man's lips that were visible in the pale light, shining from the moon through the flap of the tent. Ennis smirked._

"_You think you can do it?"_

_Jack rolled his eyes. "I cut my hand, Ennis, not my dick."_

"_Show me."_

_Jack moved close and kissed Ennis gently with his smiling lips. Ennis kissed back more urgently, both hands cupping the back of Jack's head to steady him, thumbs caressing the soft skin at the back of his ears. The kiss went from tender to passionate, tongues in each other's mouths swirling, teeth clenching, bodies grinding in the same old rhythm from heads to toes. With a groan, Ennis moved his lips down Jack's Adam's apple, licking and nipping. Jack moved his hand unconsciously to lace his fingers in the curls above Ennis's ears, pressing hard, wanting more of the touch. Then Jack whimpered, not from the sensation and Ennis knew. He moved up, touched their nose together and whispered to Jack's flinching face._

"_Told you."_

"_Shut up." Jack stubbornly moved the hand down Ennis's stomach and lower. He cried out again as he felt the sharp pain when wrapping Ennis's cock with his wounded left hand. "Fuck," Jack muttered in defeat and let his hand lying deadweight on the thin sheet between them._

"_Now _you_ shut up," Ennis breathed. He kissed Jack again, a wet deep kiss bringing out a soft moan from Jack. One more lick inside Jack's moist lip, and Ennis turned on his side, his back on Jack's front. He gently took Jack's wounded hand upfront and laid it on his naked well-formed stomach. One of his own hands covered Jack's and carefully laced their fingers together. Jack moved closer, tangled their legs, and left his other hand trapped in the warmth between Ennis's back and his chest. Jack then kissed Ennis's neck, moved his lips to his shoulder blade and lingered there, closed his eyes and made a sleepy but happy sound._

"_You took aspirin?" Ennis asked and he felt Jack nod behind. "Now go to sleep."_

_With a gentle pat on his hand, Jack felt like the pain had all died away. He fell into the deepest sleep, in the middle of the mountain with the man that healed him._

Jack was back to the present and found himself rubbing on the pale scar of a now recovered cut on the back of his left hand. Ennis was protective. It was his nature. He would protect everyone and everything, the girls, the horses, the damn sheep, his old light-brown hat, his torn jeans, his coffee cup. Him.

The idea of Ennis walking back and forth in frustration like a raging animal in a cage, worrying shit about him, almost left Jack feeling satisfied. But Jack never was a revenge type and he felt sick thinking of it. If Ennis drove away from his house and an accident occurred, Jack knew he woulda gone mad and would try to track down Ennis, making sure he was safe. But he wasn't Ennis. And there was no use worrying, Ennis didn't have got a phone.

Jack sighed and looked up at the payphone. Maybe he could use the phone anyway. Lureen gotta know he was stuck without a truck here in Wyoming. And it might take a while to have it fixed.

Again, Jack set priorities in his head. He would call Lureen first then go back to Ennis today, after going to the Sheriff's office and asking for help on the truck of course. He might have to hitch the car. He wondered how Ennis would react when Jack turned up at his shack again tonight. The memory of Ennis's shy smile as he walked up to him on their latest fishing trip four months ago popped up before his eyes, instead of the sad-eyed Ennis sending him off his doorstep yesterday. Yesterday Jack was pissed. But he was calmer now. Something in him rarely changed. Through these years of draining with wave after wave of despair, Jack still chose to hang on with his hope. Through these years of seeing Ennis drive off from him time after time, Jack still chose to see him again and again.

Jack walked up to the phone, wondering how long it could possibly take to fix the truck. A week.

Maybe two.

----------

"Hello?"

Ennis looked down at his boots as the voice of a woman greeted him. That must be Lureen.

"Afternoon, ma'am," Ennis murmured, shifting the weight to his left foot. "Can I talk to Jack, please?"

He shoulda just asked if Jack was home yet. But he dreaded the answer. There was silence. Lureen didn't say anything but he sure heard she breathed softly across the line. That got on his nerves in a strange way.

"Who is this?" she asked suddenly.

"Ah..." Ennis played with the work gloves in his other hand, trying to pull off the stitch that emerged from the left side. "Del Mar, ma'am. Ennis Del Mar."

"Oh, you're Jack's fishing buddy. I know you."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Well, Jack went to Lightning Flat, said his folks are not well. He's supposed to be back now but he just called and told me his truck broke down. He needs to stay there a while. Seems to me you two don't need to wait 'til next month for the fishing trip."

Ennis could catch the sarcasm in her voice at the last sentence but his mind was not on that now. She said Jack _had_ called.

"He called? When?"

"Just three minutes ago, to be exact."

Thank God. Ennis closed his eyes and let out the breath he didn't know he was holding. He sure felt better. Then Ennis's brows went together. But…what was with the truck?

"He didn't see you, Mr. Del Mar?" Lureen said. "If the fishing trip isn't scheduled until next month, I almost believe it was just one of his excuses to go see you sooner. Do fishes in Wyoming taste sweeter or somethin'?"

Ennis's mouth moved but no sound coming out. Stunned by the sudden harsh reaction from Lureen, he couldn't form the right words to say. His hand moved on its own account, messing with the stitch again. It was eventually pulled off by force, causing rumples on the already worn-out leather gloves. Ennis didn't say anything. Then, after about one minute, he heard Lureen sigh.

"I'm sorry. I was just annoyed...I was very rude to you."

"Na...No, ma'am." Ennis stuttered out. "It's...nothing really."

"I was just so mad at him. I don't know what's going on in his thick head anymore. Well, it's not about you anyway."

"I understand..." He got the urge to say something, though he didn't really mean what he just said. Ennis heard another sign from Lureen.

"I think he'll contact you. Now that he is already in Wyoming...in some place called Riverton." She paused as if to think of something else to say, but she gave up. "I don't mean to be rude here, Mr. Del Mar, but I gotta go. Got other things to do."

"Oh, I see, ma'am." Ennis struggled to come up with the right words to end the conversation but it was unlikely. This whole conversation was so damn awkward. So he just went with the simplest. "Thank you, ma'am. Have a good day."

"Well, you too."

Lureen didn't even bother saying goodbye and the line was cut.

Ennis stared at the phone in his hand for the next whole minute and finally hung up, feeling half the weight on his shoulders had been lifted off. Jack had called Lureen. Jack is safe. Jack is still here in Riverton. But where? Where is he? And what's with the truck? Where did he stay last night? This morning? _At this minute_? Damn, one call to Childress sure couldn't clear up all his doubts. He needed to trace Jack down by himself. But in one tiny little place of his heart, Ennis dared to picture Jack, looking good with his gray hat and dark gray jacket, now waiting outside his doorstep. Waiting for him.

But he couldn't just grab his hat and leave the ranch in the middle of the day. He had a date with the damn wire fences next.

In the afternoon, Ennis kept his body and mind busy, fixing fences at the north of the ranch, and stopped only when he felt thirsty. He'd drink fresh water from his water bottle, then went back to work again.

6:00 p.m. Ennis looked at his watch and glanced along the line of the fence that'd been almost 60 percent fixed. He would tackle it 'til dark on most days cause there wasn't no one home waiting for him. But today didn't count. _Someone_ might actually be waiting for him. He took off his work gloves while running back to the main house. The soft orange light was already shining in the kitchen and at the front porch. He jogged in the kitchen for a brief stop to clean his hands and have a cold beer from the refrigerator -- courtesy of Don's policy of a free beer after six every Monday. Don and his wife, Maggie, were nowhere to be found. But Marybeth, their 6-year-old daughter, was sitting at the table in the middle of the homey kitchen, reading a book thicker than the yellow pages. She was smiling at Ennis as he rinsed his hands. Green eyes sparkled, innocently and quietly asking for some attention. Ennis never turned down small kids, well, on most days, though he'd give her three minutes today.

Ennis knew what that thick book was, a new edition of an English dictionary that was currently published by some famous university. It was Marybeth's bible. She was reading it every time he saw her. She wouldn't just read, but try to remember a few new words each day. God knew why she wouldn't stick with dolls like girls her age.

'What's the new word today?" Ennis asked, sincerely interested in the answer. Marybeth smiled even more widely, if possible, and flipped a few pages back.

"Sanguinity."

"What's that?" Ennis frowned. More fancy words again. He could live with 'settling down', but he sure wouldn't use this alien word 'til his last breath, he didn't even want to know the meaning of it.

"The tendency to take the most hopeful view in all matters and to dwell on favorable aspects," Marybeth told him in one stretch, without looking at the book.

"That's long." Ennis meant it. "And you even know what 'dwell' means?" Marybeth flipped the pages back again, maybe aiming to the 'D' section. Ennis could simply define 'sanguinity' in only two words. Well, three actually.

Jack _fucking_ Twist.

Just when he grabbed the beer from the refrigerator, Don and Maggie came in the kitchen with a guest, who was occasionally his drinking buddy when he got to work late at the ranch. The man was in a powerful business, loan involved, traveled a lot.

"Martin..." Ennis nodded, tipping his hat.

"Ennis!" Martin walked up and patted his back, looking mighty glad to see him "Good to see you! I'm here to talk business with Don. Come have a drink with us!"

"Um…." Ennis pressed his lips together. Not now. He glanced to Don, who sure knew Ennis had something important to settle from now. But Don just desperately looked back at him with pleading eyes. Don told him many times that he had to have a loan from Martin for his oldest son to start his own business. That loan must be important. Don wanted to please the man in every way. Last week, Maggie cooked for the guy two nights in a row. So tonight might be Don's turn to please Martin. Ennis just wanted to shove everybody out of his way, get in his truck and hurry to the Sheriff's office looking for Jack. But Don seemed like he owed Martin big time. And the truth was Ennis, too, owed Don big time. He had to behave.

"Alright, Martin." Ennis sighed. He'd give Martin 10 minutes.

Maggie took Marybeth out to the living room as Ennis grabbed two more beers from the refrigerator and handed one to Don first, then to Martin who just put down his black hat on the table. Ennis sensed that 'the drink' would take longer than 10 minutes. Despite thinking that there was nowhere he would use the word 'sanguinity' 'til his last breath, Ennis might actually need to hang onto that word now. _Jack's gotta be fine._

"Ennis," Martin said, smiling. "that's my family name and only old people are called by family names. I am only 39."

"Alright," Ennis grunted, looking at the guy who still wore a pair of black glasses at seven p.m. "Luke."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3 :Stars:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 3 **"Stars"**

Who is more stupid; a man living out in a lone house miles from town in the midst of the godforsaken drought land without a phone, or a man _going_ to a lone house miles from town in the midst of the godforsaken drought land without a phone...only to find nobody there.

The answer was obvious. It was the latter.

Jack sighed and looked at his watch, 9.45. Great. He started to walk around Ennis's shack for the hundredth time trying to find a way to get inside. He'd gotten here at seven p.m. and it was now getting colder. Besides he thought he was going to be eaten as a night-time snack by those mosquitoes and night insects soon if he was outside this shack for five more minutes. Jack pushed the dirty window, shook the doorknob of the back door, but despite the poor look of the shack, the locks on the windows and the doors were solid. There was no way he could break in.

Jack walked back to the front of the house and stood still, facing the road. Ennis had no close neighbors. The closest house around here was about a ten-minute drive away and Jack almost felt like he was standing in the middle of a graveyard. It was pitch dark. He couldn't see anything more than 10 feet away, even with the help from the twinkling lights from the stars above.

How the hell does he sleep in such a broken-down place? This old house might blow away in pieces during a storm and the wind must rattle it something fierce. That old truck probably won't go more than 50 miles an hour. The closest grocery store and Laundromat are half an hour away in Riverton. Jack shook his head, thought of his parents' little ranch outside of Lightning Flat, that he'd spent his childhood aching to escape from. Jack then let his mind fly back to his own house in Childress. Located in the middle of the town, with a grocery store and a Laundromat a block away, his two-story house had two bedrooms, one guest bedroom, two bathrooms, a large kitchen at the back of the house that led to the nicely landscaped medium-sized backyard.

Jack tucked his hands in his jacket pockets and turned to the shack again. Even the old guy that took Jack here asked what kind of a man wanted to live on the edge of the earth like this? Jack simply laughed along and thanked him for the ride, but actually he was irritated. He tried hard not to shout, 'My best friend lives here. You got a problem with that? I'd go see him, even if he really lived right on the edge of the earth'.

And it was just like Ennis. He wouldn't want to live any closer to town even if he could afford to, which he probably couldn't, with the divorce and the child support and all.

_Jesus Christ, Ennis.  
_  
Jack got the sudden urge to leave, but not from fear or disgust. He had realized somehow he had just overstepped the boundaries of Ennis's life. When they were camping, they talked rarely about their life down the mountain. They never talked about their houses--how many rooms you got, what the color of the tiles, any flowers on the front porch or the like. They didn't talk about the surroundings or neighbors, favorite restaurants, friends, anything that reminded them of their lives in the real world, without each other. 'Cause they knew talking about those things would bring in the next topic which they always try to avoid; their life together.

Jack sighed and turned his back to the shack again, flicked his eyes on the line of orange lights that shone far away. That must be the main street of Riverton.

Luke came to Hal's around noon and took him, as promised last night, to the Sheriff's office. There, Jack didn't meet the Sheriff but his assistant, Billy. Billy was a short and masculine man who looked forever annoyed. But when he learned Jack's reason for being there, his reaction had changed. Obviously, being "the other one" in Riverton sure was a good thing, at least for now. His truck got a flat tire and hit the tree on the same day as the incident involving Tom, who got a flat tire and got hit by a tire iron. Tom was in a hospital but, ironically, people pitied Jack and offered help. This morning, Emily at Hal's gave him free coffee. And then Billy at the Sheriff's office sent a trailer and brought his truck back to town.

"We got this garage a few minutes south of the main street. Chad there ain't too familiar with Fords, works mostly on Chevys, but he's the best in town."

"Can I leave my truck here?" Jack asked.

"Sure."

Luke then took him to the garage that Billy had recommended. Jack explained the situation to Chad, another short and masculine man around his age, but with a mustache, and Chad just nodded.

"Do you think you can get it fixed?" Jack asked finally.

"Yeah, yeah...but we don't have Ford's spare parts... I can use the substitute."

"You got substitutes? What kind?"

"There."

Chad pointed to the 'substitute spare parts' inside the garage but Jack just saw a pile of rusted objects that looked somewhat like boilers, tubes, wheels and wires.

"Jesus…."

Luke swore. He was standing close to Jack, just observing. Still it seemed he couldn't believe what he saw. Jack swallowed and looked back at Chad.

"What if I don't want substitutes?"

"Well," Chad cleared his throat. "Then we gotta send my kid to Cheyenne, get the spare parts. That will take two days more."

"And how many days ya think it will take ya to fix it?"

"A week or ten days."

That would be twelve days or two weeks in total. By the last day, Ennis and his fishing trip would be due. Jack glanced at Chad's spare parts again. He didn't want that rusted stuff in his truck but he sure didn't have enough money to pay for Ford's spare parts and repair cost, plus the gas fee for Chad's kid to Cheyenne. The truth was he could have it fixed at the Ford dealership back in Childress. He knew Lureen know someone there who once did business with the Newsome's Farm Machine dealership. He might even get the discount. Lureen would scream at him some but he could live with that.

"So?" Luke raised his brow. "What do ya think?"

Jack told Chad he would think about it and call him later. Luke took him back to the Sheriff's office again and asked Billy to keep Jack's truck there for a couple of days. Billy was annoyed, of course, but he simply nodded. Jack looked at Luke and knew from observation that Luke here was one influential man in Riverton, despite his cheerful, carefree self.

"Where do ya want ta go next, Jack?" Luke asked him once they were done at the Sheriff's office.

"Jesus, Luke," Jack laughed. "Don't ya have work to do?"

Luke laughed, too. "I do, but not until six p.m. I got another 30 minutes."

Jack considered the offer and sighed.

"I hate to cling onto you like this. But yeah, I'd be glad if you could take me to this house around 20-30 minutes west of Riverton. A friend of mine lives there."

"Friend?"

"Yeah."

Luke seemed thoughtful. He put his sunglasses and his hat on, then leant on the side of his truck.

"Maybe I can't. I need ta get back in town in 30 minutes." Then he straightened up and opened the door of the driver's side and turned to Jack, grinning. "But I sure can find someone to drive ya there."

Jack frowned. Luke sure was some influential man.

Back to the present, Jack heard the sound of his stomach gurgling. And he asked a new question to himself.

Who is more stupid; a man living out in a lone house miles from town in the midst of the godforsaken drought land without a phone, or a man going to a lone house miles from town in the midst of the godforsaken drought land without a phone...with an empty stomach, only to find nobody there.

The answer was the same.

----------

Ennis drove his truck in full speed and slowed down only when he turned left to the gravel road headed to his shack. The truck bumped up and down but Ennis couldn't care less if his truck exploded. He just wanted to go home as soon as he could.

The 'drinking' with Luke and Don took longer than he thought. He excused himself at 8.30 p.m., nodded at Don who sent him a 'thank you' message from his eyes. Luke was a bit drunk and gave him a friendly hug goodbye at the backdoor. Ennis was so occupied in his thoughts that he just patted his back and hurried off to his truck. The drive to the Sheriff's office in town later was such a torture. Despite stepping on the gas pedal at full speed, Ennis still wished he could go faster. He finally reached there at nine p.m.

He got out of the truck and froze dead outside the Sheriff's office.

Jack's truck was parked there, on the side of the road and it was badly damaged. Ennis walked to the front of it and grimaced. It looked like it had been hit by an 18-wheeler truck. Not good. Not good at all.

"What happened, Jack?"

He whispered, fingered tracing the rim of the driver's side window to the front glass. Then the door of the Sheriff's office opened up. The Sheriff walked up to him, tipping his hat.

"Hey ya, Mister."

"Sheriff," Ennis tipped his hat back and shrugged to the truck, trying to be completely neutral. "What happened here?"

"The usual, got a flat tire and the truck spun and hit the tree."

Oh my God.

"The guy was safe, you know. The tire iron was serving its purpose in his case."

"Where's he now?"

The Sheriff shrugged. "No idea, some motel maybe."

With that, Ennis left the Sheriff's office and drove around town for another 20 minutes. He passed some motels and rest stops and slowed the truck every time he saw a man with a grey hat, similar to Jack's. But so far, there was no sign of him. After the call, Ennis had been encouraged to think that Jack might be waiting for him at his home. But he shook off that thought. He'd sent Jack off yesterday, why did he even bother to come back to him? He spent several minutes more driving 'round town, sweeping his weary eyes back and forth from corner to corner. Riverton was still in a so-called aftermath of the 'tire iron incident' so it was almost deserted. Ennis took one last turn at the corner of the new stationery shop and finally gave up. His heart fell, his body lost strength and he drove back home in defeat.

At first the drive went slow, as slow as his heart that seemed like it might stop in a wink. But as the truck went near his shack, his heart leaped up on its own account, and beat faster. Somehow, there was this little thing hidden in the deepest place inside his heart. And, once in a while, it'd jump up, embracing him with graceful hope, enough for him to take a chance. Like that night on Brokeback Mountain when he walked up to Jack in the tent, in '67 when he went down to the post office and sent the postcard back to Jack. And in the same year when he kissed Jack out in the open at the doorstep of his house with Alma, four years after they parted from Brokeback.

It had been a long time and Ennis thought that little thing had died down. Now he felt it bounce up again. Stronger even. Jack gotta be there. And Ennis sped up the truck and he reached the shack in three minutes.

Ennis parked the truck in front of the shack, turned off the engine but left the headlights on. He grabbed the steering wheel tight 'til his knuckles turned pale white, and stared hard ahead. The house was dark and quiet, almost looked like a haunted house for him. Nobody was waiting on the porch. Ennis felt sick in his stomach. Still he got out of the truck and glanced around for any signs that proved someone was here. The shack looked the same, and he couldn't see everything that well in the dark. He saw no sign of Jack.

Ennis jogged to the side of the shack, hands unsteadily and aimlessly touched and pushed the dusty windows. He got to the back of the shack and spun around, breathing hard and feeling lost. Ennis banged the backdoor and repeated the action at the windows at the other side. He tripped on some branches scattered on the ground, got up, looked back cause he thought he saw something, then gave the wall another bang when all he saw was the trees dancing in the shadow. He suddenly felt like he was standing on someone else's land and this was someone else's house.

Ennis walked back to the front door, feeling drained. His hope was gone. His last hope. Jack was not here. _Where is he?_ Ennis sat on the ground, clenching his hands so tight, his nails digging into the palms so deep that it hurt. He isn't here. Ennis tossed his hat off to the side as he felt his eyes getting hot. He then looked up at the stars, hoping to stop the tears that began to build up.

"What the hell ya doin' on the ground?"

Ennis startled and looked for the source of the voice.

Jack, hatless, was standing near his truck, hands on his hips, with full annoyance in his eyes.

"And you fuckin' left the door of the truck open and the lights on, too."

Ennis just stared. He couldn't move any bones, even if he tried. Jack walked up to him, hands now tossed in the air.

"And where the fuck you been! I've been waitin' forever! You need a phone, you know that? And I'm fuckin' hungry as hell...and...," He pouted and raised his voice "Where the hell you been anyway! It's 10 o'clock!"

Something never changed. Ennis looked at the 31-year-old Jack and, out of nowhere, the image of the 19-year-old Jack on Brokeback popped up in his head. One night, irritated and angry Jack scolded him like this, when he came back to the campsite so late after getting the supplies. When Ennis told him about the bear, Jack used his handkerchief to wipe off the blood from his temple, easing his wound and fear.

"Ennis!"

"Sheriff's office..." Ennis breathed out in a shaking voice.

Jack stopped. He was now standing right in front of Ennis who was still looking up at him from the ground. Even with mere light from the stars, he could see the tears in Ennis eyes. But with the lights from the truck, too, Jack saw that clearer. And there were feelings beyond the tears as well, not hidden even. Worry, fear and…is that love too? Jack's angst was now replaced with something else--the emotion that was hard to describe was now soothing him like the touch of an angel. He was overwhelmed by the warmth that swelled up inside, filling his body and soul. Ennis was looking out for him.

"Went 'round town...motels...rest stops..." Ennis continued, still couldn't take his eyes off Jack.

_'I'm pretty sure your friend here might have gone crazy by now if he hasn't yet heard from you.'  
_  
Emily's voice echoed in Jack's ears and he felt a sudden urge to hug Ennis, kiss him good. But he needed to hear something from Ennis first. So, Jack sat on the ground facing Ennis, looked down to his own hands that were twining on his lap, then looked up and met Ennis's eyes with hesitation.

"You won't send me off again, will ya?" Jack asked softy, without any feeling of angst or sarcasm. Ennis shook his head, then reached his hand to seize on Jack's collar, stroked it, caressed it and pulled Jack closer.

Jack did the same to Ennis then moved his hand up to Ennis's neck and up the right ear, touched it so softly, parting his thumb to stroke the line of Ennis's brow. Ennis closed his eyes when Jack moved his free hand up to cradle his cheek and Jack felt Ennis shaking a little as he brought their foreheads together.

"I'm alright, Ennis." Ennis shivered as he breathed in Jack's whisper and tremblingly moved his hands up from the collar to cup Jack's face, mirroring Jack's action but with the thumbs stroking the corner of his lips. It was like the weight of the world that he had been carrying was lifted off. Ennis clung tight to Jack, feeling light-headed from relief.

"I'm alright."

Their lips touched, a sweet tender kiss. Jack darted out the tip of his tongue into Ennis's mouth and brushed inside Ennis's upper lip. Ennis opened his mouth to allow more room for Jack's tongue and he moaned a soft moan as Jack's tongue found his, exploring. Jack gasped as Ennis tilted his head and deepened the kiss, one hand grabbed tight in the silky black hair, the other at Jack's nape massaging around the hair line. Jack's hands moved down Ennis's back and held tighter, dying for more intimacy as the kiss became more passionate.

Ennis slowed down the kiss and with one last bite on Jack's lower lip, he parted their lips. Jack groaned in protest and leant close again but Ennis leant back.

"Wait...," Ennis panted. "How did ya get 'ere? I saw yer truck at the Sheriff's office."

Jack just smirked, looked at Ennis's wet lips and leant close to brush those sweet lips again and pulled away, only to feel more hungry for those soft lips all over again.

"I can ask for help, ya know."

"And what's with the truck? What happened?"

Jack sighed. "Are we gonna kiss or talk. If we're gonna talk, we'd better do that inside yer shack. I can't feel my legs now and it's freakin' cold as hell out here."

"But what if we kiss?" Ennis asked, deadpan, glancing down to Jack's glistening lips and up to his eyes again.

"Well," Jack grinned. "then we'll sleep on the dirt tonight, have a big show for God and the stars. Oh, they'll have a great view, you know, with the headlights from your truck."

"You fucked-up asshole."

Ennis shoved Jack. Then he stood up and walked to his truck to turn off the headlights, smiled real for the first time in two days.

----------

"Five eggs and two cans of sweet corn. How can ya survive with only this, Ennis Del Mar?"

Jack shook his head in disbelief as he scanned the content in the old and small refrigerator in Ennis's small kitchen. Ennis ignored him and took off his jacket, then his white plaid shirt and white undershirt and threw them all on the floor at the bottom of his bed. The bare-chested Ennis walked up to him and opened the top cabinet. Jack could hardly take his eyes off the muscled chest 'til Ennis cleared his throat. Jack met his steel eyes and chuckled.

"Thought you want me ta eat somethin' else."

Ennis grunted and jerked his head up to the cabinet. Jack saw about a half dozen boxes of cereal and three cans of instant soup in there.

"This'll do." Jack took down one of the soup cans and looked around for something. Ennis opened the drawer and handed him the can opener.

"Try not to cut yerself. I'll take a shower."

Jack smiled, his gaze followed the back of Ennis 'til he disappeared into the bathroom. He shouted to Ennis and asked him whether he wanted some of the late dinner, too. But Ennis said he'd already eaten. So Jack warmed the soup and fried two eggs for himself. Jack finished the cooking and put the plate on the counter and looked around the shack for the first time. Damn, the shack was real small. Jack was standing in a tiny kitchen, with a counter, a cabinet with two drawers. Ennis didn't even have a table in here. Then there was Ennis's bed, little single bed with the headboard sat just below the window, one nightstand on the left of the bed, with the tiny lamp there, and there was an old wardrobe at the bottom of the bed.

This was so like Ennis.

Jack smiled with the simplicity of the shack, then he walked with his food to the bed. He put the plate on the nightstand carefully and slid aside a small radio and an ashtray. With the sound of water coming from the bathroom, he felt strangely peaceful. He was with Ennis, at Ennis's home. The thought soothed his tired body. Jack then began to eat.

Ennis was out of the bathroom a few minutes after Jack had finished his late dinner. He walked up to Jack who was washing the dish, wearing a pair of gray boxers and a white t-shirt, looking fresh and smelling good.

"Ya gonna shower?" he asked.

"Yeah...I wandered around all day. You have anythin' I can wear?"

And that brought Ennis to look around the house and frowned.

"Where's yer bag?"

Jack laughed, "Motel," He put the dish down and bit his lower lip, trying to control the urge to twine that dump curl 'round his fingers and kiss the thin perfect lips. "Didn't think you'd come back this late. Figured ya could take me there later."

_I'm not gonna wait no more, for Christ's sake._ Jack leant in and kissed Ennis, one of his hands went up to twine Ennis's curl at the nap of his neck. Murmuring a surprised sound, Ennis stepped back a little but Jack wrapped his arms around his middle, steadying him right there, pushing his tongue inside Ennis's mouth for a deeper kiss.

"I thought we'd talk here, right?" Ennis muttered on Jack's lips.

"You missed me?"

That was not an answer to Ennis's question and Jack knew that. He kissed Ennis again and stopped. Ennis didn't answer his question either. But it was alright, 'cause Jack looked up to Ennis's eyes that already told him the silent, but obvious answer anyway. I-MISS-YOU was written on his face so vivid like seeing the stars in the bright night sky.

"But you're pissed at me," Jack stepped back and leant on the counter. "You're pissed at me 'cause I showed up yesterday. And yer daughters saw me."

"It's not 'bout my daughters. It's...well, it's their day and...I'm not pissed at you. Just didn't expect that." Ennis shifted his weight on one leg. "I mean, I haven't really thought what to do after the divorce. I just don't know what ta say when you show up like that...but..."

He met Jack eyes.

"But I shouldn't have sent ya off like that, either. I wasn't thinking straight. It's fuckin' messed-up."

"I know," Jack said, shook his head. "It's fucked up, everythin' happened yesterday was all fucked up. I shouldn't be here Ennis, it's like I overstepped your territory or somethin'. I just...I don't know."

Ennis just stared so Jack went on.

"You see, I ate breakfast at Hal's and talked with Emily there, then I went to the Sheriff's office asking Billy for help..."

"You met Billy?"

"Yeah... And he suggested I go to Chad and ask about the truck..."

"You met Chad, too?"

"Yeah," Jack nodded. "And now I am in your shack. See?"

Jack met Ennis's eyes and tried to figure out what he saw in that man's brown eyes. He expected to see a hint of angst or annoyance. Ennis wouldn't want him to overstep his territory like this. Their life was supposed to be in the mountains only. Jack wasn't supposed to meet his girls or talked with his friends or even set foot in Riverton. That'd been the hidden rules that they both had been following for years. But Jack broke those rules, all in only one day. Jesus Christ, would Ennis leave him now 'cause of this?

Surprisingly, Ennis just made a sound in his throat and looked down on the floor.

"Well, I ah...," he said so soft, Jack had to lean in closer to hear to him. "I kinda overstepped _yer_ territory too."

Jack frowned. Ennis shrugged.

"I called you in Childress."

Silence. Ennis heard the night insects singing their lullaby around the shack, heard the sound of the clock tick, tick, tick, then he heard the sound of Jack bursting out laughing.

"Asshole," Ennis murmured and walked to his bed. He turned off the light. The room was pitch dark for a minute before Ennis turned on the lamp at the nightstand. Through the pale orange light, Jack saw Ennis sitting on the bed, Indian style, face red with embarrassment. Jack followed, but didn't stop laughing. He just couldn't stop. Ennis was so affectionate sometimes.

"Oh, Ennis," Jack hopped on the bed and sat before him, copying the Indian style. His whole body was shaking with laughter. "I've been waiting for yer call for eight years and then you called me when I wasn't home?"

"I didn't know where the hell you were!" Ennis was angry now. "Fine! laugh 'til you choke to death! I'm goin' ta sleep."

Ennis hissed and curled himself on the far side of the bed, near the wall. Jack smiled, suddenly felt the huff of warmth embracing him in the cold night of May. He slipped closer and put his hand on Ennis's thigh, kneading.

"Ok, let's talk then. My truck got a flat tire and then it hit the tree. A real nice guy, Luke, helped me out and took me to the motel." Ennis didn't seem to listen but Jack continued. "You wanna know which motel? The Siesta."

That stirred Ennis. He turned his head from the pillow to look up at Jack with confused eyes.

"You stayed in the Siesta?"

"You heard me, now let me finish." Jack pat Ennis's hip, who now turned his body to Jack and flopped up on one elbow. "This morning I talked to Emily at Hal's and she told me about the tire iron case yesterday."

Jack watched as Ennis's body stiffened.

"Jesus Christ, Ennis, that was terrible...I don't know what ta say. Why didn't ya tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Ennis grunted.

"This. That it's really happening."

"I told you. You never fuckin' listen."

Jack kneaded Ennis's hip, soothing the stiff muscle.

"You talked about that Earl and Rich, Ennis. And it happened decades ago and I thought..."

"I don't wanna talk about it." Ennis cut Jack off and buried his face into the pillow. The more he heard about it, the more vivid the picture of that Earl dying was to him.

"Ok..." Jack rubbed Ennis's hip and slid his hand up his torso, thumb brushing the sensitive nipple. He heard Ennis hiss from under the pillow and felt his body freeze.

"So, are we done talking?"

"What?" Ennis looked at him.

Jack crawled up on all fours, trapping Ennis with his body, smirking, "Cause I think we got somethin' else ta do."

Ennis's dark eyes looked intensely into Jack's blue pools, then went down on Jack's right hand that began to creep up his chest from under his undershirt.

"Thought ya wanted a shower," Ennis breathed out.

"Later."

Jack lowered himself, planted two elbows on the sides of Ennis's head and kissed him fiercely. Ennis spread his fingers into black hair that felt soft like silk and held Jack's head firmly, the other tugged the rim of Jack's blue shirt out of his jeans and wandered up and down his bare back. Jack parted their lips, panted as he threw his shirt aside. Then he met Ennis's moist mouth again halfway down. Ennis pushed his tongue into Jack's welcoming mouth as he spread his legs wider and lifted up his knees, feet planted flat on the bed allowing more contact of Jack's lower body to his.

"M...my jeans..." Jack stuttered out on Ennis's lips and moaned when Ennis raised his hip up, rubbing their cocks violently with urgent needs. Without stopping the moving of their hips, Ennis's hands worked on Jack's belt and zipper. Then he slid one hand to touch and knead the flesh under the zipper, the soft hair there tickled his palm sending wave of sensual pleasure to his bone. Not sliding further south than that, Ennis pulled out and Jack groaned in frustration. Ennis's two hands then moved to Jack's buttocks and slid down below the fabric to knead Jack's bare ass cheeks. He tightened his hands, pressed Jack's hips firmly to his boxer-covered cock and started the torture segment of slow but steady hip rolling dance.

"Jesus..."

Jack felt like jelly. He was shaking so hard that he could no longer stay on his elbows. He collapsed full body on Ennis, resting his head on the hollow of Ennis's neck, gasping, kissing and tugging on the flesh below Ennis's ear.

"Shit...God...ah..."

Jack moaned and moaned and his soft breath tickled Ennis's sensitive ear, making him sizzle, his dick jumped up and was hard as a solid rock.

"Stop that," Ennis gasped, "or I'll come in my fuckin' pants."

"You stop that, fucker...ah...shit." But Jack didn't seem to stop himself. He gritted his teeth, ground his hips down harder, grasping a handful of Ennis's hair, and buried his head down on the pillow. He licked Ennis's earlobe and whispered so close with shaky breath. "Get my jeans off..." He reached one hand down to help Ennis slide his jeans to his knees, feeling Ennis's feet continue to slide the jeans the whole way off his body.

"Your T-shirt, too," Ennis breathed. Jack lifted himself up enough to take his T-shirt off from his head. Then they tackled their boxers off and narrowed the gap between them. Jack kissed Ennis again, an open-mouth sloppy wet kiss. Ennis kissed back as passionately and locked Jack's calves with his. His grip on Jack's bare ass went tighter as he arched his back off the bed, rubbing their cocks harder. The sensuality was too much and Ennis almost blacked out from the intensity. Jack whined but ground his hips down fiercely, babbling nonsense.

"Move, move, move, move ah...fuck" Jack tugged Ennis and slightly shifted his body in the side, signaling Ennis to reverse their position. Ennis tried to do so without having to let loose of Jack but it was impossible. The bed was too small for two men over six feet tall, so Jack's head hit the rim of the closed window during the process.

"Ouch!"

"Shit, sorry." Ennis then let go of Jack and moved aside a bit, leaving more room for Jack to shift and lay on his back by himself. One of Jack's knees hit Ennis making him lose balance, dropping his left leg off the bed.

"Jesus!" Jack grabbed his forearm and pulled him back on top of him. "Yer bed's too fuckin' small."

"You got a problem with that?"

"Not really," Jack breathed and swung his legs up, digging his heels on Ennis's buttocks, feeling light-headed from the touch of their naked cocks, slicked already with pre-cum. "You c'mere."

He reached his hand to Ennis's neck and pulled him down for more, this time slower, kisses. Ennis panted into Jack's mouth. He couldn't take it no more, he had to be inside this man now or he would explode. He moved his hands from Jack's hip and coated pre-cum on his shaft, shaking. Then he pulled away a bit, planted his knees firmly on the bed. Both hands bent Jack's thighs further and nudged his slick cock at the opening to the passage. Jack hissed and gasped for air, for he knew what was about to happen. Ennis held his breath and pushed inside the warm, tight passage, all the way in one smooth trust.

"God..."

Ennis gasped. All of the blood in his body seemed to gather down in his core and he felt like coming just to be inside Jack again, even though he hadn't moved an inch. He looked down at Jack and met his blue eyes, shining with emotions and lust, mirroring his own. Jack looked so vulnerable. He wanted to stay still until Jack could adjust to the stiffness. But Jack was having none of it, he nudged his heels on Ennis's buttocks, whispering.

"Go on, come on."

Ennis grunted and thrust, hands grabbing Jack's hips tightly. Jack met him halfway and they moved in unison. Jack whimpered and called out his name like some kind of church choir, the voice ringing in his ears, making him feel at home.

Ennis moved one hand up and rubbed the back of Jack's thigh up to his knee then down to his ass cheek. He did it again and again, as he continued thrusting, making Jack cry out with pleasure. Ennis looked at the man beneath him. Jack was panting hard, sweating and thrashing his head on the pillow almost violently, face flushing, crimson mouth gasping with hissing breath. The sight made Ennis dizzy. He felt the whole room go dark as he almost reached his climax. And with two more thrusts, Ennis came hard inside of Jack, sending Jack to the edge at the same time.

"Fuck..." Ennis collapsed full body on Jack, boneless.

"That was..." Jack panted as he hugged Ennis tight with his arms, still reeling from the post orgasm. "What's the word...out of this world?"

"Fuck you," Ennis chuckled "You sayin I'm an alien or somethin?"

"Likely."

Jack laughed faintly and brushed his lips on Ennis's temple. Ennis reached to turn off the lamp on the nightstand and then leaned back to where he belonged. He nuzzled Jack's neck, trying to find the warm familiar spot for his head. _There it is._ He stopped where his nose touched the back of Jack's ear, his mouth brushing the sensitive skin on his throat. He breathed in the smell of Jack and sighed, feeling content and peaceful. Just when sleep was about to claim him, he felt the pat on his shoulder.

"Hey," Jack whispered. "What's that?"

Ennis looked at Jack and followed his eyes to the ceiling. Several glow-in-the-dark stickers, in the shape of a star in many sizes, were scattered on the ceiling above the bed, being the only things that shone in the dark room.

"It's Junior," Ennis went back to Jack's neck and Jack felt his lips smiling. He rubbed Ennis's forearm up and down unconsciously, like a habit. "She had a fight with Jenny weeks ago and asked me if she could stay overnight here. She said the shack is too dark and came back with that next week."

"So she bought those? For you?"

"Yep. She put the nightstand on the bed, climbed up and stuck the stickers there. Then hopped in and out of bed, flicked the light on and off all night. I almost went crazy."

They laughed. Jack tightened his embrace around Ennis's shoulders.

"So they see us after all."

"What?" Ennis looked up again. Jack was still staring at the ceiling.

"The stars."

Ennis followed his gaze. The glow-in-the-dark stars seemed to look down at them through the dark room. He felt like the ceiling moved down closer. But before it crushed down on him, Jack grabbed his head and put it down to his damp neck, fingers playing on the lock of curls on his nape. _Go to sleep_, he heard Jack whisper. Ennis closed his eyes as he felt Jack kiss his ear, wondering now that the stars saw them, what about God?

Did God see them, too?

TBC


	4. Chapter 4 :Feelin' Right:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 4 **"Feelin' Right"**

Every morning, as soon as he got up, Ennis would bounce off his bed, brush his teeth, get dressed and head to the ranch before the sun rose. But now, even as the clock struck 4.30 a.m., he was still tossing and turning on his bed, doing nothing but watching Jack Twist. Ennis could hardly remember the last time he woke up and spent more than five minutes in bed like this. He was taught to wake up early. Sleeping late was almost a sin in the Del Mar house.

But there were times when Ennis was allowed to stay in bed for longer than usual. Like on the morning of his seventh birthday, he woke up to find his birthday present from his mama, a rodeo doll carved from wood, sat on his bed. He played with it 'til his daddy called out for help in the barn at noon. That was a long time ago. Waking up with Junior or Jenny curling beside him was precious times too. He loved to lay with his daughters, having fragile little arms wrap 'round his middle for as long as he could. But that was long ago when they were very young.

Seeing Jack sleeping soundly near him first thing in the morning, hearing his steady breath and feeling it tickling softly on his face was also something he never tired of. He could sleep all day in that position. Ennis always looked at Jack for as long as he could, absorbing the beauty that God shoulda forbid on a man's face. Sometimes he spent full three minutes, just looking at his sleeping form. But Ennis had never spent the time really looking at Jack when he was awake. A part of him wanted to be swallowed by the earth, instead of having Jack catch his eyes on him. But the truth was, once together in the mountain, they would busy themselves with something else, pitching the tent, cooking, talking, eating, more talking, sipping whiskey, bathing, and having sex. There was no time to just sit and enjoy the view.

But here, in his house, Ennis had been half sitting, half leaning with his elbows on the bed, looking at Jack walk back and forth for longer than five minutes now. Jack had been trying on Ennis's shirts, of which he didn't own many, and bitching about them being too tight. After trying on three shirts, he finally settled on the white one, with sesame buttons, the one that fit him best.

"Have you eaten anything? Don't know why the hell yer shirts won't fit me anymore? We used ta share the shirts not so long ago," Jack grumbled as he buttoned up. He frowned when he lifted his head and saw that Ennis was smiling.

"What?"

Ennis shrugged, "Sorry, bud, I ain't got no red or purple shirts."

Jack narrowed his eyes, "Very funny."

Ennis chuckled and crossed his legs at the ankle, watching Jack fasten the rodeo buckle and lean on the wardrobe, meeting his eyes with a faint smile on his lips.

"This's kinda weird, you know," Jack said. "I almost got the feeling that I can get used to this; waking up with you, trying out shirts from your wardrobe…with you watching…"

Ennis's smile faded like the sun sinking into the horizon, leaving Jack feeling cold from the darkness that creep into his heart. Jack's eyes lingered on Ennis's, seeking for the little hint of agreement that he dared hope to see in those chocolate brown eyes. But Ennis just looked at anything but him. He started to play with the pillow, thin lips pressing tightly, trying hard to control his emotions. Jack sighed.

"You gonna eat breakfast?" He changed the subject.

"I'm eating at the ranch, but you can eat somethin'. I can wait"

"No, don't bother," Jack walked up to the bed. "I'll eat at Hal's."

Jack sat on the bed, so Ennis moved up giving him more space. Ennis knew he should say something. But he didn't know the right words. He couldn't give Jack hope, but he couldn't turn it down neither. Seeing Jack sad would kill him. Ennis looked at the back of Jack's back and head, then raised his hand up to rub Jack's shoulder blade, silently and helplessly asking for forgiveness. He felt Jack's tensed muscle loosen up under his palm, so he pulled back. Jack turned to look at him, blue eyes piercing.

"We'd better go," Jack whispered. "You gotta get to the ranch at five."

"Yeah..," Ennis nodded. "How 'bout ya? What's yer plan?"

"Check out from the motel first thing, then I'll call Lureen again. Maybe I can have the truck fixed in Childress."

"How can ya take it there?" Ennis looked worried.

"Chad said he's gotta get Ford's spare parts from Cheyenne, so I reckon there's a Ford dealership there, too. I need ta find out first. I figure they should have some big trucks carrying new trucks between dealerships, ya know, from branch ta branch, town ta town. Maybe I can use that service."

"So you have ta go to Cheyenne…"

Jack fixed his eyes on Ennis, "Figure so."

"Right," Ennis breathed.

They were both silent for a full minute. The sound of the clock ticking told them they were both wasting more time. But neither of them wanted to move a muscle. Ennis looked at Jack, absorbing the brightest blue from those eyes into the deepest place in his heart, where he could cherish it forever once Jack was gone. He moved his eyes to Jack's long nose then on to his lips. Jack parted his lips almost instantly. Their eyes met again and Ennis raised his hand, at the same time as Jack. He touched Jack's upper lip with his thumb and smiled as he felt tickling from Jack's thumb which was now caressing along the trail of light freckles on his cheek. Jack then bent closer to Ennis, let his hand move to the side of his neck. Ennis tilted his head and closed his eyes, parting his lips a little as he felt the soft lips on his, sending a hot wave of electricity down to his stomach. _Why? Why does this feel so right? Why does just kissing Jack make him feel so filled-up inside? Why, Jack?  
_  
"Ennis," Jack was the one who parted their kiss. "We'd better go."

They drove in silence, both buried deep in their thoughts. Jack, in the passenger seat, stole glances at Ennis in the dark. Ennis wasn't looking at anything but the road. Jack wondered why people said seasons changed, people changed. 'Cause Ennis never changed. If you let him be in his shell and let him take the lead in his own way, Ennis would play the most perfect role for you, even as a fishing buddy. He would make the tent and cook the best meal for you, if you didn't say anything about wanting to sleep on a soft bed, instead of on the hard ground in the middle of the mountain. He would do the research about the camp site and take you to the most eccentric place with heaven-on-earth view, if you didn't bitch about how much you wanna just play pool with him in some local bars. And with a fishing buddy like him you could even get the best fuck of the year, if you didn't pursue him on living life together away from the mountain. Yeah, once in a while, Jack could pretend he could live with that. But not today. Not after last night, when he felt so right in the arms of Ennis. Jack felt even stronger each time they met, that they were meant to be together, on or off the mountain, in Riverton or in Childress, in heaven or hell, even.

_Why didn't Ennis see this?  
_  
Jack was so deep in his thoughts that he didn't realize when Ennis had stopped the truck. He looked up and found that Ennis had parked the truck beside the pavement, a block away from the Siesta. They then met each other's eyes in the dim light of the dawn. Ennis cleared his throat.

"What time ya figure you'll finish with everything?"

"In the afternoon, the latest," Jack put his hat on and glanced around the dark town. "Can't do much now. Have ta wait 'til, you know, six or seven o'clock to call Lureen. You?"

Ennis shrugged, "I might finish early. There's not much ta do today."

Jack just nodded. A truck then drove past them and Jack saw Ennis duck his head lower under the rim of his hat, eyeing up after the trail lights of that truck until it turned left and drifted away in the dark. Jack followed his gaze and back to Ennis, feeling like having a dejavu of Sunday's incident when a white truck drove past Ennis's house and Ennis sent him away.

Jack just bit his lower lip and opened the passenger's door. If he was not in the truck long enough, he wouldn't have to listen to Ennis saying goodbye.

"Jack, wait," Ennis called out. Jack stopped, leaving the door open. He lifted one of his knees up on the seat, facing Ennis. Jack tried to search into Ennis's eyes for the emotions that might slip out of his shell. _You want me to stay?  
_  
"I have ta go ta the feed store 'round the corner at two...figure if ya finish ya business, then, ya know…"

Ennis shrugged and ducked his head down. Jack tilted his head, the corner of his lips curved up into a small smile. Without thinking, he reached his hand to caress Ennis's cheek, the gesture which Ennis, of course, moved away from.

"Don't do that, Twist."

"Fine. Can I kiss you?"

Ennis didn't answer, just stared at him with steel eyes. But it just made Jack chuckle.

"2 o'clock," Jack repeated.

And with the nod from Ennis, Jack got out of the truck and stood at the pavement, hands digging in his pockets. Ennis still didn't move. He sat behind the steering wheel like a statue. Jack wondered what Ennis was thinking. Ennis's hands now came up to hold the steering wheel. His thumb was knocking on it. Ennis's face showed no emotions but Jack knew it was just the shell. He knew well enough there were a lot more emotions flowing inside that thick shell that had been waiting for the right time to pour out. You just had to knock at the right door. He had learnt this trick up on Brokeback a long time ago.

_Considering the tire irons and everything, maybe he knew what the hell Ennis was really thinking in that thick little head anyway.  
_  
"You go on now, "Jack said, tapping the passenger's door. "Nothing will happen to me."

Ennis turned to him then, looked full into his eyes and nodded.

"Just...be careful."

"I will."

A small smile was then painted on Ennis's lips. And with that, Jack knew one more door had been opened.

After watching Ennis's truck disappear into the darkness of the dawn, he walked into the Siesta and woke up the receptionist, who happened to be only a boy about 16 years old, at the counter. He checked out and went to Hal's with his bag hanging down his shoulder. He was surprised to see that almost all the seats in the diner were occupied by men of all ages. Jack walked to the counter and took the seat at the far corner of the counter, before eyeing back to 'them cowboys' again wondering where the hell these people had emerged from. The diner was like a haunted house yesterday.

"Good morning, Jack," Emily greeted and gave him a cup of coffee. "How're you doing?"

"Better." Jack smiled. And the minute he smiled, he wondered if his cheeks would explode. When was the last time he smiled a real smile like this anyway? He really couldn't recall.

Emily laughed and winked at him.

"I guess so. It's easy to see."

Jack smiled wider and took off his hat and tossed his bag on the floor. He then ordered breakfast, two scrambled eggs with bacon, bread & butter and more coffee. Emily handed him the food in five minutes. Jack sipped his coffee and couldn't restrain his curiosity no more. He asked Emily the reasons behind the 'cowboys gathering' here.

"Just a simple gathering up before they go off to work." Emily then pointed to the middle-aged guy with a dirty brown hat at the table near the door, sipping whiskey from his own bottle. "That is old Douglas. He is a foreman at this ranch north of town, big ranch. He drinks whiskey all day. If you happen to walk past him, don't even bother saying hello."

"Ok." Jack laughed softly, then followed with his eyes as Emily pointed to the young guy wearing a light brown leather vest and a white hat, looking more like a young missionary than a rancher.

"That is Willy Wild, the Sheriff's youngest son. He's only 17 but hates to be with his dad, moved out to the ranch a year ago."

Jack made a face, remembering himself at 17, trying every way to get away from his dad and the lonely Twist ranch. Later, Emily left him for another customer, a toothless skinny cowboy who had just walked in the diner. So Jack turned back to his food.

Beyond Jack's expectation, that toothless skinny cowboy turned out to be a very talkative and social guy, who used to work on ranches all over Wyoming, including Cheyenne. Jack spent the next half hour talking to him and gained almost all the information he needed.

By six o'clock, that man, and the other cowboys had disappeared from Hal's. Jack couldn't believe his eyes. He felt like he was sitting in a _real_ haunted house, where all the spirits vanished once the sun had risen.

Finally, having had some time to think through stuff, Jack had come to a conclusion. He had to bring the truck to Cheyenne and have it carried down to Texas through the transportation service of the Ford dealership in Cheyenne, which ran between Cheyenne-Denver-Amarillo. Then from Amarillo, he would find a way to get the truck to Childress later.

Emily then refilled the coffee in his cup for the second round, Jack thanked her and excused himself to the phone. He hoped Lureen was already up and in a good enough mood to listen to the bad news that might make her spit fire. He had told Lureen yesterday that the truck was broke down, but he didn't get into such details like it was crashed into a pine tree, or that it needed to be hauled down home, oh, and that he might have to spend two months of his salary to fix it.

"Let's get it done." He picked up the phone.

Jack dialed his home number and the phone rang twice before Lureen picked it up. She sounded stern but Jack was determined to settle this matter, so he just told her in one long stretch about what was actually going on and what was he going to do about it. Lureen just listened. Jack thought it might be because it was still early in the morning and that Lureen's brain wasn't yet fully functioning. That was why she was not making any fuss. Jack was glad in a way, cause he sure didn't want to argue with her now. The conversation didn't take too long though. Jack hung up the phone and sighed.

_One thing settled, Ennis.  
_  
He got back to his seat and finished his breakfast.

There was something else to be done. He needed to ask Billy at the Sheriff's office for the trailer service. Jack was just about to pay for the food and leave for the Sheriff's office when Luke showed up at the door.

"Did I miss something?"

Jack looked up and smirked at Luke who glanced down at Jack's bag on the floor, frowning.

"Are you leaving already?"

"Not that easy," Jack shrugged. "Need to talk business with some people before that. Have ta go to the Sheriff's office to ask about the trailer."

"Oh, then ya have ta wait. Johnny, I mean that long-haired guy who owns the trailer, is out ta fix the bridge northa town," Luke said and took off his hat and his black leather jacket, then sat on the seat opposite him. Jack wondered why Luke knew such information, but he didn't ask. Luke continued, "I'll drive you there later."

Jack wanted to say no to his offer this time 'cause he would see Ennis in a couple of hours. But as he watched Luke take off his sunglasses, and saw the scar on his left eyelid, he couldn't form the words. He didn't remember seeing it yesterday when they met. The scar drew his attention in a strange way. It looked like triple stars, lining from under his brow to his temple. Jack slowly took off his jacket, which he had just been putting on, with his eyes still lingering on the man's face. That was why Luke always wore sunglasses?

What happened to him?

----------

Ennis had been baling hay under the sun all morning but didn't feel tired or irritated. He usually got irritated by hay 'cause he sometimes got rashes from it, especially on the hot and dry days like this. Occasionally, rashes would spread rapidly along the trail of sweat that formed on his arms and back. But this morning he felt different. Despite having to work with the hay under the bright and burning rays of the sun, Ennis Del Mar couldn't care less about the rashes on his skin. He was even whistling. And that didn't escape his boss's observation.

"Any good news, Ennis?"

"What?"

Ennis's brows went together as he looked at Don, whose smile just went broader.

"Ya whistling."

"I'm not."

"You are," Don was so sure. "Glen Campbell, Rhinestone Cowboy."

Blushing, Ennis carried the hay to the back of the truck, topping bales up high. Don knew Ennis was a shy man who didn't talk much. He enjoyed teasing him sometimes because seeing Ennis reminded him of the young Don Wroe, who had worked hard in his 20s and 30s like this. Don liked to work with him, and he liked his company.

"Hey, listen," Don said, "thanks for yesterday, Ennis."

_Yesterday?_ For a minute, Ennis was wondering what about yesterday. He just remembered about Jack, the mind-blowing sex, the stars on his ceiling. _What was with yesterday?_ Oh, then he realized. Don had thanked him for joining the 'drinking' with Luke Martin, the lender to Don and hopefully the future lender to his oldest son, Joel, too.

"It's nothin'," Ennis muttered. "Any good news?"

"You're supposed ta answer my question, son, don't ask me back like this."

"Sorry."

Smiling, Ennis ducked his head down, sweeping some of the hay off his jacket. Don chuckled and leaned on the truck, he then took off his hat and used it to fan himself. Ennis stood close to him.

"Luke said there's a possibility. He used ta give out loans fer farming before but not fer a fruit farm, and not outside Wyoming."

"That's the problem?" Ennis asked.

"Looks like," Don signed. "He said he gotta do some research too, about peaches and the like and farm machines."

"Your son gonna grow peaches in Denver, using farm machines?" Ennis asked, genuinely interested. Don just nodded. Joel, Don's oldest son, was a kid in the form of a grown-up man. For the past three years, he heard from Don that Joel had started and finished more than 10 businesses, moving from city to city and spending his father's money like water. He never settled with one business, claiming that he hadn't yet found what he really wanted to do. And the man was 26 years old. Ennis thought if it had been between his daddy and him, it wouldn't be this complicated. Daddy wouldn't have listened to a thing he said and if he insisted, he woulda been kicked out to grow some weeds in South America.

"Yep, that was what he said."

Ennis grunted in disbelief. How could a good man like Don have that kinda son? If he wanted to start a business, why the hell couldn't the son ask for the loan by himself somewhere in Denver? He was not 17 no more.

"He promised me this will work out," Don said. "He had bought the farm and it is big. He will have peaches, pears and apples, so he needed the farm machines. Actually, he said he had started planting some already. I will have ta go down there with Tim this week, checking if my son is a damn liar, you know."

Ennis just nodded. Tim was the foreman at the ranch and he tended to accompany Don when he needed to do business out of Riverton.

"Ya don't like the idea, do ya, Ennis?" Don asked, out of the blue.

Ennis sighed and looked at Don wryly. "I'm not in a position to make any judgments, Don. But you tell me if you need help, ok?"

"Thank ya."

Don patted his shoulder and put his hat on. They had to drive back and put the hay in the barn. But before Don moved to the passenger's door, he turned to Ennis with a faint smile. "So what's your news, son?"

Ennis grunted and just ignored his boss and lead the way to the truck, hearing Don laughing right behind.

After lunch, Ennis asked Don whether he could bring Jack to the ranch in the afternoon. Don was more than ok with that. He surprised Ennis by asking if Jack was his friend who did rodeo when they met. Ennis mighta looked like he saw a ghost in Don or something. Cause then Don laughed.

"Son, you _did_ talk when you're drunk, don't cha know that?"

Ennis just murmured something under his breath and walked away.

----------

Jack Twist was excited as a puppy running after a woodstick. The shithead had not stopped talking ever since he picked him up in front of the Siesta at two p.m. Jack was talking about all the cowboys that were gathering in Hal's this morning, blue eyes sparkling, like he was seeing men with hats and boots for the first time in his life. His voice rose even louder than the song from the radio, when he went on about the details of this skinny man with no teeth.

"He said," Jack lowered his voice, imitating the toothless man's. "'Yon boy, ya neeh ta getta truk don Cha-yaan.'"

Ennis frowned. "What the hell...?"

"He meant 'young boy, you need ta get the truck down Cheyenne'." Jack giggled. "He got no teeth, and he's like…only a coupla years older than us...n'..."

Jack trailed off as Ennis turned left and the one-story middle-sized house located on the vast green land emerged to his eyes. Jack scanned to the left, from the house to the barn and the stable and his eyes stopped at the black horse, nibbling grass in front of the stable that was encircled by the white wooden fences.

"Is that Black Shadows?" Jack gasped and, didn't wait for an answer from Ennis, flew out of the truck as soon as Ennis parked it under the shade of the tree, his hat and his bag forgotten. Ennis turned off the engine, rested his crossed arms on the steering wheel, put his chin on them, letting his gaze leisurely follow Jack who was now jogging to the black horse.

Ennis didn't bring Black Shadows and Shooting Star, his two horses, to the Sinks Canyon the last time they went for the fishing trip. So Jack hadn't seen them for almost a year now. That shithead sure missed horse's company a lot. Ennis smiled as he saw Black Shadows poke her head from the grass, up above the wood fence line, and sniff Jack's hand. She moved her head to the side of Jack's face and nudged. Jack laughed, one hand rubbing her neck. Well, it seemed Black Shadows missed him too.

Ennis tilted his head, seeking for the right position to look at the view clearer. Jack Twist with a horse sure was such a sight. The warm afternoon sun was shining through branches down on him, making him look like some kind of a tree guardian…well with boots. Ennis smiled at the thought and sighed with contentment as the mild wind blew through the truck windows. Jack's black hairs were blowing along with the wind now, and he was laughing so hard as Black Shadows continued to nudge his face, tickling him with her breath. Ennis could hear his laughter from there.

_What would I do if Jack was hit by a tire iron?_ Jesus Christ, just thinking of it was enough to make his version blur with sickness. The son of a bitch just looked at everything in all good terms. Never believe a thing he'd said. _What's the damn word?_ Yep, sanguinity. That was Jack Twist.

Ennis looked at Jack laugh and play with Black Shadows, then winced at the sudden thought that sprung in his head.

_Could this be forever?_ Stop that, Del Mar. _But you've divorced, you're free to do whatever you really want now._ How? _Shit. This ain't going nowhere...  
_  
"What cha doing in there? Come on out. Can I ride her?"

Ennis startled. He saw Jack calling out from the fence.

"Come on, Ennis."

Jack urged so Ennis got out of the truck, one hand putting his hat on, the other holding Jack's. He walked up to the fence and leaned in to rub the side of Black Shadows's face, with Jack standing aside.

"I missed this," Jack said, eyes looking beyond Black Shadows to the green area. "The smell of the grass, the sound of the wind and water flowing, the feel of the sun, the touch of the horse, I even missed the smell of the barn, you know."

Jack chuckled and bumped Ennis's shoulder.

"So, you work here?"

"Yep."

"Nice place."

Jack looked around again and, with both hands cradling both sides of Black Shadows's face, he touched his forehead with hers and closed his eyes.

"I feel like I could live here forever."

Ennis heard Jack's whisper and felt the clog in his throat. He knew Jack always bitched about his life in Childress, where he had to wake up from the sound of the farm machines roaring every day. Then there was that L.D. Newsome. Every time Ennis heard Jack talk about that man from hell, he really wanted to see that damn guy. Jack hardly hated anyone, well, except his Daddy, so that guy should be the meanest. And Jack was living in the middle of the city. He said he liked to be a city boy. But sometimes he missed the mountains. He didn't own a horse there and the biggest green field nearest his house was a small baseball field at the backyard. Ennis would go crazy to live in that kind of environment every day. Ennis was a Wyoming boy, growing up on a ranch. He loved mountains, green grass and horses. He loved bathing in the river and letting the sun dry his skin. He loved setting his bare feet down the soft ground and inhaling the scent of the rain when it was coming.

The truth was Jack also grew up on a ranch and he was a Wyoming boy, too. Jack sure missed life in the country something fierce, though the fucker might not accept it.

"C'mere." Ennis said finally, without having a second thought, and led Jack inside the fence to the stable, with Black Shadows following close. Inside the stable, Ennis walked toward his saddle while Jack went straight to greet Shooting Star. Like Black Shadows, Shooting Star also remembered Jack. She made a sound in her nose and sniffed his hand. Jack then admired Fencer and Maya, Don's horses, for a minute, too. And when Jack turned to Ennis again, he had already put the saddle on Black Shadows, ready for Jack to ride.

"Are you sure?" Jack asked, walking close to him.

"Yep," Ennis shrugged. "Take your time. I'm gonna be fixing the fence up north or handling stuff down at the barn for now."

"Ya sure yer boss won't fuss?"

"No," Ennis couldn't help but chuckle. "Don doesn't fuss and she's my horse. There ain't many people on the ranch, just old Tim, Buck and I. Just don't cross over the small stream down the hill or you'll be going onto a neighbor's property."

Ennis then put Jack's hat on Jack's head, pressing it down, muttering,

"There ya go."

He then met Jack's eyes that had been looking at him for some time. The blue eyes were smiling at him, like a ray of sun gleaming through the cloud. Ennis felt something heating up in his chest.

"Can I kiss you now?" Jack asked, lifting his brow.

"No," Ennis said almost instantly.

"Don't ya have ta think a bit?"

"Nope."

With that, Ennis walked out of the stable. He lit his cigarette when Jack walked out with Black Shadows. Their eyes met for a moment and Jack hopped up on the back of the horse. He playfully kicked Ennis's ass and that made Ennis look up to him. Jack smiled.

"Be back soon," Ennis heard Jack say softly. Jack leaned down toward Ennis and Ennis let Jack's fingertips trace gently from his earlobe down the rough stubble to his chin. Jack's fingers lingered on his chin a bit too long so Ennis took them off, feeling his own hand linger on those fingers a bit too long as well.

"Go." He finally patted Black Shadows's butt softly and watched as she and Jack went down the hill behind the barn.

_----------_

_This is where I belong_.

Jack stopped in front of the truck, and thought as he closed his eyes, breathing in the scent of the mountain. He missed this smell.

He had been riding for almost two hours, galloping Black Shadows up and down the hills, feeling light-headed and as free as a bird. He had met Buck, the young ranch hand at the end of the property, fixing the small wooden bridge. The man tipped his hat to Jack when he learned that Jack was Ennis's friend. Then he pointed up to the highest cottonwood tree up the hill, saying Ennis was supposed to be there, fixing the rest of the wire fence he had left off yesterday. Jack just nodded, but he chose to wander around the ranch a bit more. The ranch was not large, but Jack saw the space which looked like an unoccupied land in the east. Don could expand it if his business grew.

_How could I have lived in Texas for the last twelve years?_ Right, I live there 'cause it's where I have to wait 'til I am home for each fishing trip. 'Til I'm coming home to the mountain, and Ennis.

"You Jack?" Jack abruptly turned back and saw the middle-aged man, with shoulder-length gray hair, walk up to him from the back door of the house, smiling wide.

"I'm Don Wroe."

"Oh," Jack shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, sir."

"Don't 'sir' me, Jack. Nice ta meet ya, too. How was the ride?"

"Great. I miss riding. It's good to ride again."

Don nodded. The two men looked at each other for a minute, then Don led Jack to the kitchen. With two bottles of beer, they were back outside again, grabbing two chairs and sat under the shade of the tree.

"Ennis told me you're living in Texas," Don said and that surprised Jack.

"He _told _you about me?"

"More than he thought he did." He laughed. "Just a week ago when he was drunk, he said you can't shoot a herd of coyotes even when they're walking right in front of ya."

"He_ told_ you that?"

Jack was annoyed, but he also felt his lips curving up. _Ennis really did talk about me?_ Don laughed and drank his beer.

"It's nice to hear Ennis talk about friends, you know, Jack, he doesn't have many friends here. And I'm glad to finally meet you, too. I almost thought you were just his imaginary friend or somethin'."

"The pleasure is all mine." Jack laughed softly. He straightened his back and pointed to the land with his bottle. "You sure got a real nice ranch here, Don."

"Well, it all came with these."

Don held up his two hands to Jack.

"I held my wife's hand with this right hand, and bought the train ticket from Baltimore with this left hand. Then with four hands, we got this ranch. It wasn't easy, Jack. But the important thing is not to find the right place. I can live anywhere, up the hill or down the ditch. You just have ta find the right person." Don nodded and held up his hands again. "And these hands know the best just who it is. When I held my wife's hand for the first time, I swore I saw God."

They laughed. But Jack wasn't really into other topics after that. He was too occupied with his thoughts.

_You just have ta find the right person..._

Late that day, after having dinner with Don and Maggie, Jack saw that Ennis was still exhausted from tackling the damaged wire fence in the hot sun the whole afternoon, so he decided to drive the truck back. Jack was quiet and it was not normal. Ennis narrowed his eyes and patted his shoulder once Jack parked the truck outside his shack.

"What cha thinking?"

"Don..." Jack turned to look at Ennis, but it was already dark. He could see only his feature. "He told me about how he got the ranch."

Ennis groaned. Jack could picture him rolling his eyes.

"He told that story to every stranger he meet. Have he told you how he climbed the roof to see Maggie? And then fell off on cactus?"

Jack chuckled. "Not that much into details."

Then Ennis, too, laughed. Both of them didn't say anything, just sat there and looked out the window. It had become a habit, somehow, cause neither one knew what to say.

So, Jack cleared his throat, being the first to break the ice. "Ah, thanks for today, Ennis, it's great to ride Black Shadows again. Thanks, bud."

_No problem_, Jack heard Ennis say so soft before he slid off the door and walked in the shack. Jack's gaze following, Don's voice was still ringing in his ears..._you just have ta find the right person... and these hands know the best just who it is._

That night, they made love leisurely, bodies moving together in perfect harmony that almost looked like a slow dance. They sighed and moaned at the same time, breathing in and out of each other's mouths. Ennis was spooning behind Jack, with both their hands roaming up and down the sweaty bodies, worshipping the soft skin from to. Then he entered Jack and started the shallow, gentle thrusts. Jack was panting, calling out his name, eyes shutting, toes pecking the crumpled sheet, nails scratching one of Ennis's arms holding his middle. Ennis buried his nose into Jack's hair, thrusting long and slow thrusts. His legs caught on Jack's, locking their position on the small bed. Then they came almost together, intensely.

"Ennis?"

"Hmm?" Ennis kissed Jack on the sensitive skin behind his ear, both feeling exhausted from the intense orgasm.

"I've been thinking." Jack snuggled closer. "I want to run a ranch."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I got a strange feeling today, that I belong to the mountain."

Ennis wasn't a dreamer. His life had been harsh and he had been struggling, finding something to eat more than just sitting and seeing pictures in his head. But he knew Jack was a dreamer. And that made the man so lovable. He might not able to give Jack what he wanted, guess listening to him was the only thing he could do for Jack. Ennis couldn't dream. But maybe, Jack and him, and that sweet life Jack always wanted for them could be kept safe in Jack's dream anyway.

"Where?" Ennis nudged Jack's neck with his nose.

"What?"

"The ranch, where do ya want that? Yer home? Lightning Flat?"

"Anywhere, I don't care." Jack shook his head. "Just a small ranch, you know. Cause _we_ won't need extra help much when running a small ranch."

He said _we_.

"But I need more hands," Jack continued, holding up his hands and looking at them in the dark.

"What do ya mean?"

"Nothin'," Jack said so soft, shook his head again. Then he took Ennis's hand in his, squeezing.

Ennis didn't say anything. He just let Jack play with his hand 'til he felt Jack's breath steady, his body stilled as sleep overwhelmed him.

Jack had been asleep for a long time now but Ennis still stared into the dark, counting the ticks of the clock and stroking Jack's stomach softly with his thumb at the same rhythm. He wondered what had gotten into Jack? But Jack was happy, that was easy to see. This afternoon, when he came back to the house with Buck, Jack and Don were having the third beer and were talking and laughing like old buddies. Don might feed him with all his stories about the ranch, which somehow was stirring his dream about their life together.

_That little cow and calf operation.  
_  
Ennis sighed and looked at Jack's sleeping form, suddenly feeling a stiffness in his arm. If he had to stay on his side, spooning behind Jack like this 'til the morning, the muscle of his left arm which was used as Jack's pillow would be dead for sure. Ennis raised his head and looked at both of Jack's hands that were still holding his left hand tightly even in his sleep. _Damn you, Twist,_ Ennis grunted but didn't move away. Instead, he laced his fingers with Jack's and snuggled closer behind him, closing the gap between the two bodies. He kissed his nape and closed his eyes. _Damn the dead arm.  
_  
Ennis tried to sleep but popped his eyes open instantly as he saw something green in his head, something that looked like a small hill sloping down to this little house. _What the hell was that?_ Ennis closed his eyes again and the same image popped in and was getting clearer and clearer. The little house was painted white. There was a front porch, with a rocking chair, like the one where his mom loved to sit and knit at his home when he was a kid. He saw people there, too... _Damn you, Del Mar_, Ennis cursed himself as the image of two men riding horses up the hill emerged behind his eyelids.

He wondered if sleeping with their heads touching could somehow bring Jack's imagination flowing into his head?

_Or was it him that was actually dreaming now?_

Shit.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5 :The Key:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 5 **"The Key"**

_What is that?_

Jack narrowed his eyes, trying to focus on the black blurry dot that was moving toward him faster and faster. First Jack thought it was some kind of a mirage, but as it was getting nearer, Jack found that it was a horse. Black Shadows.

Where the hell is Ennis?

_Jack patted Black Shadows on her neck and followed the path that the black horse had just stamped its feet on. The ground was soft and damp. Did it rain? Jack wondered. If it did, then Ennis musta been inside. Just when he was about to turn around, he saw the familiar brown leather boots appear from the side of the house. Jack's heart beat hard as he walked there, something inside told him that he'd better yell for Ennis, who was supposed to be in the house, but he didn't. He just continued to walk up there. Jack turned at the corner of the house and there he found a man lying on the ground, red blood all over his face and body. The curly blond-haired man looked familiar._

Is this...En..."

Jesus Christ! Jack startled violently and sat bolt upright on the bed. Jesus Christ, he groped around the bed in the dark searching for the man that'd been sleeping beside him since last night. There he is. Jesus fucking Christ, Jack grabbed hard on Ennis's forearm 'til he felt him stir.

"Wha...?"

"Nothin'," Jack rubbed his forearm, soothing the sting there. "Nothin', just a stupid dream."

He whispered the last phrase only to be heard by himself. Ennis shifted to his side. Jack heard Ennis's steady breath and knew he had go back to sleep. Jack looked at the back of Ennis's head and reached out to stroke his hair.

"Don't know how ya did that ta me, friend, Now I gotta dream of that tire iron." He combed Ennis's curly hair down with his fingers, whispering in the darkness. "I had bad dreams all my life. Yours ain't gonna spook me."

But Jack couldn't sleep no more. It was four a.m. anyway, so he decided to take a shower. Despite turning the water on so hot that Jack thought he might got boiled, the water felt just lukewarm to him. After testing the water with his hand, Jack stepped under the shower, pressing his palms on the tile. He turned his face up against the spray of water and closed his eyes.

When he was a kid, he used to wake up screaming as he saw his daddy walk up to him with his belt in his dream. No, John Twist didn't hit him with the belt that often, thanks to his mama. But the picture was somehow buried into his brain cells, making its appearance every now and then. As he grew up and was bigger than daddy, he didn't mess with him much. Still, that dream would come back to him sometimes, never letting him forget what his childhood life was like. He remembered the last time he dreamed about his daddy. It was years ago, in his bedroom at Childress. But instead of waking up screaming, he laughed and said hi to his daddy who had visited him in his dream, before lying back on the bed. But he couldn't go back to sleep.

Like now.

Though he was not afraid. He wasn't. _Wasn't he?  
_  
Jack got out of the bathroom and searched through his bag. He had only brought one shirt with him so he figured he would keep it for the last day, when he had to go back to Childress. Jack then looked into Ennis's wardrobe again and snatched the plaid blue and white shirt that was hidden under Ennis's brown coat. He held the shirt up to his nose and inhaled. It smelled good, it smelled like Ennis. Jack turned his head and pressed his cheek on the fabric, thinking back to the two shirts he kept at his home in Lightning Flat. He hadn't seen those shirts, the Brokeback Ennis and Jack, for almost a half year now and he missed them sometimes. Jack inhaled the clean male smell that was Ennis's alone again, before putting it on.

He then started breakfast. Ennis must be tired. Jack dropped a knife to the floor once, but surprisingly, it didn't stir Ennis. But 15 minutes later, Ennis was awake.

"Why ya wearing my shirt?" Ennis asked, groggily, one hand rubbing his eye. Jack put down four peanut butter sandwiches on the plate and rubbed his hands on the jeans.

"Cause I only got one clean shirt n' I'm gonna wear it back to Childress."

_Back to Childress._ Ennis stopped rubbing his eye, letting his gaze linger on Jack for a good while before throwing himself down on the bed again. He grabbed the sheet to cover up his chin and stared at the glow-in-the-dark stickers that were now more visible from the light in the kitchen. He heard Jack's footsteps toward the bed and saw Jack from the corner of his eye. He was now standing at the side of the bed, looking down at him.

"So, ya ready ta go?" Ennis asked.

"I have ta talk ta John, you know, the guy who owns the trailer. Need ta ask him to bring ma truck to Cheyenne. If he agrees, then yeah..."

"Um..." Ennis closed his eyes and curled himself to face the wall, turning his back to Jack, murmuring almost inaudible. "So, ya ready ta go."

"Figure so."

"But you...you won't go ta Cheyenne today, right?"

"Figure so..." Jack shrugged. "Tomorrow, maybe. Very early in the morning."

Ennis just said something in his throat. Something Jack couldn't catch. Then he didn't say anything else.

Just like yesterday, they left Ennis's shack for town around 4.30 a.m. Ennis turned on the radio and sighed. Why did he feel like they were on one of them fishing trips? They were sleeping in his house, on his bed, and the nearest mountain was miles away. Why the hell did he feel like breaking down now, hearing Jack would leave tomorrow. It was like the last day when they were together in them fishing trips, when they went all quiet and gloomy 'cause neither of them wanted to leave.

_Cause it's not about the place, Del Mar. It's the parting that fucking hurts._

Shit. Ennis swallowed.

They arrive a block away from the Siesta 30 minutes later. Ennis turned off the engine and cleared his throat.

"Listen, bud. I gotta go for the auction this afternoon with Don in Lander. Guess I won't be back 'til late."

"Yeah..." Jack flicked his eyes on Ennis.

"I mean, I was home at almost 11 the last time. You think ya can..." Ennis trailed off as he looked at Jack, eyes now opening wide, shining bright with hope.

_What do you want me to do, Ennis? Wait up? Stay somewhere else? Motel?_ Jack's eyes demanded the answer from Ennis. But he just looked down at the steering wheel and cleared his throat again.

"Well, if ya think you can wait, then..." He shrugged. "But if ya figure it's too late..."

"What do ya think, Ennis?" Jack whispered.

_Say it, Ennis, Jack secretly prayed. Say you want me to stay with you tonight as well_. Jack waited and waited but Ennis didn't say anything.It was so quiet inside the truck that Jack could almost hear his own heart beating against his chest, so fast, and so hard that it hurt. Ennis was chewing his nails and looking out the window, his foot thumping on the floor. That sound got on Jack's nerves. He knew Ennis wasn't the talking type. His action always spoke louder than words. But action was not enough sometimes.

_What're you waiting for, Twist? he asked himself. Jack shook his head. You're pathetic enough already._

Jack was about to get out of the truck when he saw Ennis pat on his shirt pocket, looking for a cigarette, maybe. Ennis's brown eyes caught Jack in an intense stare for a moment, then he turned back to look at the road ahead of him. Without glancing back at Jack, Ennis handed him something from his pocket. It was not a cigarette, but a key. Then he murmured.

"Don't bother 'bout dinner...and be careful."

Jack was unable to speak as he looked down on the shiny key on the palm of Ennis's hand, which was now lying on the seat between them. Jack had an urge to say, _'I am just a traveler passing through, Ennis. Nobody will knock me dead cause of that.'_ But the key stopped him. It was weird. The key seemed to shine out in the dark, wiping all the hopelessness off his chest like water wiping footprints off the land.

"I will..." Jack just whispered. He didn't understand why, but he held his breath as he took the key and quickly put it in his jacket pocket. They didn't move an inch for a minute, both looking out the front window of the truck into the dark hour of five a.m.

"Gotta go..."

Ennis said so softly, patting his pocket again, this time looking for a cigarette for real. He took one out from the pack and lit it up as Jack climbed out of the truck. Jack bent his head down and looked at Ennis.

"I'll find a way back to yer house, ya don't have ta pick me up before ya go to the auction or anything,"

Jack said and he thought he saw Ennis smirk.

"Who said anythin' 'bout pickin' ya up, huh?"

"Asshole."

Jack kicked the door shut playfully. Then Ennis started the engine and made a u-turn. Jack watched until the truck was roaring out on a white stretch of road. It slowly turned into a smaller dot and finally faded into the black sky. Beaming like a fool, Jake didn't move. He just stood there with one hand tucked in his pocket, playing with the key.

Sometimes, Ennis's action sure spoke _louder_ than words.

----------

The morning chores at the ranch went on pretty smooth for Ennis. He caught himself whistling the same song as yesterday again, as he went to the kitchen for lunch and a glass of cold lemon tea. Buck, the other ranch hand at Don's ranch, always listened to his little portable radio whenever they were cleaning the barn. The guy would sweep the mop along to the rhythm of the guitar and sing along. That was why Ennis knew this song, Rhinestone Cowboy. It was a hit and he heard it almost everyday for the last two weeks. But he never sang it. It was weird, but everytime he was about to sing, he swore either Black Shadows or Shooting Star, or both of them occasionally, would stare at him hard, like they were waiting to hear it. Then he would just shut his mouth and stick with humming. It was strangely embarrassing. He could only sing for Junior and Jenny.

Oh, and Jack, too.

Ennis smiled thinking back to the time he held Jack from behind and sang his mom's favorite lullaby to him one morning on Brokeback, when he was about to leave for the sheep.

Once in the kitchen, Ennis tipped his hat to Maggie who was bringing something out of the oven. It was cookies. Ennis unwrapped his sandwiches and began to eat. He wanted to flee off to the barn as soon as he finished with his lunch and the lemon tea. But when Maggie insisted on him taking some cookies that she had baked this morning, Ennis had to sit there for another 10 minutes, listening to her story she heard at the morning market.

"I went to the market this morning and people were talking about this guy," Maggie said and sat on the chair next to Ennis. "Tom, he was hit by a tire iron on Sunday. You heard 'bout that, Ennis?"

Ennis choked on the lemon tea and coughed. Just when he thought he had forgotten everything about that incident, here Maggie was bringing it back to him again.

"Jesus." Maggie startled. She rushed to the counter and brought Ennis a cloth to clean his wet jacket. But Ennis just wiped his mouth with his sleeve and looked at Maggie with eyes wide, reflecting the explicit fear.

"Are you alright?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah," Ennis murmured. "How was...he?"

He didn't know why he asked this question. He was sure the answer wouldn't ease his fear nonetheless. But he needed to know.

"He was hurt pretty badly, poor guy. I heard he has broken ribs and one arm and one leg are broken, too. There was blood all over his face. They can't even recognize his face." Maggie signed and put her hand on her chest. "People said he might lose his memory. My God, that was terrible."

Ennis could hardly move or speak a word. He swallowed, trying hard to steady his breath that has been getting faster. Enough of this. He couldn't hear anything more.

"I gotta go," Ennis stood up. He gestured to the glass of lemon tea on the table and glanced at her. "Thanks for the tea and cookies, Maggie, and…I'm sorry for the mess I made."

"No, no, no. I'll take care of it."

Ennis muttered a thank you and walked out to the barn. Just as he came out from under the roof of the house, he felt the sun was too bright. He looked up and squinted at the ray of the sun shining down on him, burning holes into his body. And if that was not enough, beads of sweat were forming on his body and he felt the rashes on his arms even though he hadn't worked with hay today.

_Calm down. At least the guy isn't dead. And above all, Jack is safe. You can't spook every time someone mentions 'tire iron' like this, Del Mar. Jack is with you now, isn't he?_

But he's not with you all the time.

Ennis turned on his heel, trying to shake off the picture of a man that appeared in his head. The man was not old Earl. It couldn't be Tom, either, cause he didn't know him. But, in his head, he saw the man with his face full of blood anyway. The face was blurry though. Ennis had to stop thinking before the picture got any clearer. He had to keep that man faceless, for the love of God. Ennis put on his gloves and continued to walk, trying to whistle again to soothe his mind. But then he paused halfway to the barn. What the hell… He couldn't even recall the song he'd been whistling since yesterday.

Fuck.

----------

"What's that?" Jack pointed to the yellow paper file that he had noticed Luke holding all morning. Luke had come to see him at around 10 and took him to the Sheriff's office, asking for help on the trailer from John. And he decided to ask Luke once they were back at Hal's for lunch.

"Some information on peaches and such."

Jack laughed, then took off his jacket. Luke laughed, too. He then put the file on the table, took off his jeans jacket and sat across from Jack.

"I know it sounds pussy, but it's ma job."

"You got a job?" Jack pretended to look surprised.

"Yes, I do," Luke cleared his throat, smirking. "What do ya do, Jack? I mean, for a living."

"I am a salesman."

"You are?"

"Yes, and I'm not quite proud of it so can we just stop here?"

Luke laughed softly and looked at the menu. They then ordered an easy lunch, sandwiches and coffee, and continued their discussion about Jack's mission to Cheyenne.

Jack had agreed to pay John, the owner of the trailer who worked for the Sheriff, so that he could tow his truck to Cheyenne tomorrow morning. John accepted his offer but insisted on leaving very early. It took three hours from Riverton to Cheyenne and John needed to get back here before noon 'cause the Sheriff wanted him for some other tasks. Jack agreed.

After that, Jack called the Ford dealership in Cheyenne and asked for the transportation service for his truck to Amarillo. Though he didn't know what to do once he reached Amarillo yet. It took another two to three hours from there to Childress. And he had no idea how the hell he could go on without a truck but this seemed to be the easiest way out for Jack. He would figure out what to do later, once he set foot in Amarillo.

But, for sure, he had to leave early tomorrow. Jack wondered if he could reach the Sheriff's office at 4.30 a.m. He always slept like a dead man when he was with Ennis. Last night was no exception. Well, it would have been a more perfect night if he had not dreamed about the damn tire iron. But Jack knew he would risk everything to be in Ennis's arms. Ennis had always been his warmest bed and a man deserved a good sleep. He felt the corner of his mouth lift up into a small smile, as he thought about last night. He woke up in the middle of the night and found that he was still holding on to Ennis's hand. He had no idea how Ennis could sleep with his arm and hand trapped. But it seemed Ennis wanted it to be this way, with Jack's head on his forearm, Jack's hands laced in his fingers and Jack's body wrapped in his embrace.

Jack was daydreaming and unconsciously turned his head a bit, closed his eyes and buried his nose in the fabric of the shirt's collar, breathing in the scent of the man who was always in his dream, even when he was not sleeping.

"You do that a lot."

Jack startled and blinked several times at Luke's comment.

"What?"

"That," Luke pointed to his hand that was now touching the collar. "Sniffing yer shirt. Ya been doing that since the morning."

"Oh," Jack smiled and sipped his coffee. "Yeah, bad habit," he lied.

The two of them ate their food, mostly in silence. But they occasionally exchanged ideas on farm machines, which was the topic Jack knew rather well. Luke asked him several questions on the type of machines, maintenance cost and the like. Jack gave all the information he knew to him, feeling pleased with himself. Despite people's waiting to see him fall off the machines, like he did with them bulls, he never failed as a salesman at Newsome's Farm Machine dealership. Though he had to admit it was never his dream job, even now.

"Look, Luke," Jack met the guy's eyes. "I don't know how to thank ya. Ya been awful nice to me."

Luke just shrugged.

"No big deal. I'm still available 'til the evening. Guess I can drive you to your friend's house today. No need to bother old Peter none."

Jack chuckled when he thought about Peter, the old man who had driven him to Ennis's house two days ago. The man owned a gun shop and seemed to be in debt or something. So he was bitching all the way from the main street, cursing Luke for not granting him more loans on his business. Jack sneaked a look at Luke and wondered if everybody in Riverton got a loan from him?

Around four p.m., Luke drove Jack out to the west of Riverton, with Jack directing the way, heading to Ennis's house. The afternoon sun was still shining when they reached the house. Jack got out the passenger's door and blinked at the sight. Somehow, Ennis's shack looked different to him today. The roof that had been rough was now looking better, and he thought the walls were strong enough to stand in the midst of the summer storm. Jack smiled, hell, he even liked the shape of the window which seemed to slope down to the left.

"Nobody's here, Jack." Luke said as he scanned around the quiet house. Jack turned and showed him the key.

"Got the key."

Jack then walked to the driver's side as Luke nodded and smiled broadly.

"Well, you take care then, Jack."

"You too. Thanks for everything."

They shook hands, exchanged phone numbers --just in case--, and then the guy wearing a pair of sunglasses, a sight Jack began to find familiar, drove off down the gravel road, sending the dust swirling on the air.

----------

Ennis and Don left for Lander at two p.m. Don talked all the way 'til they was in Lander, which was fine 'cause Ennis preferred to listen. The auction went on pretty good. Don got himself a bred cow for a reasonable price, a big and muscled cow such as Ennis hadn't seen in a long time, so he was in a celebrating mood. Ennis knew the deal very well. They would go to the bar back in Riverton and have some beers after the auction. If Don won something, the celebration would take twice as long as usual.

"Luke'll be here, too," Don said as Ennis turned the truck into the parking lot of the Cedar.

And with more company, the celebration would take three times as long as usual. Ennis sighed.

The bar wasn't too crowded tonight 'cause it was Wednesday. Ennis followed Don to the table near the jukebox. Luke was already there, looking comfortable and a bit drunk already.

"Hey! Ennis!"

And a bit overjoyed to see him, too. Luke bounced up almost instantly on his feet and gave Ennis a bear hug and several pats in his back.

"Marti…" Ennis was about to greet him but he stopped and corrected his word when he saw Luke wince. "Luke."

"That's ma man, c'mere." Luke patted the chair near his and turned to pat Don on his shoulder. Ennis took a seat and watch the two of them talking about the auction. They turned their faces up, laughing so hard about something. So Ennis went off to the counter and ordered two bottles of beer. When he came back, Luke and Don were talking again, this time about Don's son and his fruit farm in Denver, though Ennis was in no mood for talking. Once Maggie reminded him of Tom and the tire iron incident, it was hard for Ennis to let it go from his mind. He couldn't believe he had forgotten what had happened last Sunday, and how worried he was over Jack's whereabouts. But after having Jack with him for two days, he completely forgot the reason behind it all.

"What's with ya, Ennis," Luke nudged him with the bottle of beer. "C'mon, ya still sore about the divorce? We'll be in Denver this weekend. I'll take ya camping, to clear yer head."

"Well," Ennis looked at Don. They exchanged some silent conversation for a little while. Tim, the foreman at the ranch, was supposed to go to Denver with Don, not him. But Ennis knew Don and Luke were at a very delicate point, business-wise, right now. So he'd let Don do the talking. But before Don opened his mouth to speak, Luke nudged him again, this time with his elbow, looking very determined.

"C'mon, Ennis. I been trying to drag you down camping all the time but ya always busy with the ranch! I know some real nice camping sites in Denver. It'll be fun!" Luke then turned to Don. "Is that ok with ya, boss?"

Don just shrugged and laughed softly. The conversation then changed to something about the public library that was about to open, the rodeo competition and the damage to the bridge and the roads up north, resulting from last month's storm. Ennis sighed and drank his beer. Considering the current situation, with Don not saying anything, he was now 90 sure that he must be the one going to Denver with Don, and the almighty Luke Martin, this weekend.

Yeah, that was fine. He wouldn't see Junior and Jenny this weekend anyway.

And Jack and his fishing trip wouldn't happen 'til next week, too.

Think about it now, wasn't he like some other guys in Wyoming? He was divorced. He worked hard. He spent weekends with his daughters. He went out fishing with his best friend several times a year.

But they never fished.

Ennis started on his second beer and spent most of the time trying to peel the label off the bottle, suddenly felt so tired. He wanted to go home now.

After what seemed like forever, the three of them parted at the parking lot. Luke would drive Don to the ranch so Ennis could go home from the bar directly. Luke waved to him and reminded him to prepare the camping gear for the trip to Denver. Ennis got in his truck and started the engine, wondering what Luke Martin was thinking. Yeah, he had known the guy for almost a year now. Luke and Don were in business so Luke came to the ranch on a monthly basis. But for the last six months, he came more often, saying he'd found his favorite drinking buddy in Ennis. Luke was a talker, so it was natural that he preferred to drink with someone who didn't talk. And with them being single and all, it made more sense.

But what Ennis didn't quite understand was that the guy seemed to be more persistent, trying to talk him into fishing, riding or camping. But Ennis was not interested. For one thing, he was too busy with the ranch and that was the truth. For another thing, he always felt that all the outdoor activities should be kept only for Jack and him. Not for somebody else. Ennis cherished every fishing trip and he wanted to make the most of it. Though in the end, Jack and he never really did anything more than being around each other. For all those years, their fishing poles hadn't ever touched even the surface of the water. Hell, they didn't even care to bring those poles out from the back of the truck actually.

It might be nothing, Ennis decided. Luke was not married and he needed a friend. Ennis saw nothing wrong with that. He enjoyed drinking with Luke, and would be glad to continue to be Luke's drinking buddy, as long as the man would stick to just 'drinking'.

Finally, Ennis reached home at eleven and saw the light glowing from the slightly open curtain on the window near the front door. Ennis looked around for any sign of men, before turning off the engine and going inside his house.

"Hey," Jack greeted him. He was washing something in the sink.

Ennis just grunted back and tossed his key on the nightstand. He sat down on his bed, feet dangling, repeating his action of yesterday morning. Watching Jack.

Jack had rolled up the sleeves to his elbows while he was washing. Ennis watched the big hands with long fingers move around the kitchen utensils, secretly fascinated by how soft those hands could be on his body.

Jack then started to tell him what had happened today; the phone call to the Ford dealership in Cheyenne, the visit to the Sheriff's office, John--the owner of the trailer and the route he would take to go back to Childress. Ennis just listened and occasionally nodded. He couldn't quite concentrate. Jack would leave tomorrow.

Jack finished with the washing and walked to the bed. They were quiet for a minute, then Jack, as always, broke the silence.

"So, Ennis, what ya gonna do now?"

"What?"

"I'm leaving tomorrow."

Ennis was frowning. Jack wondered if that was an act. He was here 'cause of the postcard Ennis sent to him telling him that he had gotten divorced. So he figured Ennis shoulda thought about something, have some plans maybe. Or else, Ennis wouldn't have sent him the damn postcard, would he?

"And I'm asking what ya gonna do after the divorce. That was why I am here in the first place, Ennis."

Ennis sat up straight, narrowing his eyes to Jack. "What am I gonna do? What do ya mean?"

They stared into each other eyes, drinking in the tide of emotions each was feeling.

"Don't start on this, Jack, goddamnit."

"What did I start?" Jack laughed bitterly. "You gotta move on Ennis, and all I ever want to know is how?"

_Would you have me in your new life, Ennis?_ Jack didn't dare ask that. Ennis stood up suddenly and started to walk around, tossing his hands up and down like a mad man. The story Maggie told him today in the kitchen came back and hit him hard in the head, making him feel like puking.

"I ain't doing nothin'!" Ennis raised his voice, trying to shake off the pictures in his head, which were now running in and out like a flood. "Don't you see it, Jack! You see how they beat that man. Don't ya fucking understand that two guys can't live together? No way!"

"I didn't ask you to live with me in an open field, for God's sake!" Jack stood up too. "And it's not like we'll be living together tomorrow! All I wanna know is you got a heart to start it?"

"Jack, stop it." Ennis walked away from him. "Nothin' is gonna happen."

"Ya telling me now that we have ta meet on fishing trips for the rest of our lives?"

"I told you we gotta stand it!"

"What if I can't?" Jack put his hands on his hips. "What if I wanna move on? I can't do this alone, Ennis."

Ennis shook his head and walked away. Jack followed Ennis and could finally trap him at one corner in the small kitchen. He pushed Ennis back against the wall and stepped close, their toes almost touched. He then pointed his index finger at Ennis.

"Tell me somethin', Ennis." Jack's voice was quivering. He sounded angry already. "Why ya bother sending me a postcard sayin' you'd gotten divorced? Why the fuck ya have ta give me hope and then destroy it?"

Ennis was speechless. Jack was standing too close, blue eyes shining with emotions. He wanted to say something but the words seemed to clog in his throat. _I can't do this, Jack. I can't risk losing you._ Ennis's body tensed as he looked into Jack's eyes and saw the man with the blur face lying in the irrigation ditch. His face was getting clearer and clearer and Jesus.

Ennis shut his eyes. He shoved Jack off and went into the bathroom. Jack followed, his body was now shaking with anger.

"You can't do this to me, Ennis Del Mar. I'm not driving 14 fucking hours for this!"

"I'm not asking for that!"

As soon as Ennis shouted, he wanted to take it back. Jack was looking at him with his mouth slightly open in disbelief, his face turned pale with shock, but that expression was replaced almost instantly with red angst. Ennis shoved past Jack out of the bathroom to his bed.

"You're too much for me," Jack didn't follow him this time. He stood at the foot of the bed, hands on his hips, eyes piecing into Ennis's back, voice cracking with emotions. Ennis could almost feel the heat from those blue flames burning through his back. "Ya know what? You act like this every fucking time we're about to go down the mountain. And I'm sick of it. Every damn time, you'd get all quiet and fussy when we're about to leave. You were awful nice to me yesterday. Hell, you even listened to my dream of having a ranch! What the fuck is wrong with you now? Goddamnit!"

Jack inhaled shakily, obviously trying to control his voice and emotion.

"Ya almost make me feel like ya don't want me ta leave, except ya ain't doin' nothin' ta stop me!"

Jack kicked his bag open and began to throw his belongings into the bag. Ennis heard the sound of clothes being crammed into the bag so he turned to look, just in time to see Jack snatch off Ennis's shirt and throw it across the room. Ennis's heart sunk to the floor with the shirt.

"Don't you get it!" Ennis said low, desperately wanting Jack to understand. "That guy was almost killed!"

"People die, Ennis!"

Jack raised his voice again and grabbed his jacket that was hanging on the nail just beside the bathroom door. He threw the jacket down into the bag and something bounced out of the pocket onto the floor.

The key.

Their eyes were now focused on the small key made from brass that was lying there in front of them. It seemed that key couldn't only free a lock on a door. Somehow, it could unlock something else, too. Ennis threw his body down on the bed and squeezed his nose bridge, sighing in a long, sorrowful breath before speaking in a very soft voice, almost like a whisper.

"You're not just some people, Jack. Why don't ya just fuckin' get that?"

There, he said it. That damn key.

The room went so quiet that Ennis felt like the world had stopped spinning. All kinds of thoughts were now flowing in his head. _I can't do this, Jack. Will you leave me now? Will you hate me?_ He started to feel his blood pounding on his brain when he heard the footsteps coming his way. And a second later, Jack Twist was on him.

Ennis was pushed over onto his back on the bed. Jack didn't look at him as his hands worked on Ennis's belt and jeans and eventually tackled all their clothes off without much difficulty.

"Jack?" Ennis tried to look Jack in the eyes. "What ya doing?"

"Sleepin'. I gotta leave here at four,"

Jack said then went down full body on top of Ennis, with his head lying on his chest. One of his hands rubbed Ennis's collarbone while the other just stayed on Ennis's forearm. Ennis looked down, hesitantly lifted one hand to stroke his head. When Jack didn't move away from his touch, he lifted his other hand to Jack's back, trailing up and down gently on the warm skin.

"How did ya feel calling me in Childress?" Jack asked, all of the sudden.

"What?"

"When you called me two days ago, how did that feel?"

Ennis tried to recall that feeling and he could only sum it up to one word.

"Weird."

"You think you can do that again?"

Ennis's heart started to pound faster. He wondered if Jack heard it. He sure did. His ear was now pressing on his chest, wasn't it?

"When ya know what ta do, can ya call me?"

Ennis swallowed. _Could he do that?_ Ennis felt Jack grip his forearm tighter, stopping him from slipping out words he didn't really mean to, giving him assurance as if he could read his mind. Then an image of a small white house on the green hill, that he saw yesterday night, was looming up in front of him again, an image as clear as the sky. He almost felt like he was watching a movie on the ceiling.

"Yeah…maybe."

Before he knew it, he answered softly and felt Jack's grip on his forearm again. He closed his eyes and buried his nose in Jack's hair. At least the tire iron was nowhere to be seen in the so-called movie he had just seen.

Both fell fast asleep not long after that. They had turned to face each other sometime in the night and Ennis woke up at three, with Jack's hand on his cock. Sleepy, though Ennis gasped and moved closer by instinct, his own hand went down to fist Jack's cock while his mouth was seeking for Jack's in the dark room. Their mouths met in long hungry kisses. Their legs tangled into a nest. Their lower bodies ground hard. Their fists increased the speed on their manhood, sending the sweet sensation up their brains. Moans of pleasure slipped from their mouths when they parted their lips for air. Ennis moved his other hand down to rub Jack's ass down to the crack, making Jack jerk violently and cry out Ennis's name, and he came. The sound Jack was making sent the vibration to Ennis's core, and with one bite from Jack on his neck, Ennis also came in Jack's hand.

Then they were back to sleep in each other's arms.

The drive in the next morning was like the other days. They didn't talk 'til Ennis parked his truck in front of the Sheriff's office. John was already there with his trailer loaded with Jack's damaged truck, looking ready to go. Jack got out of the passenger's side with his bag, and tipped his hat to the man. Ennis just watched from inside his dark truck. He didn't know John, used to see him, yeah. But they never talked. Jack and John were talking, nodding and the next thing he knew, John opened the door and got in. Jack stood there for a moment then turned to meet his eyes. The yellow light outside the Sheriff's office was not bright enough for him to see Jack's face that clear. But Ennis knew that look, even without lights. It was the look that Jack got whenever they had to leave from the mountain. The look that stabbed him in the heart every fucking time he saw it, making him bleed inside.

Ennis couldn't stand this. He started the engine and drove away.

----------

"Mind if I stop for a wink at home? Need ta bring ma boy with me,"

John asked, but he didn't wait for the answer. He stepped on the brake, got out of the truck and ran into his small shack at the side of the gravel road out of town. Jack didn't say anything. He leaned his head to the window, wondering why he ever set foot in Riverton. _For a couple of fucks?_ Ennis didn't have any plan for their future after the divorce. Well, he might have some plans, but obviously Jack Twist had no part in it. Fuck. Jack didn't understand himself sometimes. He coulda cornered Ennis and made himself clear, that he could not stand seeing Ennis two or three times a year on fishing trips. He missed him bad, it almost killed him. They had to do something. But Jack just couldn't hurt Ennis and hurting Ennis was like hurting himself at the end. Seeing Ennis struggling with his pain would kill him more. Jack closed his eyes. He was too tired to think of anything. He just wanted to sleep, but once he did, he knew he would dream of Ennis. And the dream would remind him that he had to go back to Childress empty handed, empty hearted.

It seemed, however, John didn't agree with his idea of sleeping neither. He brought 'his boy' which was a small dog with long, messy hair as black as the night sky.

"This, here is Black Knight," John put the little hairy creature on the seat between them. "Ya ok with dogs? He keeps me sane on the road."

"Yeah," Jack smiled and scratched Black Knight's head. "I like dogs."

John then drove off and turned left at the next corner, heading south to Cheyenne. Jack played with the dog for a moment and looked up at the road as he felt the truck was slowing down.

"Is that yer friend? The truck that sent ya off this mornin'?"

John said and pointed to the familiar truck that was parked in front of a lone barn by the roadside. From the headlights of both trucks, Jack saw that Ennis's truck was there, and Ennis himself was leaning at the front of the truck, ankles crossed, and he was smoking. John didn't stop the truck, just slowed it down enough for Jack to meet Ennis's eyes. Browns on blues, _you take care. I will, you do that, too_. Blues on browns, _next month? You bet._

It was fifteen past five and Jack saw the orange and pink ray of light beginning to gleam through the opening sky at the horizon line. He leaned his head to the window, sighing. This was the first time that Ennis was looking at him straight as they parted. Ennis didn't turn his back on him like he did each fishing trip. They even looked at each other deep into the eyes. Jack didn't know what he was feeling now. He wasn't that mad at Ennis like he was last night. But he was still far from happy. Though he felt his heart was filled in one way with hope, not full, but it was there. The hope was enough for him to go on with the fishing trips deal. Jack didn't know for how long he could do this. He just knew Ennis wasn't ready yet and Jack had to give him time to think through stuff and made up his mind, the hope in his heart told him that.

He realized somehow, that he wasn't going back to Childress really empty hearted after all.

Jack then tucked his hands in his pockets as the cool wind blew in the window, making him shiver with cold. He paused as the tip of his fingers touched something colder, like steel, in his pocket. After fondling with it for a while, Jack clutched it tight into his palm. From the shape of it, he knew what it was. _What the hell do I do with this in Childress, dumbass?_ He looked down at his palm, which was now lying open on his lap, couldn't help smiling at it like a fool. It seemed he wasn't going back empty handed, either.

He had the key.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6 :Follow the Signs:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 6 **"Follow the Signs"**

"_Ennis?" A pause. "Ennis, are you in here, honey?"_

Ennis held his breath, hands on his mouth trying hard to stop sobbing as he listened carefully to the soft voice which he realized later was his mommy's.

"Honey, it's late. Let's go to bed."

Yes, it's his mommy. He heard her slow down her steps when she reached the back of the barn, where hay was piling up the wall. The tears that had stopped from the boy's face were now threatening to break down the dam again. Ennis still didn't move, he sneaked a look through his watery eyes from behind the hay to his mommy. She stood in the middle of the barn, one hand holding the lamp that was the only light in the dark barn at eleven, her other hand wiping her cheek. She had red eyes. Was she crying?

"Ennis, please, honey..."

Her voice was shivering. Ennis bit his lip, wiped off his own tears but couldn't stop sobbing still.

"But...daddy..." he stuttered out, though still hiding behind the hay. He heard his mom step closer, speak tenderly, he could even feel her soft hands caressing his face just from her talking.

"Ennis. It's not your fault that you spilled the feed. You're only ten, you're not as big as K.E."

"But daddy was mad at me."

"No, he is not. He asked me to go find you, honey. Your daddy loves you."

Ennis put his head in between his knees, weighing his mommy's words against his own desires. He wanted to go home and sleep on the soft bed. Here mosquitoes were now swarming around him with this very annoying 'wee wee' sound. But...

"But daddy hates it when I cry..."

"Oh, Ennis," he heard his mommy say and knew she was smiling. "Well, then I'll go first and you stop crying, honey. Then you follow me out in two minutes. It's dark so your daddy won't see you either if he is watching from the house. I will walk very slowly. Just follow the light of the lamp. It's our secret sign, honey. Just follow the sign home, ok?"

Ennis sneaked a look at his mommy again. She hesitated for a second, then turned her back. The darkness was creeping in as she walked out the door. Slowly, Ennis stepped out, eyes focusing on the 'secret sign' - -the little spot of pale yellow light that was shining and swaying above the ground. He couldn't see anything else. Even the sky was dark, without lights from the moon and stars. Wiping off his tears for the last time, he followed his mommy, and the sign home.  
  
----------

"This is the last one," Don said as he handed Ennis a big brown bag which he then tossed to the back of Don's truck, piling it up on top of his own bag and several boxes. Don and Maggie hadn't seen their son for a long time, ever since he got married and moved around the mid-west for the last four years. During that time, they communicated by letters and the last letter Joel had sent to his parents was last Christmas, telling them their first child was expected this fall. Maggie, who wouldn't go with them this time, had packed lots of food and some clothes she had knitted for Joel and his wife, along with some stuffed dolls she had made for her, well, her future grandchild whom she wished to be a girl. That was why they had so many boxes in the back of the truck. But apart from the due date of their child, Joel didn't say much about his current life in Colorado. Mostly he filled his letters with talk about the fruit farm in Denver and the loan he wished his father would guarantee for him.

"You wait up here a minute. I'm gonna get us some food."

Ennis just nodded and leaned on the side of the truck, watching Don disappear into the back door. Then he shifted his eyes to the stable where Black Shadows was out strolling. Somehow, Ennis had one more thing to remind himself of Jack. Before this, if he was in his shack, only postcards in the box in his wardrobe made him think of Jack. But now he also had those damn stars on the ceiling. God knew why he didn't think of Junior, since she was the one who stuck them up in the first place. And every time he went to town and saw one of those harmonicas in the shop, or saw men in blue-denim shirts or black hats, he thought of Jack. The ranch was supposed to be his only life saver, where he could just concentrate on work and free his mind from Jack. Now he was seeing Jack in Black Shadows here in the ranch, too. That meant he was officially helpless.

Ennis rubbed his face and squeezed his nose bridge. _Shit, I shoulda drunk the damn whiskey and drunk myself to sleep last night._ It was a stupid idea to count the stars on the ceiling. He counted them, loudly, concentrating hard, then he thought back to Jack. Ennis closed his eyes and started counting again from one 'cause he couldn't remember where he had left off. He figured he'd rather count sheep if he really wanted to get some sleep. But who could go back to counting sheep when the stars were all he could see in his dark room?

Ennis sighed and looked up at Don, who was walking up to him with a big paper bag.

"Maggie made sandwiches for ya, too, son. Ya were late this mornin' so reckon ya haven't eaten anythin' yet. Where ya been anyway?"

Ennis scratched his ear and avoided eye contact with his boss.

"I...ah...lost my key. Have ta see my landlord and get the spare key from him."

This was so embarrassing. Although he knew Don wouldn't figure it was a lie, still Ennis couldn't help but feel so stupid. He didn't know why he had tucked the key to his house into Jack's jacket pocket that morning, when Jack was in the bathroom. He just thought he should give Jack something, giving him a sign that he wasn't refusing Jack. That Jack's trip to see him after the divorce meant something to him. That he might think about his future. Ennis didn't dare call it 'their' future though. It was too soon and he wasn't ready. Didn't know if Jack would understand but that was the only thing he could give Jack for now.

A key to his house.

_God...you're such a baby girl.  
_  
Ennis kicked the gravel on the ground and swallowed down his embarrassment when Don tossed the key of the truck to him.

It was five in the morning on Saturday and, like he had expected, Ennis had to be the one who went to Denver with Don instead of Tim. At first Ennis had declined, saying it was a bad idea. He had never been outside Wyoming in his life so he couldn't be very much help. Besides, he was boring company, who hardly ever talked or told jokes.

"I don't need no jokes from ya. Just drive. Can ya drive?"

And Ennis knew that was Don's final order.

It took about seven hours from Riverton to Denver, so they would take turns driving; Ennis would drive first 'til they entered the State of Colorado and then Don would replace him 'til they reach Joel's ranch. Luke would leave Riverton later this morning and would meet with them at the ranch today.

The weather was fine and Ennis was glad that Don was keeping his mouth busy with his breakfast 'cause Ennis loved to drive in silence. After just a short period of time, Don finished his food and turned to Ennis.

"Where's yer camping gear?"

Ennis sighed, "Didn't bring it."

Don just laughed, "Luke is one fucking stubborn mule, isn't he? That's what he is, but he is a good man, works hard. He deserves a vacation. And you do too, Ennis."

Ennis grunted and Don thought that was a sign for him to go on talking.

"Ya know he lives with his little sister? She used ta be married and lived in New Mexico. But her husband died several years back, so she is now living with him."

"What happened?"

"I don't know much, heard it was an accident. Ya know Luke never married, right?"

"Yeah," Ennis nodded. "He told me. Used ta be engaged to this pretty girl from San Tafe something but she died before they ever married."

"You mean Santa Fe?, whatever, that's why people say there's a curse in the family."

"What?"

Don shrugged and shook his head at the same time. Ennis turned to look at him in disbelief and turned back to the road.

"Ya know how evil-minded people in a small town can be toward an outsider."

From their drinking and talking together, Ennis knew Luke wasn't originally from Riverton. He came from a small town outside of Roswell, New Mexico. His grandparents moved to Riverton in the 30s and had been developing the largest beef operation in Riverton for the last 30 years. But Luke's father moved back to New Mexico and Luke had been raised by his grandparents in Riverton. One day, there was a big fire on the Martins' property in Riverton and both of Luke's grandparents were found dead inside their house. Apparently, Luke was the closest relative the lawyer could find despite efforts to track down the relatives in New Mexico. So he inherited his grandparents' property and money but he wasn't interested in farming, so he used the money he inherited to start his loan business. It'd been 10 years now. Ennis wondered when people would stop seeing him as an outsider. Maybe Luke had to live in Riverton for 30 years, like his folks, before he officially fit in.

"Luke is a loner," Don continued. "Like you, Ennis. And he's pretty persistent. I'm sure he can find a way to drag you up to camp, with or without the camping gear."

Both of them exchanged wary looks 'cause both knew very well the 'persistent degree' of Luke Martin. Last March, Luke wanted to borrow Don's cabin up the mountain but Don refused, saying it was snowing heavily. The trail was all covered in thick snow and there was no way he could find the cabin in the midst of the white mountain. Luke, however, insisted on going, showing Don the compass. Don didn't want him to go so he asked Ennis to talk the guy out of it. Ennis had tried once, but didn't succeed. Don couldn't stop the grown-up man. So he finally gave him the map, which was roughly written by hand, and the key to the cabin. By some miracle, Luke was able to find the cabin and stay there safe and sound for three days anyway.

Don then changed the subject to talk about his son, saying how excited he was to see Joel's fruit farm. Finally he slept 'til they paused for lunch at the rest stop about ten minutes after crossing the Colorado state border. From here, Don would drive the rest of the way to Denver.

This was the first time Ennis had been to Colorado. Hell, it actually was the first time he had been anywhere outside of Wyoming. He felt weird, remembered what Jack used to say during one of their fishing trips two or three years ago.

_"Have ya thought about meeting somewhere in Colorado? The drive would be shorter. I'll drive 7-8 hours, ya drive 6-7 hours. We wouldn't feel so exhausted and we could meet more often."_

Ennis remembered very well the hopeful look in Jack's eyes, the look of someone who was ready to shout with joy or jump with excitement after hearing him say something like 'you bet'. But he didn't. He closed his eyes at the thought, wanted to forget the look on Jack's face afterward. His dancing blue eyes turned dry and blank with no emotions. That hurt.

Now Ennis felt something. Was it guilty? Yeah, he felt guilty to be here. But it was a part of his job, he consoled himself.

Ennis looked outside the truck window but there was nothing catching his eyes. Prairies all looked the same everywhere. What stirred his intention were, however, all those city signs along the road.

_Wellington_, Ennis looked at the white letters on the green sign and wondered what Jack was thinking when he was driving. Did he listen to the radio? Hum? Eat somethin'?

_Fort Collins_, how fast did Jack drive? 60 miles per hour? 70? Yeah, Jack loved speed.

_Loveland_, how often did he stop for gas then? He had to stop for gas, right? Considering 14 hours of driving, he musta stopped at several gas stations. One in Childress, next in Denver maybe?

_Lafayette_, did he ever fall asleep while driving? Jesus Christ, 14 hours is a fucking long drive and most of the time he didn't stop for the night, just drove straight through.

_Thornton_, how many damn times had Jack traveled this road to see him though? They had approximately three fishing trips each year, sometimes four. And it had been eight years so...Fuck, 48 times?

_Denver_, out of those 48 times, had he ever got flat tires somewhere on the deserted road?

_My God, Jack._ Ennis swallowed. I didn't know, I didn't...I didn't even care to think about all of this. Had he ever stopped to change a tire on the side of the road? Had he...

Don then stopped Ennis's train of thought by starting to talk again once they reached the main street of Denver. He told him the story about when he was 16, trying his luck with the circus traveling around Colorado. Joel's farm, however, was in a town called Aurora, a big town about 20 minutes drive south from Denver. Don never been there before.

Both of them studied the map while Don drove slowly up the hill.

"It should be 'round here," Ennis said, eyes sweeping from left to right. He could only find one torn-out farm house that was located inside the broken wooden fence on a drought ranch-look-alike.

_"The farm is big, and in operation. Joel has started to plant some already."  
_  
Ennis remembered Don used to say that but the farm they were seeing now was not even half of what Don described. And there were no more farms in the same area. Ennis turned to look at Don. His boss was staring ahead with wide eyes, jaw almost dropped on the steering wheel. He followed Don's gaze to two waist-high trees, planted near the farm house, looking like pears to him. The trees looked like they hadn't touched water for a couple of days and the leaves were covered with dust. The farm with two little dry pear trees couldn't, in a million years, be in operation.

"Damn liar!" Don cursed out between his gritting teeth, moving his focus to the sign made from wood, hanging on the fence which was sloping toward the ground. It said 'Joel Wroe Farm'.

"I'm gonna kill him!"

----------

"I miss somethin'?"

It was very difficult for Ennis to take his eyes off Don and Joel, father and son, who were shouting at each other in the kitchen, both with red faces, looking ready enough to squeeze each other's necks. But he managed to turn around and found Luke standing close behind him, without sunglasses, frowning at the sight. Ennis shrugged.

"Depends on yer expectation."

"Well, after seven hours straight of driving, I'd rather have a cold beer. Ya think I can sneak in there without interrupting them?"

Ennis chuckled and watched Luke walked quietly to the refrigerator near the door. Don saw him, but made no move. So Luke walked back to Ennis, with two bottles of beer, and jerked his head to the front door.

"Let's go outside. I wanna see 'round the ranch."

"Have ya done seen 'nough? Ya parked the truck outside the house?"

"Yeah."

"Then I think ya seen it all." Ennis picked up the beer from Luke and stepped outside to the little porch.

"I just saw a stable and a horse," Luke drank his beer. "Coupla pear trees, which are, well, dying."

Ennis nodded, couldn't help but smile at Luke's sarcasm. Luke, who was waiting for Ennis to say something, raised his eyebrow.

"That's it?"

"That's it." Ennis drank his beer, too.

"Christ!" Luke swore, "That's why they're killing each other back there?"

Without waiting for the answer from Ennis, Luke walked down the stairs and stood still in the middle of the drought land, glancing around the ranch and turned back to Ennis with a look of total shock. Ennis was about to follow him down when he heard the sound of the door slamming shut, before Joel rushed out the front door past him. He completely ignored both Ennis and Luke as he got in his truck, started the engine and drove off the ranch, sending the dust flying around the area, covering the house and pear trees in another layer of the dirty grey powder.

"Come back here, Joel, for God's sakel!" Don shouted and followed from the house, but he stopped where Ennis was standing, face red with anger, panting like he had just run a marathon.

"I need to get drunk," he said, tossing the key to his truck to Ennis and stomped his feet down to the truck. "And I can't fucking see him today, or I'll kill him with my bare hands. Gotta get outta here."

Ennis and Luke met each other's eyes and Luke was the first to act. He walked to Don, spreading out his arms.

"C'mon, Don. It might not be that bad. Yer son just needs to provide more explanation, that's all. We'll do that tomorrow. C'mon," Luke patted his back. "I've checked us into this motel 'bout five minutes drive from here. Let's go there, have a drink and talk."

Apart from being persistent, Luke was good in persuading. Ennis looked at Don and Luke talking and sighed. He was glad Luke was here. Ennis wasn't good with words and he sure didn't know what to say to Don in this kind of awkward situation. Just observing made him feel tired already. This was going to be one long damn weekend.

----------

As soon as Luke took them to motel La Quinta, the three of them went to their rooms. Ennis tossed his bag on the small single bed, pulled the white curtain to one side of the window and opened it. He leant on the rim of the window, lit his cigarette and inhaled the nicotine into his lungs. Brown eyes glanced through thick lashes up the branches of the tree just outside, squinting at the afternoon sun that was beaming down. It was a birch tree, the same tree planted just behind his shack in Wyoming.

_If it wasn't for that birch, I coulda gotten lost and wouldn't never a found ya._

Jack had said when he was trying on his shirt the other day, bitching about how his house was so difficult to find. He'd had to ask several people for the right directions. Ennis closed his eyes as the memory flew back to him. Even in Denver, he looked at things and thought about Jack fucking Twist. _You really is helpless, Del mar_. Despite the thought, he felt his lips curve up into a small smile.

Right, Ennis exhaled the smoke slowly, he was in Denver now.

Half way to Childress.

"Ennis!"

Shit. Ennis startled and dropped his cigarette on the floor. He picked it up and pinched out the glowing tip, shouting back to someone behind the closed door.

"Yeah!"

"C'mon out for a drink with me! My room is at the back and it's got damn nice view. We got to cheer up yer boss!"

That was Luke. He knocked on the door twice before walking out, didn't wait for the answer from Ennis.

"Alright..."

Murmuring, Ennis put the cigarette in his pocket, tossed his hat on the bed and followed Luke's footsteps to the back of the motel.

Luke was right. The view from this room was breathtaking. He was looking at the line of pine trees standing around a small lake miles away. The motel was on a hill overlooking endless prairies of yellow hay fields. The lake was on the far right side and it looked like a picnic site or a camping site, though he wasn't sure. Ennis stood there for a minute, drinking in the lovely view. Didn't know before there were beautiful campsites in Denver. Jack musta done some research before asking him that time. He then heard footsteps and turned back to find Luke and Don, each carrying a chair, walking down to where he was standing. Ennis took his chair from Luke, murmuring a thank you, and settled down beside him.

"Did ya bring camping gear?"

_There he goes._ Ennis stole a glance to Don who was chuckled softly and sending him an 'I-told-you' look. He shrugged.

"Nah, I kinda forgot. Was busy in the morning."

"Don told me ya went ta town this morning to get a key or somethin'?"

"Yep," Ennis picked up a bottle of beer from Luke. "I...ah...lost my key. Don't wanna leave the door unlocked when I'm away, not that there's anything precious in the damn house though."

"What happened?"

_I'm a fucking girl, giving it to someone living a thousand miles away, that's what happened._

"Well," Ennis shrugged again. "Don't know. It's just..gone."

"Can't believe ya lost somethin' yer using every day. Ya know what..." Luke was laughing and continued talking. Ennis suddenly felt uncomfortable talking about himself and the damn key. So he just kept quiet and drank his beer, feeling warmer from the liquid that burned down his throat. The best thing he could do was to pretend he was listening, exactly like what Don was doing now. He saw Don, one hand grabbing the beer bottle, looking out to the yellow field down the hill, being captured in his own thought. Ennis took another gulp and felt even warmer. He took off his jacket.

And that was when Luke trailed off. Ennis turned to look at him. Luke was now staring at his shirt, the plaid blue and white shirt, the one Jack had worn a few days ago. _What the hell?_

Luke finally looked up to find the bewildered look of Ennis. It seemed to him that Luke had a hard time taking his eyes of the shirt, especially on the collar where there was a little red star sewn under it. Alma stitched the same kind of star under the collar of all their clothes, especially his shirts, so they wouldn't be mixed up with someone else's clothes when she did the laundry. Once a neighbor took one of his white shirts by mistake, she brought it back the next day saying everyone would know whose shirt it was after the first time they saw the red star under the collar. It was like the Del Mar mark or something.

Why the hell did Luke act like he had seen it before? He must be just curious.

"Yer Jack's friend."

Ennis was speechless. These three words coming from Luke's mouth were strangely making him feel numb. It was not a question. It was a statement. _How the fuck does he know Jack? _Ennis opened his mouth to say something but closed it. He looked at Don who just shook his head. Apparently, Don didn't tell Luke about Jack's visit last week. How...

"And ya gave yer key to him..."

Luke said again, this time very softly, aimed it to be heard by Ennis, not Don, before turning back to sip his beer.

Ennis was breathing faster without a good reason. He stared hard at the side of Luke's face, feeling his hand that held the bottle trembling. _He knows._ The cold was creeping up from his toes to his head, making him freeze with fear. Luke was looking out to the yellow prairies, showing no expression. Don, however, was the one who shot the worried look in his way.

_Ya alright n' all?_ Ennis saw the question in his boss's grey eyes. He tried to swallow down his dry throat and grabbed the bottle with both his hands tighter, preventing himself from shaking. It was not possible. _He knows._ The cold bottle made him feel colder and shake harder. He dug his toes in the ground, forced himself to nod at Don. He hoped Don would believe that he was alright. He glanced back at Luke, casting his eyes from side to side, trying to find something to ward off his thoughts, like any signs that said Luke was just drunk. _That can't be._ Ennis pressed his trembling lips together, shaking his head, still wanted to deny what he thought was quite obvious. _He fucking knows._ The friendly guy who always enjoyed drinking had disappeared. Now Ennis just saw a stern-looking guy, almost a stranger. A stranger who seemed to know Jack, know him, and know_ them_.

----------

_Shit. I can't fucking sleep._ Ennis turned to the nightstand and grabbed his watch. Three a.m. He sighed and sat up on the bed, leaning on to the headboard and rubbing his weary eyes. He had tried to sleep for three hours now but it was a waste of time. He couldn't sleep a wink so why bother pretending anyway. He got up from the bed and went to the window, lit the half-smoked cigarette that he had saved from earlier that day, inhaling the smoke while looking out the window to the dark.

Not wanting to think back to Luke and what happened in the afternoon, he tried to concentrate on something else but it was too dark out there. The only thing he could see was the trail of street lights far away down the hill. Finally, he gave up and went to the bathroom, brushed his teeth and washed his face, changed and went out to the truck which was parked at the front of the motel. Don's truck was dirty and who the fuck would care if a man was going to wash the truck at three in the morning.

With that, Ennis pulled out the bucket from the back of the truck, went for the water from the back of the motel and came back up front. The orange light from the street outside the motel was enough for him to see more than the outline of the truck. But the light wasn't the problem. Even though there was no light, Ennis could clean the truck slowly like a blind man anyway. Why the fuck hurry? He had three more hours before the sun rises.

"What cha doin'?"

Ennis turned to look at the source of the voice. He could see only the outline of the man who was standing under one of the birch trees, just outside the door of the motel. Still, Ennis knew who it was. His heart started to thump.

"And what cha doin', Luke?"

He heard the sigh, then Luke walked toward him, arms crossing across his chest.

"I can't sleep. Looks like I'm not alone."

Luke glanced to Ennis.

"I'm cleaning the truck."

Ennis said, as if it would prove anything. Luke went silent. Ennis's heart was drumming faster. Once again, he was feeling like Luke Martin was a total stranger. Clearing his throat, Ennis bent to pick up the wet cloth and start to clean the truck from the front window.

"Ya know, I have a best friend who looks like ya, blond hair, brown eyes, but his hair is longer. Hell, he even sounds like ya. Doesn't talk, like he will spit gold if he talks or somethin'."

Ennis heard him sigh again. With shaking hands, Ennis bent down to wash the dirty cloth in the bucket of water. Luke walked up and stood behind him in one long stride.

"We need ta talk, Ennis," Luke said. Slowly, Ennis straightened up his back. He swallowed and turned back to look at Luke, eyes widening, one of his fists tightening of its own volition, as he saw an image of a tall cowboy, with a face resembling his own, standing behind Luke. The guy was looking at him with steel eyes. _Daddy._

"I know a guy like ya...I..."

"What do ya know, huh?!?" Ennis said between his gritted teeth, walking closer to Luke with shaking legs but he held up his fist up front, though shaking just the same. _What're ya going to do then, Daddy? Hit me?_ Ennis looked into his dad's brown eyes, challenging. He stepped back. Luke stepped back.

"I know yer..."

Ennis breathed harder as he clenched and unclenched his fist, stepping in and out, closer and away from Luke, from his dad.

_"Look at him, that's what happens to queers. Fucking 'member that."_

His daddy's voice was ringing in his ears, the image of Earl dying in the irrigation ditch reflecting in his brain.

_"Ya a smart kid, ya ma boy, don't fail me."_ His daddy looked down on him, squeezing his shoulder.

"Get away from me!"

Ennis lifted up his fist.

"What cha doing, Ennis?" Luke walked one step closer, opened his mouth as if to say something but Ennis's fist worked faster than his brain. He threw a punch at Luke. It hit him hard on his cheekbone and he was laid flat on the ground the next minute. Daddy was gone. Luke was looking up at him with wide eyes, one hand covered the bruise, panting. Ennis stared back, his body was shaking so bad he thought he couldn't stand anymore.

"Ennis! What the hell ya think ya doing!? Are you crazy?!?"

_He's going to tell Don,  
_  
"Ennis! Fuck you!!! Stop!"

_Don's going to tell Tim and Buck,_

"Ennis!! Come back!"

_And their friends,_

_Don will tell Maggie and Marybeth, too, of course.  
_  
"Ennis!!"

_And the whole town will know._

Are you gonna kill me now, Daddy?

It seemed Luke was up from the ground and following him, shouting something more but Ennis didn't hear any of it. His head was blank and the only sound he heard was his own ragged breath. Then the sound of the truck engine was roaring, fiercing up into the air.

Ennis's shaking feet were stepping on the gas pedal, pushing the truck to full speed, while his cold hands gripped tight on the steering wheel. He didn't know how long he'd been driving. He didn't know where he was heading to. He couldn't breathe, couldn't move. He stared hard ahead on the road, but it was pitch dark and he felt like a blind man, seeing nothing but a spot of white light at the end of the horizon line. _Where am I?_ Ennis asked himself, felt his body shaking more severely. It looked like a tunnel to him. _Why the fuck am I in a tunnel? I wanna get outta here! _Ennis sped up the truck, breath hissing as the spot of white light seemed to move away from him. He was scared, so fucking scared that he could never reach the light, could never find the exit out of this goddamn tunnel.

"Look at the road, you moron!!"

Someone was shouting. _Who the hell?_ Ennis blinked, hoping to find the exit out of the tunnel once he opened them eyes again. Fuck, he was still in the dark tunnel. But the white light was now getting closer, bigger and there were two of them lined up horizontally, shining bright into his eyes, blurring his vision.

"You wanna die, fucker?!"

Ennis's body jolted from the sound of the honk stabbing fiercely into his ears, pulling some sense back into his brain. The 18-wheeler truck suddenly emerged from the curve of the road crossing in front of his truck. Ennis jerked the truck off to the side, heard the rough voice of a man cursing in the air, felt his heart drumming fast and loud as he stepped on the brake. The sound of tires vibrating on the road woke him up from his numbness, pulling him out of the dark tunnel, only to find himself really stuck in the middle of the darkness of nowhere.

"Fuck!!"

Grinding his teeth, Ennis panted and banged the steering wheel with his fists 'til his hands were sore. Still, the banging went on and on and then, after some time, the strength and the speed lessened. Finally, Ennis found himself just rubbing the steering wheel in a circle, feeling like crying from too many emotions that were hitting him like waves, curling him up and swallowing him deep down into the dark abyss of sorrow. He remembered how his daddy always looked at him when he failed to do something, like when he couldn't get onto school's baseball team in 7th grade, or when he fell off the mare once when he was around eleven. Daddy's brown eyes narrowed, his nose flared, his mouth twisted and the vein in his neck swelled up and beat so hard that it looked as if it could explode. Every time, Ennis would run off to hide in the barn 'til dark, crying until he had no tears left or 'til his mother came to him. He hated the dark barn, always hated it, even now. Ennis closed his eyes, trying hard to erase the memory. Once his daddy disappeared, the image of Luke Martin, Don, Maggie, everyone in town looking at him with disgust, old Earl dying in his blood, Junior and Jenny. _Oh my God, Junior and Jenny._ He would lose them. _They will hate me._

Ennis started to shake again as he forced himself to drag his eyes open, trying to control his breath. He was in the middle of vast prairies and trucks were driving by, leaving his truck shaking in their wake. It was still dark. _Go back, ya took Don's truck, it's not right,_ the voice in his head was saying to him. But Ennis knew he couldn't do that. _I can't go back. What do I do now? Where will I go?  
_  
Ennis glanced to the left and, from the headlight of the truck, he saw the road sign, Amarillo ; 495 miles.

_Jack.  
_  
Without thinking more, or considering other options, Ennis put the truck in gear and followed the sign.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7 :How to Deal

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 7 **"How to Deal"**

Jack woke up to the sound of a lawn mower operating next door, where Mr. Phipps, his neighbor who loved outdoor activities, was now doing his routine Sunday morning chore of mowing his backyard. He turned and covered his face and ears with the pillow but it was still impossible to block out the noises, especially while he was in the guest room at the back of the house. Why was he in the guest room again? Jack pulled the pillow off his face, blinking at the white ceiling. _No stars._

Jack sighed and turned his head to the wall, winced at the photograph of L.D. Newsome and his wife. There were more paintings and pictures of L.D. around the house, more in the dealership. It was like the damn bastard was looking at him everywhere he went. Shit. Jack scanned the room again, white wall, a big bed and a nightstand with the same design, a two-door wardrobe and a delicate lamp made from cloth. _Why was he in here anyway?_

He felt like a black dot in this beautiful white room, in this house even, totally out of place, _unwanted._

Jack made a low sound in his throat, thinking back to yesterday when he went to the Ford dealership and came back late. Bobby'd already gone to sleep. Lureen occupied more than half of their bed so he figured he'd better let her sleep comfortably. She looked uncomfortable enough, just having that gross green mask on her face. But Jack couldn't deny that he'd rather sleep somewhere else. He felt guilty sharing the bed with her when he knew in his heart she would never be the one he wanted to sleep or wake up with every day. The feeling was stronger after coming back from Riverton three days ago with this key.

Jack looked at the key on the nightstand, wondering for a lingering moment what the owner of the key was doing now. It was Sunday, so Ennis might sleep longer than usual. Then would he go to town to do laundry and some shopping? Time did fly. Last Sunday he went to see Ennis and so many things happened. Jack could replay every scene in his head so vividly that it almost felt like it had happened yesterday.

Jack smiled and felt his eyelids getting heavy. He was about to drift off to sleep again but Mr. Phipps woke him up rudely, this time with the sound of a hammer banging.

Ok, Jack sighed, he gave up.

Jack dragged his feet to the kitchen and took a bowl out of the cupboard. After finding a box of cereal, obviously Bobby's, he turned to the refrigerator, aiming for a bottle of milk. There, he found a memo, a full sheet of paper which was too big for a note that was composed of only one sentence, stuck by the magnet on the refrigerator door. It was from Lureen.

"Out to the McMurtrys 'til around noon." Jack read it and lifted his head up as he heard footsteps down the stairs. A minute later, Bobby was at the kitchen door, wearing a baseball uniform and holding his sport bag that was bigger than his body.

"Morning, big boy." Jack grinned.

"Daddy, you see my bat?"

"Sofa." Bobby rushed out and Jack shouted toward his back, "You want a ride?"

"Mark's daddy will get us to school faster."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You can't blame me forever after that."

He heard Bobby giggle. Then there was the honk of a horn at the front door.

"Bye, Daddy," Bobby shouted and ran off.

"Have fun!"

Sitting down on the chair, Jack poured the milk in the bowl of cereal. After several months, Bobby still teased him about Jack taking him to the baseball game late one morning. Jack had just come back from one of the fishing trips with Ennis and he woke up late. As if that was not enough, he couldn't find his truck key. He remembered tossing it out somewhere before he crawling onto the sofa to sleep. The two of them almost overturned the earth searching for it. After 20 minutes, Bobby found it under the morning paper on the table, obviously the last place Jack thought it would be. They then left in a hurry. Despite driving at full speed, Bobby still missed the first game and didn't talk to him for three days. But a nine-year-old boy couldn't be that mad for too long. Jack took him out for an ice cream later that week and father and son soon reunited. Still, Bobby reminded him about that once in a while.

Jack ate cereal and winced. The milk tasted sour. He grabbed the milk bottle and looked at the expiration date. April something. Great. He'd just swallowed spoiled milk. Jack drank water, lots and lots of water, and threw the contents of the bowl down the garbage disposal. He was about to look through the refrigerator again to see if there was more rotten food in there, when the phone in the living room rang.

Jack looked at the clock on the wall, nine a.m. He picked up the phone.

"Hello?" There was silence for a few seconds so he tried again. "Hello? Anyone there?"

"Jack?"

Jack gasped. He knew whom he was talking to, even though it was the first time that person had called. Of course, he should know. He'd longed for this voice for eight years now, that soft and deep voice which always made him thrill to the bone even when he just said nothing but his name. But, for the love of God, the truth _was_ Jack thought he was thrilled 'cause he said nothing_ but_ his name.

"Ennis?" he breathed.

"Jack, I..." Ennis trailed off. Jack's smile faded. Ennis's voice broke and he didn't finish the sentence. Every time Ennis told him bad news, he couldn't finish the sentence.

_Something's wrong_.

"I...Jack, he knows...He fucking knows about us."

_Something's totally wrong._ Jack's heart skipped a beat. _Who knows about us?_

"Where are ya, Ennis? What happened?" Jack's voice cracked, as he started to see images in his head but he couldn't focus on them properly. Images were running through his head from different directions, layer after layer of them came crushing in his brain; tire iron, red blood, Ennis, people running, dirty ditch, Ennis, red blood again, brown boots, Ennis.

"Where are ya?" Jack forced himself to ask the same question again. He needed to know where Ennis was. "Tell me what happened? Who knows 'bout us? Wait, are you safe? Just where the fuck are you, Ennis?"

"Ford dealership," Ennis said.

"Wha…? There ain't no Ford dealership in Riverton. Don't fuck with me."

"I ain't in Riverton." Ennis paused and Jack heard his breathing, a little faster than usual. "I'm in Childress."

Jack opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't find any words to say. Ennis was here, in Childress.

_Thumb!  
_  
_Holyshit_, Jack startled as he heard the noise of a hammer banging from his neighbor's yard again. Ennis heard that, too.

"Bad time? I shouldn't..."

"No, no, no, no," Jack involuntarily said. "I'll come get ya. Stay there."

"But..."

"No but. Just, please, Ennis, stay right there. Give me ten minutes."

Jack put down the phone on the cradle and ran back to the guest room. _Oh my God, Ennis is here._ He grabbed his watch and hat, stopped to look at himself in the mirror. _Fuck, I look like shit._ Putting on his watch and hat, Jack rushed to the bathroom, splashed water on his face and ran out. _Obviously someone found out about them and you still have a heart to clean up?_ Jack wiped the water off with his wrinkled shirt, creating a big wet spot on it. _Great._ He ran up the stairs, swung open the wardrobe door and snatched an indigo blue shirt out, changed into it and went down the stairs at the same time. _Ennis is here._ Jack shut the back door, wanted so bad to take Bobby's bicycle but he still had some sense left, so instead he took the short cut to the main street through the back yard. It would take about five minutes to reach the Ford dealership from here if he ran.

Jack never thought he could run so fast in his life, the truth was, he hadn't run like this for a long time. It almost felt like his legs had forgotten how to do it. The last time must have been when he played baseball in high school, yet, now he was running so fast he could barely breathe. Jack rushed through the small baseball field to the main street, stopped for air at the drugstore on the corner before turning left to the dealership a block away.

There was a truck parked in front of the dealership, which was closed on Sunday. He hadn't seen this truck before, a new blue Ford which didn't belong to Ennis, definitely. Jack frowned and slowed his pace while casting his eyes 'round the area. He smiled when he saw Ennis leaning against the back of the bench, just behind the truck. His head hung down, his thumbs in his jeans pocket, his legs crossed at the ankle, looking mighty fine right there under the morning rays of the sun beaming through branches of the birch tree. Birch tree? Damn, never noticed there's a birch tree 'round here before.

_You must be crazy, Twist_, Jack shook his head. The second you talked with Ennis on the phone, you saw blood and tire irons in your head, worried shitless about him. But now as soon as you see him, the world seems to be rosy, you even took time to look at the damn birch tree. Someone knowing about them was one fucking serious matter. Yes, but Jack couldn't care less about tire irons, as long as Ennis was with him, as long as he could kiss those lips, hold that warm body and connect their hearts and souls 'til they become one. Jack would risk anything for that.

It seemed Ennis realized he was being watched. The blond-haired man looked up, steel eyes at first. But his eyes softened when he saw Jack. Their eyes locked as Jack walked slowly to Ennis, panting a little, worn out from running all the way from his house. They were facing each other, so close now and Ennis opened his mouth to say something, Jack shook his head, stopping him.

"Come with me," Jack whispered. "No one's home. Please, Ennis. Ya have ta tell me what happened."

With that, Ennis handed the key to Jack. Jack saw his hands were shaking a little. _What happened? Whose truck is this?_ Jack wanted know but he restrained his curiosity and drove the truck to his house.

----------

As soon as Jack led Ennis in the back door, he kicked the door shut and seized Ennis in his arms. Ennis's arms went limp at first, as he nuzzled just his head in the hollow of Jack's neck. With both arms around Ennis's shoulders, Jack hugged him tighter, turning his head to kiss his ear and whispered, "Ennis."

Ennis closed his eyes, arms creeping up on Jack's torso and hugged him just as tight around his waist. He sighed, a long sigh, letting loose and weightlessly melting into Jack's embrace. Jack kissed his ear again, then moved down to kiss his neck, keeping his lips there long enough to make Ennis shiver.

"What happened?" Jack asked and felt Ennis's body tense up the minute those words slipped out of his mouth. Then Ennis pushed himself off Jack, liquid brown eyes reflecting hurt and fear. Jack's heart leaped. Ennis looked beat. His short curly hair was messy, his face pale, his mouth dry and he had dark circles around his eyes, too. It was like he had been driving all night, which, in this situation, was more than possible.

"Did you sleep? Ya drive all night?"

"I...I didn't know what ta do. The next thing I knew I was driving to Texas, and I..." Ennis shook his head. "He knows 'bout us, Jack. He knows you, too. He knows and he will..."

"Shhhh," Jack cradled his face with both hands, stepped in closer and looked deep into Ennis's hollow eyes which were looking in every direction but at him. "Easy, cowboy. Ya with me now. C'mon, look at me." Jack pressed his hands slightly against Ennis's face for a second, then moved his fingers behind his ears, caressing, then putting their foreheads together.

Ennis closed his eyes and moved his hands up and held Jack's wrists, breathing in and out slowly trying hard to control himself.

"He fucking knows, Jack. Luke Martin. He knows 'bout the key, too."

"Luke?" Jack frowned. "The man with the sunglasses? But he don't seem ta…"

Ennis nodded. "Ya know him, huh?"

"Yeah, he helped me out a lot when I was in Riverton. But," Jack shook his head. "It can't be. How can he know 'bout...us? I never told him 'bout you."

"How the fuck do I know?" Ennis pushed himself away from Jack again and started to pace. "He saw my shirt that you wore the other day and fucking went nuts."

"That can't be, friends share shirts..." Jack trailed off, shit, but friends wouldn't sniff friends' shirts, he figured. Shit, shit, shit, shit. Jack rubbed his hands on his face. Ennis was looking at him, all confused. Before they could talk more, the phone rang.

Jack looked up through his spreading fingers. "And I fucking gave him my phone number."

"What?!?"

Jack walked past Ennis to the phone in the living room, with Ennis close behind. He picked up the phone at its second ring.

"Jack, is Ennis there?"

There was no typical 'hello' or 'hi' from the caller, but Jack knew who it was. He didn't answer right away but glanced up at Ennis who was standing close to him, his shoulders tensing, jaw clenching. From the look of his face, Jack knew Ennis knew, too, who was calling.

"He'd better be there. I fucking told Don ya got in some accident and was admitted to the hospital. That made sense why he had ta drive the boss's truck off at three in the morning like a fucking madman."

Jack was still quiet. He heard Luke breathe hard as he paused, must be to compose himself. Ennis started to chew his nail, eyes still focused on Jack.

"Look," Luke sighed. "He needs to talk to Don. Get his shit together and make himself clear ta his boss if he still wants ta keep his job. Is he there?"

"Can I talk to Don?" It was the first time Jack had spoken, and he felt his voice rise a bit higher. He saw Ennis's eyes widen at his words.

"No, yer supposed ta be in the hospital."

"Oh," Jack sat on the sofa, combing his hair with his fingers. He thought back to Luke Martin, wanting so bad to believe what he saw in the man. Luke, with his wide smile and carefree self, had volunteered to help Jack every way he could. There was no way that kinda guy could be so threatening, even to the goddamned queers.

And what Luke had just said to him sure meant something. He might know about them but he also was covering up for Ennis. Still, Jack couldn't be so certain, he was going to test the water and try to measure the damage that'd been done.

Jack opened his mouth to speak but stopped as Ennis stepped closer.

"What cha doing?"

Jack looked into Ennis's eyes, showing uncertainly and fear, then managed to say on the phone, "Luke, about Ennis and I, we..."

"Now that's something else," Luke cut him off. "Something _Ennis and I_ will have ta deal with later. You tell him to call Don as soon as he fucking gets some sense back in his fucked-up brain. He knows the number."

With that Luke hung up, a regular hang-up, he thought, not a slam-the-phone-down hang-up. Jack sat there, listening to the sound of the dial tone for quite some time before putting the phone back on the cradle.

"Are ya crazy?"

"Ennis, Ennis, listen to me." Jack got up and caught Ennis's forearm before he could walk away, bringing him closer. "I know it sounds stupid, but I don't think Luke will..."

"Can ya just stop thinking everything is gonna be alright for a minute and open yer eyes to see what really happened?"

Jack's body stiffened and his grip on Ennis's arm went tighter.

"And what about you? Can ya stop thinking everything will be like them pictures you got in yer head? I know ya, Ennis, once you set yer mind on somethin', ya won't let it go." Jack stepped closer, their chest almost bumped and Ennis still looked at him with wide eyes. "Luke is covering up for ya."

There was silence. Ennis gazed hard into Jack's blue eyes, trying to find some hidden message even when he knew he couldn't. Jack's eyes always told nothing but the truth. Blue eyes would be sparkling if he was happy, wet and gloomy if he felt down, dancing with emotions if he was uncertain, strong and piercing if he was determined, like they were now.

"He told Don you rushed out to see me 'causa some accident. He said ya have ta call Don if ya still want the job."

Ennis still didn't move, shell-shocked from what he'd heard. Jack sighed and loosened his grip, rubbing up and down gently to relieve the sting on Ennis's forearm. Ennis seemed to relax a little from his touch.

"You drove all night, didn't ya?" Jack whispered. "C'mon, ya have ta sleep. Don can wait, I think."

Ennis shook his head, murmuring through his tight lips. "Can't."

"Try, at least." Then Jack, without difficulty, took Ennis into the guest room, sat him down.

"C'mon. I know just the way to make you feel like sleeping."

Ennis glanced at Jack, who was now smirking. He sighed.

"You just have ta see things this way, don't ya? Like everything is fucking rosy."

"Not really," Jack smiled his slow smile, one hand rubbing Ennis's back in circle. "Everything is fucking rosy only when I'm with you."

Ennis groaned and kicked off his boots. Jack chuckled as he kicked off his own boots and climbed up on the bed and laid beside Ennis, propping himself up on his elbow and looked down at him, his smile faded.

"I'm glad you come ta me, Ennis."

Ennis just looked at him. Jack leant in for a kiss but Ennis held up his hand and stopped him.

"I locked the door," Jack breathed, eyes on nothing but Ennis's lips. "And I think you came ta me 'cause ya need me. Right?"

Ennis's tight body loosened up more and he allowed Jack to lean in closer.

"What ya need me for? I'm here. Tell me."

Ennis felt Jack's warm breath on his face, his mouth only an inch away. Jack glanced up to meet Ennis's eyes for a second then closed his eyes, long eyelashes flicking like a butterfly's wing, lips touching softly with Ennis's, who arched up halfway for a kiss, a gentle closed-mouth kiss telling how both of them were feeling better than words could do. Ennis was laid flat on the bed now and Jack was on him, kissing still. His hands were roaming through Ennis's hair. So soft, God, it almost felt like silk. Ennis's hands held loosely around Jack's middle, fingers that were trailing on his shirt went lower to find the warm and smooth skin under the cloth. _I need you, Jack. I'm scared, hold me._ Shifting to his side, Ennis tightened his arms around Jack and buried his face in Jack's chest. Jack held him, one hand pressed his head tighter, buried it deeper into his chest even though that seemed not possible. _Stay with me, I hate being alone in the dark._ Ennis grabbed a handful of Jack's shirt and squeezed as he thought of last night. Then he felt Jack press kisses on his head. He kissed then whispered something, and he kissed again and again. Ennis couldn't catch what Jack was saying most of the time. But he thought he heard Jack say,

"I ain't going nowhere, Ennis."

With one long lingering kiss on his temple, Ennis, still feeling scared and confused, couldn't stand the exhaustion and the tension that ate him up inside, finally fell into a dreamless sleep.

----------

Ennis woke up again at two p.m, couldn't help but wonder if he had slept longer than he had expected. He glanced to his side, Jack was still sleeping peacefully breathing with his slightly open mouth. Ennis turned on his stomach, held his hand to rest flat on the side of Jack's neck. He closed his eyes feeling strangely calmer as he felt the pulse on Jack's neck beat steadily under his palm.

_"Luke is covering up for ya."_ Ennis recalled what Jack had said. _"He told Don you rushed off to see me 'causa some accident. He said ya have to call Don if ya still want the job."  
_  
Jesus Christ, what had he done? Ennis remembered seeing his daddy there, looking at him with disgust, then the next thing he knew, he hit Luke. The man didn't even raise his hand toward him. _What an asshole you are?_ He felt like shit, couldn't tell the difference between what was in his mind, and what was really happening, exactly like Jack said.

_"Once you set yer mind on somethin', ya won't let it go."_

Ennis groaned and sat up. He couldn't be so sure about Luke, now that he knew about them. But there was nothing he could do. He would figure it out later. Now, when he could still tell the difference between right and wrong, he had to call Don.

Ennis swung his feet off the bed and onto the floor, lifted his bare feet up a little as he looked down on the cream carpet. He put his feet down finally, feeling the soft texture of the carpet tickling his feet. Then he looked around the guest room for the first time. The walls were white and there was a photograph of someone in the frame hanging on the wall between the door and the wardrobe. There were a man and a woman, in their 50s maybe, dressed in fancy clothes, smiling for the camera. He moved his eyes to the beautiful lamp made of cloth, then down the nightstand made from wood with a chisel margin. Jack was sleeping on the big bed with a carved headboard, the same design as the nightstand. The room was beautiful and all the pieces of furniture matched one another. Jack looked like he totally belonged. Ennis hung his head down, took a deep breath.

_Ya the only thing in here that don't fit in_.

Ennis forced himself to walk out of the room and to the living room, seizing the phone. He would make this call to Don as fast as he could, he didn't want to see more of this house.

Don picked up the phone after the first ring, too soon, Ennis hadn't quite yet figured how to talk to Don. But it seemed alright, 'cause Don always took the lead in talking and Ennis wished that this time he would do that, too.

"Don?" Hesitating, still he called out his boss's name.

"Ennis! Jesus! I been worried sick! Where ya been?"

Don sounded mighty concerned, and it made him feel guilty. "I'm sorry, I...ah..."

"I know, Luke told me. Is Jack alright? What the hell happened? Must be serious, ya rushed off in the middle of the night like that!!"

Ennis swallowed. Luke really had been covering up for him.

"I'm real sorry, Don, about the truck, everything..." He closed his eyes and buried his face in his palm. "But..."

"Ya sound terrible. Must be tired. Did ya get some sleep?"

_My God, Don, please don't be so fucking good ta me. I lie to you.  
_  
"Listen, Ennis, we'll stay here in Aurora 'til Friday. I need you to come back before that. But yeah, ya can make sure Jack is ok, first." Don paused. "But I need you, son. Luke said he won't consider the loan without having you here." A sigh. "I can't understand shit about Luke sometimes. He's been banging stuff since morning like he's havin' a nervous breakdown or somethin', bad mood, pretty sure it has somethin' to do with ya, goddamn. Did ya two…fight?"

Ennis pressed his thumb and middle fingers into his forehead, feeling dizzy from headache.

"I...yeah..." He massaged the stiffness on the skin under his fingers. "I kinda hit him."

"That bruise on his cheek, I shoulda known."

"Sorry, Don...I..."

"What happened between Luke and ya is none of ma business. I don't know what the hell will happen now. Everything's so messed-up. Joel was drinkin' 'til early this morning. We had ta drag him back from the local bar. Luke went nuts. Then you rush out of here. Please, Ennis, ya have ta come back and help me out."

"Sure 'nough. I'm goin' back, tomorrow..."

That was all he could say before putting the phone down and burying his face in his palms.

"I'm going with you."

Ennis lifted up his head and saw Jack standing close, hands on his hips, looking mighty determined.

"I'm not gonna let you face Luke alone after all of this." Jack tossed his hands in the air. Ennis swallowed down the clog in his throat. He didn't know for how long Jack'd been standing there and how much he had heard. Jack was there for him, Jack'd always been there for him. After the divorce, he thought he felt fine. But Jack knew him better than he knew himself, driving 14 hours straight to see him, stayed with him, making him realize just how much he needed someone. Someone who cared to show that he was not entirely abandoned, that he was still wanted, needed. Ennis treated him bad but still, Jack was here, still seeing the world through fucking rose-colored glasses.

Ennis's eyes welled up despite his best effort to hide his tears. Jack's face softened as he walked closer.

"Don't make that face, ya know I can't stand it." He knelt down before Ennis and saw a hint of uncertainty in his wet eyes. "We'll figure out how to tell Don later. I can just trip in the bathroom, ya know, and ya can be overreacting or somethin'. Everything's gonna be fine."

Jack flicked his hand lightly on his earlobe and got up, saying he would go pack before disappearing to the second floor. Ennis blew out a shaky breath, feeling better that he wouldn't have to deal with this alone. He had Jack. Well, he always had Jack but he never reached out for him…

"Bobby, take off your shoes. They're dirty."

Startled, Ennis sprang up from the sofa and turned to look through the window. A dark brown-haired woman, wearing red lips and red shirt was getting out of her green Ford, with a little boy not more than ten years old, in a dirty and mud-stained baseball uniform, coming right behind.

"I know!" Ennis heard the boy say. As always, his body acted faster than his brain. A minute later, he found himself standing behind the closed door of the guest room, panting with panic running through his veins. He glanced around, feeling for the second time how he was the only thing that didn't fit in here.

----------

Jack walked down the stairs and put the bag down near the sofa. Ennis wasn't there. He walked to the back of the house and stopped short as he heard a woman's voice, Lureen's voice, from the kitchen.

"Jack, don't forget you gotta go to the McMurtrys tomorrow. They need you to check the new machine they just bought. Don't think anything's wrong with it but I have a feeling Miriam wants to charm you some with her lasagna."

"Can't," Jack said, not wanting to use a stern voice but it came out that way nonetheless. Lureen frowned at him, holding a glass of water forgotten in her hand.

"What did you say?"

Jack shook his head. "I'm sorry, Lureen, but I need ta go out tomorrow. Some business ta take care off."

"And may I know what kind of business you're talking about?" Voice rising up a bit, Lureen stepped closer, looked at him with her big brown eyes. "Last I checked, your business is here at Newsome Farm Machine. And let me remind you that you've just disappeared for almost a week."

"I know," Jack sighed. "My friend, he, ah…got a new ranch. Haven't seen him in years. Used ta rodeo together, back in the days." He lied. "It'll be a coupla days this time. C'mon, Lureen, I didn't plan to stay in Riverton that long. My truck broke down so I had ta stay longer, not that I wanted to." Another lie.

Jack paused, met eyes with Lureen who now crossed her arms.

"Only two days," Jack tried again. "I'll call Miriam. I'll work on weekends, too. I have ta go, will be back on Friday, the latest."

"You won't be here tomorrow?" Bobby, now wearing a clean t-shirt and shorts, ran into the kitchen, hair damp, looked like he had just gotten out of the shower. "You promised me you'd go to the game tomorrow." Blues eyes looked up at Jack innocently and hopefully, asking him for a positive answer. Jack's heart fell.

"Bobby, big boy, listen to me." Jack knelt down. "I'm sorry, I..."

"But you promised me!!" Bobby yelled, crying now. Jack desperately tried to explain but Bobby ran out.

"Bobby!"

"You're unbelievable, Jack." Lureen shook her head, the corners of her mouth fell down with either disappointment or disgust, he couldn't tell. "It's the third time you've missed his game, for those stupid fishing trips in Wyoming. You always pick a perfect time to leave. I don't understand what's going on in yer head anymore."

With that she walked off, leaving him standing alone with heavy trembling legs in the middle of the kitchen. His heart broke and he felt limp, feeling like a black dot in the white house again for the millionth time.

----------

_I'm the damn reason behind all this shit.  
_  
Ennis had been thinking about the argument he heard back in the house, but could only come to the same conclusion every time, that he caused trouble for Jack. He stole glances to Jack, who was driving, and cast his eyes down on his hands, playing with the hem of his jacket on his lap. He knew Jack loved Bobby, hell, he loved Lureen, too. Their relationship mighta been cold and not passionate as years passed but he knew they cared for each other, unlike Alma and himself. He heard the argument and felt bad for Jack. It hurt his heart more to see Jack's face after that, totally drained of blood, blue eyes fading into grey looking almost like a man with no soul.

"Let's check into a motel," Jack said softly. "And let's call Don, tell him we're leaving tomorrow."

Ennis just kept quiet, drowned in his thoughts. He shouldn't be here in the first place. He hurt everyone. He hit Luke, he let Don down and he hurt Jack, the only person on earth whom he wanted to take care of, keep him safe from tire irons, meanness and all the evil in the world. He wanted to see Jack's smile, one simple thing Jack did that made his heart blossom like a flower under the morning sun.

Ennis closed his eyes, realized just how selfish he was. He wanted Jack to hold him when he was scared, kiss him and tell him how everything would be alright. He wanted Jack to be there for him. But he never held Jack when he was scared, never kissed him and never told him that things would be alright. He'd never been there for Jack. He tried to keep Jack safe from the evil in the world, not knowing it was the evil in him that hurt Jack badly, and Christ, not for the first time.

He didn't care to know this, or he was just plain dumb? He really couldn't tell.

An hour later, after calling Don from the pay phone on the main street, the two of them checked into a small motel on the outskirts of Childress. Jack took out sandwiches he'd packed back at his house and they ate dinner in heavy silence. They then took a shower, separately. Jack was lying on his back on the bed near the door, playing with Ennis's key when Ennis stepped out from the shower, towel hung loosely around his waist. He sat on the edge of Jack's bed, holding out his hand.

"Give me that."

"No," Jack said, swaying the key. "Ya can't have somethin' back once ya give it away."

"I don't want it back. It's yours."

Jack's eyes lingered on Ennis's for a minute, then he gave the key to Ennis, who looked at it for a while and put it on the nightstand. Hesitating a bit, Ennis moved closer to Jack, one hand reached out to pull on the hem of Jack's t-shirt. Jack crooked his eyebrow, surprised, but didn't stop him as Ennis pulled Jack's tee off over his head and moved his hands down to slide Jack's boxers down. Never taking his eyes off Ennis, Jack lifted his hips up, allowing the last piece of the clothing on his body to slide off easily. He was now leaning on his elbows, and naked as the day he was born.

Ennis put his hand on Jack's stomach, feeling the muscle there tighten from his touch. He kneaded the soft skin, tickling a little by the hair, then moved up spreading his fingers 'til he reached Jack's neck. Ennis stopped his palm there, thumb stroking gently under his chin. Jack was smirking.

"What is it? Yer bribing me for somethin'?

"Nah...just," Ennis took a deep breath. "Switch roles, ya know." Jack's smile faded. "I think ya need me now, bud. I can't tell you everything will be alright. But…I know just the way to make ya feel like sleeping, the least I can do."

_The least I can do for you now, Jack.  
_  
Jack's eyes softened. Ennis's thumb caressed Jack's jaw. "Don't make that face..."

Jack smiled now. "Yer copying me."

Ennis shrugged. "Figure not. I ain't seeing things all rosy just yet."

Chuckling softly, Jack propped himself up a little higher and met Ennis's mouth in one long deep kiss. He closed his eyes as Ennis continued to kiss the corner of his mouth, the point of his nose, above each of his eyelids, on his temple, his ear, down his throat and below. Jack sighed and let Ennis push him down on the bed, welcoming him into his embrace with his arms hugging tightly around Ennis's shoulders.

"That's ok," Jack breathed on the hollow of Ennis's neck, feeling Ennis's wet mouth pressing kisses on his neck. "I got no business in that house anyway, they will do without me."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's the truth. Bobby will run off to his grandparents crying, and they will give him a new bat or somethin' to make him stop. Then L.D. will talk shit about me with everyone for the whole fucking week."

"Stop that, Jack."

Ennis raised his head and kissed Jack again. He nipped Jack's upper lip and nudged his tongue into Jack's now open mouth, delivering wet deep kisses. Jack's body loosened a bit more. He hissed in between kisses and started to writhe under Ennis, one hand gripping his head, the other trying to tug the towel off his waist and looked at Ennis with pleading puppy eyes.

"I need you, Ennis, c'mon here."

Ennis ground his body down as Jack spread his knees and legs wider, allowing more room for their bodies to touch. Kisses grew wilder and bolder with tongues and teeth, hands roaming, breaths quickening, moans mingling in the air that smelled strongly of male arousal, sweat and Jack's peach shampoo.

Jack trailed his mouth down Ennis throat as he moved to his side, hand reaching down into the bag on the floor for a tube of lube. Then he pushed Ennis's chest off him a little, both panting hard, eyes smoky. Jack opened the cap of the lube and squeezed out a volume of it, reached down to coat Ennis's cock slowly. Ennis's legs were shaking hard as he tried to control himself, breaking out in sweat, his head now resting on Jack's chest, breath hissing.

"You fucking tease." He growled and lifted one of Jack's legs above his shoulder, planted a sweet kiss on Jack's inner thigh. Jack jerked as Ennis's wet tongue slipped out to lick down his thigh and let out a loud moan, banging his head on the pillow, when Ennis just stopped an inch away from his aching cock.

"Not yet..." Gasping, Ennis straightened up and bent Jack's other leg further. He bit his lower lip and carefully, slowly entered Jack's tight passage, eyes locked with Jack's and never apart 'til he was all the way in. Jack's body went stiff for a long while and, despite his need to plunge senseless into Jack, Ennis waited 'til he was ready. Tonight was Jack's night. It was his turn to be there for the man, doing the only thing he could do right at the moment.

Ennis reached his hand to caress Jack's face, wiped the sweat off his forehead and trailed down to his lips. His thumb touched Jack's lower lip. Jack turned and seized it with his lips, whispering as his teeth teased the thumb; 'C'mon, c'mon,' and Ennis started to move. The tension from their love-making was making Ennis insane. He thrust harder and slowly pulled out from that sweet passage and pushed in again, making Jack cry out almost desperately. Jack felt his muscles clench, his manhood twitched in pain for a release. Panting, Ennis leant in and tugged Jack's lower lip but got no response. Jack's focus was entirely around his groin as he panted hard, eyes tightly shut.

"Jack," Ennis whispered on his parting lips, moved one hand down Jack's cock. "Let it go, c'mon." He pumped the twitching organ in time with his thrusts. Jack was now looking at him, eyes slightly unfocused. Then his stomach clenched and Jack called Ennis's name as he came. Ennis drove in for a kiss and let his lips linger on Jack's temple, arms hugging tight as he, too, shuddered and came inside Jack.

They didn't move for a long while, both were in each other's arms as their breathing slowed down a little. Jack's fingers were playing on Ennis's nape when he felt Ennis turn his head and tug on his ear.

"I'm sorry about Bobby, Jack."

Ennis whispered so soft, his sweet low voice rumbled to Jack's core. He felt so grateful for this simple gesture.

"Yeah, me too. But I ain't sorry yer here. You ain't sorry, either, right?"

"Um huh." Then Ennis pushed himself up and looked Jack in the eyes. "But there's somethin'...I been thinkin'."

"Oh," Jack smirked. "Here comes the favor."

Ennis avoided Jack's gaze, chewed his lower lip then let out a long sigh.

"What is it?" Jack looked worried now.

"Tomorrow..."

"We'll be leaving at 6:30. Ya done told Don we'll be in Aurora 'round noon."

"5:30," Ennis corrected, looking full at Jack now. "I'll drive ya back to yer house and I'll be going alone."

"Wha..."

"Listen, Jack," Ennis put his thumb on Jack's lips stopping him from talking. "I been thinkin'. If Bobby cried, ya gotta stop him from crying, nobody on earth, no L.D., A.D. or any other shithead, no one else, but you."

Jack just stared.

"If once in a lifetime we do right by someone, it should be our children, Jack."

Stunned, Jack gazed up at Ennis with bright blue eyes, like a child searching for his present under the Christmas tree, and found it.

"Why you always have ta be so smart?"

"I been bad to people 'round me, Jack, I let everybody down, my dad, Alma, Don, and Christ, maybe Luke, too. But Jack, ya...yer..."

_You're the last person on earth I'd hurt._ Ennis swallowed, couldn't finish what he started. Desperately trying to find words to say, he pushed his body up, but Jack swung his legs around his buttock and pulled him back down again.

"But what cha gonna do? I don't want ya to go alone."

"I have ta."

The two of them were quiet, eyes seeking unspeakable words in each other eyes. Jack saw fear in Ennis's but they were also dense, too, loaded with something like determination.

"Ok..."

"Ok?"

"Yeah" Jack cradled his face. "Now listen ta me. Ya can blame me for seeing things all rosy, but I don't think Luke will hurt you. He didn't even know how to change the flat tire with his tire iron."

"But he could use it for other purposes."

"Still, I don't think he's that kinda man."

"That's somethin' I'll have ta see." He sighed and shifted off to his side of the bed.

"_We_'ll have ta see." Jack snuggled close to him, lifted his head to kiss Ennis's shoulder and climbed on top of Ennis and smiled down at him.

"Ya know what?" Jack ground his groin into Ennis's, smiled wider when Ennis hissed his breath. "I kinda like this idea of role switching. I can do it all night."

Ennis rolled his eyes, Jack was chuckling now. The best sound in the world.

"It's alright," Jack was leaning closer. "Everything will be fine." Despite all the worry and fear he'd been carrying, for once, Ennis allowed himself to nod, believing in Jack and his fucking rosy world.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8 :Broken Men:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 8 **"Broken Men" **

Ennis left Jack's house at six o'clock sharp. He sped off to the opposite side of the road heading to Aurora almost immediately after Jack closed the passenger door. The good thing was Ennis would arrive there before noon, the bad thing was they were parting again. Jack leant on the front door of his house and closed his eyes, feeling exhausted both physically and emotionally from what had happened since last week. Ennis and he had met twice this month, staying together even, three nights in Riverton and one night in Childress and they parted twice. This shoulda been more easy to deal with for Jack. He used to think it would be better if they could meet more often. He once even suggested to Ennis that they plan a fishing trip somewhere in Colorado, where they would meet halfway. Ennis, of course, refused to so do. Jack was disappointed. But now he couldn't help but agree to the idea. It was exactly like people said ; once you got something, you wanted more of it. Jack'd been with Ennis four nights this month, and he definitely wanted more.

_Not under this fucked-up situation._ What was the point? If meeting Ennis more only meant he would part with him more, too, then he couldn't stand it. It just doubled, tripled the pain, made it ten times, a hundred times worse. He had to do something, but how? Jack sighed and went into the dark house. Lureen and Bobby were still asleep and they wouldn't be up until around seven. Jack had about an hour to take a shower 'cause God, now he smelt like sex, like Ennis.

_But I want it this way, I fucking want it so bad I could die for it._

Jack squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the tear prick in the corner of his eyes. He laid his forehead on the tile in the bathroom, hands clenched tight to the collar of the shirt, pressing it close to his nose, shakily inhaling the lingering scent in long breaths. He wanted so bad to lock the scent of Ennis into his body and soul, so that it could calm him and soothe him, keep him safe in their world – the world in the embrace of the big mountain, which held the scent of burning firewood, the sound of the river flowing and teasing the rocks, the wind whispering to the trees, the moon beaming and dancing with twinkling stars, the sky kissing the earth at the end of the horizon – the world of Ennis and Jack, and their unconditional love.

But Jack knew he couldn't keep this world with him. Once he exhaled, the scent of Ennis and the touch from their world would be gone. He would be back to the real world where everybody had expectations, and didn't want him for who he really was. And he had to deal with it alone.

Jack dressed for work and waited for Lureen and Bobby in the kitchen. Lureen walked in the kitchen first, stopped short as she saw him but didn't say anything. She handed him the box of cereal and a bottle of milk, asking him from the look in her eyes to put them on the counter for Bobby.

"You can take my truck to work, Jack, Daddy will pick me up later," she said, pouring coffee in two mugs then handing one to Jack. "What did the dealership say 'bout yer truck?"

Jack cleared his throat. "Will be done in two weeks. They will do the paint job", too."

"Sounds good. Actually you can use my truck all day, and go to Bobby's game, too. I'll go with daddy straight from the McMurtrys' house. You don't have to go there anymore. I'll take care of it."

"Sure 'nough. You tell Miriam I'll stop by later."

Lureen nodded. They fell into an uncomfortable silence, both looking at and away from each other at different times. Then the sound of footsteps broke the silence.

"I'll be at my desk," Lureen pointed to the second floor with her coffee mug. "Can you send Bobby off?"

"Yeah," Jack said, looking at Bobby who was now running into the kitchen, blue eyes showing clear joy at seeing his daddy right there but something prevented him from acting the way his heart really felt. Lureen looked at them for a while and then disappeared to the second floor.

"'Morning, big boy," Jack ruffled Bobby's hair. "Ready for the game?"

"It's just a warm-up game, daddy," the boy murmured and poured cereal and milk into the bowl.

"But you have ta be ready anyway. You want a banana?"

Without waiting for the answer, he took out a banana from the counter, peeled it, and cut it into small pieces to put into the cereal.

"Mark hurt his knee yesterday..." Bobby said softly.

"He did?"

"Yeah, so he can't play today. He bled a lot. His uniform turned red."

"Poor boy," Jack watched as Bobby ate his cereal quietly. Five minutes later, there was a honk outside the house. Bobby seized his bag and ran off, Jack followed.

"Bye, daddy."

"See ya, big boy."

Bobby stopped just after stepping down off the front porch. He looked at the school bus and turned to Jack again.

"Are you..."

"I'll be there, Bobby. See you at the game."

Bobby smiled and ran to the bus. Jack waved. After the school bus vanished from sight, he sighed and sat on the front porch steps, wondering why he didn't feel much better now that everything seemed to be back on the right track. Lureen and Bobby were talking to him again after he had fucked up yesterday. You made it right with yer wife and yer kid. Why ya still feel miserable, Twist? And he honestly didn't know why.

_Maybe this track had never been right from the start.  
_  
----------

Ennis parked the truck in front of the farm house at Joel's ranch at 12:30. He had stopped first at the hotel, but no one was there. So with weak body and even weaker soul, he forced himself to drive to the ranch.

As soon as he turned off the engine, Don rushed out of the house. His face showed a mixture of emotions, worry, relief and anger. Ennis swallowed hard and looked down at his feet, feeling like a little boy all over again. Daddy woulda hit him bad if he was alive. But Don just stood there in front of him, breath ragged, but didn't move an inch closer to him or raise an arm against him.

"Ya eaten anythin'?"

Don asked first. Ennis was stunned. This was absolutely not the first thing he thought he would hear from Don, after all he had done. But, God, his word was like holy water being poured over him, cleansing him and giving him strength again.

"I'm real sorry, Don," Ennis said. Don patted his shoulder, a strong and reassuring pat.

"I am a saint today and while I'm at it, don't mention that ever again. Ya hear?" Don stared hard at Ennis and when he nodded, Don sighed. "How's Jack?"

"Ah...he's...he's alright." Ennis shrugged, trying his best to act normal. "I kinda overreacted..."

"I shoulda known." Don smiled a little. "C'mon inside, Monica, Joel's wife, is making stew. Ya'll love it."

Despite his growling stomach that had not touched any food since morning, Ennis's body went rigid. The thought of meeting Luke so soon sent a shiver down his bones. How could he face him now that he knew about Jack and him? How could he be so sure Luke hadn't told anybody?

Don patted his shoulder again, turned and walked to the house. Ennis heard his boss's voice trailing behind in the air.

"Luke isn't here. C'mon, son."

Ennis looked at the back of the strong man, his way of walking always looked so familiar to him since the day they first met. It was like his daddy's. They both walked with straightening back and long stretch. The familiarity of that walk almost made him turn and run away. Almost. There was this tiny difference though. Don stopped halfway and turned back to look at him, always cared if Ennis kept up. Tucking his hands deep into his pockets, Ennis followed him into the farm house.

Monica was a very small and delicate woman with long blond hair, her arms and legs were long and thin. It seemed almost impossible that she was able to carry the baby weight in her belly without falling down. She greeted Ennis as soon as he stepped in the kitchen and handed him a bowl of stew. Don sat beside him with Joel and Monica sitting opposite. Ennis looked at the food on the table and realized they had started lunch sometime ago, and were in the middle of talking about something important 'cause now Joel was chewing the bread and gazing at Don.

"So?" He raised his brow. "What do ya say? Ya gonna guarantee the loan for me or not, dad?"

Don shrugged. "It's not up ta me, it's up ta Luke and you ain't giving him much to see here. It's yer bad."

"I ain't got no money, dad, that's why I can't get anything done and I have ta ask for the loan!"

Joel's fist hit the table. Ennis stirred the spoon in the stew and kept his eyes on nothing but the bowl in front of him. Don was still calm, he just slid his bowl away, wiped his mouth with the napkin and sighed.

"Why didn't ya just tell me that in the letter. Why ya have ta lie? Ya said the farm was in operation with some pear trees but I don't see shit."

"Would ya have come if I had told ya the truth? Will ya guarantee the loan fer me?"

"No," Don said, without heat. "Ya know what, Joel. I don't just do business with Luke. He's ma friend, too. In fact, I shouldn't have dragged him down here, it's a waste of time."

"Dad," Joel's voice was soft and more pleading now. "If yer his friend, then ya can ask him to grant me the loan. If I had already gotten the farm in operation, ya think I would have needed to ask ya here? I could have applied for the loan in Denver!"

"Don't fuck with me,"Don said, gritting his teeth and staring at his son. Joel went back to eating, spoon banging the bowl of stew when Don got up from the chair, murmuring.

"Ennis's right, it's a fucking bad idea."

Joel laughed, but there was no hint of amusement in that voice. "How 'bout I ask this Ennis every damn thing, ha? So that I can do everything right by ya, daddy?"

Ennis's head snapped up at that, the look Joel gave him was unfriendly, evil even. He stole a glance to Don who was turning his back on him, hands clenching into balls. His back rose and fell in rhythm. Ennis knew that body language. Don was trying to control his breathing and his temper, like what he did when the boy from the feed shop spilled the feed or when he found out there was a hole in the barn roof, causing the hay to get soaked from the rain. He was trying to contain his anger over something he couldn't control.

"I'll be on the porch." Muttering, Ennis walked out the kitchen. He heard footsteps and realized Monica had followed him. Both of them stood awkwardly side by side on the front porch, looking out over the parched land.

"He ain't that bad-tempered, most of the time," she said softly. Ennis just nodded. "He's just so worried. We have to do something before the baby comes. Please don't be mad at him."

"No, ma'am." Ennis shook his head. "I ain't in a position to be mad, or anythin'."

Don then walked out and lit his cigarette. He angrily drew the smoke in and out as if trying to gather himself together. After a while, he looked at Monica and sighed.

"I'm so sorry, Monica."

"Don't be," she smiled a rueful smile, "I'll take care of him."

"Please," Don said, "and tell him we'll talk again tomorrow. I have ta talk to Luke. Can't guarantee the result 'cause he'll have his final say no matter what."

She just nodded. Don then hugged her briefly, asking her to take care of herself and go back inside the house. Her fragile body sagged in Don's embrace. It looked like she, too, had been dealing with Joel's stubbornness and knew what it was like. She smiled at Ennis and walked in the house when Don sighed again and turned to Ennis.

"What did your dad say to you when you went out on your own?"

Ennis shrugged. "My dad died when I was twelve."

"Oh," Don trailed off.

_But pretty sure it would be worse if he was alive_, Ennis thought.

"Let's go back to the motel," Don then said, "Luke and I have a lot to discuss."

Ennis just nodded and dug for the cigarette in his pocket. The tips of his fingers brushed the key to his house. The brass key felt so cold, he wondered if its twin felt as cold to Jack there in Childress.

----------

"Jack, the new catalog has arrived!"

"Put it on my desk, please, Debby, I have ta go to Bobby's game. Will check back tomorrow!"

"'Kay!"

Jack locked the door to his office and rushed out of the dealership, didn't even say goodbye to Debby, the front clerk at Newsome Farm Machine with whom he ate lunch occasionally. He was late and by the time he arrived at the game, it was half past four and the game had already started. The game was a warm-up game between Bobby's school and some school from the neighboring town. It was crowded, as always. Parents and grandparents were gathering and cheering their boys around the field. Jack glanced around and found Lureen sitting in the front row, behind the pitcher of the opposing team. Jack was about to go to her when he spotted L.D. and his wife there, too, shouting at the top of their lungs and waving like mad to Bobby at the bench, who didn't even seem to notice. All the seats there seemed to be fully occupied. There was no seat for him.

Jack just stood near the gate, watching the game from far away. The game moved pretty fast. Obviously, Bobby and his teammates were better players. His team won. Jack smiled as he watched Bobby jump up and down and run around his friends and the coach, looking so happy.

"Hey, Bob!!"

He shouted loudly toward his son and was rewarded by an even wider smile from Bobby, who hopped and swung his arms around his neck. Jack lifted him up for a tighter hug and brought him down, kneeling and laughing at the boy who talked and panted at the same time. He could barely catch what he was saying.

"You saw me?" Bobby said breathy, still jumping up and down in his arms. "You saw when I hit the ball?"

"I did."

"And did you see when I ran? So fast they couldn't catch me?"

"Yes," Jack giggled.

"Bobby!?!"

A man's voice was calling Bobby now and the boy bounced into L.D.'s arms, with his wife Grace and Lureen close behind.

"We got a big party tonight, Tiger, ya ready for a cake?" Jack heard L.D. say.

"A cake?" Bobby echoed, his voice rising in pitch.

"Yeah," L.D. laughed then turned around, still holding Bobby, "C'mon, Tiger. Let's go home."

L.D. walked off the opposite way with Grace. Lureen was about to follow when she noticed Jack standing not so far behind. Bobby was also looking at him. Hesitating, Lureen stopped and motioned to him to follow. Jack looked at her, then at her parents, who either didn't see him or didn't want to see him. Shaking his head, Jack pointed to his truck, mouthing to her that he would go separately. He stood there and watched them get in the truck and drive away, leaving him alone in the dust.

They didn't invite anybody to the dinner, just L.D. and Grace, who had brought a cake and beef chili to celebrate Bobby's winning game. Jack sat at the head of the table, hand on his chin, and he was looking at Bobby who was in a high mood. The boy repeated the story of today's game to everyone, still sounding as excited as ever. And Jack noticed he hadn't touched his food yet.

"Bobby, your chili is getting cold."

"Yer gram can heat it for ya later," L.D. said grumpy then ignored Jack. Instead, he showed Bobby a catalogue, "How 'bout a new bat for a smart kid like ya, huh, Tiger?"

"Really!?!" Bobby cried out.

"Yer grandpa ever lie to ya? C'mon, pick one."

Jack sighed and straightened his back.

"L.D. I think we have plenty of time for that. It's dinner time now and..."

"Don't know what people like ya do when yer celebrating somethin' back there in Wyoming," L.D. cut him off, looking at him now from head to toe, "but we in the big city do give presents."

Jack's breath hissed. He gripped his fork so hard he felt like he could bend it with his bare hand. Lureen was now gazing at him, but her eyes were blank. Jack tried to keep his mouth shut 'cause he knew they were having the party for Bobby. He didn't want to break the boy's heart on this big day by punching the hell out of the damn bastard. Jack cast his eyes away from L.D. and Bobby at the end of the table and concentrated on his food that was, no doubt, the only way that he could keep his temper under control.

This was not the first time L.D. had humiliated him in front of Lureen and especially in front of Bobby, in his house. But he never tried to get even with the old man. And he hoped he would never do it, no matter how bad it got. L.D. wasn't the first old mean bastard he'd had to deal with, and he had been practicing the skill with his daddy almost his entire life. So what the hell?

Jack finished his dinner first and went to sit on the front porch, smoking. The sky was clear tonight and the night air in late May was cool. Jack sat back and closed his eyes, wanting so bad to disappear from this house where only his body dwelled, wanted to reappear in the house where his heart was rooted, the house in Wyoming occupied by Ennis Del Mar.

_Jesus, Ennis, I miss ya already._

Jack covered his face with his hands, then he heard the sound of the door opening. Bobby ran out with his baseball bat and glove and was now standing beside him.

"Hey, big boy," Jack forced a smile, "Ya finish dinner?"

"Yeah. You saw me when I hit the base?"

Chuckling, Jack nodded and answered the same question he had been asked again with slightly different words.

"Of course I did, I was right behind the base. That red-headed boy couldn't follow you. You ran so fast."

Bobby smiled wide, eyes twinkling like stars. "But Coach Carr said I can't hit curve balls. I need to practice more."

Jack sat up straight, grinning at his son, "I can throw a curve ball."

"Really?"

"Tell me which way, I can make it curve whichever way you want."

"Can we play tomorrow, daddy?" Bobby asked, face lighting up with great expectation. Jack considered a bit. Bobby's face fell then, even before he said anything. "Oh, you have to work..."

_"Can we ride tomorrow, daddy? Show me how ya can hang on to that bull so long!"  
_  
Out of the blue, the similar question he had once asked his daddy popped into his head. He was 17 and had just started rodeoing. Not only did the question come to him, but Jack could now see his daddy so vividly, it was almost like the old man was here, in front of him, sitting in his chair in the kitchen. John Twist looked at his young son fiercely from the corner of his eyes, his mouth twisted. He spat into his coffee mug, slammed it down on the table.

_"Forget the bulls, ya don't even know how ta ride a damn horse."_

And he walked out the door, leaving the boy's heart sunk so impossibly deep in pain, the pain that bedded inside the flesh that kept beating with the same ache over the years of his childhood.

Jack looked at Bobby and felt the clog in his throat.

_"If once in a lifetime we do right by someone, it should be our children, Jack."_

That was Ennis, talking to him. Ennis, the shithead who always did right by everyone. Jack wondered if Ennis thought that 'the thing' they had between them was an ultimate sin. Maybe that was why he tried to be good to others, hoping the good deed would somehow make him feel better. So that he could have the next fishing trip with Jack and get himself down the pool of sin again, like some goddamn circle.

But Ennis was right, he had always been right. Jack stood up and took the glove from Bobby.

"How about we do it now?"

Out in the front yard, Jack was wearing a glove on his left hand and tossing the ball with his right, two pairs of blue eyes looking at each other playfully. Bobby was holding his bat, giggling when Jack acted as if he would throw the ball, but stopped short, causing him to swing at the air with the bat.

"Ya ready?" Jack asked and Bobby nodded very fast. He was more than ready to play.

"Bobby!" Lureen then poked her head out the door, "Grandpa and Grandma are going home. C'mon and say goodbye, honey."

Bobby's face fell, his shoulders slumped, his bat dropped from his hand, landing flat on the ground. He looked at Jack for an ally but Jack could only nod.

"Go." He walked to Bobby and put his arm around the small boy's shoulders, nudging him toward the house a bit. Lureen glanced at him for a moment before both of them disappeared into the house.

Jack took off the glove, tossing it on the ground and looked at the stars in the sky above. The sky was all the same, he knew very well. But somehow, the big sky on Brokeback seemed so close he felt like if he closed his eyes, he could reach out and pull it to his chest in an embrace. But the sky here in Childress was so far, and when he reached out, it seemed to get further away, leaving him feeling so small.

----------

Ennis and Don finished their dinner at the diner opposite the motel at around seven. Don went to talk to Luke in his room so Ennis excused himself, wandering around the motel for a while before settling down under one of the birch trees at the back of the motel. He leaned his back against the trunk and fished a cigarette from his pocket. Ennis flicked his lighter and put the cigarette in between his lips. Looking down at his hands, he saw they were shaking.

_Was he cold?_

Hell, no, the wind wasn't even blowing. It was quiet, and dark, everything around him reminded him of the incident that had happened two day ago, the day he hit Luke and ran off to Jack with Don's truck. Jack, the only person he called friend in this big world. But hell, he knew Jack was more than that. There was no one else that knew him inside out just from looking into his eyes. When Jack looked at him, he looked deep into his soul, that fragile soul that had been longing for love and touch. Jack responded to his unspeakable needs, filling in a small but yet deep hole in his heart. He was more than a friend and Ennis knew it. And it fucking scared him to death.

_He wasn't cold. He was shaking, 'cause he scared.  
_  
He wasn't ready to face Luke, wasn't ready to look him in the eyes after he had hit him, after everything he had known about Jack, and them. But whatever happened, he was glad in a way that Jack wasn't here. He wanted to keep Jack safe and that was something he had promised to himself. Straightening his back a bit from the trunk of the tree, Ennis exhaled the smoke and held his hand up at eye level. Still shaking.

_Damn.  
_  
He didn't know how long he had been standing there. It should be almost an hour 'cause now Don and Luke were walking out of the motel together, looking like they had finished talking. From where Ennis was standing, he couldn't read the expression on their faces. But he saw Don hung his head and shook it as Luke patted him on his shoulder before Don walked off to his room at the back of the motel. More talking to be done tomorrow, he figured.

As if the man could hear him, Luke walked up to where Ennis was, hands in his pockets. Ennis's body turned rigid and the next thing he knew Luke was standing a few feet in front of him, staring straight at him. His eyes were blank for a minute, then they went soft, sad and sorrowful even. Ennis saw the bruise on Luke's cheekbone and shifted his weight from one leg to the other uncomfortably. He had to say something.

"I ain't no queer." Now that wasn't something he thought he would say. But Luke just narrowed his eyes and shrugged.

"I don't care," he said. "Queer or no queer, ya fucking hit me and ran out on me, Christ, Ennis. What was going on back there? Ya lost yer fucking mind?"

Ennis kept his mouth shut, letting Luke go on with his rant. He didn't know what Luke really thought about him, or if he held a tire iron behind his back. Ennis tried to control his breath and stop his racing mind for once. He would not say anything now, at least he thought he owed the guy for that punch.

"And ya know something, Ennis," Luke raised his voice a bit. "Yer not the only one that was scared shitless that night."

With that the two men just stood there, two pairs of brown eyes studying each other. Luke then turned around abruptly, casting his eyes out to the sea of darkness down the hill, his back to Ennis.

"Just hear me out, ok? I have something I wanna tell ya."

Ennis didn't say anything though.

"I told ya about ma friend, remember?" He began, "His name is Cody. We been friends since we were what, eight or nine, back in New Mexico. Best of friends, the only person I could trust. Later he quit school and started working but still we were pretty close. See this scar above my eyelid? We were 17 and we dove into the river but it was too shallow. My head hit a rock. Stupid."

Even with his back toward Ennis, he heard the smile in his voice. Luke was smiling when he thought of the old days. It seemed the memory had been stored up for so long, waiting for the right time to burst out. Trains of words were now pouring out from this man in front of him.

"I would have drowned if he hadn't been there. He saved me. I had a concussion for three days, my parents were worried sick..."

Luke trailed off. He went quiet then turned to face Ennis again of a sudden, clearing his throat.

"I missed school for two weeks and when I came back, there was this rumor about him being queer. Had no clue where it came from. People said they saw him with another guy. They planned to beat him up."

Ennis's breath hissed and his heart began to thump so fast that his chest hurt. He inhaled the smoke deeper, the tip of the cigarette shone burning red. His eyes were now fixed on the older man.

"I was a dick, pretending I didn't know him." With a quick glance to Ennis, whose eyes had gone wide, Luke snorted, "I was scared shitless, Ennis! I was seventeen and stupid, ok?"

Ennis just stared and leant back against the tree trunk. He felt limp and needed something he could lean on. Having learned the trick of reading Ennis over the past year, Luke knew he could go on.

"They, I mean the kids at school, went to the farm where Cody was working at night. And there he was, talking in the barn with the other guy, looking...well...ya know, too cozy." Looking down to the ground, Luke rubbed his face with both hands and continued, voice hoarse. "They rushed at him, with everything they could find in the back of the truck, tire irons, logs, a hammer, I couldn't move an inch."

_Jesus_, Ennis closed his eyes. Despite feeling sick in his stomach, he instinctively and slowly compared this story to the one told by his daddy, filling in the missing gaps of the incident before he saw Earl dying soulless on the dirt; tire irons pounding on flesh, blood pouring out of every hole on that body, high voice screaming out from pain, body on the ground struggling to escape, boots stomping on bruised form...

"Ya alright?"

Startled, Ennis's eyes flew open. He felt his breath getting heavier as he looked at Luke, who seemed about to break down and cry himself.

"Did he...?" His voice came up as a whisper.

"No, he was able to run away, both of them. They weren't gonna kill them anyway." Luke stopped, took a deep shaky breath and went on, "But Cody saw me, out by the truck. The look on his face was...fuck it. Anyway, the news spread pretty fast and soon my dad stopped me from hanging out with Cody. I ain't seen him after the accident anyway. Then the fellas at the bar, I heard, were talking about either hurting him or chasing him outta town and..."

Luke stopped again. He took a long and slow deep breath for a second and went on, voice cracking even more. "I was there with a coupla kids from school and heard someone ask why did they think Cody was queer. Where the hell all these rumors of him being a faggot came from. And this big fella with a bald head said...he said..."

Luke swallowed, ducking his chin down, "He saw Cody making out with...with some guy at the river...a few weeks ago, saying the two queers were...were doing it under the water, on the surface. He couldn't look at them and hurried outta there..."

_Oh my fucking God_. Ennis clenched his jaw, his words came out husky with rage. "And ya fucking let them believe that even when ya knew..."

"I was scared, Ennis!" Luke was shaking now, his eyes pleading for understanding. "I felt like shit, a total dick but I couldn't just step up and say, 'Hey, that was me, and we weren't making out'. I couldn't do that!"

Luke was panting now, "But I tried to warn Cody! I went to his house but he looked at me with all the hurt in the world. And he was scared of me. He drove off before I said anything, like what you did the other day. I spooked ya, I know. But that ain't what I wanted ta do. I make mistakes, Ennis, and whenever I try to make things right, people run away from me."

There was a heavy silence then, even the night insects stopped making sounds. Luke turned his back to Ennis again and spoke, this time with a very faint voice, Ennis could hardly hear.

"Most of the time I am with ya, I feel like I can talk to Cody again. Ya two have many things in common and...I just miss him, ya know. And when I found out about Jack and ya, I...I was scared at first. But then I said to myself, 'I won't fuck it up again. I won't let that fucking fear control me. Queer or no queer, we're still friends.' That was why I tried to talk to ya, but ya ran out on me. It hurt so bad, it was like I was having a bad dream all over again."

Luke turned to face Ennis and the two men stared at each other. "Ya know what, Ennis, I thought God gave me another chance. I have a friend again and I'd better not fuck it up."

"I ain't no queer," Ennis said plain.

"That's what ya said and I don't give a damn." Luke stepped closer to him. "And while we're at it, next time ya see Jack, tell him not to sniff his shirt collar, especially when the shirt obviously don't belong ta him. It's not healthy."

The fear captured Ennis, his face turned pale but Luke didn't stop. He walked even closer.

"Yer shirts have that mark under the collar. That's why I know he was wearing yer shirt."

Ennis's whole body stiffened. But despite the inner voice that was shouting for him to run away and hide, or punch the hell out of this guy again, he forced himself to stay put and locked his eyes with Luke's. He didn't know what Luke was thinking. After what seemed like a good while of the staring contest, Luke just sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Luke stepped back and maintained the space between them, letting loose of the string that had been stretching so tense it almost tore apart.

"Look, Ennis, I don't care if yer queer. I'm trying to do right by ya. I swear if I could turn back time and make things right between Cody and me, I would. But I can't! And the guilt is burning me alive here, Ennis. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I see this scar and the look on Cody's face that night comes back to haunt me. I don't wanna fuck this up again."

Luke's pleading eyes were filled with something like hope now, "We're friends, right?"

Ennis could hardly breathe as he tried to figure out what to say. This was the last thing on earth he expected. Someone, apart from Jack, wanted to be friends with Ennis Del Mar. But he couldn't form the words, so he didn't. Instead he lit up another cigarette, watching the red light on the tip glowing in the dark. He inhaled, feeling the nicotine strangely calm his nerves.

"So what happened to him? Ah...Cody?" he muttered after the long silence.

Luke just shook his head, sorrowful eyes blinking back tears, "I don't know, Ennis."

The two men stood still, both feeling wearied from the emotional confrontation. Ennis stared into the darkness and squinted as the moon slowly emerged from the puff of cloud, sending a soft silver beam down where they were. The mild moonlight reflected the side of Luke's face, making the man look so vulnerable, almost broken.

"God, I wish I knew," Luke shook his head, "And there ain't no way I can forget what I have done, not with this fucking scar on my face."

Ennis saw the scar on Luke's eyelids one last time before the moon crawled back behind layers of cloud, leaving them in the still of the darkness again.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9 :Something Stirring:

**"Wiser Time"**  
Chapter 9 **"Something Stirring"**

Ennis Del Mar was a man who was born to walk on this one long straight road, where he had everyone around directing him where to go since he was a kid. "Ya go ta school and come back soon as ya can. I need ya at the barn at four sharp," his daddy would say that every morning. So while the other eight-year-old kids played baseball after school, Ennis had to run back home and help his daddy and K.E. out at the ranch. "Men marry pretty girls and have kids. That's what everybody does." That was K.E. telling the 15-year-old Ennis on his wedding day. Four years later, he married Alma Beers, the girl who he had been dating for six months, and had two children.

He used to think it was easy this way, no need to struggle for a better place to be. There was no need for him to turn left or right, or risk taking the shortcut, just went straight, did the same thing everyone did. Why do something different anyway?

Being different was no good, he'd been told that. And he saw what happened to those who didn't follow the general rules. K.E. used to skip the work at the ranch and sneak out to drink with his friends. He came back at three a.m. with Daddy waiting at the front door, a belt in his hand. Buck, the young rancher at Don's ranch, stood on the saddle wanting to climb on the roof of the stable without a ladder. He fell off and broke his arm. And recently, some people in Riverton decided to take a tire iron to a man 'cause he wasn't with a woman. On the long straight road Ennis Del Mar had been walking, men couldn't be with men. Turning left or right to take a different route meant injury or, even worse, death.

But here he was, waking up before the sun rose and walked aimlessly around the motel, wondering for the first time in his life if death was really the punishment for people who were different, who decided to take another route. Daddy said a man being with another man was a sin, and that they would die and burn in hell. But last night, Luke showed him the opposite. He didn't say he was ok with the fact that Jack and him...well were that way. But hell, he didn't move away with disgust or bang him down with a tire iron. Instead, he said they were friends and wanted to do right by him. It seemed Daddy was a bit wrong, at least, one person wouldn't raise a tire iron to him for the way he was.

Was it alright for him to turn right or left from the straight road?

Ennis sighed and took out the pack of cigarette and stared at it for a while. He wasn't hankering for a smoke but, damn, he had nothing else to do. Lighting the cigarette, Ennis looked out to the yellow hay field down the hill, the same old view that gave him nothing but depression. He groaned and turned around when he saw Don and Luke walking out of the motel. Those two guys were still talking about the loan and, it seemed to Ennis, they hadn't come to a mutually satisfactory decision yet.

"Ennis," Don nodded to him, "Ya drive. Luke's coming with us."

With that, Don walked off to the passenger's side of the truck, leaving Luke standing awkwardly in front of him. His fingers entwined and he shitfed his weight from one leg to the other. They studied each other silently, both looking and then averting their eyes away at some point, then looking back again, as Don watched. The older man frowned but didn't say anything.

"I'll hop in the back of the truck." Luke was the first to make a move. Ennis just hung his head down and got into the driver's side.

As soon as they arrived at Joel's ranch, Don got out and hurried toward the house, calling back to Luke that he would bring all the legal papers of the ranch out to him soon. Ennis didn't know if he should follow but he remembered Joel and the evil look he got from him yesterday. So he chose to remain outside the house. He walked to the corral where a brown horse was wandering and nibbling grass.

"Hey there, stranger," Ennis raised his hand to the horse and greeted her in a soft voice. The horse looked up, making a sound in her throat and slowly walked up to him, drawing to Ennis Del Mar's yet another spell.

_"Ya must have been a horse in yer previous life," Jack used to say, "Ya seem to charm them all."_

"Don't ya?"

"Na," Jack would smile at this. "Just a bunch of mares."

"Shithead."  
  
Unconsciously, he stroked the side of the horse's neck. _Jack, how're ya, bud? You made good with Bobby?_ The horse leaning closer to his touch, seemed willing to listen to what he got to say.

"When did ya meet Jack?"

Startled, Ennis turned and found Luke standing at his side, carefully maintaining the space between them.

"Why ya have ta know?"

"Ya done heard an awful lot 'bout me last night, Ennis."

"Not that I asked for it."

"This ain't fair," Luke snorted, "That story I told ya is one of the worst memories in ma life. It ain't easy for me to open up like that, ya know."

Ennis looked down at his hands caressing the soft short coat of the brown horse, then murmuring through clenched lips,

"Sixty-three."

"Holy shit, ya must have been what, twenty? Twenty-one?"

"Nineteen."

"Where'd ya meet?"

"What is this?" Ennis looked sideways at Luke. "A job interview?"

Luke just chuckled and fished out a cigarette.

"You know what they say, 'only young once'. Youth, the best time of our life. First fuck, first love, all happen in our teens, twenties." He lit his cigarette, "Ya know what, my first girlfriend was the prettiest gal in town. Every boy would have killed to be in ma place. Our first time was damn perfect. You?"

Ennis shrugged. He moved his hand to the horse's nose and was greeted with her warm breath, came tickling on his palm. First fuck? Ennis cleared his throat when his mind shifted back to their first night on Brokeback Mountain. Swore to God, he couldn't remember very well. He was too drunk and too aroused, the two inevitable combinations that led to sex, physical and almost brutal sex. But the second night was different. He was sober and totally in control. He was aroused, too, no doubt about that. Damn that Twist and his golden chest that glowed in the pale orange light inside the flipping tent. Never saw someone so beautiful. The first kissed melted him to the bone, never knew a man's lips could be so soft. Kisses so sweet, Jack lips were closed at first, assuring, giving him strength in a strange way. Then that mouth opened, nibbling, licking and tugging on his lips, their small moans mingling. "Ennis," Jack said his name huskily and his tongue slid in, Ennis feeling lost, totally gave in to the sensation that sent electricity down his body. Naked later, they moved together naturally, touching and marveling at every inch of each other's skin. Tongues left the wet lines following the trails explored first by fingers. Toes curling, back arching, hips grinding, hands entwining, they cried out each other's name, asking the mountain to witness the night Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist withdrew the anchor and sailed out to the infinite, deep sea of forbidden love.

Brokeback Mountain, their one and only friend so far. The strong mountain embraced them, keeping them safe in the arms of the solid rock where no one could break in.

Blinking, Ennis felt the horse move away a little from his palm. He lifted his head up and saw her turn back to nibble the grass. He knew Luke was still watching him, still waiting for the answer. Luke, the man who wanted to be his friend. He ain't no Brokeback, hell, he ain't no rock but made of flesh and blood even. Could he trust the man?

"None of yer business," he muttered finally and walked off to the back of the barn.

"Aw, c'mon," Luke followed. Mr. Persistent was surely on a roll. "Ok, I'll tell ya this, too, then. I had my first time in the bathroom. We did it on the bathroom floor."

"What?"

"Ya heard me." Luke nodded to the bewildered looking Ennis. "And we had ta stop 'cause I needed ta pee so bad I was afraid I would pee on her. So I kinda pushed her out. And she left, leaving me and ma boner right there. That was ma first time. Impressive, huh?"

Ennis narrowed his eyes, trying to stop himself from smiling. "That prettiest girl in town?"

"Enough said. Now what 'bout ya?"

"Can ya just focus on things at hand? I think yer here for business."

"Look at my business then. Ya think I have somethin' else ta do 'round here?"

Ennis looked around. Luke was right. There was something like a green hay field on the far end of the ranch. Apart from that, it was a landscape of gravel and grasses and weeds.

Luke then took a step closer to Ennis and stood side by side with him.

"Don't ya have ta call Jack?" he asked, good-natured.

"What?"

"Jack. I think he must be worried sick by now."

"I don't need ya to tell me that."

"Aw, that hurts," Luke crooked his brow, smiling despite his words, "I don't know if I should be happy or sad ya talk ta me like this. It took you a year to stop calling me Martin. But it took one night for ya to let me nag on you like this, like friends do. Hell, I shoulda told ya 'bout Cody long time ago, ya know what I mean?"

Ennis thumped the heel of his left boot to the ground. Hesitating, he slowly cast his eyes up and on the blond-haired man, who suddenly looked older than 39. He'd never noticed the lines on his forehead before.

"What cha gonna do if ya, well, meet him again?"

"Cody?"

Ennis nodded.

"If he don't run out on me like I'm a fucking plague," Luke laughed bitterly, "then I guess I'll just tell him that…I wanna be the last person on earth he's afraid of."

"Why ain't ya the one runnin' off?"

"Why?"

Ennis shrugged, "Most people do."

Luke then shrugged, too, "Not me. I have somethin' else better ta do than that."

Both of them were quiet, diving deep into their own pools of thought.

Footsteps interrupted their thoughts later. Don and Joel were now walking in their direction. Don, a little out of breath, said,

"Luke, we gathered all the documents in the truck. Ya can have a look through them tonight."

"Thank you. I just wanna see some figure and do some calculations. Should be done tomorrow before noon.

"You mean ya will tell me your decision tomorrow?" Joel stepped in, grey eyes shining with a glint of hope. Luke nodded.

"Figure so. I need ta go back to Riverton this weekend."

"We have ta go back, too," Don said, jerking his head to Ennis. "Can't leave the ranch longer than this, can we?"

Ennis agreed.

Luke and Don spent the rest of the day talking and exploring the farm as far as they both could reach without horses. Ennis had nothing to do so he cleaned the stable and picked up some fresh grass from the hay field for the horse, which he learned later was named Clover. Ennis brushed Clover's soft hair and realized he missed his horses, Shooting Star, the light-brown solemn horse, wild but yet looking graceful with her long neck and well-built body, and Black Shadows, a black beauty with a friendly sweet nature, always nudging her nose, asking for some attention even from strangers. Black Shadows..._Jack_.

He had to call him and he wondered at the sudden urge to call Jack. They had never talked on the phone for eight years. What they did was kept things in their heads and zipped them up and waited for the fishing trip to pour everything out. Come to think about it, Ennis didn't really know why. Why? Dignity? Indifference? Pride? No, it was something else. He never knew what Jack had been through in Texas. He'd heard him complain some about Lureen being glued to the adding machine and their relationship had turned cold as ice. But seeing things with his own eyes and hearing with his own ears sure opened his vision. Jack was miserable and he wasn't that strong. It seemed, though he might not accept it, that Jack needed him for comfort, and hell he needed Jack, too. And he had actually called Jack twice and so far the earth hadn't opened and sucked him in yet, so what the hell. Jack deserved to know something more about Luke. He didn't really have to know about his stupid 'rock theory' on Luke and Brokeback Mountain though. Besides, he really wanted to know about Bobby.

_And I want to hear his voice._

After dinner at the ranch, Ennis drove Don and Luke to the motel and excused himself to the payphone in front of the motel. He took the phone, taking a deep breath and dialed the number.

"Hello?"

The voice of a boy answered him, sounding groggy. Ennis knew instantly the boy was chewing a mouthful of food. That must be Bobby.

"Hi," the boy said again.

"Hi...is Jack home?"

"Yes."

A pause. Ennis cleared his throat. It seemed Bobby wanted to talk more.

"Well, can I talk to him? It's...Ennis Del Mar."

"Daddy!" He heard Bobby shout, "Yer friend's on the phone! Is he calling about the next fishing trip?"

_Jesus_, Bobby knew him? Then he heard Jack say something about finishing dinner before hearing the voice he'd longed for.

"My God, Ennis, I was gonna search for the fucking number in the yellow pages!" That was Jack, sounding a bit frustrated. "What took ya so long? What did Luke say? Did Don suspect?"

"How the hell does Bobby know me?"

"What?" Jack paused, "Oh, because I told him about ya, dumbass, that's why. He told me about his best friend, I told him about ma best friend, that's what father and son do. Ya call me to ask about this? I hope not."

Ennis frowned, fingers playing with the phone cord.

"Why ya sound riled up?"

"I am riled up here 'cause I been waiting for a call from this guy since yesterday but apparently that dickhead doesn't care. I been waiting twenty-four hours and all he's worried about is the fact that my kid, who isn't even big enough to hold onto a tire iron, knows him."

"Shut up, Twist," Ennis's jaw was working, "What the fuck is with you?"

"You drove away yesterday practically to confront the man who knows 'bout us, Ennis. And ya disappeared. Now you tell me what the fuck is with me. When were ya planning to call me? How long did ya want me to be picturing things to myself? I been..." Jack trailed off. Ennis heard Jack trying to control his breath, then Jack whispered so soft,

"If only we were together..."

Sighing, Ennis leant his head on the wall, closing his eyes as he pressed the phone close to his ear. Shame on him. A 31-year-old man felt his legs shaking.

"Please, Jack, not this again. Not now," Ennis breathed, as soft as Jack.

"I know...I been a fucking girl. I'm sorry."

They were both quiet, listening to each other's breath for a little lingering moment. Jack then cleared his throat.

"Tell me, Ennis. What happened."

Turning back to look at the motel, Ennis wanted to make sure nobody was around. The sky was dark tonight and there was no one on the road. Ennis didn't know if Luke would mind him telling the story about Cody to Jack. But he had to tell someone. And he had only one someone whom he could trust.

Jack listened to him in silence. He didn't interrupt or made any comments until he finished. Ennis sighed a long relieved sigh. He heard a shuffling sound from the other end of the line, Jack must be now sitting on the sofa.

"That's..." Jack coughed, "not what I expected."

"Yeah, I know...Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"Ya..." Ennis shifted his weight uncomfortably, glancing around again before whispering, "Ya really did sniff ma shirt?"

He felt his cheeks burning when he heard the smile from Jack's voice.

"That's stupid, I know..." _Know what, bud, I even have one of yer shirts back home in Lightning Flat_. Clearing his throat again, Jack asked, "What's he like this morning?"

Ennis shrugged. "Normal, nosy as hell, asking me stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Well, stuff…Damn, the man will just talk and talk 'til I answer his questions."

"Wow..." There was a long stretch of silence. "I'm surprised. It took me two weeks on Brokeback beating the shit outta ya to make ya talk. But it took him one night."

Ennis's brows went together, "What are ya trying to say, Jack?"

"Nothing."

Again, the same heavy silence. This was not something common. Ennis tried to think what was eating at Jack now...first whining about why he didn't call sooner. Then here he was all quiet and sounding miserable when he talked about Luke...

_Fuck, is he...?  
_  
Ennis felt the hair on the back of his neck stand up. His stomach rumbled and it was not because he was hungry. Again, he felt that same hot wave crawling up from his neck to his cheek, burning him with a strange, bittersweet feeling. "Twist, ya ain't feeling ...what I think yer feeling, right?"

"What ya think I'm feeling?"

"Um..." Fingers twisted the phone cord, he couldn't really answer that.

"Sorry, don't know what got into me. I'm bitching like a fucking girl again." Jack groaned aloud. "But Ennis, ya have ta be careful, ok?"

"Isn't it weird?" Ennis chuckled softly. "Now yer the one freakin' out."

"Damn you and yer tire iron story...making me sick."

"Listen, Jack, I have ta go back to Riverton tomorrow. About the fishing trip next week…Maybe we'll have ta do it some other time."

"Call me." Jack said, stopping Ennis from hesitation. "Do this for me, Ennis. If we can't meet soon, then I wanna hear your voice."

Ennis wanted to refuse, like he always did. But he couldn't. Before he realized, he nodded, and simply grunted back.

After hanging up the phone, Ennis lingered in the phone booth a bit longer, boots scratching the ground. Jack sounded a bit weird. Was he alright back there?

----------

_Oh my God, what has happened to me?  
_  
Jack put his head on his sweating palms, murmuring something irrelevant, then threw himself on the couch, trying to calm down the thunder that was striking in his heart making his chest heave. What was that all about? _What was that Luke Martin guy about?_ Restlessly, he shifted and laid on his stomach, resting his forehead on the back of his hands. _Ok, get a grip, Twist._ Apparently, Luke meant no harm. He had a queer friend and fucked it up real bad. He wanted to be friends with Ennis, to make up for his past? Poor guy...

_Fuck it._

Grunting, Jack got up and started to walk. _Try again_, Jack told himself and took a slow walk around the living room. Luke wanted to be Ennis's friend. He tried to talk to him, making him smile with some stupid jokes, opening him up. Ennis was a walking statue, solid and closed-up. You had to melt down the hard shell to get to know the real him. The real Ennis who gently tugged your sleeping form into his embrace, nuzzling and humming his favorite lullaby so sweet to your ears, whispering and kissing on your lips so soft like you were some piece of precious china he was afraid to break. Ennis. _Ennis_.

Yes, being patient and persistent were the keys to get to the real Ennis. And Luke was taking the right road. _So what the fuck's wrong with that?  
_  
_You know what's wrong. He's doing exactly the same thing ya did twelve years ago on Brokeback_.

Jesus, Jack stopped deadweight in the middle of the room, breaking out in a cold sweat.

_This can't be,_ a little voice in his head argued. Judging from the story that Luke told Ennis about Cody, the man was pretty much broken. He might really want to have Ennis's friendship, something he didn't have a chance at with Cody. He didn't have any ulterior motive, like you, for getting Ennis to open up. What was wrong with you, Twist? Why didn't ya feel relieved that he meant no harm to Ennis? To _us_?

_Us?_ What was this? You weren't even with Ennis? _He did.  
_  
Jack cursed and spun around, then went back to make the call. First he dialed the information center and asked for the phone number of motel La Quinta in Aurora, then he dialed the number of the motel. _You wanna know the truth? Then ask for it._

The front desk answered the phone. But there was no phone in each room so Jack told the guy at the front desk to leave Luke a message that Jack Twist would call him back in five minutes. But Jack didn't wait that long, he called again in three minutes and, as expected, Luke answered the phone himself.

"Jack!" He laughed, "How're things goin'?"

"I'm good," Jack sat on the couch, taking a deep breath, "Hey, thanks for ah..._that."_

'No big deal, I kinda know Ennis would go to you, which reminds me...why didn't you tell me yer a friend of Ennis?"

"Well, 'cause I didn't think the world could be that small." He paused and looked down at his hand, now rubbing off the sweat from his palm onto his jeans. "And I'm sorry...ta hear about yer friend."

Luke was quiet for a moment then Jack heard his low chuckle.

"He musta told you everything, ain't he?"

"He's better as a listener though."

"Don't I know it." Luke barked into laughter. "How can you stand the damn guy? I talked nonstop and he said two words. Is he like this with you?"

Jack felt the corner of his lips curl up despite everything, "Not anymore. But I've been there."

Closing his eyes, the memory of himself talking almost without taking a breath, trying to crack Ennis up on Brokeback, appeared behind his eyelids.

Back then Jack always imagined Ennis Del Mar lived behind hundred of locked doors, and it would be fun to try to open each door, peeking inside to see what was going on in the man's thick head. It was just a stupid thought to amuse himself, while he was out sleeping with the sheep at night.

Then the thoughts became a challenge. Most nights before going to sleep, he would figure out something to talk to Ennis about, digging out some old jokes or insane adventures he'd done as a kid, seasoning them a little. They would talk at dinner time. It had soon become Jack's favorite time of the day. He even went jittery when the time was near, wanting so bad to ride down the hill to Ennis and his honey brown eyes, seeing if he would crack up some on the stories he had thought about all night. If not, then he would try harder on this. No way he would give up, Jack was a bullrider, he loved challenges.

Then challenge had become a habit. He talked to Ennis like that every night, but mostly Ennis would just nod or make an approving sound in his throat. Until the tenth day, didn't know what got into the man, Ennis finally talked more about himself and his family. Jack's eyes were glued to him, hard as he tried, he couldn't look away.

_"Friend, that's more words than you've spoke in two weeks."_

"That's more words than I've said in a year."  
  
Right then Jack was rewarded with Ennis's smile, his lopsided smile showing dimples, making him look younger, even adorable.

_"My daddy said rodeo cowboys are all fuck-ups."_

"Like hell they are."  
  
There, lips curling, looking from the corner of his luminous brown eyes to Jack, Ennis looked like a little angel. What if he laughed? Jack decided right there, he would do anything to make Ennis laugh. If talking couldn't do the trick, then he had to move some muscle, getting into action.

_"Yee-how!"  
_  
Springing up from the ground, Jack Twist went air-rodeoing, looking like the biggest fool in the world. But he didn't care. There it was, the laughter from Ennis Del Mar, soft and low, rumbling up the air. Jack knew right at that moment that one more door had been opened, the door Jack was invited in as a friend.

Little did he know that later, he could walk through a lot more doors than he had imagined, some were joyful, some were heart-wrenching, some scaring him to death. It had been a rollercoaster ride but he had no regrets.

"Damn," he heard Luke curse, bringing him back to earth. He could even picture him shake his head. "That must be hard."

"Yeah, been working hard on that. I guess you're doing that, too, right?"

"What?"

"Try to open him up, make him smile, or laugh with yer stupid jokes."

_Shit_. Jack bit his lips. He didn't want to do this. This was not his nature, even, to jab at people, especially, a man who had been good to him since the first day they met. But he couldn't help it, those words just slipped out, in response to the urge in his heart that was now starting to beat faster again, every beat kicked harder, hurting like hell.

"Now what is it?"

"Nothin'." Jack pinched the bridge of his nose, "Nothin', Oh God..."

He sagged into the couch, not wanting to feel bad about all this.

"What is it, Jack? I guess I've made myself clear I ain't got no problem with you and Ennis bein'...whatever."

"I know, it's just...damn."

"Ya worried about somethin', Jack?"

"I'm just tired. Sorry, Luke, I have ta go." He said, voice weak, "Sorry."

"Ok..." Luke sounded uncertain but he said goodbye anyway, adding he would talk to him later now that he had Jack's phone number.

Jack hung up the phone. The silence in the living room was so heavy that he felt like it would crash down on him.

_Jesus, Ennis, why not me?_

Hell, trying as hard as he could, Jack couldn't peek behind that door where Ennis'd been hidden with his fear of a tire iron. Once in a while he could talk him out, comfort him from fear, still Ennis would be locked back behind that door again. But Luke had done something, Jack could tell from the way Ennis talked about Luke. Ennis seemed to be loosening up a bit. No, he knew Luke hadn't gotten inside that door yet, and Ennis hadn't let him in or gotten out himself. But somehow the door had been unlocked, waiting for someone to take further steps.

What was he doing here when all he wanted was to be with Ennis? Why couldn't he be with Ennis and fight the fear, open that damn door together? He could go see him, yeah, like he did when Ennis got divorced. He could take Lureen's truck and go.

But Jack knew there was no point if seeing Ennis meant having to part with him again. Then could he just fucking leave and stay with Ennis forever?

No.

_Why?_ So many reasons that he couldn't name them all.

Curling himself on the couch, Jack felt his eyes burn. Cursing, he lifted up his hands to rub the tears off his face and right there he saw one of the reasons why.

The ring on his left ring finger now screamed out the crude answer at him in silence.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10 :Final Answer:

Chapter 10 **"Final Answer"**

Jack yawned and rubbed his eyes. He had been reading page after page full of legal jargon and the boring details of contracts, his Saturday morning's routine at the Newsome Farm Machine dealership, for the past few hours. He couldn't sleep well the previous night, thinking about stuff, his brain going around in a circle. So he woke up early and went straight to work. Jack grabbed his coffee and winced as his palm made contact with the cool cup. The coffee was cold already, he wondered if there was anybody outside who could warm it up for him. Normally, he never acted like the bosses, sticking his nose in the air or giving orders to his co-workers. If his coffee turned cold, he would go warm it up in the kitchen. But he really needed to finish this contract. Jack tried his luck calling Debbie at the front office. She should be there until noon.

"Yes?"

"Hey, Debbie," Jack said, "Could you please warm up the coffee for me? I really have to finish the final check on this contract before Mr. Brooks shows up any minute now."

"No problem," she said, a hint of amusement and concern in her voice.

"Thank you."

Jack relaxed and sagged back on the chair, averting his eyes from the pile of documents on his desk and gazing instead at the calendar on the wall. It was June already and he had not changed the page of the calendar yet. He had left it as April 'cause he loved the picture. It showed three coyotes, all of them looking out to the blue sky from a stone that looked like a cliff to Jack. Their tails were pointing up, proudly presenting the white tips.

Jack thought of the folk tale his mama used to tell him when he was a kid, about how the coyote's tail turned white. He told Bobby the story, too, a long time ago when he was just five years old and sick from flu.

_"Daddy, where did fire come from?"___

_Chuckling, Jack turned to see Bobby lying on the bed, eyes looking at the lamp on the nightstand. The boy's voice was thick from flu and his nose was running.___

_"Well, the coyote brought it to man." Jack wiped off his nose with a tissue and tugged the corners of the quilt firmly under Bobby's body. He slid down and sat on the floor, his head half laying on his son's legs and the sofa.___

_"You're kidding." ___

_"I ain't kidding. Yer grandma told me."___

_"How'd she know?" Bobby asked, coughing.___

_Rubbing his palm on Bobby's chest, Jack smiled his lazy smile, "Her grandma told her. Long time ago, people died from cold. So the coyote stole the fire from the Fire Beings living on the top of the mountain and gave it to people. Ya see, the tip of the tail of the coyote is white, that's because the Fire Beings caught his tail."___

_"Why?" Bobby eyes widened, clear eyes seizing on his daddy with interest.___

_"The Fire Beings tried to catch him but could touch just the tip of his tail. Coyote can ran away very fast."___

_"The fire burned the tail?"___

_"Yeah, so the tip of coyote's tail has been white ever since."___

_"Um..." Bobby shifted and turned to face Jack. "Grandpa's hair turned white, too. You think the Fire Beings caught him?"___

_Jack laughed until his stomach hurt.___

_"Why're you laughing?" Bobby snorted, trying to get up from the sofa.___

_"Bobby, big boy," Jack lifted himself up a bit, leaning closer and pressed Bobby down gently, "Now about yer grandpa's white hair, it's a little bit more complicated."___

_"How? Is there something about snow?"___

_Jack crooked his brows, a smile still painted on his lips, "Why do ya think that?"___

_"Snow is white. But fire's not. It's orange."___

_"Good point." ___

_Jack saw one of Bobby's sock-covered feet hanging out from under the quilt, he gently shoved it back inside. When he looked up, Bobby was still looking up at him, blue eyes shining bright, despite the flu. Jack patted his son's stomach.___

_"You don't have to know the answers to everything, Bob. Just the one you need right now. You'll learn the rest later."___

_"But I want to know," Bobby cried out, coughing again.___

_"Fine, but I figure ya won't understand anyway. About yer grandad's white hair, it's somethin' about hormones."___

_Bobby blinked and curled himself more into the quilt, absorbing the comfortable warmth to his small body, "What's that?"___

_Jack grinned, "I told you, you'll learn more when you grow up. Now go to sleep."___

_"Will you let me drive the tractor tomorrow?"___

_"Now that I can answer ya." ___

_"It's a yes?"___

_"You bet, it's a yes."___

_Smiling, Bobby settled down further into the bed, "Good night, daddy."___

_"'Night."___

_Tugging the corner of the quilt under Bobby carefully one last time, Jack kissed his son's forehead and turned off the lamp.__  
_  
Jack sighed, 'Sorry, son', he thought. 'I have questioned myself a lot but still couldn't find answers, even for some simple questions like, what was I doing here, behind the table full of worthless papers'. I guess for the rest of our life, we might not able to know the answer to some questions.

The knock on the door startled Jack. He looked up and saw Debbie poking her way in.

"Have ya looked at the new catalogue, Jack?"

"Not yet," Jack handed her the coffee cup, then tried to look for the new catalogue which should have been buried somewhere under the papers on this messy desk from hell, "Give me five minutes."

"I know I musta talked too much, but we really need to order the new models in two weeks. You think you can look through it today?"

"Yeah," he said then shook his head as the door closed, "if I had three hands and maybe four eyes, oh, and with an extra brain."

He flipped over the papers, old catalogues and some envelopes. "It would be nice if my coffee could warm itself up, too, so I wouldn't have ta waste the precious time to get the coffee from the kitchen. And if the damn cup could grow legs, then I'd be in seventh heaven."

Jack knew he was ranting but he couldn't stop, "And where the fuck is that goddamn catalogue?"

He flipped the last pile of papers and lost it. He grunted loudly and swept everything off the desk, watching the papers flying all over his office, chest heaving with a sudden anger. Debbie, who knocked and opened the door, stopped short at the sight. She didn't say anything, just quietly put the coffee cup on the desk.

"There! Found it!" Jack bent down and picked up the new catalogue, which was lying on the top of the contract. He forced a tight smile, swaying it back and forth in front of his face.

"That's great," she smiled back, sheepishly. "And don't forget we have the session this afternoon with Mr. Cherone trying out that new hay baler machine, too."

"We do?" Jack frowned. Debbie just nodded. "I'm doomed." He took one small piece of paper from the piles on his feet. A note from Lureen, the first thing he had seen on his desk this morning. "Lureen and I gotta have lunch with some clients at 12:30. What time's that session?"

"One p.m."

"Shit. I must be the most wanted man in town."

He picked up the phone, waving and mouthing 'thank you' to Debbie who excused herself out. At first, Jack thought of walking over to see Lureen. Her office was at the front of the dealership where she could see who was coming in and out. Jack's office was at the left wing, with the easiest access to the big parking lot of farm machines. All the try-out sessions and demonstrations of the new models took place there.

Looking at the note again, Jack dialed Lureen's internal number. If she was so busy that she had to leave the note on his desk, then, hell, he could be busy and not spend any time walking over to see her, too.

"Lureen," Jack said when she picked up, "I got a try-out session this afternoon. Gonna have ta skip lunch."

"Ya said you could join us." 

"I forgot about this session."

"Don't ya remember that the lunch was scheduled for today 'cause ya could come?" Lureen emphasized the last two words and Jack didn't miss that. "I've met Mr. and Mrs. Poley twice already. This lunch is for you, Jack."

"O.k. then. Let's see if yer dad can cover for me. If he says yes, then I'll go with ya."

"Now yer crossing the line."

Jack sighed and they were both quiet. Jack weighed whether he liked Lureen with this heavy silence that seemed to suck off his air, or Lureen with cold-as-ice comments that could slice him to pieces. But he couldn't decide. Both were totally getting on his nerves in different ways, making him sick.

"Ya ain't got yer mind at work, do you, Jack?"

"That's," Jack looked out the window, "a good question."

He blinked as he saw a bunch of puffy clouds looking like sheep move slowly across the sky. No, his mind was not on work now. It was flying somewhere else.

"Fine. You do that session. I'll meet with the Poleys."

Then Lureen slammed the phone down.

Jack skipped lunch and went through the try-out session with Mr. Cherone, the businessman in his 50s who moved to Texas from Boston. They spent about a half hour in the office, with Jack talking nonstop about the pros and cons of this new baling machine, mostly about the pros, of course. Jack wondered why all those words could come pouring off his mouth so naturally. He never liked selling. He liked to talk, though, so maybe that helped. After that they were out at the parking lot. Jack had demonstrated how to operate the machine to Mr. Cherone and now he wanted to try to do it by himself.

"Relax, Mr. Cherone, it's like driving a truck. It's just bigger, that's all."

Jack shouted over the loud noise of the operating machine to the black-haired cowboy sitting stiffly on the driver seat of the baler machine.

"I got it!"

Mr. Cherone shouted back and drove the machine slowly to the small hay field around 10 feet away, planted there so customers could see the machines in action. Jack walked behind, hands on his hips. He watched the machine work closely and frowned. Yeah, maybe he was getting like all those machines now. Press the button and he was ready to work. All those words would come out of his mouth automatically, directly from his brain that had been programmed, not from his heart.

_Nice touch, Twist, yer going to be a robot soon. And this robot needs a drink now.__  
_  
Jack thought of going to the bar after work but changed his mind. He had to finish these piles of work first. He was still a fucking salesman after all. After 10 p.m., he drove home with a bottle of whiskey that he had sipped half of it already. Jack threw himself on the chair on the front porch, groaning as he felt a sharp pain in his back.

"Goddamnit, I've been sitting for too long."

"Yer home," Jack heard Lureen. He turned and saw her leaning on the front door, looking like she had been sleeping and was woken up by him, "and drunk."

"I'm not drunk."

"No, yer drunk." She shook her head, "It's about the fishing trips, ain't it?"

Jack narrowed his eyes at her, "What about it?"

"That keeps yer mind off things, off work. I remember, it's supposed to be this week, ain't it, the fishing trip. You got frustrated before and after those trips. I shoulda known better. Today ain't different."

Pursing his lips, Jack slowly nodded, "That's likely. But I ain't going this week."

"Then go," Lureen threw her hands in the air, "Go up the mountain, clear yer head. Ya can take Bobby out tomorrow. It's Sunday."

Laughing softly, he shook his head, "No, it's not the same."

"What's the difference? Tell me, Jack, I been wondering for years why ya can't fish here in Childress, or somewhere in Texas."

_'Cause it's not about the damn fish.__  
_  
"Ennis's truck won't last."

"He could take the bus."

"He won't, ya don't know him. Won't go far from his coffee pot without a reason."

"Fishing trips ain't a good enough reason?" Lureen sounded more annoyed.

"Ya right, but I can't risk that."

"Risk what?"

Jack sipped more whiskey, feeling warmer and bolder as the hot liquid went down his throat, "Having the trip somewhere that he can't go."

"So it's all about him, ain't it?" Lureen snorted, "Ain't about the fishing trip. It's about Ennis Del Mar."

Jack didn't say anything, eyes looking out in the dark.

"Why do I feel like all the answers to my questions always end up with this Ennis?"

"Now yer crossing the line." Jack turned to Lureen, leant closer and met her eyes, "He's my best friend and I won't stand ya talking 'bout him like that."

She held up her hands, "Fine. I'm just trying to talk to ya here."

Jack frowned, laughed quietly and leant back to the chair.

"Since when we need ta _try_ ta talk?"

Lureen crossed her arms, looked up to the ceiling the way she did when she was thinking. Then she shrugged and laughed, too, "Now that ya ask me, I wonder too."

Their eyes met for a moment, then both looked away. Jack heard Lureen's soft voice break the silence.

"Ya know, Jack, we don't talk much." Lureen said slowly, recalling, "We just kinda…do it."

Jack chuckled and was soon joined by Lureen.

"Right. That's our way of talking." Jack chuckled more.

"That's kinda sweet, ya know."

"Yeah?"

Lureen shrugged, "But we don't really talk anymore now, both ways. Why, Jack?"

Jack shifted his position on the chair, turning half of his upper body to Lureen.

"Ya remember when ya went to Houston the night Bobby was sick? Five, six years ago?"

"Yeah, that tractor association meeting or somethin'."

"That night, Bobby couldn't sleep so I told him stories. He asked me lots of questions. God, he never asked that much before. I told him he didn't need to know all the answers now. They would come later."

"But still there are some questions without answers, that's what ya trying to say, Jack?"

"Don't ya think so?"

Lureen seemed to be considering the questions, then she made a low sound in her throat, eyeing Jack with her big dark eyes, "That's a...good question."

Then they both laughed softly and turned to look out at the darkness of the front porch.

"Wait," Lureen finally said and abruptly went inside the house and came back, handing Jack something. "Found this in yer jacket pocket yesterday. Laundry, ya know. What's it?"

Jack took the brass key from her and fondled it with his fingers. The answer came easily straight from his heart, through his smiling lips.

"This, I can answer you, is the key."

"Wow." But she didn't look as fascinated as she sounded.

"My key. The key to my home," Jack was pretty sure he was a bit drunk 'cause he couldn't seem to stop talking, "Can't fucking get in this house with it, ya know. Weird, ain't it?"

"Ya ain't making sense now, are ya, Jack? And look who said ya ain't drunk."

"I am not."

"Yer drunk. It's the wrong key, ain't it?" Lureen sighed and opened the door. He heard her say something about 'going inside' and 'taking a bath' and something more before the door slammed shut. Jack held the key up at arm's length, thumb stroking the cool object fondly. He narrowed one eye and looked through the hole of the brass key to the black sky. He saw a few stars were captured inside the hole and now were twinkling at him.

_If Lureen thought his answer always ended with Ennis, then maybe she was right.__  
_  
"This ain't the wrong key, Lureen," he whispered into the darkness, "the key is right, but _this is the wrong house_."

Jack sighed, his body melted down into the chair, feeling the weight of the whole world. _What the hell am I supposed ta do now?_

----------

Luke lit two of his cigarettes and handed one to Ennis. They were on the front porch of Joel's farm house, waiting for dinner. Ennis murmured a thank you and smoked silently. Luke leant his back on the rail and jerked his chin out to the land in the dark.

"Why don't ya have yer own ranch or somethin'?"

"Why?"

Luke shrugged, "I don't know. Yer good at it and been doing the job for so long. Don't ya think it's time for ya to be the boss? The foreman, at least? Ya will earn a lot more than now."

"I can't."

"Why?"

He shrugged, "Don's got Tim already."

"Ya don't have to work for Don, ya can work somewhere else, outside Wyoming even. Try yer luck."

He walked slightly away from the rail, "I don't know, just can't. Besides, ain't got no luck."

"Why do ya think ya can't?"

"I just can't. No reason. It's easy fer ya to say, ya have everything."

"Don't ya think I have to reach out for it, too? Ya can't sit on yer sorry ass and wait for chances, ya know."

"Chances never come easy for a man like me." Ennis looked down at his dirty boots.

"Like what?"

"What?" He glanced up. Luke pointed his cigarette at him.

"Ya said 'a man like you'."

_A man who is living in sin, that's what I am._ Ennis stared hard at Luke but didn't say anything. He simply turned away.

"Ok, who judges that?" Luke tried again, "What kind of man ya are and everythin'?"

Ennis snorted, "I ain't got anybody, ya see, my wife divorced me and I'm fucking poor, got nothin' but a few dollars in the bank."

"Don't know who put that kinda rubbish in yer head, but consider this, I figure ya never really try to do anything to change ya life, right? Ennis? Have ya ever gone out of Riverton?"

"I'm breathing here, see?" Ennis didn't realize he raised his voice a bit, feeling annoyed already.

"Don't ya wanna know what the other side of the mountain looks like? Don't cha wanna leave familiar things behind? Live somewhere else. Maybe ya can breath even easier there."

"Ya don't know me, Luke. I'm stuck with what I got. My life is in fucking Riverton."

"And Jack is in fucking Childress. It's like what, fourteen, fifteen hours drive?"

"Ya shut up about Jack," Ennis said, teeth gritting hard.

"Fine. One more question and I'll leave ya alone. I don't believe that chances never come to people. Chances come in different forms, too. How many chances have come yer way and you just ignored them?"

Ennis's jaw was working. He couldn't think of anything but the face of Jack Twist driving up time after time even after he had turned the man down more times than he could count. Ennis lived a miserable life. Jack gave him chance after chance of a possible happier life for him, for them, but he just shoved them back in Jack's face, setting up the rule that they couldn't do more than just meet a few times a year.

"People like you, Ennis, are scared shitless. You won't grab a chance even when it's right in front of ya."

"That's bullshit." The words were fighting through his thin-pressed lips as if he wasn't sure that was the truth.

"Oh, yeah?" Luke grinned, "Are you saying ya will change yer life if there's a chance? You know what, I don't think ya can do it."

Then Luke was back inside the farm house, leaving Ennis standing with shaking legs, heart beating fast, face burning with feelings of rage, humiliation and contempt. Luke didn't know him. He had no right to say something like that. But then again, was he right? Ennis clenched his fist and hit the rail,

"Fuck!"

He sat there on the front porch, quietly and totally immersed in his own thoughts. If he'd been given money as an inheritance from his grandparents like Luke had received, hell, he would grab it right away. If only that chance he was talking about was something he could touch. But he never had chances like that. He'd grown up having to earn everything by shedding his own sweat. Nothing came easy for him. He never thought of leaving Riverton, doing something else other than ranching for a living or starting his own business. He simply knew he couldn't do it. Even when Jack had a plan, even painted the dream of them together, having that cow and calf operation, Ennis still ignored it. He knew it was impossible. How the hell could two men live together and do something like that? They would get killed. And that was why he didn't grab that chance. Time after time, he let it slip out of his hands, without even trying.

Figured Luke was damn right about him.

_"Don't ya wanna know what the other side of the mountain looks like?"__  
_  
Hell, yeah, he wanted to know. Ennis gazed out to the huge shadow blackening half of the night sky at the north of the ranch. What possibly could be behind that mountain?

Ennis closed his eyes, trying to picture the lovely white house with the rocking chair on the front porch, the part of Jack's dream that secretly lurking into his brain little by little without him knowing. The pictures popped up once in a while but surprisingly he only saw it while he was in cozy still moments in between waking and sleeping, and always with Jack around.

But all alone in the midst of the darkness, he only saw the ebony dot in his head. No matter how hard he tried, that colorful scenery didn't appear. Without Jack around, his world was black.

_Still, yer fucking sitting on yer sorry ass here. Never take a walk and see for yourself what exactly is behind the damn mountain.__  
_  
He couldn't. He was scared. What if something evil was waiting right there?

"Ennis, dinner's ready. C'mon in."

Don was calling him in the house. Ennis rubbed his face and took a deep breath before going in. Nothing mattered now. There was no way a man like him would have any chances right in front of him anyway. Even God turned his back on him. The only times he was happy were when he was with Jack, and that was considered a serious sin in the Bible. He would be doomed to hell no matter what. Why try to do something else anyway? It was a waste of time. That was his fate. He would just have to follow that route until the day he died.

Dinner went on unusually quiet. It seemed everybody was standing on the edge of the cliff, with tensions hanging heavily in the air. Luke was going to decide about the loan and Ennis thought that was the main reason why no one was enjoying meatloaf and garlic bread.

"Ok, then," Luke cleared his throat, "Ya wanna talk about the loan later or we can talk now."

"I prefer it now."

"We can talk after dinner."

Joel and Don spoke almost at the same time. Luke chuckled at father and son and that eased the tension a little bit. Don's stiff shoulders, as well as his hand that was clenching the knife, were clearly loosening up. Monica sneaked her hand up to rub her husband's elbow.

"I'll tell ya now then. And we can discuss the rest after dinner. How's that sound?"

Joel shrugged and Don nodded. Luke straightened his back and put down his knife. He looked around the table and cleared his throat again.

"Alright, I will give ya the loan."

Joel was grunting 'yes' while Don sighed with relief. But Luke held up his hands.

"Whoa...people, I'm not done yet. Wait up 'til ya hear the rest. Ya might not be as happy as ya are now."

Again, everyone was quiet, even Ennis was holding his breath. Why did he feel it wouldn't turn out that smooth?

"I will give ya the loan under two conditions."

Everyone was listening, eyes focused, with full attention, so Luke continued, "The first one is the loan will go to Don, please please please listen to me, Joel." He stopped Joel from arguing and when the younger boy closed his mouth, Luke said again, voice calm and steady, "This is apparently the first farm you got. Ya ain't never been running a farm before and it would be safer if yer dad would take care of the money for ya. I don't say it's forever. Maybe the first coupla years, 'til ya can sell somethin' and bring some money in."

Joel looked annoyed but didn't say anything. He banged his plate like a kid. He might be a stubborn young man, but he sure knew Luke was right about this. It would be more secure if his father would take care of the loan for now.

"Yer dad is a fine rancher and a businessman," Luke assured him.

With that Luke glanced at Don who seemed worried himself. But the look Don gave back to Luke was assuring. He agreed with the idea.

"What's the second condition?" Ennis heard Don ask.

"Ya have ta do something while yer waiting for the pear trees to bear fruit." Luke looked at Joel who just shrugged. "I saw ya got a hay field. Do you think you can operate that? Hay takes a shorter time to grow and there're plenty of markets for it."

Joel's shoulders dropped. "I don't know shit about hay."

"Joel." Don warned his son about his language and sent Luke an apologetic glance. "Ya have ta have an experienced foreman, hire someone, son, someone who know his way 'round a ranch. Ya can't do all this alone."

"Someone ya can trust, too, Don," Luke turned to Don. Ennis slowly chewed the garlic bread as he looked up, feeling a shiver down his spine. Luke's eyes were on him now, staring. He was talking to Don and Joel again, voice plain and solid, but his eyes weren't on them. They were fixed on Ennis's amber-colored eyes shining now with fear. "And I know just one ranch hand whom you can trust."

Ennis swallowed hard down his dry throat, pulse throbbing faster. He suddenly felt short of breath as he saw Monica was looking hopefully at him. Joel shot him the same evil looks he had been giving him ever since they met. Don's grey eyes were full of faith and determination.

"Let's hear what ya think later." Luke said, turning his attention back to the dinner, "If ya agree, we'll sign the contract as soon as we're back to Riverton. Give me yer answer when yer ready."

Luke nodded at Don, Joel and Monica, then turned to Ennis, challenging light-brown eyes narrowed, sending a hidden message comes piercing through Ennis's brain.

_No need now ta fumble yer way to the back of the damn mountain. Here is the path, ready for ya to take._

Ennis bit his lip, feeling his eyes throbbing as he avoided Luke's gaze. Luke's unspoken words were now hammering inside his head.

_Prove me wrong, Ennis Del Mar._

TBC


	11. Chapter 11 :Two Sides to Every Story:

Chapter 11 **"Two Sides to Every Story"**

The trip back to Riverton was not as pleasant as the journey down to Colorado had been. Don took the first turn driving from Aurora to the border of Colorado and had to stop at the rest stop longer than expected because of the heavy rain and severe wind. The first rain of summer. To make it even worse, the mood between Don and Ennis was awkward. They talked, almost like they usually did, only now their words were chosen more carefully. Both of them avoided the words 'farm', 'hay', 'pears', 'Aurora', 'foreman', 'loan' and even 'Luke'. Ennis didn't have to search for topics to talk about, could just give his answer or opinion when they were talking in the truck. Don wasn't interested much 'cause he was distracted by driving and Ennis was thankful for that. But when they were at the rest stop, Ennis found it was hard to remain calm as if nothing happened. He found himself shaking his legs nervously when they sat and waited for the weather to improve. Don sensed his uneasiness and he knew Ennis well enough not to push. So they didn't say much, just waited until the rain mostly stopped and Ennis took over the driving and went straight back to Riverton.

"See ya tomorrow, son." Don smiled warily at him and, with a wave, he went into the house by the back door. Ennis tucked his hands in his pockets, leant his back on the side of his truck and sighed. Don didn't say anything about the condition Luke had mentioned yesterday. But Ennis knew sooner or later Don would ask him to decide if he wanted to work at Joel's ranch, as a foreman.

_That damn Luke Martin.__  
_  
Ennis kicked the tire before getting in the driver's side of the truck and slammed the door shut loudly. He remembered the way Luke gazed at him, his light-brown eyes slightly dancing with challenge so vivid there was no need for him to speak a single word. Luke said men like Ennis weren't going to grab the chance even it was served to them on a golden plate. Ennis remembered he was angry at that harsh presumption so he simply refused, claiming Luke didn't know him and he didn't have a right to say things against him like that. But deep down, Ennis knew Luke was right.

_That damn fucking Luke almighty.__  
_  
What the hell did he think he was doing? Fucking pointed his finger at people, ordering Joel to make a profit by selling hay, telling Don he needed someone he could trust to baby-sit his son on the ranch job. Then fucking pushed him into the awkward situation of being that someone. Luke knew Ennis couldn't say no right away, partly because Don seemed to agree. But what bothered him the most was the challenge in Luke's eyes. Luke knew damn well that Ennis, as stubborn as a mule, wouldn't refuse. Because if he did so, it meant Luke was right about him. And Ennis wouldn't allow that to happen.

If he accepted the offer, he could prove to Luke that he wasn't a coward. But could he actually move out of Riverton and start the new life? Was he ready?

_It's a six-hour drive to Jack._

_Shut the fuck up_, Ennis knocked his forehead on the steering wheel to stop that little voice in his head. He knew in his heart, although it was not a rational reason, that it was the only good thing about working in Aurora. A good thing that couldn't be announced out loud to the world like he was fucking proud of it. Bad things? Ennis needed more than ten fingers to name them all. Joel hated him, he hated hay, he would be too far away from Junior and Jenny, he didn't have a place to stay, he didn't know anybody there. Most of all, a foreman? Ennis Del Mar couldn't be a foreman. He wasn't good enough for that.

"Shit."

Ennis pounded his hands on the steering wheel again and again, each time stronger, hoping to get rid of all those thoughts that were eating at him right at the moment. He needed to clear his head 'cause soon he would pick up his daughters for dinner. He hadn't seen them for two weeks and they deserved to dine with a happy father, not a grumpy man who looked like he had just heard his death sentence.

He drove away from Don's house and parked his truck in front of Alma's house about five minutes down the main street. Junior and Jenny were waiting at the front porch. Both of them jumped to their feet and ran to Ennis's truck, racing to be the first to launch into daddy's arms. Ennis got out of the truck and laughed as he got a handful of Jenny who practically threw herself into him, lean, fragile arms coming to fasten around his neck.

"Hey, honey," Ennis kissed Jenny's cheek and turned to hug Junior who greeted him with a tight embrace around his middle.

"Hi, daddy."

"Ready to go?" Ennis asked, flicking the knuckle of his index finger on Junior's cheek, "How about we go to the park? What cha wanna eat for dinner?"

"Fried chicken!" Jenny shouted. Junior rolled her eyes.

"Mom won't let you eat that for dinner!"

"Ya wanna eat that, too, Junior?"

Ennis smiled a little and when Junior just shrugged, he said softly, almost like a whisper,

"Then we won't tell yer mom."

The two girls giggled and squeezed into the truck.

They stopped to buy fried chicken and milkshakes for the girls before heading to the park south of the main street. Several people were there having picnics so Ennis took the girls to the swings under the shade of the tree. Ennis sat on the bench, looking around. The afternoon sun of four p.m. wasn't burning anymore and the wind was blowing mildly. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon.

"Where were you this morning, daddy?" Junior asked as she settled in one of the swings.

"Work," Ennis grunted back shortly, wasn't so sure if it was alright to talk about his trip to Aurora now. Jenny, who was starting to propel her swing, looked up at him with interest.

"How was Shooting Stars?" Jenny asked, brown eyes glistening.

Chuckling, Ennis leant back on the trunk of the tree behind the bench, relaxing for the first time that day.

"When can I ride her, daddy? I miss her."

"You can't ride a horse," Junior cut her off.

"You can't either!" Jenny said and pouted her mouth at her sister. Junior seemed to be in a pleasant mood today. She wasn't even slightly annoyed, just snatched a piece of the chicken from Jenny. The two girls had a little food fight around the swings and Ennis felt himself smile at the sweet giggles from his daughters.

If he worked in Aurora, he couldn't meet Junior and Jenny that often. The first couple of months on the job, he might not able to come back to Riverton at all and it would break his heart.

"Are you ok, daddy?" Junior was now looking at him. When she saw Ennis just nod, she dragged him off the bench. "Can you push my swing?"

Ennis frowned, stumbling behind her. "I thought ya hate that."

"Hate what?"

"Me...pushing the swing..."

Junior and Jenny exchanged glances and laughed, "Why would I hate that, daddy?"

Ennis just shrugged and moved to stand behind the swings, looking down at his daughters who gazed up at him with clear anticipation.

"Alright," Ennis smiled and started to push the swings, left hand was on Jenny's back, right hand on Junior's. His low chuckles were soon mingling with the girls' sharp screams as he watched Junior and Jenny swinging up high 'till their feet pointed to the sky.

_Maybe things might not happen the way we thought it would be._

----------

Jack was busy playing with the ring on his left ring finger, removing it and putting it on again. He had missed the conclusion of the meeting at which L.D. had spent over thirty minutes talking. Jack felt the room was suddenly quiet and when he looked up, he saw four pairs of eyes looking at him. L.D. seemed not so pleased, well, he had never been pleased with Jack anyway. Debbie and Ted, the mechanic, both looked something between bewildered and bored. They were bewildered at the fact that Jack Twist could always be a pain in the ass to his father-in-law. And they were sure bored 'cause now they might have to listen to L.D. repeating his comments especially for Jack, who seemed totally unfocused. Then there was Lureen sitting at the chair near the window, looking at him with blank eyes.

Jack hated that. Sometimes he wondered where the old Lureen, the lively little rodeo queen who rode a horse around like a wild deer in the forest, had disappeared to. He missed that Lureen.

"Twist, ya do this," L.D. spoke in a low voice, concluding the meeting.

"Wait a minute." Jack straightened his back. "I thought this machine was ten years old."

"Yer not as dumb as I thought." L.D. glanced at Jack from the corner of his eyes.

"And I thought Mr. Crosby wants a second-hand tractor that's been used for not more than four years."

"Now ya shut up, ya will just confuse us." L.D. shook his head. "Mr. Crosby said he wanted an _old _tractor and that we will sell to him."

Jack shook his head in disbelief, "Mr. Crosby is a great client, L.D. I'm not doing this ta him. And I'll make sure nobody else will do this. We'll find him a second-hand tractor that's been used for four years or less."

"What's this? Twist Farm Machine? Since when do you have a say in this? Yer a salesman and that's you will do." L.D. turned around. Everybody seemed to avoid his gaze like it could release some kind of poisonous radar. He stopped at Jack and winced, not at all pleased to see Jack stare back with stone blue eyes.

"What? Ya got a problem, Twist?"

_Hell, yeah. I got a problem._

Jack kept his eyes on the man standing in the middle of the meeting room. He couldn't stop looking at him, it was almost like he was looking at L.D. Newsome for the very first time. His grey hair was greased and combed up, leaving his crinkled forehead visible. His brows were thin and his nose was crooked. His mouth always twisted at one corner or another, looking ready to spit on things he wasn't pleased with. And those eyes, those small dark eyes that always looked through Jack like he was transparent, like he didn't even exist.

"Debbie, ya prepare the contract," L.D. turned to Debbie. She rapidly gathered all the papers into her file as he walked to stand behind Ted and ordered the young mechanic to give the tractor the last check-up. Then he moved to stand before Jack, hands on hips.

"And Twist, ya'll be meeting Mr. Crosby at nine tomorrow."

Jack felt his breath hiss. He had been patient with this bastard from the start, simply because he was Lureen's father.

"Yer the salesman so do the damn job."

He had been quiet despite all the humiliation L.D. had dished out to him in front of Lureen, Bobby and everyone in the dealership, and yes, simply because he was Lureen's father.

Jack stood up and walked closer to L.D. whose mouth was hanging open. The old man narrowed his eyes when Jack took one more step closer. If the fact that he was Lureen's father was the only reason why he had been so patient with this man, then fuck it. Looking at what he was doing, Jack came to the conclusion that the man didn't deserve his respect.

"Ya got a problem, Twist?"

"Yeah," Jack said plain, "I ain't doing this."

"What!?! What do ya think ya doing here then? Showing yer pretty face around for a living?"

Jack took a deep shaky breath, hands moved up to his hips the way he always did when he felt like his blood was boiling hot. Debbie and Ted kept their heads down while Lureen looked as if she was reading something but Jack knew she was listening.

"It's not selling, it's fucking cheating."

"I'm the boss here, ya do what ya been told!" L.D. said. Jack looked at him closely and suddenly felt disgusted. How on earth could this kind of man with such a fucked-up attitude walk around in society? How could L.D. be a successful businessman to most people and simply be a son of a bitch in Jack's eyes? Jack stepped back to take a good look at L.D. again. This time, he didn't see Lureen's father standing in front of him, just a mean ignorant bastard whom he could knock down if he really wanted to do so.

"I ain't doing it," Jack said for the second time, surprised at himself, thinking that he was a lot more under control than he had expected in this situation.

"Ok, ya sissy, I've had enough. Get the contract from Debbie and get outta here. I expect ya ta be in yer office at nine sharp tomorrow. And ya'll be selling the damn tractor to Mr. Crosby."

L.D. was not the only one that had had enough. The word 'sissy' was like the last straw to Jack, the wall of tolerance came crashing down. He took two steps closer and snatched the file from the table, slamming it against L.D.'s chest with full force. Debbie and Ted were now staring wide-eyed at them. L.D. didn't move. Lureen also wasn't moving, casting her eyes up but showing no emotion.

"Listen, old man," Jack said in between clenched teeth, blue eyes piercing. He slapped the file against L.D.'s chest again, "If ya wanna sell that junk then ya do it yerself. I'm outta here."

"If yer out, then yer fired, Twist!" L.D. shouted at Jack who by now had one foot out of the door. Jack glanced at Lureen and swore to God he saw the hint of a smile in those big brown eyes, something he had missed for years and years of their dry husband-and-wife relationship.

"Sounds fine ta me."

With that Jack was out of the door, first wanting to leave silently but then changing his mind. He grabbed the door knob and slammed the door shut. Pleased with himself, he grinned like an idiot at the satisfyingly loud sound he had made.

"Son of a bitch!" Jack heard L.D. scream. He could picture Debbie and Ted shrinking their necks, maybe wanting at this minute to turn into turtles and hide inside their shell. But he couldn't really picture Lureen. She had always been calm when her father was raging like a tornado. Jack was about to walk away when he heard L.D. shout again,

"Look at yer pussy husband, Lu, now who the hell is gonna sell the damn tractor!?"

"I don't know," Lureen said with the sound of a chair scratching the wooden floor, "Ya just fired our only salesman, daddy. Ya might as well make the sale by yerself."

The next thing Jack knew, Lureen had emerged from the conference room, paused as if to consider what to do next, then she grabbed the door and slammed it shut. Their eyes met for the first time that day.

"I'll get you yer ice cream, daddy!" she shouted over her shoulder, then walked pass Jack to the kitchen at the back of the dealership. L.D. shouted something more as Debbie and Ted ran out and went to the front office. Jack stood there hesitating for a moment, then he decided to follow Lureen.

Jack stepped inside the kitchen and saw Lureen scoop balls of chocolate chip ice cream into a tall glass one after another like nothing had happened.

"Ya ain't feeling anything? Angry? Anything?"

"What am I supposed ta do, Jack?" she sighed, glancing up while working on the ice cream. "He's my daddy. But I ain't surprised yer angry. I wonder why it took ya such a long time to burst out like that. So 'sissy' is the right button to push, huh?"

Lureen looked up at him and Jack shrugged. Lureen then looked back at the ice cream and frowned.

"Something's missing. Can ya see if there's some whipped cream in the fridge? I'll have ta whip it though."

"Ain't ya got to do something? Ya don't agree with yer dad, right? We have ta do somethin'. If we can't stop yer dad then we have ta tell Mr. Crosby," Jack said but he opened the fridge and shook his head, "No, there ain't no whipped cream."

"He might be hard, but I told ya he's ma daddy, Jack." She sighed, "But yeah I guess he's wrong. Ya right, it's cheating. But what am I supposed to do? I wish I could do somethin', too. But…he's the boss." She stopped. Their eyes met for a moment then Lureen looked around.

"Maybe there _is _somethin' I can do." Jack saw the corners of the red lips curl up before she glanced at him, dark brown eyes beaming with strange but yet familiar movement that Jack hadn't seen for a long time.

"Ya ever eaten shaving cream?"

"No...but I shoulda tasted that some over the years during sha..." Jack said doubtful before trailing off. He felt his own lips stretch into a broad smile.

Mutual agreement then passed between them as Lureen walked down to the bathroom and appeared again, a can of shaving cream in her hand. Jack couldn't help but chuckle softly as he watched her shake the can and finally spray the foam on top of the ice cream. He was still smiling when she left the kitchen with the tall glass, hearing her say something about ice cream to L.D. before she came back, hands rubbing on her blue jeans, face lighting up like someone who had just finished her mission and was pleased with the result.

They were looking at each other and Jack saw Lureen crane her neck, faint smile now painted on her red lips.

"Haven't seen that for a long while...Jack Twist's charm."

Jack chuckled softly and gestured to her, "We're even, ain't seen yer smile for like, years..."

Jack realized as soon as he said it that it was so true. Lureen was too busy with the dealership and the two of them were never together long enough now to crack each other up, like they used to do a few years after Bobby was born. Sometimes he looked at her and wondered where the lively lady had disappeared. But now as Jack saw Lureen, he saw the face of the young and sassy rodeo queen come back, that same attractive woman who caught his attention and his lonely heart with her youthful beauty and graceful ride. He remembered how hard it was to take his eyes from the girl who rode the horse so elegantly down the gravel field surrounded by rough rodeo cowboys. She was like a cactus flower blooming in the desert.

Jack liked Lureen. She was the light in his dark and abandoned life back when he was a clueless man at the delicate age between a teenager and an adult, when he didn't know what he really wanted. Although he loved Lureen, he had never loved her that way. His love was for someone else, had always been for someone else even before they ever met. And now he was ashamed of himself for daring to swear to God he would love and be faithful to this woman for the rest of his life. It took two to marry and he wasn't the only one who was locked up in this mess. Lureen was, too.

"C'mon," Jack said, leading the way to the back of the office. He had an urge to take her out of the dull dealership, to somewhere she belonged, out in the wild world.

Lureen complained some while Jack drove her away from Childress's main street. But she stopped complaining when he turned into the McMurtrys's property and glanced at Jack with astonishment. Jack got out of the truck and greeted Miriam who was out on the front porch.

"Why're we here again?" Lureen asked. Jack didn't answer but turn to Miriam, a small woman in her 40s.

"Can we borrow yer horse for twenty minutes. It won't take long, Lureen needs to stretch her legs a bit. It's been a long hectic day."

"Anytime, darling." Miriam said, "Follow me."

Jack turned to Lureen who shot him a shocked look. "I ain't been riding in years. What cha think ya doing?"

"Trust me. C'mon."

Jack heard Lureen sigh but she followed nonetheless.

The McMurtrys were in a growing horse breeding business. They were a frequent client of the Newsome Farm Machine dealership and were also good friends of the Newsome family. The horse Miriam brought out turned out to be the most beautiful stallion both Lureen and Jack had seen in a long time. He had a short soft light-browned coat and a pleasant personality. Lureen laughed when the horse nudged her shoulder and Jack had to admit she looked younger standing in an open field under the sun. Even Miriam thought so. When Lureen sat in the saddle and urged the horse out across the field, Miriam turned to Jack and asked what had happened. Jack grinned.

"She needs time off. She looks real fine on the horse, don't cha think? Ain't seen her so lively for a long time."

Miriam touched his elbow, "You look fine today, too, Jack."

Jack gave her another broad smile, showing dimples. Miriam went inside the house later, saying she would bring them ice lemon tea. Jack walked leisurely, hands in his jean pockets, until he reached the big tree between the barn and the stable. He stood there, filling his lungs with the smell of the grass, feeling peaceful, calm and something he would call determined.

Jack had leant in the past few days the reasons he was miserable. He wasn't true to himself. He blamed everything and everyone. But now he knew the final answer to all the questions. _Ennis_. And Jack aimed to make it right.

Jack looked out to the green field and saw Lureen galloping the horse and disappearing around the back of the barn. He couldn't turn his back on this mess anymore. He had to stop living two lives. He couldn't be a lying husband, cheating on this woman who was as lively and fresh as the morning dew. Lureen was still young and she deserved to find a man who loved her more than his life. He had to be true to his other life, too, the life that he had been longing for, the life of a queer Jack Twist who was crazy in love with Ennis Del Mar.

Ennis might not like it that Jack called himself a queer. But hell, this wasn't about Ennis. It was all about him. Jack Twist was queer and this was the real him.

Jack heard the sound of the horse stamping on the ground. He looked up and found Lureen slowly turning the horse in front of him. Her face was flushed and her dark brown hair came tumbling down her shoulders. She was smiling but soon the smile faded as she saw his serious expression.

"Ya really meant what ya said, didn't ya?" she asked softly.

"What?"

"Quitting the job."

Jack watched Lureen brush the horse's neck gently and slowly nodded.

"Yeah." His voice came out faintly and he swallowed the clog in his throat. "And I didn't mean only the job..."

Their eyes locked. Jack opened his mouth to say something but Lureen stopped him.

"I knew this was coming. Ya been miserable."

"Ya ain't been at yer best, either." Jack told Lureen the truth and she smiled, tilting her head a bit as if to think, then she finally accepted it.

"I wanna do things right when we can still be friends," Jack shook his head, "Don't want it to be gone so far that we can't even look at each other in the eyes anymore. I worry about Bobby though..."

"Jack Twist, you worry about yourself first. Ya can't take care of other people or things when yer mind is somewhere else."

Jacked couldn't help but chuckle. He knew Lureen was talking about all the fuss he had made at the dealership for the past few days.

"So? Now you ain't got no job. What cha gonna do now?" Lureen asked, moving the horse away a bit. "Go see yer friend, I guess?"

Jack wondered at that moment if Lureen knew something. But he had promised himself he would be true to his feeling and this woman. At this moment, it didn't matter if Lureen knew or not. He wanted nothing more than to go see Ennis and that he would do. Truth be told. So Jack simply nodded.

"Jesus, Lureen, I didn't expect things to turn out like this."

"I know." Lureen shrugged and locked eyes with Jack again, blue eyes shining with pure sincerity. "I surprised myself, too, ya know Jack…I thought I would be madder at you, so mad that I could spit fire or something."

"I have pictured somethin' worse," Jack agreed.

"Guess there's two sides to every story, huh?"

"Yeah...," Jack whispered half to her, half to himself, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and feeling more relaxed than ever before. He heard the horse making a low sound so he turned to see. Lureen was absent-mindedly rubbing the soft coat of the horse but her eyes were out on the horizon. Something in her told Jack that Lureen look ready to gallop out again soon. She was a high-spirited woman. The rodeo queen seemed ready to resume her adventure where she had left off twelve years ago.

And from the same starting point, it was about time this fucked-up rodeo cowboy could resume his life the way he really wanted, too.

----------

Came morning and Ennis didn't have time to think about all his worries. He went straight to the ranch to pick up Don before the two of them headed to the feed store together. The kid at the store was taking a week off so they had to go pick up the feed by themselves. Ennis carried sack after sack of feed from the store and loaded them in the back of his truck and waited for Don, who seemed to have some business to discuss with the fat owner. Ennis lit his cigarette when he heard the sound of several boots scraping the pavement nearby. He glanced that way and saw Billy, the Sheriff's assistant, and another man, taller and wearing a black cowboy hat, walking out of the diner. The three men nodded, acknowledging each other's presence, and continued their chores.

"Damn, they let that man out today?" the tall guy said, catching Ennis's attention immediately. He looked up their way and followed their gazes out to where the Riverton Memorial Hospital stood. Ennis saw a black-haired man, with his left leg in a cast, tiptoe out from the door. There were two women accompanying him, both nurses. One supported him under his armpit, the other followed behind carrying a bag.

_That's him. That's Tom, the guy who got beaten with a tire iron two weeks ago_, Ennis thought and felt a sharp pang of pain in his heart for no reason. How could he feel sorry for a man he didn't even know?

"For God's sake, the fucker gonna be 'round again? Why ain't the earth swallowing him whole."

Ennis's body tensed. He looked down at his boots then sneaked a look up at the two men again. The tall guy spat on the ground and murmured something about 'fucking queer' and 'go to hell'. Ennis felt sick and wanted so bad to drive away. He wanted to be deaf and blind for now. He didn't want to hear or see anything. But somehow the two men wouldn't leave him alone.

"Gotta go, Billy," the tall man said, spitting some more, "Ain't gonna stand this close to that damn faggot."

"See ya 'round then, West."

"Ya go home now, Billy, before that cock-sucker looks your way."

"Alright."

Chuckling, Billy waved to West who almost ran out to his truck that was parked a few feet away. Ennis watched Billy watch Tom with cold steel eyes. He dared looked across the road again and noticed several people there were now looking at Tom from afar.

Ennis felt like he was sucked into the past to the day his father took him to see the body of old Earl dying in the dirty irrigation ditch. But he was not actually going anywhere. He was now watching Tom, wounded with bruises and with a broken leg. People there were just looking at him, judging him while he was standing alone, too weak to even walk without help, like some kind of an unmoving target ready to be shot by a bullet.

"Shit. I'll be damned!"

Billy cursed, all of a sudden, and Ennis startled a little. His body froze when he saw Billy spit and cross the road. His eyes followed the short man who had the gun hanging on his waist walking with long strides to Tom.

_My God, please don't...__  
_  
Ennis could hardly breathe. He let himself take a few steps down the empty road but didn't dare to go nearer. Despite his fear for the worst, he watched the man's every move with wide eyes. Billy stopped in front of Tom and said with his harsh and loud voice that seemed like a yell to people who didn't know him,

"Follow me, I'll drive ya."

Ennis stopped short, held his breath, feeling the large clog in his throat seemed to push the tears to the corner of his eyes. Billy was actually saying he would drive the man to his house. He heard it right. Ennis then saw the old lady who was standing and looking at him from afar now walk faster to Tom, bending her head down to look closely at his bruised arm.

"Ya sure yer ok now, young man? Ya leaving with anyone?" she asked. Then the other man with a huge belly slowly walked to the nurse and took the bag from her. Without saying anything more, Billy led Tom to his truck. Tom followed close behind with support from the nurses. The man with the belly tossed the bag into the back of the truck while the old lady kept asking about Tom's situation.

Ennis saw Tom murmur something but didn't hear much. His ears were overwhelmed by the sound of the blood pounding in his head. And he was busy cursing the tears that were now threatening to fall down his cheeks. He didn't quite understand why he was so emotional over this.

Then a hand was on his shoulder and that startled him something fierce. Ennis looked at the big callused hand and looked up to the owner of it. Don was also looking at the same scene as him. Billy shut the passenger door when Ennis felt the tap on his shoulder.

"This ain't some cruel world, son."

Slowly, Ennis finally let out his breath that he had been holding. His hot eyes burned some more as he watched Billy's truck drive away through teary vision. He was thankful Don didn't look his way now 'cause he sure couldn't find the right words to explain his weird behavior. But most of all, he felt thankful for the hand on his shoulder, where his daddy used to grip him and tell him how this world could be so mean to people who were different.

Ennis shuddered as he thought what if he turned his back on Billy a minute ago? If he decided to walk away when Billy walked up to Tom, he wouldn't know Billy just wanted to help the man. If he chose to imagine things with closed eyes, the fear in him would instead draw the crude picture of Billy beating Tom down the street, the way his daddy wanted him to see.

_But his daddy wasn't here. Don was.__  
_  
With almost the same gesture, Don was holding his shoulder now, but his touch was somehow more assuring. The weight of his hand was heavy, almost could rub off the trace of his daddy's hand that used to be there. Don told him this world wasn't that cruel. Things wouldn't always be that bad.

You just had to open your eyes and see.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12 :Confession of A Man:

Chapter 12 **"Confession of a Man" ****  
**  
It had been three days since Ennis had come back to his routine chores at Don's ranch. And despite all the heavy silence between Don and him every time they were alone, everything seemed to be normal. He woke up early and went to have breakfast at the ranch, worked under the hot summer sun all day, had a break for lunch and worked some more. Ennis wanted things to be like this, like before. He hated changes. But somehow he knew he was just stretching the time. Sooner or later, Don would come talk to him.

"Ennis."

_God, could he wait just one more day?_ Ennis sighed and he didn't try to hide it. Don walked up to him at the hay field, "I've talked to Maggie and Tim," Don started, "I figure we need to talk now, son."

"Sure 'nough," Ennis murmured.

"I have ta confess, I think Luke's got a point. Joel does need someone and ya seem to be the best choice...The truth is, son, I also need ya here. We're a good team. Tim, Buck, you and I. We been working together and we click."

"But..." Ennis continued Don's sentence softly.

"But," Don echoed, "I also want ta help my son. Joel is some ignorant kid, I know. Still I really want him ta have that farm. Yer one of the best ranch hands I've ever worked with. I know Joel can learn a lot from you. Maggie and Tim thought so, too."

"In case ya ain't noticed, Don, yer son kinda hates my guts."

"Ya have all the power to rip his guts out if ya need to. Just don't kill him," Don said with a faint smile. "And there's another thing you should think about. I hate to say it this way but I know yer havin' to pay for child support after the divorce. Ya will earn more as a foreman."

Ennis avoided Don's gaze, he had no argument over that. It was true.

"And it's only six hours drive, ya can go back to visit yer daughters on weekends. I'm sure it'll be alright for you to take them there for a change, too. You'll be the boss. And I'll make sure Joel knows that."

"That's ok, he should be the boss, not me."

"Ya worrying about something else then?"

Ennis shook his head, hands playing with his hat for a while, then looked up at Don. "I can't do it."

"Be a foreman? If Tim can do it, if I can do it, then ya can do it, too."

Ennis didn't say anything. He dropped his eyes on his hat again when he heard Don walked up to lean his body on the side of the truck.

"Ya know, there's a difference between being the foreman and being a ranch hand. The job is the same. But being a ranch hand, essentially ya do what ya been told. Being the foreman, ya do it yer own way." Don patted Ennis's shoulder heavily, "I think it's time ya have it yer own way. Tell me when ya think yer ready to go, not that I'm rushing ya or anythin'. And yes, if ya really don't wanna go, just tell me, ok?"

Ennis nodded and watched Don head back to the stable. There was someone waiting for Don there and that someone looked his way, patted Don on his shoulder and walked up to him. Ennis turned his back to Luke once he stopped to stand behind him. He heard Luke ask,

"From one to ten, how mad are you?"

_Fucking Ten, asshole._ Despite his ultimate desire to shout at the man's face, Ennis just grunted and continued baling the hay. Luke walked away a few steps. It had become his way of dealing with an irritated Ennis that he had learnt over the last few days – maintaining the distance.

"I been thinking I ain't being fair to ya. You should have yer say about this foreman thing without me just shoving it into yer face," Luke said. Ennis didn't stop working but Luke saw his jaws tense so he knew Ennis was listening. "I never meant it to happen this way. Ya know what, I was thinking of having ya work there with Joel from the start. I planned to have a nice meeting between Don, Joel, you and me first thing when we arrived in Aurora but then something happened."

Ennis didn't need Luke to say what that 'something' he was talking about was. That night when he punched Luke and fled to Jack.

"I don't want ya to be a foreman 'cause of some stupid challenge. And I been thinking I should come talk to ya." Luke went quiet. He waited until Ennis stopped working on hay. He finally heard the curly blond-haired man sigh heavily before those hazel eyes shot him an annoyed glare. "As a businessman, I have the right to say who should help run that farm and I think yer good enough to be a foreman. And as a friend, I really think ya need a change."

Ennis was about to say something when Luke cut him off, "Ya been miserable and it's getting worse after the divorce. Why do ya think I been dragging ya down for camping trips all those times?"

Ennis locked eyes with Luke who nodded once, in confirmation.

"Besides, don't cha think it's better in Aurora? It's only six hours dr.."

"Shut up," Ennis said, harsh, then put the last bale of hay in the back of the truck. Luke stayed clear out of the way, hands up at his chest level, looking like he would wave a white flag if he had one. But Ennis knew he was still waiting for an answer. Stopping at the door of the driver's side of the truck, Ennis turned to Luke.

"Stop saying shit like that, like ya know...Jack. Ya don't know him. And me."

Ennis shifted his weight on to his right foot. "You don't know shit about us."

"Someone's gotta know, Ennis. Ya can't keep it all bottled up inside ya. Twelve years is too damn long already. Ya'll burst someday, ya keep it up."

Ennis just stared 'cause he suddenly realized how true it was. Hell, he had blurted out enough to this man already. Luke studied Ennis some more, then smirked,

"So, from one to ten, how mad are you _now_?"

"Ten," Ennis said fiercely but Luke didn't seem to care, instead he chuckled softly. Ennis got in the truck and started the engine. He looked in the rear mirror at Luke who was still hanging around hay that had not been baled. He honked and shouted out the open window,

"The hell ya doing? Wanna walk back to the house?"

Luke laughed louder and, without a word, hopped into the back of the truck.

Luke headed back to talk to Don in the house as soon as Ennis parked the truck under the tree. Buck, the young rancher, ran out of the stable to help Ennis with the hay. Ennis turned Shooting Stars and Black Shadow out into the corral as he and Buck started to work.

"Heard yer leaving?"

Ennis shot him a bewildered gaze, "Who told ya that?"

"Tim. And he said it's good for ya."

Sighing, Ennis sat on the stump of the pine tree near the stable, took off his hat and frustratedly ran his hand through the blond curls.

"Why the hell does everybody want me ta leave?

"O-oh," Buck looked at him with wide eyes, "Easy, Ennis. If ya don't wanna talk about this, let's get back ta work then."

Buck kept his word, they didn't discuss more about Ennis moving out to work in Aurora, and eventually Buck finished his part and moved to work in the barn.

Alone at last, Ennis watched his two horses nudging each other and let his mind travel back to what had happened in Aurora. This trip had opened his eyes in many ways, all were scary as hell. He had realized how difficult it had been for Jack to drive back and forth between Riverton and Childress all these years. Jack never complained. Hell, the shithead even wanted to meet him more than two, three times a year. Luke knew their secret and was covering up for him so Don wouldn't get mad that he took his truck to Childress. Then Luke told Ennis the story of Cody, his friend whom he had hurt. Besides Jack, there was someone else who wanted to be his friend. Ennis saw Jack's fancy house in Childress for the first time but Jack was not a happy man. He was miserable, torn between his hatred toward L.D. Newsome and his love for Bobby. Ennis couldn't be sure if that was the reason Jack wanted to see him often, to talk and to draw comfort from the only friend he had. Then there was Don, who trusted him enough that he wanted Ennis to be the foreman at his son's ranch.

Too many things had happened and Ennis just wanted to forget all of this shit and live his life the same way he used to. But deep down in the little place in the bottom of his heart, Ennis felt important for the first time in thirty years.

Don needed him,

Luke needed him, and above all,

Jack needed him.

If he worked in Aurora, he could fulfill everyone's desires. Don had always been awful good to him and working hard was the one way a quiet man like him could show Don his gratitude. But how about himself? Would he be able to fulfill his own desires when he didn't even know what exactly he really wanted to do?

"Shit..."

He cursed and startled as he felt a soft breath tickling the side of his face. Black Shadow was now nuzzling his neck, making a low noise in her throat as if to ask him what he was thinking now. Ennis rubbed her nose softly,

"Ya think I should go? Ya wanna go there, girl?"

Black Shadow nudged his chin and Ennis smiled. He couldn't deny that moving to Aurora would shorten the drive from Childress, which meant Jack and him could meet more often. It would be good for Jack. Folks out there didn't know them. And things might not be that bad. Ennis still remembered what had happened outside the Riverton Memorial Hospital a few days ago. But he wondered what would be different if he could meet Jack in Aurora more often, but after each "fishing trip" they still had to part?

Black Shadow bent her head down to nip some hay that had scattered on the ground from the bales when Buck and him carried them to the stable an hour ago. He watched as she chewed fresh hay like it was some kind of an extremely tasty dish. Ennis snatched some from her mouth and Black Shadow made more annoying sound. He chuckled.

Maybe he needed to go step by step. All these messes couldn't possibly be disentangled in one day. _But a hay farm?_ Ennis gently stroked Black Shadow's short hair.

"If ya eat this shit, then hay might not be that bad, huh?"

Straightening his back, Ennis locked the fence and walked off to the house. Taking just one step closer to the back of that mountain wouldn't hurt, right? He could always back away if something happened. Taking a deep breath, Ennis finally poked his head in the kitchen. Don, Maggie and Luke were there, talking about something.

"Come in and have a drink, Ennis," Maggie said, smiling.

"Thank you, ma'am. But I have to clean the barn after this. I just wanna…say something first."

"Ok," Don turned his attention to Ennis, who shrugged,

"I need ta talk to Alma…my ex-wife and my daughters about the job. I'll talk to them tomorrow."

"This is great news, Ennis."

"Ya have to understand that my daughters are everything ta me, Don. They will have a say in this. The final say, probably."

"I do understand." Don smiled and walked up to him with his bare hand. Ennis sighed, hesitating a bit before shaking his hand. He glanced at Luke who just chuckled softly as he concentrated hard on his bottle of Corona.

Don and Maggie asked him to join them for dinner but Ennis told them he wanted to go home and rest. He hadn't slept well for weeks. But truth be told he knew he wouldn't able to sleep well tonight as well. How could he close his eyes when there were so many things to think about? How could he tell Alma and the girls?

He didn't stop for dinner anywhere. He still had some soup and sweet corn left in the fridge and, besides, he didn't have an appetite for any fancy dishes and it was fine for now. After he parked the truck under the birch tree, Ennis walked to the front door and fumbled for the key in his pocket. When he was about to unlock the door, he heard the sound of an engine heading his way. The dark sky of seven p.m. wouldn't allow him to see the shape of the truck that clearly, but Ennis knew it was not the truck of someone he knew.

That truck parked in front of his shack and the driver turned off the engine and the light almost immediately. Ennis did what everybody would do under this circumstances, he peered at the driver. It was dark so he could just see the shadow of something that look like a man wearing a cowboy hat sitting behind the steering wheel. But that was enough.

The shadow resolved itself into the familiar figure Ennis used to see lying beside him in the dark tent. Although considering the time and the place, it was unlikely. But there was no mistake

_Jack fucking Twist.__  
_  
There he was, getting out of the truck with his trademark to-die-for broad smile showing white teeth and dimples, the smile that always did something funny to Ennis's stomach. Jack walked straight toward him with almost the same gesture as he had a half month ago after the divorce. Damn this guy and his sense of timing, always just showed up in front of him, never allowed Ennis time to collect himself. He wasn't prepared when Jack arrived to see him after the divorce and he ended up chasing Jack away. He hadn't expected this visit either. But Ennis knew now that he'd better keep his mouth shut rather than saying something he would regret later.

The nearer Jack came to him, the faster his heart beat. The world was suddenly shrinking down so small that all his attention was now only on this approaching man with them fancy clothes. Ennis winced at Jack's cream-colored suit and purple shirt.

"What?" The man in question was now standing in front of him, blue eyes dancing with unmistakably joy that Jack didn't even try to hide.

"Ya didn't stop for gas wearing this 'round here, did ya?"

"I did actually," Jack grinned. "Ya eaten somethin'?"

"Nope."

With that Jack walked off and back again in two minutes, one hand holding a big paper bag, the other holding a medium-sized leather bag. Ennis opened the door slowly, eyes still absorbing the scene in astonishment.

"Ya got a big bag, too?"

"Yes. I prepared to come here this time, Ennis. I didn't just fly out of my house like the last time I saw ya here."

Ennis was about to ask something more when he saw Jack put down the keys on the nightstand. Their truck keys and the twin brass keys were lying on the small, ancient nightstand together and it looked…

He glanced up and saw Jack was looking at him, smiling still.

"Why ya look so...," Ennis tried to find the right word, "all perky?"

Jack chuckled softly, "I have reasons to be 'perky' but ya look bad, bud."

"'Cause I have reasons to be worried. Why ya here anyway? Everything ok?"

"After you," Jack leant on the refrigerator and crossed his arms. "What happened, Ennis, after ya drove from Childress back to Aurora?"

"I already told ya about Luke,"

Ennis said and he could sense Jack's body tense up. The memory of the night he had called Jack and told him about Luke came rushing back to him. He remembered at that moment, Jack was acting like he was…jealous. And right now, Jack's body jerked just from his mere mention of Luke's name. Ennis met Jack's eyes, seeking the truth from those addictive blue pools. But Jack avoided his eyes, asking him more questions.

"What happened the next day? Ya ain't told me yet what ya was doing in Aurora."

"Things were getting real messy." Ennis sighed and walked to sit on the bed. "Don asked me to help his son run the farm in Aurora."

"That's why you were there?"

"Yep. They asked for a loan from Luke. Luke said I gotta be working there or else they won't get the loan. He wanted me to be the foreman."

Ennis gazed up again and this time could catch the glimpse of sadness and hurt in Jack's eyes before he turned his back to Ennis, unnecessary busying himself with the groceries on the counter.

"Ya gonna accept the offer from him?"

"What the hell is wrong, Jack?" Ennis walked over to the kitchen, "Ya the one who said Luke didn't mean any harm and now...ya. Why do I have the feeling that yer...yer..."

He tossed his hands in the air in frustration as he couldn't finish the sentence. How the hell could he say that out loud? It was impossible that a man could feel...jealous toward another man, right? _Right, Jack?__  
_  
The sound of a can hitting the counter brought Ennis back from his thoughts. Jack was now facing him, no sign of a perky man, only a desperate-looking Jack Twist.

"Ya got it right, Ennis, I'm jealous. I'm fucking jealous as hell."

The simple confession made Ennis numb. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. Jack walked one step closer.

"I am jealous of that Luke guy, alright? I been trying to ask ya to give us a chance, but ya said no, every damn time! But then this man showed up and, and...shit." Jack rubbed his hand over his face, murmuring through his parted fingers, "Ya know what's the worst part? Ya seem to be considering that offer. All these years, ya never spent even a goddamn minute thinking about us. About what we might have together. But look at ya now."

"It's different, Jack."

"No, fuck, no, it ain't different!"

"It's a job and it's Don we're talking about. He's been real good ta me."

"So what have I done to you, Ennis? What have I done to ya to deserve this? I been bad ta you?"

"God, it's not like that." Ennis kicked the counter and began to walk in a circle as he heard his own low voice,

"That can't be."

"What can't be?"

"This..._feeling_!"

"Yeah, it can't be if we're just buddies. But we're not and ya fucking know it, Ennis."

"Ya said ya ain't queer..." It came out as a whisper and Ennis knew the minute he said it that he wanted it to be true.

Jack shook his head, "I thought I wasn't queer back on Brokeback. Hell, I tried not to be queer my whole life but I can't deny what I am no more. I know now and I ain't gonna lie to myself. I am queer."

Jack knew he was going too fast. He had made peace with himself back in Childress and he swore he would make things right, at least as far as it was in his power to do so. He wanted to start living his life the way he really wanted to and there was only one thing he had ever longed for, being with Ennis. And if that idea made him queer, then he would be queer. He couldn't go back and change the past. God knew how badly he wanted to turn back the clock to the day they parted at Signal. If he had it to do again, Jack wouldn't drive away. He would tell Ennis he was queer and was crazy in love with him. Ennis might punch him again but that was fine. He just wanted to do whatever he could. At least Ennis would know how he really felt, and that was why he felt jealous when other men were near him.

It was because he was fucking in love with Ennis. And he was going to tell him.

"I shoulda told ya twelve years ago in Signal, Ennis. I had a clue. I knew what I felt about ya back there. I shoulda let that clue guide me. But I turned my back on it. I'm not doing that anymore."

"Don't...Just stop it." Ennis stopped walking and stood dead in front of him, staring with steely eyes and shaking his head with desperation. He knew Jack too well. He knew he couldn't stop Jack from talking but he didn't want to hear what he had to say. He didn't want to know anything.

"Ya wanna know why I came here? I'll tell ya why. If I start this all over again, maybe things will be different. I always thought there wasn't no need to say it aloud but I was wrong. Ya need to hear me out. Ya need to know how I feel on you."

"Fucking drop it, Jack!" Ennis shouted, voice cracking.

"I'm not gonna lie to myself no more. Ya wanna know why I dream of that cow and calf operation? Wanna know why I'm jealous over Luke? I'm gonna tell ya now, ya better listen ta me good. Everything was messed up 'cause I just fucking lo..."

Ennis closed the space between them and clamped his hand on Jack's mouth before he could finish the sentence. Jack didn't fight. He just stood there back leaning on the counter, shaking from emotions. Still he let Ennis's hand stay pressed tightly over his mouth. Their eyes met in an extremely hard stare. Ennis's eyes going left and right and were a bit misty now. His chest was heaving and his whole body seemed to be trembling, too. Jack saw all of this and his stare got softer. _Damn, Ennis, I could never hurt you.__  
_  
He slowly released the grip he had on the edge of the counter and held his hands out, one circling Ennis's wrist, the other covering Ennis's hand on his mouth, lacing his fingers with Ennis's. And slowly, Jack eased those still-trembling fingers off his lips.

Ennis closed his eyes, giving in to the exhaustion from fighting not to let his brain absorb the truth from Jack that he had been denying. It was impossible. Two men couldn't be in...

_Love._

Leaning his forehead to Jack's, Ennis's tortured face and tight jaw were clearly visible to Jack. Despite hating like hell to hurt Ennis, Jack didn't say anything to comfort the man, or try to cover up with stupid jokes like he did sometimes when things went all gloomy between them. Jack wanted Ennis to think. He moved one hand up to gently stroke Ennis's cheek, the other hand still holding Ennis's hand, fingers entwined.

Ennis didn't say anything but Jack was glad enough that Ennis didn't break away. His left hand pressed closer to the smooth cheek and down the rough stubble and finally he rested his palm on the side of Ennis's neck.

Jack closed his eyes. He always lost himself when they touched. His rational consciousness flew away, all the things he wanted to say seemed to be in a blur and he couldn't think about any other thing except his desire to touch and be touched by Ennis. And it was exactly what Jack was feeling right at this moment.

Jack lifted his chin and moved his parted lips toward Ennis's, tilting his head in such a familiar angle that he didn't even need to open his eyes to see. Their warm breath mingled and when their lips touched, Jack felt the shiver went through his body from head to toes. No matter how many times they had kissed, the feeling never got old. Both of his hands went up to cup Ennis's face, holding on tighter as he dove in for another kiss. Ennis's hands came up to cover his and in that minute Ennis jerked away from Jack's touch and stared at him with big honey eyes, shining lips parted.

"What?" Jack breathed.

"Ya.."

"What, Ennis?"

Jack didn't understand what was happening now until Ennis's hand on his left hand pressed tighter, until it almost hurt. They both looked down at their hands as Ennis stroked his ring finger, his _empty_ ring finger.

"Why did ya do this?"

Jack swallowed hard and met Ennis's eyes.

"I told ya I wanna make things right and I was about to tell you the reason why, but ya didn't wanna hear it."

They looked at each other. Jack leant back against the counter and shrugged.

"I can't stay with Lureen, I don't love her," Jack said. Ennis looked at those blue eyes that seemed to shout at him whom he really loved. But Ennis averted his eyes before he could see something that was hidden behind that blue color. He slowly shook his head,

"This can't be...Jack, we got...this thing and it's...it's not supposed to..." He stopped for a moment, and tried again. "We're two men. We ain't feeling that way...we just...can't..."

"Oh yeah?" Jack snorted, "then why the hell ya think I drive fourteen hours twice, three times a year to see you?"

Ennis just stared.

"Why do I keep coming back to ya every time ya kick me away? Ya really think it's because of this damn 'thing' ya said we got between us?"

"Hell, yeah!"

"OK, then define that 'thing'. What's that damn 'thing' supposed ta mean?"

"Ya know what the fuck it is, Jack."

"Ya mean this?" Jack grabbed Ennis's shirt and pushed his back to the counter, then pressed his groin against Ennis. Ennis gasped but Jack just pressed harder, feeling their hard flesh, "So ya think it's sex. Tell me somethin', Ennis, ya really think I have ta cross three state lines to get laid?"

Ennis snapped his head up, hazel eyes went hard almost like they could burn holes into Jack. The conversation of several truck drivers in the parking lot of the local bar that he had overheard a few months back came echoing in his head.

_"Ya new ta this, boy?" ___

_"Yeah. Don't know how many days I can survive on the road without screwing."___

_"Holy shit, ya said yer going down to Mexico, ain't it?"___

_"Right."___

_"That's heaven on earth. Pretty boys are all 'round town, if ya know what I mean."__  
_  
Ennis inhaled a shaking breath,

"Jack fucking Twist, ya ain't going to Mexico, are ya?"

Jack met Ennis's gaze, "I see now ya got my point. I don't have ta drive my ass out this far for a coupla fucks."

Jack saw a glint of hurt in those luminous eyes and he regretted what he had said. Sighing, Jack reached out to Ennis but he abruptly turned toward the bathroom. Jack followed but Ennis was faster, he got into the bathroom and slammed the door shut on Jack.

"Jesus, Ennis, open the damn door!" Jack pounded on the door, suddenly felt so tired. But Ennis didn't say anything.

"I didn't do it, ok?" Jack said, head hung down with exhaustion, "I didn't go to Mexico, goddamnit. C'mon out. We need ta talk."

"Go away!"

"Fine! Ya can hide in there forever but it don't change nothin'! I am queer, Ennis!" He thumped the door, "I am queer!?"

_Stop it! Sonofabitch! Jack. Stop!_ Ennis put his hands over his ears and went down on the bathroom floor, keeping his head in between his shivering knees. He didn't want to hear anything more of this. But as hard as he tried to block all the sound, Jack was still thumping the door, shouting at the top of his lungs.

"I'm sorry I'm making things fucking messed up for ya, Ennis! But I can't help it. I love you! I fucking love you so much it hurts, ya hear that?!"

Ennis gasped and pressed his hands tighter.

"It's not just about sex, damn it! Ya know why I sent ya postcard back in '67? Ya know why I keep nagging ya to have our own cow and calf operation? Ya know why I can't stand meeting you only a few times a year? And why I wanna kick that Luke? Ya know why I fucking took yer shirt?...shit."

Jack suddenly trailed off and Ennis heard his steps go away from the bathroom door. Did Jack just say something about taking his shirt? What the...?

_"Can't believe I left my damn shirt up there."___

_"Yeah."_

_Jesus Christ_, Ennis moved his hands down from his ears to hug his knees as the image of nineteen-year-old Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar saying goodbye awkwardly in front of Aguirre's trailer back on that fateful day in '63. The same nauseous feeling he had felt came rushing back to him again, making him want to puke.

Ennis tried to steady his breath as he scrunched his eyes closed and leant back to the cold tile, trying to suppress all the feelings that were overwhelming him.

The day he had feared had finally arrived. The day that one of them would come up with the definition of 'this thing' they had between them, the 'thing' that Ennis had confined within acceptable limits by just saying Jack was more than a friend. And that alone was scary enough already.

But right now, Jack had said it. He just fucking said it to the world.

Ennis put his head in between his knees and stayed there for god knew how long. When he opened his eyes again, it was very quiet outside. He stood up and dragged his legs that seemed limp to the door, cracking it open and sighed with relief to see Jack, curled on his side facing him, sleeping soundly on his bed.

He walked to the bed and sat on the floor, looking at Jack's sleeping form closely. Fourteen fucking hours of driving and then the emotional confession could exhaust even the strongest man. And Jack wasn't that strong.

Ennis wanted so bad to touch Jack, to kiss those soft lips good, but all he could manage to do was just take off his boots and socks with gentle hands before tugging Jack's purple shirt out of his pants. Jack would be more comfortable without his pants and belt but Ennis didn't dare to undress him. The effort would wake Jack up now and he was not ready to continue the conversation they had left off. So he just covered Jack with the sheet and curled himself on the small old couch near the door, never thought the exhaustion would claim him as well. Within less than fifteen minutes, Ennis also fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

----------

Jack was still asleep when Ennis woke up the next morning at four. He quietly changed, brushed his teeth and went to see what exactly Jack had bought for breakfast yesterday. He saw a bottle of peanut butter, hash browns, a loaf of bread, a pack of eggs and ham. He could even picture Jack humming while doing his grocery shopping before driving here. Groaning, he glanced toward the bed again to make sure Jack was still asleep, then went out the door. Ennis didn't worry about Jack waking up alone 'cause Jack knew well enough he needed to go to work. He wasn't a whining kind…except last night though.

Ennis tried to concentrate on his work until noon. He realized then that he needed to call Alma and the girls about moving to work in Colorado. Although he had told Don his daughters would have the final say in this, now he doubted that. The fact that Jack was all riled up about him considering this offer bothered him a lot more than he had imagined. He thought Jack would be thrilled because moving there meant he would be closer to Texas. But he was wrong. Jack was downright mad about it. Maybe the problem was that it was Luke who gave this chance to him, the chance that Jack had been trying to talk Ennis into time after time. Jack was hurt.

God, he would deal with it later. First he had to tell Alma. He made a call, a very short one, since the girls were at school. Alma just asked if he could still continue paying the court-ordered child support and take the girls twice a month. When he said yes, Alma told him it was fine by her, straightforward and cold as hell. But Ennis didn't blame her. He deserved everything for what he had done to Alma.

"I'll talk to the girls this weekend. Can I drop by at dinner time? I ain't gonna take them anywhere. Just wanna talk."

"Sure 'nough," Alma told him. There was an awkward silence so both of them exchanged goodbyes and hung up the phone almost at the same time.

Ennis leant his wary body on the fridge and jumped at the sound of the door opening and shutting. Don was standing in front of the table, sweating from working under the hot sun and was now crooking his brow at him. Ennis opened his mouth to speak but stopped short. Instead, he took off his hat and looked at his boss.

"I...need to ask you a favour, Don."

Maybe it was guilt for Jack that he was feeling now, but damn it. Although it was hard to understand why, he had to hear Jack's opinion before making the decision. And that was what he was about to do.

----------

Jack, dressed in a white t-shirt and pyjama bottoms, was lying spread-eagled on the bed when Ennis came back, keeping his eyes on the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling.

"Ya been in bed all day?"

Ennis asked and silence was all he got for an answer.

"Fine." He kicked the couch and grabbed Jack bag off the floor and tossed it to the man in question on the bed. Jack sat up now, looking down at the bag and up to Ennis with wide eyes.

"Ya kicking me out? Ya ain't gonna do this to me, Ennis."

"Ya see my lips move or somethin'?" Ennis fixed his stare on Jack. "Pack yer bag. We're leaving very early tomorrow. Don let me borrow his cabin for a coupla days."

Jack's expression was between content and discontent, two totally opposite emotions that he could somehow mingle together.

"I believe we still have a fishing trip to go on."

"No, no, no, I drove straight here to talk to ya and I aim for changes. I don't want to go back and do the same fucking thing again."

"Ya never know," Ennis said so soft and turned his back to Jack as he walked to the kitchen. Jack heard him speak again, in between the sound of the paper bag crinkling,

"This might be our last fishing trip."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13 :My Mountain:

Chapter 13 **"My Mountain"******

_"What cha doing?"___

_Casting his eyes from the full moon, Jack smiled at his mother who was coming out the front door, a thin quilt covering her fragile shoulders.___

_"You shouldn't be outside, momma. It's cold. You'll be getting sick again."___

_"Don't be silly. I'm fine."___

_Jack watched her as she approached him and looked at the full moon and gasped.___

_"My goodness, look at that. So beautiful."___

_"Yeah," Jack said, his eyes now wandering into the darkness. "Remember, momma? Ya used to tell me ya wished upon the star the day I was born."___

_"Yes. I wished upon the star I saw from the window in my old room, praying to anyone who was listening, 'Please, please let my baby boy be safe and let him be the most beautiful boy in the arms of the loving god'," she said slowly, lips curling into a small smile looking like she was recalling her most favorite moment of all time. "And here you are…23 years later and you're already a father yerself!"___

_Jack chuckled as his mother came closer and rubbed his shoulder fondly. His mother always understood things beyond words. Like now, she was rubbing all the tension out of his stiff body. Little by little, Jack relaxed and leaned slightly into the warmth from his mother's loving hand.___

_"Does God listen to everyone's wish, momma?"___

_"I don't know, honey, but I'm sure there's always someone who's listening up there. Try this," she reached out one of her hands to close his eyes. "Close yer eyes and pray."___

_Jack covered his mother's hand with his own then, for the first time in his life, he seriously prayed to someone up there in the sky, 'Let me have a postcard waiting for me when I get to Childress, please, God, please'."__  
_  
----------

What did he mean when he said this might be our last fishing trip? The fishing trip part was ok, Jack could understand it completely. But the 'last' part stung him something fierce. Did Ennis mean 'last' as in 'last time of this trip to Riverton'? Or 'last' as in 'last time of any trip' as in 'no more fishing trips ever again anywhere'? The thought made him shudder. Although he aimed for changes when he drove to see Ennis, he couldn't help being scared if changes really happened. He didn't want to see Ennis only for the fishing trip, but he was scared now knowing this might be the last one.

Ennis parked Jack's truck, which was actually Lureen's, under the pine tree at the back of the stable.

"I'm going to saddle the horses," Ennis told him before disappearing into the stable. Jack lingered in the truck for a bit then shrugged. Ennis hadn't tied him up so he might as well go where he wanted to go. Jack walked to the house and knocked softly at the back door that led to the kitchen. It was only five in the morning so he didn't want to accidentally wake anyone in the house. A man with a low voice answered the door. It was Don.

"Howdy, Don." Jack poked his head in, smiling at the man with shoulder-length grey hair who was spreading something on a piece of bread.

"Jack!" Don responded with his broad smile, "How are you? Where's Ennis?"

"I'm ok, kinda. And oh, Ennis's saddling the horses."

"You will love the cabin, Jack. It's about forty minutes ride by horse but there's a trail, very easy to follow. We been going up there every once in a while."

"Yeah?"

"Park yer truck here, stay there for a coupla days. It's good to clear yer head."

Jack just nodded. He wondered why Don would say something like that. Had he heard something from Ennis? And since Don mentioned 'clearing a head' then he might as well clear his a bit now. Jack leant on the edge of the table,

"Heard yer son is gonna have a farm in Aurora?"

Don smiled ruefully, "Yeah, and I asked Ennis to help him. I reckon he's having a hard time making up his mind. He's talked with his ex-wife yesterday. Alma got no problem but he had to talk to his daughters again. Then he asked me if he could borrow the cabin, saying ya are here and all. Figure he needs to think some more."

"He talked to Alma?"

"Sure did."

"And she said ok?"

"I hope so." Don laughed, "I figure he might need to ask ya, too. That's why…" Don finished the sentence by swinging the key holder that carried two keys in it. Jack allowed himself a small smile as the clinking sound of the keys echoed through his ears. _Oh God, he was so easy_. This morning he was worrying about this fishing trip being the last time, here an hour later, he was smiling like a fool at the keys to the cabin. The idea of spending a couple of days with Ennis alone always made him happy, despite all the mess they'd been going through last night…hell…for the last several months to be exact. Don tossed the key holder to him, turning his attention back to the bread in his hand, talking with a hint of amusement,

"Ya should have seen Ennis's face the minute Luke asked him to be the foreman there. It's like he was seeing a ghost. Funny thing is my son looked the same. The difference is Ennis looked scared but Joel looked like he wanted to smack the head of that ghost." Don laughed goodnaturedly, showing no worry despite what he said.

"They don't get along?"

"Ain't got no time for that yet. They will get along, I'm sure. Listen, Jack, I'm sure ya know Ennis better than I do. He underestimates himself a lot, worrying if he is good enough for this foreman thing. Yer his best friend. I know he would believe you."

Jack didn't say anything. He knew this was a good chance for Ennis but he could still find it hard to accept. The reason being….pretty silly though. Was he being selfish?

"And oh, take this, too."

Don handed him a small paper bag. Jack knew from the shape of the stuff inside the bag that there were apples, about three, four of them. He smiled, swinging the key holder and the bag,

"Thanks Don. I'll see ya later."

"No big deal. Go, have fun."

"I doubt that," Jack said. He forced a stiff smile toward Don and said thank you and left. It was the first time Jack wondered if Ennis and he would be having fun for the fishing trip, the trip that might be the last one for them.

_The last fishing trip._

Sighing, Jack walked back to the truck where Ennis had already been for quite some time, judging from the condition of the two horses, Shooting Stars and Black Shadows, who seemed fully packed and ready to go. Jack took his bag from the truck and put the apples inside before turning to greet Black Shadows.

"Hey, girl."

Ennis looked up at Jack and glanced down to the saddle he was cinching on Shooting Stars again. _The last fishing trip_. Damn, Ennis didn't even recall why he had said that. He hadn't even thought this day would arrive. He never thought there would be a time the fishing trips would come to an end. Looking at gloomy Jack now, he realized that Jack, too, never thought that this day would come. But Jack wanted changes right? He pressed down his own fear for once and decided to accept the job offer, knowing it would be better for them. They would be closer. Wouldn't that be good enough?

Jack had his bag hanging on his back and was now rubbing Black Shadows's neck, looking out on the faint light forming at the edge of the mountain. Ennis walked to Shooting Stars, fastening the bags on either side of her body and he felt Jack's stare bore a hole on his back. Unable to stand the uncomfortable silence, he glanced around the dim ranch, trying to find something to talk about. But it was impossible. His world was narrowed down to only the things Jack had said yesterday.

_I love you, Ennis._

Ah, fuck.

Ennis knew Jack was mad last night. Jack was not aggressive by nature. He was a loving, damn, romantic kind even. He was overwhelmed by intense emotions that made him blow out like that. And Ennis himself had a big part in it and he helplessly needed to clear some tension. Glancing toward Jack, who was already on the horse, Ennis murmured,

"How's Bobby?"

"What?"

"Bobby."

"Oh," Jack shrugged, was about to say something but shot a hard glare at Ennis instead, "Ya really wanna talk about this? Yer ready to continue where we left off last night?"

"Shit, Jack. Don't get riled up, bud. C'mon."

Jack turned around abruptly and headed Black Shadows up the mountain.

Damn you, Ennis, Jack thought while grabbing the rein harder. He took Black Shadows down the small steam that separated Don's ranch from the neighbor's property and headed up the mountain. Like Don said, there was a trail to the cabin and it was easy to follow. Jack didn't look behind as Black Shadows strolled leisurely but he knew Ennis was following. He remembered Shooting Stars's steps. They'd been riding together like this for almost all their lives, he could even hear the sound of the horseshoes making contact with the gravel ground when he was sleeping a thousand miles away from the mountain.

They were riding in absolute silence for a good ten minutes and Jack heard the sound of an owl haunting through the dim light of the dawn. They were going east and if the trail kept going straight, they would face the first sun of the day in not more than ten minutes from now. On their potentially last fishing trip, they would see the sun rise together for the first time. How ironic.

Jack slowed down the pace of Black Shadows, cursing himself at thinking about seeing the sunrise with Ennis. It was something he had wanted to do ever since they had herded sheep together on Brokeback. But they didn't have time for that, had to keep an eye on the sheep and all. And on each fishing trip, they always cherished the time together so much that taking time away from those naked mornings in the warmth of bedroll to watch the sun rise seemed like a stupid idea. _Here I am, having an urge to stop right here and wait for the sun to rise and shine. A hopeless romantic._ It should be a terrific idea, after he had confessed to the man that he loved him and all. But hell, it wasn't. And the truth was Jack knew he had no right to be mad at Ennis. He had made up his mind he would be true for himself, for Jack Twist. He told Ennis he loved Ennis because it was the truth, the real feeling that he had been feeling. And if Ennis didn't want to hear that then damn him. It still didn't change how he felt.

He pulled up the rein gently, telling Black Shadows to stop where the straight portion of the trail ended, before it would force them to turn right into the pine wood. Jack cast his eyes on the faint golden lines that were now starting to beam out from under the black mountain, painting the dull sky with the first light of the day. Somehow, the sight soothed his soul.

He had moved faster than he wanted last night, blurting out his feeling to Ennis like that. Jack regretted that now. No, he didn't regret telling Ennis he loved him. But he shouldn't have let the jealously overwhelm him and make that sudden confession like a drunk man.

In a few minutes, Jack saw from the corner of his eye that Ennis had pulled up besides him. Shooting Stars nuzzled Black Shadows gently on the side of her head, as if to ask 'why you didn't wait for me'. Jack stirred her to get closer 'til Ennis's and his knees brushed.

"I always wanna do this," Jack whispered, jerking his chin toward the soft golden light on the edge of the horizon. "Watching the sun rise. It must be nice, ya know, leaning on a log, wrapped up inside a blanket and sipping coffee while waiting for the sun to rise and shine….with you."

Ennis looked quietly at Jack and Ennis knew Jack had many things stored up inside his head. They always talked and talked during the fishing trips, zipping out all the stuff they wanted to tell each other but couldn't while they were apart – life, kids, work and that sort of thing. But Ennis knew this time, it was different. Jack wasn't talking about his life but was baring his heart. All kinds of feelings were pouring out of him like a broken dam of ache. Jack Twist had exposed himself in the most vulnerable and impossible way Ennis could have imagined, revealing everything -- jealousy, despair, longing, hopelessness, love.

_And it was all because of him._

Swallowing the clog in his dry throat, Ennis went closer and a bit ahead and turned his horse to face Jack. It seemed Jack didn't quite want to avert his eyes from the horizon that was getting brighter but Ennis saw his blue eyes look at him maybe wondering what he was doing. Ennis get even closer until their thighs touched. Shooting Stars made a low noise, craning her head up and down teasing Black Shadows's tail that was swaying in the air.

Here, the real Jack Twist was back, the sweet, romantic sonofabitch who wanted to see the sunrise with him.

"What?" Jack lifted his brows, "Ya never want to see the sunr…"

Jack stopped short as Ennis took his hat off with his left hand and palmed Jack's cheek with his other hand, bringing Jack's face closer. Their eyes locked, savoring each other's presence that some how looked different under the mild morning light. Then they met halfway for a kiss. A morning kiss as soft as the touch of the golden beam of light, wiping off the chill from the earth. A kiss that warmed two lost hearts warily traveling through the dark and devastate night. A kiss that brought each other home, up on the mountain, at last.

Their lips parted and came together again. Jack was whimpering now, sucking on his lips harder, wanting more. Ennis moved his hand down on Jack's chest, feeling the fast beat of the heart. Fingers rubbing the fabric in circles, Ennis gave Jack one last suck on his upper lip. He made sure he sucked hard enough that it made a sound before he let loose of those soft lips gently.

Jack was still keeping his eyes closed, savoring the sweet kiss.

"Hey," Ennis touched the corner of his parted lips. Jack opened his eyes slowly, drowsily. And Ennis realized right at that very moment that he didn't need no sunrise, as long as this pair of eyes were looking at him.

"Hey," Jack said back, "we should have done this yesterday, ya know."

"Ya mean before ya gone crazy?"

"I meant what I said, Ennis."

"Ya said a lot." Ennis's index finger caressed Jack's rough stubble.

"I meant all of it, especially the part about _my feelings_."

"Oh," Ennis palmed Jack's cheek and Jack leant into his touch. "Ya mean what ya said through the bathroom door?"

Jack cast his eyes down, avoiding eye contact.

Ennis's thumb rubbed gently below his left eye and Jack glanced up again. The two of them stared at each other, two pairs of eyes roaming on every inch of the other's face like they had met for the first time. Ennis touched the mole above Jack's lips then moved the tip of his finger lightly to the ones near his right ear. Jack looked down, following the movement of his finger then casting his eyes up to Ennis's. His hand came up to brush the curls above his ear.

"Ya know…" Jack said soft, "sometimes I wonder who is the real you. The one who's so scared about us down the mountain or the one who's making the first move up here."

"I don't know, Jack. Maybe I'm figuring it out."

"I know. I'm sorry 'bout last night."

Ennis smirked, "You are?"

"Actually, no. I wanna talk some more but I reckon the horses have something else in mind…"

Shooting Stars and Black Shadows tried to stay still but both of them started to move restlessly, looking ready to head out.

"And ya made us miss the sunrise," Jack said, seeing now that the sun had already emerged, resting itself comfortably now on the crooked arms of the mountain's crest. Ennis squinted his eyes toward the faint light and reversed his horse,

"I don't need sunrise…c'mon, we still have a long way ta go."

"Oh, yer so romantic, Ennis."

Ennis just looked sideways at him and smiled his lopsided smile.

This time they rode side by side into the pine wood. Their knees brushed and Jack loved the familiar feeling of this sexless intimacy, the touch of heaven. Like when Ennis hugged him from behind, resting his chin on his shoulder and humming softly. Or when they sat near the fire with parts of their body connecting, whatever they were, their thighs, knees, shoulders, feet. Or when they passed the bottle of whiskey back and forth, letting their fingers linger on each other's as long as they could. Because they both knew it was not whiskey that they hungered for.

They crossed another stream with water as high as a horse's knee and they arrived at the cabin ten minutes later. Jack got off the horse and took a good look at the cabin. He liked it. It was a small, one-story cabin with an average-sized porch three steps from the ground. Jack saw there were a small stable built for not more than two horses, and a rough corral made by wood fence next to the cabin. And the best part of it was there were so many pines, shading the cabin from the burning sun from every side. Jack walked up to the door and turned to watch Ennis unpack the two horses and let them rest inside the corral. He decided to go inside first.

He found that he also liked the inside of the cabin just as much. Jack stepped into the main space which he would call a living room, looking cozy with a long couch covered in a light-browed fur in front of a small red-earth brick chimney and a leather recliner below the window near the door. There were several stuffed elk and deer heads on the wall, too.

"Don hunts, too?" he asked when he heard the door squeak open. Ennis blinked.

"Heard he does that sometimes, with his friends. They got a bear once. Think that might be it on the floor there." He pointed to a bear skin rug underneath Jack's feet. Jack looked down and up at him,

"There's bear 'round here?"

"Figure so."

Ennis walked past Jack to the little space with a small table and counter, fully equipped with kitchen wares. Jack did a little survey while Ennis unpacked the food. He saw two doors leading from the living room. One should be a bedroom, he though, poking his head inside the door on the left and he was right. It was a bedroom. There was a big bed covered with a hand-made white and deep green quilt below the big window. Jack walked up to slide back the curtain made of cloth with the same pattern as the quilt, opened the window and he was pleased with the sight.

"What's there?" he heard Ennis ask and stepped aside to give him room.

"Ain't it something," Ennis said.

"Yeah." Jack agreed. They were now seeing the same stream they'd crossed before. But it was on higher ground, the stream which looked not so deep running through the winding little spaces between all sizes of rocks covered in green moss, flowing down the hill.

They stood there for a while, shoulders touching, listening to the sound of the stream running. It was like they were under some spell, unable to move or speak.

"So," Jack finally broke the spell, "what're we gonna do? It's just eight o'clock."

"First time we have the cabin, we might as well do this."

Ennis handed him the fishing poles and Jack had to laugh.

They walked down the trail to the stream behind the cabin, put a six-pack of beer in the cold water in the space between two big rocks. Their fishing-rods were later stuck into the soft ground near the bank and they relaxed on the grass, backs leaning on the big plain rocks opposite each other.

Jack drank his first beer, jerking his chin toward the steam, where the fishing line disappeared into the surface of the water,

"Why did we call these fishing trips anyway? Who started this?"

"Figure I did," Ennis said, taking off his hat and putting it down, "Hadta come up with somethin' to tell Alma."

"Yeah? So that just slipped out?"

"Yep…told her we were fishing buddies."

Jack then took off his hat and put it on his knee, the way he did. His other leg stretched until the heel of his boot brushed Ennis's.

"Sometimes I told Lureen I was going to visit my folks, but I think she knew, always asked why we couldn't fish somewhere else."

"What'd ya tell her?"

Jack shrugged, "Nothin'. Tell ya, friend, I don't care what you call it, whether it's a hunting trip or a damn picnic. Someone'd answered my prayer, and that was good enough for me."

"What'd ya mean?"

Jack looked at him, smiling sadly and that look was wrenching his stomach, "Ya never knew, did ya? How many nights I'd lie awake and pray I'd get a postcard back from you, after I send ya one in '67."

Ennis looked down at his hands that were now playing with the edge of his brown jacket, feeling a sharp pang of pain in his heart. The picture of a lonely and longing Jack sitting somewhere staring out into the sky and praying to anyone who would listen for a mere piece of paper was almost too much to bear. Jack didn't say anything else. Ennis dared glance up and Jack was still looking at him.

"Ya knew I would answer, right?"

"I was hopin' you would, Ennis."

"And I did."

That was the best he could say. Ennis was too choked up to say anything more and Jack knew it. He smiled wider and looked down as one of Ennis's legs stretched out and laid beside Jack's, two boots taking turn knocking each other gently, occasionally sending a clinking sound into the air.

They sat there for hours, eating sandwiches Ennis had packed for lunch and talking about stuff in general. Jack told Ennis about L.D.'s plan to cheat his client, Lureen's new kind of ice cream topping, which made Ennis laugh. Ennis told Jack about the girls, intentionally skipped the part about his work 'cause he wasn't sure if Jack was ready to hear about that. The last thing he wanted to do was to see Jack get hurt again.

After half a day of fishing, Jack hadn't gotten a single bite while Ennis had caught a few trout. They went back to the cabin in the late afternoon. Ennis prepared dinner inside the cabin while Jack was out chopping more wood. The sky turned grey and cloudy. Jack looked up and closed his eyes as the wind tickled his hair. _This is it. The feel of the wind, the smell of the fresh wood and the sound of the stream flowing. This is his place._ Jack smiled. He chopped some more wood then decided to put Shooting Stars and Black Shadows in the stable, fed them and closed the stable door, carefully checked the lock. The sky had turned even darker now. The wind blew stronger, bending the pine trees with its force. Jack was pretty sure it would rain tonight, hell, it would rain any minute now. He gathered the wood and rushed into the cabin.

"Is it raining yet?" Ennis asked from the kitchen.

"Any minute now. I put the mares in the stable already. Should I start the fire in the fireplace?"

"Ain't it too early?"

"Ya have something else for me ta do?"

He heard Ennis chuckle, "Figure not."

With that Jack walked into the kitchen and found Ennis almost already finished fixing dinner. Fish were grilled, baked potatoes were ready on the plate along side some bread and butter. Ennis was now cleaning something in the sink.

"Ya always surprise me, Del Mar."

Ennis grinned, "Told ya I am a better cook with the real stove, asshole."

Jack glanced around the tiny cabin and decided to take an early shower when he saw there was nothing for him to do. It started to rain when he stepped out of the shower. He stood in the middle of the bedroom, listening to the sound of the rain drops making contact with the roof. It sure sounded different from when they were in the tent. The sound was more solid and clear, so clear that it almost felt like he could count each drop. There was a hand touching his damp stomach then and Jack startled. Ennis leant in and kissed his ear, his hands moving to hug Jack loosely and caressing the small of his back. Jack closed his eyes and buried his face in the crook of Ennis's shoulder, wishing they could live on this mountain forever. The mountain where Ennis felt safe enough to express his feeling, touching, kissing him, allowing himself to do as his heart said without second thought.

"Go ahead and eat," he whispered in between nuzzling his ear. "I'm gonna shower."

Jack's gaze followed Ennis until he closed the bathroom door. He got dressed and came out to the living room, only to find out that the fire in the fireplace was already lit and the food was laid there on the soft dark brown carpet between the couch and the chimney. He sat on the floor, putting a piece of baked potato into his mouth, and smiled at the sharp taste from the salt and pepper.

_If only it could be like this forever._

They didn't talk much while eating, just listening to the sound of the rain, occasional claps of thunder and each other's breath. The dinner was just something to pass the time anyway. As soon as they finished the beers, Jack was on Ennis, pressing his chest until he laid flat on the carpet.

Their lips touched and Jack opened his mouth, letting in Ennis's sweet tongue. Groaning and tilting his head for a deeper kiss, Jack slid his hands down and tugged at Ennis's pajama bottom.

"Ya going somewhere else?" Ennis whispered but didn't stop Jack. His own hands pulled Jack's T-shirt off over his head, the process was making Jack's hair all tousled, looking pretty damn fine. Jack felt Ennis harden and smiled, "I want ya, Ennis, I missed ya real bad."

Ennis kissed Jack again and switched their positions, shedding clothes along the way. He bit Jack below his ear and licked a trail down his throat, encouraged by Jack's whimper to go down until he reached his navel. But Jack didn't want him to go anywhere lower. He pulled Ennis's head up and dove in for another wet, open-mouth kiss, fingers digging in his scalp. Ennis gasped and brought his hands down to grab Jack's ass and began to thrust, feeling their hard flesh rubbing until they both couldn't stand the sensation that almost blacked out their vision. Jack thrust his hips up, giving an unspoken signal to Ennis that he wanted more and Ennis gave him what Jack wanted, what Ennis, too, had been craving to give Jack the minute he showed up at his door yesterday. Their love-making was intense, fast and almost furious, leaving them both passed out in each other's arms.

Later in the night, Jack was dreaming about walking in the pine wood. In this dream, he was wandering deeper and deeper into the dark wood, eyes moving left and right as if to find somebody. He saw Ennis sitting on the porch of a cabin, smiling brighter than the sun itself. Jack remembered smiling back and called out 'Ennis'.

"Jack," he heard Ennis call his name, "Jack, bud, c'mon, wake up."

And before he knew it, he bolted awake from his dream. Jack looked around, he was still lying on the carpet in front of the fireplace and Ennis was still here, with him. He looked up and knitted his brows as he saw Ennis, fully dressed, standing there holding the coffee pot and two coffee cups. He knew without looking at the clock that it was before dawn. What the hell...?

"Don't look at me like that. Ya the one who blamed me for not seeing the sunrise yesterday. Move yer ass now or I'm changin' ma mind."

Jack smiled broadly despite feeling sleepy and bewildered by the dream he'd had. He changed his cloth and grabbed the sheet, following Ennis out to the back of the cabin.

He didn't ask how Ennis knew that there was such a place to watch the sunrise around the cabin. Had Ennis done a little survey of the surrounding area the previous evening? The space where they sat on the little hill, facing the east, was comfortable. And they found themselves sitting side by side, drinking hot coffee in the dim light of the dawn. They sat there quietly for a while, waiting for the sun to rise, then Jack asked, out of the blue, "When will ya be moving to Aurora, Ennis?"

Sighing heavily, Ennis glanced up to Jack above the rim of his cup.

"Should I?"

Jack swallowed. They had avoided continuing the talk they had interrupted. He knew it was time to get back to it, wishing he could make it right and not blurt out something stupid again. He said slowly, meaning every word,

"I don't know, Ennis. I know I have no right to get angry at that. I just, it hurts me so bad that you'll move away from Riverton but you won't think about us being together."

Ennis shook his head, "It's not that I don't think about it, Jack. It's just impossible. I don't see how we can do that, having the farm together and such."

"We can live quiet."

"It's just the magic of the mountain that's making you say that. You know as well as me that down the mountain, it's impossible. We'll get killed."

Jack stopped talking. His fingers playing with his coffee cup, looking so lost. Ennis moved closer,

"In the arm of the mountain, we're safe, Jack," he said softly. "There's no one who will judge us. The mountain watches over us, accepts us the way we are. But down there..."

"Ya know, Ennis. This is enough for me. I feel safe enough with you. You're my mountain and believe me when I say this. It's enough."

Ennis felt a prick of tears in the corners of his eyes. Damn, he didn't want Jack to see it but hard as he tried, he couldn't look away. He never knew Jack had so much trust in him.

"My dad hates me. I never please him no matter what I do. I suck at rodeoing, managed to earn enough just to feed my stomach day by day. Hell, even up on Brokeback, I wasn't good at nothing. Couldn't even shoot a damn coyote. Once we switched places, I couldn't cook shit. Remember yesterday, I couldn't even catch fish."

Jack forced a smile through his teary eyes, "You never judge me. You watch over me. You accept me the way I am. Ever since up on Brokeback. When I got sick of beans, ya asked for soup, then there was that elk...remember two or three years ago when I hurt my knee? Ya washed all the dishes even though my hands were still working pretty fine."

Swallowing down the tears, Ennis smiled at the memory and chuckled, "Sick of ya bitching."

"You're spoiling me. Nobody ever treated me like that." Jack looked down at the cup of coffee trying to hold it with his now trembling hands, his voice cracking from trying to control his emotions. "It's all yer fault, Ennis. How can I not love you?"

Ennis gasped, closed his eyes and leant back to the solid surface of the rock. Jack's words were pouring down on him, warming him up inside and out. When he opened his eyes, Jack was smiling with trembling lips, his blue eyes still shining with unshed tears,

"Is that better?"

Jack asked softly and Ennis had to lift his brows in wonder.

"Better than saying it in front of the bathroom door?"

"Oh, God, Jack..."

Jack's mouth was twitching now as he tried not to cry. This was Jack, his Jack who always tried to lighten up the tension between them, his Jack who always cared about Ennis's feelings more than his own. Ennis reached out and grabbed Jack's upper arm, "C'mere."

Coffee forgotten, he brought Jack to sit between his thighs, on the grass in front of him. He slid his body closer and pulled the blanket around them, wrapping his arms around Jack, their legs pressed together and their ankles crossed. Jack put his arms and hands over Ennis's as if to hug himself through Ennis. Ennis felt Jack's trembling body so he tightened his embrace, no space now between his chest and Jack's back. Jack wasn't crying. He sniffed, sounding like he had difficulty controlling his breath. They just sat there, absorbing each other's warmth, until Jack's breath became even.

No one said anything until the light began to emerge above the crest of the mountain. Jack rubbed his cheek against Ennis's telling him nonverbally to look at the sun. But there was no movement. Jack craned his head and saw that Ennis was closing his eyes.

"What ya doing? Ya sleepy head," Jack said, his nose nuzzling Ennis's ear, lips sneaking a light kiss below his chin. Ennis made a low sound in his throat and opened his eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say, if only he knew how to put the feelings into words.

Somehow, hearing Jack say _'I love you'_ on the mountain didn't spook him as much as when he'd heard it in his shack two days ago. Was it because he already knew how Jack felt on him? Or was it something he had secretly hoped Jack would feel on him? Or was it because the mountain had put another spell on him again?

But he didn't want to think about that right now. All he wanted to do was to sit here with Jack in his arms, watching the sunrise. Ennis returned the kiss on Jack's temple and leant back on the rock, Jack's body weightlessly sagged on him, all the tension seemed to leak away from his body. He felt Jack's hair tickling his throat as they tightened their embrace even though there was no way they could get any closer. But that was alright.

Jack loved him.

And it was the only thing that seemed to matter now.

TBC

A/N : I have unlocked the security to allow annonymous comments. If you're not registered to and want to give any comment on this little story, please do so. I will be very happy to hear from you. Thank you!


	14. Chapter 14 :Deja Vu:

Chapter 14 **"Deja Vu" **

To the sound of the birds singing and the feel of the cool wind blowing through the opening window above the bed, Ennis blinked then slowly opened his eyes only to close them again as Jack loomed over him, placing sweet feather-like kisses on his eyelids. The last kiss lingered on the left eyelid longer than the other before those soft, smiling lips rested on his temple.

"'Morning," he heard Jack murmur and felt his breath as he sighed. Jack moved his body, rubbing his warm, damp skin against Ennis's.

"Ummmm," Ennis moaned, half from drowsiness, half from a sudden arousal down his groin.

"What's with you, huh?" he asked and hissed as Jack bit and licked on his neck. They had come back from watching the sunrise around six, and by the time they reached the bed, they were both naked. Jack dove down full body on Ennis, attacking every inch of his skin with his mouth and hands. Before Ennis could respond in kind, he had released himself in Jack's mouth, feeling completely drained and almost out of breath. Damn, his body always acted faster than his brain when he was around Jack.

Here he was again, just an hour later, kissing and licking down Ennis's throat, his touch was stronger and Ennis knew he would end up having goddamned hickey for days. Groaning low in his throat, Ennis ran his fingers through Jack's soft hair, couldn't help but crane his neck to give Jack more room. Jack left his damp neck to take care of his nipples and Ennis shuddered from the cool wind that was now making contact with his bare neck. Jack felt it. He moved his hands up and down Ennis's arms, toes rubbing along the length of Ennis's calf as his mouth returned to claim Ennis's. The kiss lasted, like, forever. One of Ennis's hands came up to Jack's nape massaging while his tongue gently pushed inside and licked Jack's soft and wet inner cheek. Jack's tongue joined the journey later.

The sound of their sloppy kisses, mingling with occasional satisfied sighs and that unique sound of naked flesh rubbing, echoed in the small room. Their teeth knocked together and Ennis let out an annoying deep grunt then. Jack had to smile when neither of them stopped. Instead, Ennis tilted his head. His hand on Jack's head unconsciously grabbed and positioned it to fit into the right angle so that they could continue the kiss in the most comfortable way.

There was no stopping when men kissed, Jack thought. With a woman, a man couldn't be too harsh….nor too tender. If you were too bold, plunking your tongue down her throat like you would swallow her whole, she would recoil saying you were no gentleman. But if you kissed her nice and slow, she would nag 'I ain't no china'. But with a man, hell no, with Ennis, he didn't have no hesitation. He let his feeling lead the way, moving his lips and tasting him the way he wanted, the way Ennis deserved to be kissed. Strong, assured kisses that told the man how much he meant to him.

Jack slowed down and finally stopped. Their mouths still playfully touched and parted and were so close that they could feel each other's warm breath. Chuckling, Jack planted his elbows on the mattress beside Ennis's ears, lifting his head up to look at the man beneath him. Jack shifted his groin and Ennis's shifted his, bending his knees, and planted his feet flat on the sheet to support Jack's weight. Ennis looked up and wondered how on earth a man could have a pair of eyes so blue like the clear sky, but yet send out the warmest rays stronger than the sunlight itself. The black dot in the middle of the blue pools was like a hole where he could lose himself forever and never return to the surface.

Ennis had no idea how long he had been staring at Jack. But the next thing he knew, Jack tugged on his earlobe, pulling him back to the present world.

"Yer heavy," Ennis whispered, his low voice even less audible than the sound of the birds singing.

"I'm a grown-up man, what ya expect, dumbass?"

"Um…"

Ennis's answer was a kiss on the corner of his mouth. Then he sagged back and closed his eyes with a low and groggy moan. Jack combed his curls, enjoyed watching the soft golden hair straighten and swirl back to cling around his fingers. Jack blinked his eyes and watched Ennis silently. Then a thought occurred to him.

_Ennis had changed._

The same Ennis he'd known would flinch or move uncomfortably if Jack ever mentioned something about himself being a man. Ennis knew Jack was a man, of course. But somehow he hated to be reminded of that. Apart from bear hugs, he rarely hugged Jack face to face. That went the same way when they slept. Ennis never hugged him face to face on the bed, always spooned him up from the back and Jack figured it was for the same reason. Ennis Del Mar was no queer and he wasn't sleeping with a man.

But, goddamn, Jack had said it, said he was a man, to Ennis. But he didn't startled. Hell, he didn't even move a single muscle but stayed right where he was. Jack could feel Ennis's hands now rubbing leisurely up and down his spine.

Maybe the fact that Luke knew about them helped Ennis some. Damn his daddy, Ennis had always pictured a tire iron as a punishment for queers. That concept had been hammered deep inside his mind since he was a kid, the image nailed down so impossibly deep that he couldn't see any alternative consequence when it came to being queer. But here, there was Luke, being neutral and even ok with them. Ennis saw a different picture now for the first time, not being told, but seeing it first hand, recognizing it all by himself even. He knew a tire iron and death wasn't necessarily the only consequence for being the way they were, that not everybody would attack them for it.

Jack bent to kiss a trail across the faint freckles splattered like snowflakes on Ennis's nose and cheekbones, and he thought he saw Ennis smile slightly as he purred with pleasure.

Was it possible that Ennis had gained more self-respect from being offered the job as a foreman, too? With more self-respect, maybe Ennis could accept more about the way he was. Maybe he could slowly stop the battle he had been fighting for being the real him and finally could accept that he was different? Jack sighed. He wouldn't want to go that far though. Ennis didn't need to say that he was queer, just as long as he acknowledged Jack was a man. Jack would be happy enough if, for once, Ennis would hold him from the front and recognize that it was a man he was holding or sleeping with. That the warm body in his embrace was that of a man named Jack Twist.

"Ennis?" Jack whispered above his ear.

"Um?"

"Ya know I am a man, right?"

Ennis's hands stopped rubbing and he opened his chocolate eyes, fixing them on Jack. Ennis was quiet for a while, looking unfocused, the look he got sometimes when he was thinking. The silence started to panic Jack but then Ennis said,

"I do."

"Then take me," Jack breathed into Ennis's parting lips, "take me as a man."

"Jesus…"

Ennis gasped. Jack saw his eyes blackened with desire before he claimed Jack's mouth hard as if to confirm his words. Then there was nothing else to say as soft moans became the only sound they heard from each other.

----------

"What're we gonna do today?" Jack asked, biting an apple and used his sleeve to rub off the juice that flowed down his chin. Ennis walked to the couch and pressed his thin lips together, thinking.

"Riding?"

"That sounds exciting ta me, bud"

"Smartass, something else in yer fucked-up brain then?" Ennis smirked and kicked Jack playfully on his foot dangling off the couch, and Jack returned the kick, looking up with sparkling eyes,

"Trust me, you don't wanna know."

Groaning and rolling his eyes, Ennis walked out of the cabin and heard Jack's laughter as he closed the door behind him.

Ennis smiled and whistled some nameless melody as he turned Shooting Stars and Black Shadows out to stretch their legs in the corral, brought fresh hay for them to eat out in the open-air in the midst of the pine wood. He must have heard more songs from Buck's radio while they were working together. He paid no mind to all those country songs but somehow, the tunes had gotten stuck in his head nonetheless.

He didn't stop whistling when Jack joined him in the corral, preparing the saddles on the horses.

"Damn, I shoulda brought my harmonica," Jack said, a smile in his voice.

"Not in this life, my horses ain't use to that kinda torture."

They exchanged a bemused look and continued their little chores in comfortable, mind-soothing silence, hearing only the sound of the leaves swaying and batting in the breeze.

They had packed sandwiches, apples and several beers with them for the leisurely ride through the woods.

"The ground is so damn soft. We have ta go slow," Jack said, trying to pull the rein and lead Black Shadows to walk on the harder ground.

"Fucking rain."

"Yeah, look at that, it will rain again for damn sure."

Ennis looked through the pine leaves up at the now cloudy sky despite it being only two p.m. and shook his head,

"Figure we shouldn't go deeper then, might as well stay 'round the stream." He pointed to the north. "Let's go that way. I hear the sound of the water."

"Sounds more like a waterfall ta me."

Excited already, Jack followed the sound and, in not more than three minutes, he found himself standing on the bank of the small waterfall that decorated the dull pine wood with small water plants and flowers. Ennis got down from Shooting Stars while Jack continued riding further to the edge of the pine wood. He laughed to himself in disbelief when he saw the big empty space down the hill from where Black Shadows was standing. From here he could see clearly at least two ranches which were roughly separated by a wire fence. One ranch stretched down and faded into another pine wood on the right side, the other ranch was fully exposed its property before his eyes. He saw a big cow operation, having more than three hundred big cows wandering in the field, a few moving black and brown dots which should be the ranch hands who were going around them.

"Jesus Christ, that's something," Jack said when he felt Ennis's hand grabbing his rein. He couldn't take his eyes off the view.

"That's Don's neighbor, the Browns. They own the biggest cow operation in Riverton."

"That's sure big!" Jack said, "the biggest herd I ever seen in ma life, of course, except those uncountable stupid sheep on Brokeback."

Ennis chuckled. He looked up to Jack on the horse and winced when the thought of Jack's empty ring finger crossed his mind. Jack was now looking admiringly at the Brown's ranch and it suddenly came to Ennis that Jack might be thinking about his future now, that cow and calf operation maybe? Now it seemed he wouldn't go back to Lureen.

"I'm ashamed sometimes, Ennis."

"What?"

Their eyes locked and Jack smiled sheepishly, "Always want ta have our own cow and calf operation even though I don't know shit about it. The only ranch I ever worked for is my daddy's ranch and I never laid my hands on the cows, just did the small chores like mending fences, feeding the horses and stuff. All I did was rodeoing. Stupid of me to even think we could have that business someday.

Ennis rubbed Black Shadows's neck, "You're a dreamer."

"A stupid dreamer," Jack sighed.

They went quiet then. Ennis cast his eyes down the hill feeling the horse moving. Then Jack reined the horse back into the wood but Ennis stayed there a little bit longer, hands in his jacket pocket. He had been working on ranches his whole life, but he gave up his hope of owning one when those two five-dollar bills he'd had in a tobacco can back when he herded sheep on Brokeback Mountain went to pay the bills after his marriage to Alma. But Jack, being a dreamer as he was, never gave up his dream of a better life, and even shared that dream with him. _Let's have a life together, you and me, Ennis._ Those words always seemed to shout at his face every time Jack looked at him with those big blue eyes. Still, he ignored it. Now the dream seemed to have faded from Jack's mind. Having been turned down again and again, a dreamer like Jack finally lost his strength to fight for it.

Strange as it sounded, Ennis felt a pain in his heart just thinking about that.

When he went back to the wood, Jack had been settling himself comfortably on the soft ground, drinking more than half of the beer from the can already. He handed one to Ennis as he eased down beside Jack.

"What's that farm like?" Jack asked without heat and sarcasm. "What kinda farm Don's son got there?"

"He wants to run a fruit farm, a pear farm to be exact," Ennis shook his head, "but all he got are a coupla of dying pear trees. It would take his whole sorry life to earn money from it."

Jack laughed then, wondering if Joel and Ennis could get along as well as Don had hoped they would, "Then why do they need you there? Sweeping dry leaves?"

"There's a hay field. I gotta help him operate that hay field."

"Hay?"

"Yep. Don't ask me how. I still have no fucking idea. All I gotta do at Don's ranch is to bale the existing hay to feed the horses. Now I have to run the whole damn operation."

"Shit," Jack cursed, "That must be hard."

Ennis shrugged. He glanced at Jack and down to his empty ring finger of his left hand holding a can of beer,

"How 'bout ya?"

Jack met his eyes, leaning back on his elbows and stretching his long legs,

"I don't know, Ennis," he sighed heavily, "Gotta take care of the divorce first. I ain't gonna let Lureen deal with that L.D. bastard alone, although he sure is mighty glad to get rid of me. Then there's Bobby…"

He trailed off. Ennis shifted his body to face Jack, hesitated a bit before saying,

"You ain't giving up on that dream, are ya?"

Jack looked up now, wonder in his eyes. He saw hope in those brown eyes, something he never thought he would see there after all these years. Was Ennis asking him to wait? Did it mean he still could hope?

"I don't know, Ennis," Jack finally said. "I might draw up a vague plan first. Don't wanna go into details. I don't care now about that cow and calf operation. I wanna have it, but I won't die if I don't. I just…wanna be with you. I don't care what we do. I just…"

Jack didn't look at him the whole time he said it, just kept his eyes on his fingers fidgeting around the edge of his grey jacket. They listened to the sound of the water for a while, then Jack's head snapped up.

"Am I such a selfish bastard?"

"What?" Ennis couldn't quite follow.

"All these years saying I wanted this, I wanted that. Never asked you a damn thing. What do ya want, Ennis?"

"I don't know…"

"Ya wanna be a foreman in Aurora?"

Ennis didn't answer, keeping his eyes down on the grass.

"Then be it," he heard Jack say. "Be the foreman, you can do that."

Ennis opened his mouth to say something but was stopped short by the sharp sound of the gunshot breaking through the peaceful pine wood.

"Christ! What the hell is that?!?" Jack cursed and they both bounced up from the ground, each rushed to their horses to calm them. Ennis looked around and brought out his rifle,

"Stay close, Jack, ya don't have a gun."

Jack took Black Shadows close to Ennis, eyes roaming around trying to find something suspicious like movement behind the bushes, but nothing happened. The pine wood was quiet and the only sound Jack heard was their hissed breath. Sighing, Ennis lowered his gun. They turned to each other as another gunshot broke the stillness, this time twice but the sound was not near. It was from somewhere deeper in the wood.

"Shit," Ennis got on Shooting Stars then jerked his head to Jack to do the same, "We'd better get back to the cabin. Don't know what the fuck happened in there."

"Someone's hunting something?"

"Ain't likely. Only Don and his friends from the neighboring ranch can go up here. But last I heard, they agreed to hunt only in spring."

"Shit," Jack said, nudging Black Shadows to go a little faster back to the cabin.

They rode in silence and cautiously, going even slower once they were closer to the cabin. Just when they turned at the corner of the corral, a man with a gun jumped out from a bush and hurled himself at them, sending the horses jerking wildly, legs air-kicking with panic. Both Ennis and Jack fell to the ground. But Ennis was fast, he grabbed his rifle and stood up while Jack just stared with eyes wide on the ground.

"You son of a…" Ennis growled as he pointed the gun at the stranger then trailed off, brows knitting, "Luke?"

"Ennis??"

The stranger exhaled a heavy sigh then dropped his gun.

"My fucking god," Luke got down on his knees, panting hard as he looked at Ennis and Jack, who was still sitting where he was.

"What the fuck ya doing?!?" Ennis yelled, "Ya spooked the hell outta me!"

"And ya spooked the hell outta me, too!!" Luke hurled back, still panting.

Ennis grabbed the reins of the two horses and hurriedly took them inside the corral before turning back to Jack. He was still sitting on the same spot, looking at Luke like it was the first time he had seen the man. Luke was closing his eyes and taking a series of deep breath, trying to gather himself.

Walking back to stand in front of Luke, Ennis reached out his hand, asking, "Ya shoot something?"

"Hell, no," Luke grabbed Ennis's hand that pulled him up to his feet, "Some assholes were breaking the rules, hunting elk in summer. That's why I'm here. Ya gotta come down as soon as possible. Several men fully armed with all kinds of guns will be here to hunt down those people." Luke glanced at Jack then, jerking his chin toward the wood then back at Jack.

"Sorry, Jack," Luke grinned, "Didn't mean to spook ya none."

Luke bent down and caught Jack's wrist, pulling him up.

"Jesus," Jack cursed and patted his pants, getting rid of the dirt. "Ya think we won't be safe here?"

"Ya can't be safe from bullets in the wood, Jack. We never see shit and the next thing ya know…bang."

Luke pointed his two fingers toward his temple then pulled an air-trigger. Jack swallowed and startled when a big drop of rain made contact with his forehead. He looked up at the cloudy sky only to face more rain drops now pouring down out of the blue.

"Shit!" Luke jumped then ran off to the side of the cabin and came back with his horse, a young stallion with black hair. Jack looked over his shoulder to Ennis who was bringing the horses into the stable. Luke took his horse inside the corral and Jack watched Ennis and Luke talk, well, he'd rather called it 'fight' over where Luke's horse should fit in the small stable. He swore he didn't think about anything. He was pretty sure there was no jealousy. It was just weird to see Ennis with another man, up on the mountain when they were supposed to be having a fishing trip together, just the two of them.

_The mountain didn't belong to only them_.

The roar of the thunder stirred Jack. He rushed inside the cabin, Ennis and Luke followed closely behind. Ennis shook his head,

"Reckon we can't leave now. Might as well wait 'til the rain stops, tomorrow maybe. Don sent ya up here?"

Luke shrugged off his wet black jacket, "I kinda offered myself," he threw the jacket on the recliner before looking at Ennis with narrowed eyes, the corner of his lips curling up, "Wanna see Ennis Del Mar take a step behind the mountain."

"Shut up," Ennis ignored Luke and turned to see Jack looking at them in front of the kitchen. His expression blanked and Ennis stepped away from Luke instantly and almost automatically. Luke winced and cleared his throat,

"I can sleep right here, on the sofa. Ya guys go ahead, don't mind me."

"Shut up, I done told ya don't say shit like that." Ennis raised his voice and Luke raised his hands, the way he did when Ennis got riled up. All was under Jack's observation.

"Really, I mean it." Luke shrugged, "I can just hang out here by the couch or the recliner 'til the rain stops. Ya and Jack can have the bed…"

"I said shut up. There's nothing between me and Jack. Ya take the couch, I'll take the recliner here. And Jack…"

Shit. Ennis couldn't finish the sentence as he looked up and saw Jack's sad expression. But Jack didn't say anything, just went into the bedroom and shut the door. Shit. Ennis rubbed his face in frustration. He couldn't act normal in front of other people and Jack should know that. He just couldn't. Even if it was Luke, who already knew about them, he still couldn't act as if him being with Jack was something normal because obviously, it was not. Groaning, Ennis threw himself on the couch, refused to look up and meet Luke's eyes.

"Ennis…"

But Luke wouldn't leave him alone, he shoulda known better. The guy looked at the closed door and then toward Ennis, brows arching up,

"Why did ya do that?"

"What did I do?" Ennis threw his hands in the air.

"That. You shut him off."

"I didn't."

"Ya just did."

"I didn't," Ennis tried to keep his voice low, "I just told him he could have the bed. What's the big deal?!?"

"The big deal is, you shoulda said that ta me, not to Jack. You're with him, Ennis. You're in a fucking relationship here."

"I…what?"

"Shit, I don't know how or why two men would want to be together or have…shit…have feelings or se…ah, I mean…something. It ain't ma business. But I don't have to be a goddamn scientist to figure out what's between you and Jack. It may sound weird, but you, you are in a relationship, you and him."

Ennis closed his eyes and put his head in between his knees.

"Can you just shut up?" he murmured, sounding confused, "Ya don't understand."

"Yeah, yer right. I don't understand." Luke sighed, "And I don't have ta understand. The truth is nobody needs to understand it."

"It's fucking complicated. It's…" Grunting, Ennis balled his hand and punched the couch then jumped up on his feet. "I need some air."

"It's raining."

"Fuck it."

"You can't be hiding up here on the mountain forever, Ennis. Ya have ta go down sooner or later, ya know that, right?"

He heard Luke say as he closed the front door of the cabin, fingers shakily fishing out a cigarette. He flicked his lighter and inhaled the smoke deeply.

_You're in a fucking relationship_. God, Ennis turned back and leant his forehead to the cool surface of the door. Luke's words were echoing in his head like some goddamn song from the radio. _You can't be hiding up here on the mountain forever, Ennis. Ya have ta go down sooner or later, ya know that, right?_

_Fuck._

Ennis looked up ahead through the pouring rain and the smoke from his cigarette. The mountain in the late afternoon somehow looked incredibly scary. It almost seemed like it was a different place from where they were this morning, just the two of them, warmed up under the sunrise in the arms of the strong mountain. But this mountain was dark and cold. And there were others wandering around unnoticed. Ennis shuddered at the thought. The mountain didn't belong to only them. And they were not alone here. There were always people everywhere you went, even the place you thought was the safest.

Some bastards were up here, swinging their guns to destroy the peace of the mountain.

Then there was Luke, nosy as hell, and he was coming up to bother them, too, but to warn them and drag them down to a safer place.

_The hunters were outnumbered._

True.

_Still, they had an ally.__  
_  
Was that enough?

No, but you know what counted. _The ally did exist.__  
_  
The sound of the front door opening stopped the argument in Ennis's head. The thunder roared, the white lightning flashed across the sky as Jack stepped out to stand by his side, eyes going down to the cigarette hanging in between Ennis's lips.

"Can I have that?"

Without waiting for the answer, he took that cigarette to his mouth, inhaling a long, shuddery smoke into his lungs, "You know what, this seems like a fuckin' déjà vu ta me."

"A what?"

"Déjà vu, being in the same situation in a different time. I feel like I was thrown back to that day on Brokeback again, the day Aguirre told us to leave. If ya punched me right here, it'd be a damn full circle."

Jack pointed to his cheekbone, then handed the cigarette back to Ennis, "Ya ever think what we'd be like if there was no storm and Aguirre hadn't told us ta move our asses down to Signal?"

"Yeah, we'd be herding the damn sheep all the way to the moon." Ennis looked sideways at Jack, "Nothin' would change, Jack. The time would be stretching out but we gotta go down the mountain after all."

Ennis froze, his mouth hanging open in the air at the very moment he said that last sentence. _We gotta go down the mountain after all._ The next thing he knew, he caught himself chuckling bitterly. My fucking God, how funny was this? Ennis Del Mar, you were so fucking stupid. How the hell didn't he realize it before? The magic of the mountain? _Bullshit._ The mountain never cast no spell. It never saved them, not in '63, not on those fishing trips later and hell, not now, either.

Who was he to say the mountain would look after them?

Who held him when he was spooked from the bad dreams about the goddamned tire iron? The mountain? Fuck no, it was Jack.

And who kissed Jack and gave him strength when he needed it? Nobody else, not the damn mountain, it was him. It was the man name of Ennis fucking Del Mar.

The thunder roared fiercely then as if to give weight to what he was thinking now. The white flash of light struck hard, brightened the dark sky for an instant. Ennis shuddered, he felt like the lightning had hit his head. He closed his eyes tightly as he felt himself shaking.

"Ennis?"

He heard Jack calling him.

Who the hell is saying your name now with such a tender voice showing all the concern in the damn world?

Ennis opened his eyes. It was Jack. It had always been Jack, a man name of Jack fucking Twist.

----------

In the end they went inside the cabin, but didn't sleep much, just taking a nap here and there, at the table in the kitchen, on the recliner, on the bed. Sometimes they talked, but most of the time, they would just sit together, letting the sound of the rain and the thunder fill the cabin. Luke, who was passed out into a deep sleep on the couch since about seven, occasionally sent out his loud snore merging into the angry sound from the force of nature outside.

That simple sound of someone else, not one of them, snoring felt scary.

Ennis and Jack maintained their distance. They felt uncomfortable when there was someone else with them, even when that someone already knew what was going on when it came to the area of their relationship. Hell, even when that someone was asleep like a dead man, they still couldn't act naturally.

But Ennis couldn't refuse a little touch from Jack, as hard as he tried. So he didn't move away when he was at the recliner and Jack leant his back on his thigh as he sat down on the floor. And he allowed Jack's hand on his knee, too.

Sighing with boredom, Ennis leant his head on the rim of the window, with unfocused eyes glanced outside to the dark. He wished the next morning would come soon, hating to be trapped in this small cabin with a third person. He felt Jack's index finger drawing an invisible circle on his knee and his head slightly dropped on his thigh as he tried to fight the urge to sleep. Suddenly, Luke said something. Ennis and Jack both tensed up, Jack's finger stopped frozen where it was. But nothing happened, Luke shifted and went back to sleep, snoring even louder.

"Charming..."

Jack said and they chuckled softly. Jack leant his head back on Ennis's thigh, palm kneading on the sensitive flesh behind his knee. Ennis stretched his leg, giving more room to Jack, his own fingers playing with the curls on Jack's nape as he stared out into the dark again.

No question about this now, it sure felt more relaxed when they didn't have to pretend not to be themselves. That nosy-as-hell Luke almighty was right, someone needed to know about them before this secret was blurted out like a bomb, damaging more area than it should.

Ennis closed his eyes as he reached down, palmed his large hand on Jack's chest. The rhythm of Jack's breath was steady now, his head leant deadweight on his thigh, his hand that was rubbing his knee now fell down on the carpet. Jack had gone to sleep eventually.

Ennis then heard Luke snore again. Strange but true, the sound of Luke snoring was somehow more comforting this time. Comforting enough that Ennis felt like he could have forty winks, with Jack here beside him, throughout this disturbing night.

----------

They rode away from the cabin at first light. Luke went ahead, leaving Ennis and Jack lingering behind. A group of strong men led by Billy, the Sheriff's assistant, rode past them toward the pine wood, all fully armed. They greeted then parted ways. They were down at the ranch fifteen minutes later and never once while they went further down the mountain did Ennis look back.

Ennis later drove Jack back to his shack and, for God's sake, couldn't help but feeling like he, too, was having some kind of a déjà vu. They were now standing beside the truck, facing each other, exactly the same way they had stood when they parted in '63. Jack leant his lean body on the driver's side of the truck and nervously wetted his lips with his tongue,

"Shit, this is…just, shit," Jack ran his trembling hands through his dark hair and put on his hat, "Hate to say this, but I figure I'll go to my folks' place in Lightning Flat. This is such a fucking déjà vu…shit."

Ennis kept his eyes down, boot kicking the gravel road.

"Nope," he finally said something after a while of awkward silence, "It's different. Ya ain't…I mean…ya didn't steal somethin', this time, right?"

He looked up and caught Jack's crimson red face before Jack hid it under the brim of his hat. It took Jack a good three minutes to look up at Ennis again, clearing his throat, looking like he was about to say something. But he just shrugged and avoided Ennis's eyes.

That little endearing gesture coming out from a 31-year-old man was unbelievably...touching. Ennis smiled, feeling a bloom of warmth in his heart,

"Listen, bud, I know ya gotta do what ya gotta do. And I meant it when I said this'll be our last fishing trip."

He stepped closer until their toes touched and waited until their eyes met.

"Remember ya told me ta call you if I knew what I'd do next after the divorce?"

Jack just nodded.

"Ya know now what I wanna do and where I'm gonna be. No more fishing trips now that ya know where ta find me," Ennis took out a piece of crumpled paper from his jacket pocket and handed it over to Jack,

"Yer turn to make the call."

Jack took the paper and stared at the ten digit phone number written with a messy handwriting that belonged to only Ennis. His vision turned blurry and he had to blink back the tears. He wanted to hug Ennis, wanted to thank him for bringing hope back into his life. But he just couldn't move, couldn't even take his eyes off the paper in his hand.

_303-366-5522__  
__Joel Wroe Farm, Aurora, CO.__  
_

TBC


	15. Chapter 15 :The Fix:

Chapter 15 **"The Fix" ******

_"I said shut up. There's nothing between me and Jack. Ya take the couch, I'll take the recliner here. And Jack…"__  
_  
_Shit._ Ennis shifted to his side and buried his face in the pillow. Jack'd been gone for almost a week now but those words he had said to Luke up at the cabin was still haunting him like some goddamn ghost. The weight of guilt hung heavily in the air, making it hard to close his eyes at night. Whenever he wanted to sleep, he saw behind his eyelids the look on Jack's face when he said that cruel sentence. That sad look making his bright blue eyes fade into grey.

Things were happening so fast in the cabin that night. And Ennis wasn't used to rushing. He hadn't thought before he said that. The words just spilled out when he felt unsecure. Even worse, he didn't do anything to repair the damage. He knew Jack was hurt and, being Jack, he would never in a million years admit it. Jack never wanted to hurt him. But he had hurt Jack again and again.

_Is that the only thing you're capable of, Del Mar? Hurting people all around you? And Jack ain't just some people, ya know. He is Jack. And you fucking promised yerself you wouldn't hurt him again. You hugged him in your arms after he told you he loved you. You didn't say anything back, but didn't deny what he said either. And you have the nerve to say there ain't nothing going on between you and him?_

Look what you've done. Protecting your goddamn self when you were not the only one who was feeling unsecure in this department. Jack was afraid of it just as much. That was why he came out to talk to you outside the cabin, even though there was a possibility of you shouting at him to get back in the cabin. Still, Jack took that chance. He had reconnected the bridge after Ennis had destroyed it. Jack had been the only one doing all the approaching. He got sick of dreaming to have a life with you already, Del Mar. _What if some day he got sick of you?__  
_  
"God…" Ennis felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He curled his body and gripped the sheet. It hurt just to think about this and he couldn't close his eyes anymore 'cause the image of Jack walking out on him kept on popping up. Hell, he couldn't open his eyes either. He still saw the images everywhere, Jack driving away from him, Jack starting his new life with…with…

The man he met at the bar, the ranchhand he had an occasional chat with at the dealership, the clerk at the grocery store…

_Ennis Del Mar, ya ain't the only one who could hug Jack and obviously ya ain't the only one with a dick, either. You ain't that fucking special. Ya think giving Jack some key and a telephone number would keep Jack hanging onto your shit? Keep it up and you will lose him. Ya'll lose the one person that matters in your life someday.__  
_  
Ennis got to his feet, refusing to let himself picture things any futher.

He was planning to go to Aurora today, Don, Luke and him, and he needed to gather his stuff and, fuck, he needed to gather himself together, too. He swung open the closet door and snatched his shirts out and stopped when he saw his own blue denim jacket. His thoughts flew to Jack's denim shirt, the one he always wore up on Brokeback. The one that he was wearing the last day on the mountain when they fought. The one with Ennis's blood on the sleeve.

He had to go now and he didn't need to pack anything 'cause he wouldn't be going to Aurora. Don and Luke could go ahead, he needed to go somewhere else first.

Ennis rushed out of the shack and to the truck. The roar of the engine broke through the silence of an early morning. Four a.m. He might have to ask everyone in Lightning Flat for directions to the Twist ranch. But Jack had tracked him down two times already, first trying to find him in Riverton in '67, then did that again after the divorce. Why couldn't he do that, too? Had no idea what he would do when he met Jack, but Ennis just knew he had to find him. He needed to say his piece. God knew why but hell it seemed that nothing in the whole world could keep Jack with him better than those so-called three little words. And if he said them, it wasn't because he wanted to keep Jack with him, but it was how he really felt.

_Ya've gone this far, Ennis, ya have to fix it.__  
_  
----------

Jack woke up to the sound of…absolute silence. He blinked, taking in the surroundings and slowly came to full awareness – white ceiling, L.D.'s pictures on the wall. _The guestroom_. Right, after spending three days in Lightning Flat, he went straight back to Childress and slept in the guestroom, what he did every time after the long, exhausting drive from Wyoming. The guestroom where he always crawled on the bed and craved warmth that the sheet could never give him, the warmth belonging to only one man on earth. _Never enough time, never enough_, Jack thought always ended up with that before the restless, uncomfortable sleep claimed him.

But not last night. He had to admit he'd had quite a good night's sleep, no dreams, no bolting up during the night, wondering if he was still on the mountain with Ennis or not. A good night's sleep he hadn't had for months.

Jack moaned and turned to his side, lifting his head to look at what was laying on the nightstand—his wallet, watch, the key to the truck and the brass key to Ennis's house which was on the white piece of paper with the phone number written on it.

_Damn, he would need some box like a teenage girl in love to keep all them things Ennis has been givin' me one of these days_. Jack smiled.

His mind traveled back to the time at the cabin again, how he wished it would last forever. He never thought he could love someone this much, the love so strong that he would risk everything just to be with Ennis again. Ennis might not know the effect he had upon Jack, making him feel like he fell in love for the first time every time he saw Ennis. The love that never grew old, the love that turned these little things like the key and the phone number into something so important.

_You're getting soft, Jack Twist, and turning into a fucking love-sick fool, too.__  
_  
Jack chuckled and craned his head to look up at the ceiling. He heard the sound of a door opening and shutting, footsteps down the stairs and finally a knock on the door of the guestroom.

"Yeah?"

"You awake?"

It was Lureen.

"Yeah," Jack looked at his watch, six thirty in the morning? What was Lureen up to this early. Normally, she wouldn't go to the dealership until about eight or nine. He rubbed his face and combed his hair with his fingers, then opened the door. The sight of Lureen, dressed in blue jeans and white shirt with a brown leather jacket, surprised him more.

"Going to work early?" he asked and Lureen smiled,

"Yes, can you drop me off there, 'cause we have only one vehicle. Daddy took yer truck."

"Great," Jack snorted, "I ain't even out of this house yet and he took away ma stuff already?"

"Don't be silly. He just wanna tease you."

Jack shook his head, making his way to the bathroom.

He took a shower and was out in the kitchen in ten minutes. Lureen handed him a cup of coffee,

"How're yer folks?"

Jack shrugged, "The usual." _Ma old man ignores me like I'm some kinda fucking insect and my ma could only look at me with all the sorry in the whole world.__  
_  
"How's yer…friend?"

She asked again and Jack had to glance up at Lureen above the rim of his cup.

He wanted to lie. It was easier to say something very typical, yeah-he-was-fine kind of answer. But Jack found it was hard this time, not with the promise he had kept to himself not to lie to Lureen again. And the truth was Jack wanted to talk about Ennis. He couldn't talk about his man to anyone, even to his mother. Jack remembered all these years, going home to ma and had to shut his mouth tightly when she asked about this friend of his named Ennis Del Mar. Talking about him would open a can of warm, and for God's sake, he didn't want to be this way but it was bad enough that his eyes always spoke volume. He didn't need to tell his mom much, still he felt like she could look through him like he was transparent. Jack knew his ma knew something was going on just from looking in his eyes.

_How is yer friend in Riverton?_ His ma had asked him when they were having breakfast yesterday morning, the day he left. Jack couldn't suppress his smile, his thoughts already floating back to the day they parted in front of Ennis's house. A bear hug, something Ennis always did, and a firm kiss on his neck, something Ennis never did when they parted, whether he realized that or not, a kiss that burnt and branded an invisible mark there.

His ma saw him smile and her face turned soft, she crooked her brow up slightly, wordlessly demanding an answer.

"Well," Jack sipped his coffee. "He's…"

His dad came down then and, with disappointment, their conversation had to stop right there. Jack saw his ma put her hand on her chest, the way she always did when she felt an urge to do or say something, but couldn't bring herself to do so. Jack understood. He continued his breakfast and gave his ma a kiss on her forehead, then went out to pack his stuff. His dad didn't say anything at all.

Their talk about Ennis ended when it had just started, just like that.

"Have ya met yer friend?" Lureen asked again.

Jack watched Lureen as she leant on the table. She looked like she was genuinely interested to know more about Ennis, for whatever reasons though Jack didn't know.

"He's…he's good." Jack nodded as if to agree to himself it was okay to talk about Ennis on this level. He sipped his coffee, leant on the counter opposite Lureen, ankles crossing and uncrossing. Their eyes met for a second, then Lureen turned her back to Jack, an empty hand scattering letters, bills and some brochures on the table. Looking at her back, Jack had a sudden uncontrollable desire to tell her all about Ennis, how they met, how handsome he was, how he was so good with horses, how his lopsided smile always did something funny in his stomach, how his thumb always caressed his skin in circles when they hugged, how he loved kissing and playing with the curl on his nape…

_Could he say that?__  
_  
Jack swallowed and drained the coffee in the cup,

"He's got a new job in Aurora," he decided to stop at just that.

"Colorado?"

"Yeah,"

"Um…"

Lureen put their cups in the sink and washed her hand, didn't say anything more. Jack didn't like the silence between them so he looked around the house, winced when he realized he hadn't seen Bobby since last night.

"Where's Bobby?"

"We have to talk about that."

"Anything happen while I wasn't home?" Jack was worried now.

"We'll talk, Jack."

Lureen ended up driving the truck and they didn't talk for the first five minutes. Jack shifted his body and turned to her. Lureen sighed when she sensed his restlessness,

"Bobby's staying at Daddy's."

Jack's brows knitted, "What's he doing there? It's not the weekend."

"He saw the divorce papers."

"What?!?" Jack felt like he'd been hit by a hammer, "Oh, God, shit, shit, shit."

"Calm down, will ya?"

"Shit, shit. How could that happen? How the hell would an eight-year-old boy recognize divorce papers? It could have been some catalogue shit. He wouldn't know on his own. And ain't we supposed to talk to him about this?"

"Not when my daddy's been going in and out the house for the last three days," Lureen said calm, which made Jack even more angry.

"That bas…"

"Jack," Lureen raised her voice a little, "Bobby will know sooner or later."

"But not like this."

"We'll figure this out. He'll have a holiday in ten days. We'll do something."

Sighing, Jack leant his forehead on the rim of the window, letting the cool breeze calm him down. But his heart still burnt with sadness. He had let Bobby down after all.

_"Yer worthless in here, yer step alone spooks all the horses. Go ride the damn fences and don't come back 'til yer done with it."_

Jack closed his eyes as his dad's words pounded in his head over and over again. The look his dad gave him never failed to nail him down to the ground, leaving him feeling like an earthworm, like he wasn't worth living. He thought back then and realized he had never hated anyone so much in his life, swore to God if he had a son, he would treat him better.

But here he was, a hell of a lousy father, couldn't do no different than his old man.

Still keeping his eyes closed, Jack kneaded his temple. He thought he was feeling sick. Then all of a sudden, he could smell fresh grasses…and heard the sound of horses running…

Jack opened his eyes and found that Lureen had parked the truck in the McMurtry's property at the back of the house, where all the trucks of the workers were parked. He turned to Lureen and his eyes must have spoken volumes as usual, shock, surprise, 'cause she smiled and pointed to one of the horses with black hair in the corral,

"See her? My first job, I mean my first new job, is to train her. Have about two weeks before we put her up for auction."

"You…" Jack was about to say something but obviously he couldn't form any words. He looked at Lureen carefully again, almost like he was looking at her for the first time today. Her clothes were different from what she wore to the dealership, a pair of old jeans and worn-out boots that he hadn't seen her wear in years, and a hat and that ponytail, too. He should have noticed. Damn, Jack felt the corner of his lips curl up involuntarily, the gloominess in his heart temporally disappearing, as surprise took its place. Lureen was smiling broadly now, brows arching up as if to ask _'how am I doing?'_ and Jack nodded. He could only nod and nod, couldn't think of anything else to do.

_He wasn't a lousy husband…right?_ Look at her smile, that same smile he had missed, full of hope and happiness and a glint of playfulness, making her brown eyes twinkle. _He had done the right thing before it was too late. Right?_

"C'mon," Lureen shut the door, "She's a cute little thing."

Jack slowly stepped out and watched Lureen as she walked toward the corral, her ponytail swaying.

Damn, looked at her. She sure had taken a step ahead of him already. Jack chuckled, _that sassy rodio queen_.

Jack took a deep breath and followed her. He was a lousy husband and he had fixed it. Now they were…taking a slow step toward being friends again and, hell yeah, he could use that. A friend.

And if he was a lousy father, then he would fix that, too.

_I ain't like you, dad.__  
_  
----------

It was late in the afternoon when Ennis finally made it to the Twist ranch. He hesitated, wondering should he could go in, like, now or he should wait. There was no truck in front of the old, white weather-beaten house, let alone Jack's.

_Where is he? Out in the ranch?__  
_  
Ennis drove slowly closer and parked his truck near something that looked like a family's plot. He must have closed the door too loud 'cause in a minute, a woman in her 50s walked out of the house. He took a deep breath and went to her. There was nothing else he could do, no backing out now.

To his surprise, she smiled when she saw him. Ennis had to smile back a little. She had Jack's smile and Ennis knew right that minute who she was.

"Good afternoon, ma'am," he took off his hat as he stood before her. "I come to see Jack."

He smile faded then, "I'm so sorry. He went back to Childress yesterday. And you are…?"

Ennis's face fell and she must have seen it. The next thing he knew, she gently put her hand on his and gave it a pat. He looked up, murmuring,

"I'm his friend, ma'am. We…ah…used to work together long time ago."

"My Lord, are you Ennis?"

Ennis just looked at her for a long time and she smiled at him again, the smile that reached to her pale blue eyes. His face must look funny 'cause she laughed softly then turned to open the door,

"Please come in, Ennis, have a cup of coffee. You must be tired from the drive."

He looked around and, having found no suitable reasons to refuse, followed her in the house.

_This is where Jack grew up._ Ennis thought as he looked around the little white kitchen then poked his face to where the stairs led to the second floor. When he turned back, he found a cup of coffee on the table smelling good and tempting.

"Come sit down here, son."

Ennis did as he'd been told, sitting down and hugging his hat like it was his shield. She looked at him and her eyes were kind. He felt like a little kid, forced to eat dinner, a feeling he had not encountered for such a long time that he almost forgot how it felt. Hard to believe, too, but he couldn't deny it was a feeling he had missed. The last woman that had looked at him this way was his mom and it was almost twenty years that he had lived without being taken care of. He missed her.

"Jack talked about you, Ennis," she said, with a clear attempt to ease his stiff body. "Said yer his best friend."

Ennis had to smile at that. He knew Jack would tell her this, 'cause he would tell his mom the same, too, if she was still around.

"He's a good friend, ma'am."

"Amanda, please, and yer coffee is getting cold, Ennis."

He nodded and carefully took a sip, feeling warm when the hot liquid went down his throat.

"Jack left yesterday morning. He shoulda reached Childress by now. I'm real sorry ya missed him."

"My fault, ma'am..ah..Amanda. I shoulda called first."

"You have anything urgent?"

"No, no. It's nothin'." _I just wanted to tell yer son how I feel on him, that's all_. Ennis cleared his throat and sipped his coffee again.

Amanda spent another ten minutes talking about Jack and his wild adventures when he was little and Ennis's favorite had to be the one where Jack spent the whole day working on a snowman alone, in the cold month of December, until his nails turned blue and his nose bled. So much like Jack now, stubborn as hell, but full of passion and determination.

She was about to refill the cup of coffee for him when the front door opened, and a man walked in. Ennis could sense her body tense up from the mere presence of this newcomer. And although he didn't see any similarity to Jack in this man, he knew this was John Twist.

"Who are ya?" he asked and Ennis got to his feet.

"I'm a friend of Jack's, sir."

"Ah," John sat down and Amanda handed her husband a cup of coffee and moved to stand closer to Ennis, the gesture she might have made an uncountable number of times for Jack's sake. "Moved his fancy ass down ta Texas already."

"John." Amanda was about to say more but she was stopped short as John stared at her.

"He wants a fancy life, damn, still got the nerve ta say he'll shape up this place. Ain't know shit 'bout ranching."

Ennis hissed, hands clutched tightly over his hat. Amanda put her hand on his arm, squeezing,

"Jack forgot something and he just asked this young man to pick it up fer him. Upstairs, Ennis, the room's on the left." Amanda gently pushed and Ennis looked down at her. He saw her mouthing 'please' to him. Repressing the urge to punch this old man into next week, Ennis moved his heavy legs to the stairs. He understood it was an excuse for Amanda to be with John alone. His own dad might be hard, but he was never mean. _Yer old man beat ma daddy to the goal, bud.__  
_  
Ennis slowly took the stairs one by one, didn't want to make a sound, but couldn't deny he also wanted to hear the conversation that seemed to continue in the kitchen. He heard John say something about 'Jack's divorce' and that he knew Jack would never be a 'good husband' and could never 'keep his family together'. Then Amanda defended her son the best she could. She failed and just listened to John grumble the rest of the time.

_My God, Jack, look what ya been through_, Ennis thought as he stopped in front of the first room on the left of the top of the stairs.

He walked in and looked around, touching the low ceiling with the tip of his fingers as he reached the window above the small bed. _This here is the view Jack saw every day when he was growing up_. Ennis turned to see the rodeo figurine carved from wood on the table, picking it up, fondling it and smiled. There was a pile of cloth on the bed, the clear evidence that Jack had been here not so long ago. He caressed the fabric of the cream pajamas then looked up as he heard the footsteps. Amanda walked up to him and looked at him with apologetic eyes,

"I'm real sorry about that, Ennis." She bent to pick up the clothes on Jack's bed and walked to his closet. "Please forgive John. He's just having a hard day."

Ennis shook his head. Although he was pissed at the old man, he wasn't going to say anything against him, not in front of this fragile woman that was Jack's beloved mother.

And at that moment, he saw something so familiar in the closet. Ennis walked to where Amanda was standing and he saw the sleeve of Jack's old denim shirt at the very end of the line of clothes. His hand seemed to have a mind of its own, reaching out to grab it, totally forgetting that he was under the close observation of Amanda. There it was, that same shirt Jack always wore on Brokeback. Ennis's breath hissed as he saw the blood stain was still there. And he felt the clog in his throat as his hands found another shirt inside that denim.

His shirt. His _stolen_ shirt.

Ennis shook his head, seeing things for the first time. It wasn't just his shirt that'd been stolen from Brokeback. His heart was throbbing hard now as if to remind him of the other thing that'd been stolen by that man, too.

_Jack fucking Twist._

----------

It was already ten when Jack finally had time to sit and really look through the name cards and other documents Miriam had given him when he told her he was looking for a new job. She said Roy Tyler's farm was looking for a new foreman. That farm was a tough choice, never pleased with their staff, and Jack knew having been a salesman wouldn't serve him as a good reference to apply for any posts in the area of animal breeding, like this cow operation of Mr. Roy Tyler. Maybe he needed to look for jobs on farms with existing farm machines in operation. He could use his skill on those machines.

Jack looked at the clock and sighed. He wanted to go see Bobby and wanted to call him, wanted to do everything he could to get connected with his son again. But Lureen had asked him to wait. Bobby was upset, she'd said, give him a couple of days and they would go see him together.

Jack threw himself on the couch, arm on his forehead. Why does everything have to happen at the same time? Groaning aloud, Jack closed his eyes. He was so damn tired, he couldn't think straight right now and all he wanted to do was to sleep.

But the truth was there was something else he wanted to do.

Jack sprang up and took the crumpled paper out of his wallet. It had been almost a week, figured Ennis should be at the farm in Aurora already. The voice in his heart told him that Ennis might be waiting for his call. That voice was so loud that he couldn't hear the argument from his sense shouting in vain to stop him from making a call at this time of the night. The next thing he knew, Jack picked up the phone and dialed the number. A man answered his call on the first ring, and he remembered that voice,

"Don," he greeted, lowering his voice to measure the reaction of the receiver. "I'm sorry I called so late. Is Ennis there?"

"Jack?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Ennis isn't here yet. He's just called like five minutes ago, saying he'd leave tomorrow. Just heard from him about ya coming, never thought ya would call so soon."

"Heard about me…coming?" Jack blinked, brows aching up in wonder.

"Yeah, I'm real glad ya will help us. Was wondering maself how we could manage the machinery 'cause neither of us ever touched that stuff before. Thank ya, Jack."

Jack couldn't talk for a full minute. Did Don just say what he thought he heard?

"We'll build the bunkhouse with full facilities. Ya and Ennis could share it and it should be done roughly in two weeks. By that time, the hay baler machine will arrive. Ya gonna be real busy, Jack."

"Yeah…" That was all he could say.

"And please be gentle and go slow on us old generation of ranchers," Don joked. "When do ya think ya can be here anyway?"

"Well," Jack shrugged, feeling for the first time how stiff his shoulders were now, "Two weeks, I reckon…" Those words flew out without him really thinking on them. He felt like floating.

"Sounds good ta me, too. I'll tell Ennis ya called."

"Thank you."

"See ya, Jack. Good night."

"Yeah, good night, Don…"

Jack hung up the phone but still sat right there, feeling too numb and confused to move any bones. His tongue wet his lips unconsciously as he tried to rearrange his thoughts. Ennis had told Don he would be coming to the ranch? Why didn't Ennis tell him? He just gave him the telephone number and how the hell could he guess the hidden meaning behind that piece of paper?

Then the phone rang and he knew who was calling.

"Hello?" His voice sounded funny.

"Jack?" And, damn, Ennis sounded funny, too.

"Yeah, it's me. I just called you in Aurora."

"Oh," he heard Ennis's sigh. "I'll drive out first light tomorrow. How're ya?"

"Bad. Bobby is staying with L.D. now, can't cope with this divorce thing."

"I'm sorry…" Ennis whispered. His voice was a caress and Jack needed it now.

"Yeah, me too."

They went quiet and Jack knew Ennis well enough to let the silence hang in the air. Ennis was trying to say something. Jack wanted to ask what the hell had happened and what had he told Don. But instead of pushing, Jack waited.

"Bobby like horses?" Ennis said finally and Jack smiled.

"He does. Always wanted me to teach him how to ride."

"Bring him to Aurora. Don said the bunkhouse will be done in two weeks. Big enough. We can share."

Jack looked down at the name cards scattered on the table, fingers rubbing the raised surface of the letters absentmindedly. Ennis hesitated and continued,

"I know I told ya to do what ya gotta do and call me but…anyway, I told Don you ain't got no job now and he said you can come here, help out with the machinery. Well, if ya ain't got nothing else in mind, of course."

"Ya wanted me ta go there so you gave me the number?"

"Nah…" he could hear Ennis's shrug. "Just …kinda came up."

"Like, five minutes ago?"

"A half day, actually." _After ya knocked some sense into my thick skull with those shirts, Jack._

Jack bit his lower lip, "It's ok fer me to be there?"

"Yep."

"But I ain't that good with the machinery, all I did is brag about them."

"I ain't an expert in the hay area, either, asshole."

"We'll be a pair of fucked-up workers, won't we?"

"Can say that again."

"We don't want Don ta know 'bout this."

"Nope."

Ennis chuckled softly and he head Jack laugh back. The tension seemed to loosen up.

"That's alright, you know, Don and I ain't know shit 'bout those things and at least ya know how to run them engines. Hell, he'll be there for one week only. The truth is I can't picture maself dealing with that son of Don's alone. You can talk. Not that I can't talk but you know what I mean…"

"So if I fuck up with the machinery, I can still use my persuasion skill I got from being a salesman with Joel. I can talk him into working, ya mean."

"Sure 'nough."

"Do I have to take yer orders, Mr. Del Mar?"

"Shut up."

Jack giggled. He wished he could talk to Ennis face to face. He loved when Ennis blushed, something he was sure was happening now.

Jack sighed, "I can't believe this is happening, Ennis."

All Jack wanted to do now was pack his stuff and go to Aurora right away, but he needed to know one thing,

"What happened, Ennis? Why?"

"Do ya ever get tired of me?" Ennis asked and Jack had to laugh. "Seriously, Jack."

"Yes, and I have lost count of the times. But you know why I keep coming back." Jack smiled. He regarded Ennis's silence as an answer, "Thank you, Ennis. I'm glad ya called…"

"Yep. No problem. I…ah…gotta go, bud."

"I gotta go, too. Ya drive carefully tomorrow."

"I will. I'll see you in two weeks?"

"Yes. Ya know I will. I love you."

Jack surprised himself at how natural it was to say that. The ordinary words to end the conversation with loved ones, his ma, Lureen when they were a newly-wed couple, Bobby when he called from L.D. and his friends' house. But never before with Ennis. Jack shifted his body in discomfort.

"…not that you don't know anyway…" He tried to cover the uneasiness, wetting his lips again nervously.

Ennis remembered the reason he had called. The shirts in Jack's closet, his plaid one was now covering the denim one as he switched their places and put them back where they belonged. The shirts were together in peace and quiet, away from all the hatred from the world outside.

"I know…" Ennis found himself whispering. He knew what he was about to say next, knew he couldn't stop himself now even when it had been hard for him to accept it all these years. "And I love you, too."

Time seemed to stop. He closed his eyes and leant against the wall of the closed drug store, listening to Jack's breath. He wondered for a moment if Jack had heard it. His voice was quivering and he had said it so soft…

But he had said it anyway, not because he wanted to keep Jack with him and hang on to his shit. He said it because that was how he felt. A man couldn't live without a heart and Ennis needed Jack with him. 'Cause that man had his heart.

It was as simple as that.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16 :Like Father, Like Son:

Chapter 16 **"Like Father, Like Son" **

The Joel Wroe farm was not difficult to find. If the man he asked for directions frowned when he mentioned the name of the farm, all Jack had to do was to add the bit about 'the new farm with hay and pears', then someone would tell him where to head for. Jack stopped frequently, not only to ask for directions, but also to ease his stiff body and wearied mind. Bobby had been very quiet ever since they left Childress early in the morning. And it was a bad sign. Jack thought Bobby would jump up and down when he told him about where they were going to, the farm with horses. But the boy didn't move, just curled up his body on the far side of the passenger seat looking very sad. Jack didn't know what to do now.

Lureen had taken him to the fairground a few days ago. And they had, kind of, made good 'cause Lureen explained to him that they would still be together even after the divorce. Jack had agreed she should be the one taking care of Bobby for the most part, with Jack working in Aurora and all. But Bobby could stay with him during school break and he could visit him on weekends. It was just a six-hour drive and Jack would make the trip as often as he could, if his work didn't get in the way.

But Bobby didn't understand. The boy went all quiet and it scared Jack. He wanted to fix this, but he couldn't do so if Bobby refused 't talk to him. Sighing, Jack glanced toward Bobby, who was looking out of the window, then turned back to the road, hoping like hell Ennis could come up with something. Jack would do anything, he swore, to make it right with Bobby.

"There it is, Bob,"

Jack said when the farm appeared in front of his eyes. Bobby turned to look but didn't say anything. Jack drove through the gate and parked the truck in front of the house. He got out and took a good look around the average-sized farm, the farm house looked like it had just been re-painted white. There were two horses standing in the corral near some small pear trees, one of them was Black Shadows. Jack smiled, feeling like he'd seen an old friend. But the truth was he was glad to see something so familiar in this new environment, where even his son was like a total stranger.

Jack squinted his eyes toward the afternoon sun and saw a few lines of pear trees out behind the house. When he last talked to Ennis, he said they had planted more pear trees and were now preparing the soil to plant the new crop of hay. Where's the hay field then? he wondered. Jack was so occupied with his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps that were approaching him.

"Are you Jack?"

He turned to the voice of a woman and smiled at a young, and heavily pregnant, woman with blond hair. This must be Monica.

"Yes, ma'am," he took off his hat, "I'm Jack Twist and this here is my son, Bobby."

He bent to look inside the truck and was glad that Bobby, despite everything, had enough mind to smile shyly at Monica,

"Ma'am." He heard his son greet Monica and her eyes went even softer, turning back to Jack,

"He's a fine young man."

"He sure is."

"I'm Monica and please just call me Monica, no ma'am." She gave him her little hand which he shook gently.

"Let's go to the bunkhouse so you can rest. Was it hard to find the farm, Jack? Can I call you Jack?"

"Yes, just Jack is fine. And not at all. Everybody seems to know where the new farm with pears and hay is."

Monica laughed at that.

The bunkhouse was not so far from the house and they could have easily walked the short distance but Jack drove them there anyway. The construction work had not been fully finished yet. He saw the building was unpainted, and there was no light bulb in the hallway where the wires stuck out of the ceiling. The floor was dirty with pieces of wood and sand. But as bunkhouses went it was one of the fanciest Jack had ever seen. Instead of a single large room with many bunks ranged along the walls, the living space was divided into four small, private rooms and Monica told him that they expected to hire a couple more workers in the future when the farm became fully operational. There was a kitchen and two bathrooms at the back, giving easy access to the barn and the hay field.

Jack parked his truck under the tree at the side and, to his surprise, Bobby was the first to get out. Jack didn't stop him when he walked to the back of the bunkhouse, maybe wanting to get away from his lousy daddy for a while after spending a half day with Jack on the road.

He smiled sheepishly at Monica, "I'm getting divorced. He's having a hard time. Please excuse his manners, Monica."

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that."

"Thank you." That was all he could say.

Monica guided him to the room facing the east where he put all his belongings inside, opposite another room that looked occupied, judging from the dirty boots in front of the door that Jack recognized as Ennis's brown worn-out leather boots.

"Where's Ennis?"

"He's always out in the field all day even when he is studying."

"Studying?" Jack almost choked out the words.

"Yes." Monica led him to the kitchen where he saw several books, brochures and pamphlets entitled 'Alfalfa Hay', 'Baler Machine Manual', 'Pest Control' and such that lay scattered about. Jack tried to suppress his smile but didn't succeed. He picked up a book called 'Myths and Facts of Alfalfa' and gave in to the urge to laugh at the image of Ennis reading all this stuff. Jack knew the way Ennis's forehead would crinkle like waves on the surface of a lake as he concentrated on something, like when he carved that wooden figure of his or when he trained his sights on an elk.

"Luke brought all these books for him to read while we wait until it's time to bale the first crop of hay at the end of this month. If nothing distracts him, he'll keep on going out to check on stuff… insects…or something." Monica smiled. Jack knew from the look in her eyes and from her way of talking that she was happy with this hard-as-nails foreman. Jack knew she would like him. Of course, it was Ennis they were talking about. _His Ennis._ Who could possibly hate him?

Before Monica left, she told him to meet at the house for dinner at about six thirty. Jack walked from the kitchen to the lawn. He saw Bobby sitting on a small pile of dry hay under the tree near the bunkhouse. The boy played with the stems and threw himself down on the pile, knees bending up and swaying. Jack sighed, maybe he would leave Bobby alone for a bit now.

Jack put on his hat and headed out to the field. He walked leisurely on the damp ground, heading up a small hill between two fields of hay. The hay was green and the sky was blue. This world was so colorful here, and beautiful. He spread his arms and let the hay tickle the tips of his fingers as he walked even more slowly, feeling every move he made and every breath he took.

Then he caught sight of a view that made the world even more beautiful, a curly blond-haired man sitting under the tree at the end of the field, reading something on his lap. A small dot in this world who meant the universe to Jack.

A man who loved him.

_"And I love you, too."_ Jack could still remember how choked up he was when Ennis told him that. He must have been quiet for a long time 'cause the next thing he knew, he heard Ennis chuckle. _"See ya,"_ Ennis said again and he must have said something back like _'yeah'_ or _'ok'_ cause Ennis hung up the phone then. Honestly, Jack couldn't remember all the rest of the conversation after those three little words from that man.

Ennis called again in three days, acted as if nothing had happened, exactly the way Jack had imagined he would. He told him about the progress at the farm and then handed the phone to Don, and Jack had spent the next twenty minutes talking with Don about the scope of his job. It seemed all the machinery would be his responsibility including all the maintenance. The jobs in the farm were divided roughly into hay fields and pear orchards. For the first few months, it was work as usual, with planning and everything. Then the baler would be in the spotlight during the harvest season. Jack would have to be a general worker until then. He didn't mind, as long as the orders came from this Del Mar foreman. _Hell, God knew he would do more than work for this boss._

Smiling, Jack walked toward Ennis and he slowed his step as he got nearer. No, Ennis wasn't reading anything, he was indeed sleeping. So Jack just sat there, looking at Ennis. He always loved those thick eyelashes. He loved the way they touched his cheekbone where his lovely little freckles lay. And he loved those lips, relaxing and slightly parted now as he traveled through dreamland. And that strong jaw line…God…how he loved to feel it with rough stubble under his palm.

"Ennis?" Jack whispered and leant in for a kiss. "Ennis?" He closed his eyes as his lips felt the warmth from the other man's soft lips. "Ennis?" he said again as he sprayed kisses along the freckles so gentle. And that finally stirred Ennis.

Ennis pushed Jack off but Jack had prepared for that action. He knew Ennis would panic.

"Whoa, it's me, bud," Jack caught Ennis's arms with his hands, before Ennis could push him away. He paused and looked up at Jack.

"How long ya been here?"

"Long enough." Jack smirked, allowing Ennis to disengage himself from captivity and sat down on the grass near him. "Ya think a foreman should take a nap at this time of day?"

"Have nothin' else ta do," Ennis rubbed his eyes and sighed, voice thick from sleeping. "B'sides, this book is like a fucking sleeping pill."

Jack laughed softly and looked out to the green, "This place is real nice, Ennis."

"Ya shoulda seen it a month ago. Been working our asses off. But still got so much ta do…"

"I know. Thank ya," Jack rubbed Ennis's knee and let go, "for having me here."

Their eyes met then, unspeakable words passing between them. Ennis's eyes turned soft as he nodded and finally he gave Jack that lopsided smile, "How was the trip?"

"Not so bad, but Bobby still won't talk ta me."

"That bad?"

"Yeah, I kinda hope you can come up with somethin'."

Ennis was on his feet then, "We'll see…"

_"We'll see"._ Did Ennis just say _'we'_? Jack couldn't help wondering if Ennis realized that as they walked down the hill side by side. Jack sighed heavily as they reached the lawn. He felt a hand on the small of his back, rubbing in circles, soothing his stiff muscles beneath the fabric. And for the hundredth time that day, Jack sent a prayer to thank anyone up there in heaven for this man.

----------

"Yer awful quiet today, foreman."

Ennis shot an evil look at Luke at that and Jack almost choked on the chicken soup. _Ya talk too much, asshole_, Ennis thought and continued to grind his teeth unnecessarily hard on the bread. There was nothing he could do, especially when they were not alone at the table. Sarah and Thomas Robinson from the neighbouring ranch had made a sudden visit. Their horse breeding operation was about five minutes' drive up on the hill. They were fine and typical, polite western people, making a living with a ranching and farming operation that had been in their family for generations. Ennis had met them once when Don was still here and he liked them just fine, especially because they never pushed him to join the conversation, whatever it was about.

Don had stayed for one week, leaving Luke behind with him and Joel. Luke was supposed to stay until he finished the contract on the hay baler which should be done a week from now. Ennis was relieved in a way, having Luke taking the role of talking with Joel and all.

With more people, today's dinner was the loudest ever since he came here. Luke was always loud, he had stopped wondering about that now, 'cause that man would talk until doomsday. And Jack was talkative, not that loud, but he could talk about anything even with someone he had met just five minutes ago, and Ennis had stopped wondering why already, too. Joel was an average talker but, well, they didn't talk much anyway. But ever since the talk had turned to something about their previous jobs and Jack raised the topic of rodeoing, Joel was getting louder and louder, because he, too, used to rodeo around the Midwest several years back. Mr. Robinson seemed interested, asking questions all the time.

Monica and Mrs. Sarah Robinson just listened mostly but seemed to have a good time. Though, as a mother-soon-to-be, Monica turned her attention once in a while to take care of Bobby, who was obviously the quietest person at the table tonight. Ennis observed the boy. He had Jack's lips and nose. His eyes were blue but not that blue compared to his daddy's. And his hair was lighter. He thought he saw Bobby smile a little when Jack told the story about the time when he won the rodeo buckle. The boy was proud of his daddy but his pride wouldn't let him go easy on him.

Junior and Jenny were sad when he told them he had to work in Aurora. But he could easily cheer them up by saying he could visit them once or twice a month and they could go down to Aurora for a change, riding horses and camping. Girls were easier to deal with than boys. Besides, Alma and him had been divorced for a while, the girls knew now that their daddy would still be their daddy after all. Maybe it was hard for Bobby because he couldn't picture yet what it would be like and wondered if he would ever see his daddy again.

After dinner, the Robinsons had left but it seemed Luke and Joel still were in the mood for a little party. They moved to the bunkhouse, dragged Jack and him along, drank beers and talked some more about stuff, this time focused on the farm in general. Even though Joel and him never talked much, they could always drink together, reckon it was because they could let the beer talk for them.

Later Ennis stepped over to his room to get a book supporting his theory of planting oat with hay to draw out insects and he stopped short as he saw Bobby sitting on his bed, reading through some books. He sat down on the old sofa he had brought from Riverton, thinking it might be a good time to feel out situation when he saw the boy touching the picture of a white horse in the book.

"You like horses?" he asked softly, like what he did as he approached untamed horses without spooking them. Bobby nodded.

"We have three horses here, Black Shadows…the one with black coat. Ya seen her?"

Bobby nodded again, and this time lifted his head to look at Ennis.

"We have the brown one, Shooting Stars and Joel has another mare, Clover."

"Clover…," Bobby whispered, his eyes studying Ennis for a minute then glanced down at the book again, "I found a clover with five leaves once."

"Ya did?" Ennis encouraged the talking. Bobby nodded, "What did ya do with it?"

"I gave it to daddy when he went to work in Houston."

"Yeah?" Ennis smiled and Bobby looked up at him, smiling back a little. "You wanna ride Clover? I'm sure Joel won't mind."

Bobby gaze seemed to be asking if he really could ride her.

"Yer daddy is real good with horses. Never falls off like he did when he rode all them bulls."

"Really?" Bobby smiled wider.

"Um," he handed the boy the other book with more pictures of horses and he sat there observing his reaction. The boy just loved his daddy so much he'd lost his balance from thinking they might never see each other again after the divorce. The damage was not permanent and it could be repaired. Ennis was sure Jack could fix this. _It will be alright, Jack.__  
_  
----------

"Remind me again why I ever showed up in the cabin weeks ago?"

Luke said, deadpan, and Jack had to laugh. They went out to the back lawn to smoke as Joel wandered into the dark to take a piss, when Ennis didn't come back with the book.

"Ya should have seen Ennis's face when he saw me the next day. Looking at me so hard, I coulda been shot dead by that devil glare of his."

Jack laughed again, "It's just…that we didn't know if we'd have time ta go camping like that again. So he was kinda upset, I figure."

"Shit. I knew he was upset 'bout something. Never thought it was important, I mean that man can get mad about anything. Never realized that trip meant so much to him. I shoulda stayed put and left ya alone."

Luke said the last part so soft, wanting only the two of them to hear it, and Jack had to wonder for the first time how Luke could be so neutral toward all this stuff about Ennis and him.

"My girlfriend used to snap at me for being so clumsy and always jumping into action, never thinking about consequences and shit," Luke chuckled, sent out a puff of smoke into the dark air. "Reckon she was right."

"Ya married?"

"She died before we could get married."

"I'm sorry." Jack sighed, "Shit, that's hard."

"Yeah." Luke turned to him then, smiling and reaching out a hand. "Glad ta see ya here, Jack."

"Me, too." Jack shook his hand, still looking like he couldn't believe himself that he was here.

"I'd better go. It's late. Joel! We're going now!"

"You ain't staying here?" Jack wondered. "There're plenty of rooms in the bunkhouse."

"Some other time. I ruined that last night at the cabin, I ain't gonna do that again on yer first night here." Luke gave a crooked smile, coy even. Again, Jack had an urge to ask why on earth this man felt so comfortable with 'queers'. The look on his face must have spoken louder than words again, 'cause Luke shrugged then,

"I used ta be in love, Jack."

And with that, Luke and Joel, who was a bit drunk by then, headed to the farm house. Luke wasn't completely comfortable, but he was…understanding. Jack stood outside for a moment longer. Luke used to be in love and his woman died before they ever got married. He must still love her. Love was love, there was no way to change the meaning of it even when it happened between two men. Thinking about it this way, being queers seemed to be something not so evil. They just acted upon how they felt after all.

The bunkhouse was quiet when he stepped in and locked the back door. He walked down the small hallway and almost bumped with Ennis who had emerged from his room.

"Where's Bobby?" Jack asked, looking over Ennis's shoulder for his son.

"Sleeping. Must be tired from the drive."

"Oh," Jack rubbed Ennis's forearm up and down and let go. Ennis glanced around then,

"Where're those guys?"

"Went back to the house," Jack said, leaving the part about Luke not wanting to ruin their first night together unspoken. Ennis nodded. They looked at each other closely and both leaned in for a kiss, couldn't hold on any longer after spending the whole afternoon just stealing touches. The kiss went wild and Ennis had to take a step back to slow the pace,

"Bobby…" Ennis murmured and Jack slipped his tongue in between his lips, swallowing the rest of his words into his own mouth. He felt Jack's hands roaming on the bare skin under his shirt before one of them reached down to rest on the crack of his ass. Ennis gasped and stopped the kiss,

"Not 'ere."

"Kay…" Jack nipped his earlobe and walked them backward to Ennis's room. Ennis stopped him again and Jack had to look up, blue eyes dancing and glistening with uncontrollable needs and something else that said 'ya wanna do this in the kitchen then?'

"Yer room," Ennis whispered and he smirked at Jack's wide eyes and shocked, almost horrified expression. "Yer son is sleeping on ma bed, asshole."

"What?" Jack disentangled from him now and walked to Ennis's room. He poked his head in and smiled at the sight of his son curled up on his side, breathing in a steady rhythm.

"Figure it runs in the family," Jack said softly as he pulled the sheet up to Bobby's waist. The boy was addicted to sleeping under a sheet, he loved the feeling of it even on a hot summer night. Ennis frowned as he opened the window wider, allowing a mild breeze to waft in, "What runs in the family?"

"The Twist boys all seem ta be drawn to Ennis Del Mar."

Jack grinned and Ennis ruefully shook his head, "Yer too silly, Twist."

"It's the truth."

"Not yer dad though."

"Maybe he is, ya never met him."

Their eyes met then and Ennis had to look away, clearing his throat, "C'mon now. Should let the boy sleep."

Jack obeyed. He looked back over his shoulder toward Bobby again before closing the door. They charged each other as soon as the door to Jack's room closed behind them.

"Bobby ever wake up during the night?" Ennis whispered as he let Jack tackle his clothing before plunging on the bed.

"Not that I can remember," Jack said hoarse, mouth seeking wildly for Ennis's, "We locked the door."

"If he wakes up, he'll hear somethin'…shit…" Ennis panted, throwing Jack's shirt on the floor, groaning as Jack's mouth captured his nipple.

"We'll be quiet," Jack muttered, blowing soft breath on his sensitive skin around the navel.

Ennis gave a shaky laugh, gripping around Jack's ears to haul him up, "Ya can never be quiet, shithead."

"Watch me…" Jack smiling lips pressed hard on Ennis's then. Jack took in the sound of their kissing, the taste of smoke from his man's lips and the smell of fresh hay blowing into the small room. He melted himself into Ennis's embrace and writhed as he felt Ennis's finger now playing with his ass, caressing along the crack. That finger teased lower and Jack moaned with anticipation. Then he heard Ennis chuckling,

"See?"

"Asshole," Jack hit Ennis on his forearm and Ennis gently flipped him on his stomach. The same finger, lubed now, went to where it belonged like a magnet, deeper and deeper and Jack held his breath at the bittersweet sensation. His world contracted to what Ennis was doing back there. Spreading his legs wider, Jack moaned and buried his face in the pillow, biting the sheet as Ennis pulled out his finger and entered him, one of his hands crawled to close around Jack's hard flesh and stroke.

"Yeah," they almost whispered in unison as the rhythm built slowly, sensually. Ennis licked across Jack's shoulder, stopped to nip on his nape, and growled when Jack pushed his hip back, increasing the contact. Ennis couldn't hold back anymore, he started to thrust for real, grunting and cursing under his breath at how good it felt.

"Ennis, Ennis…I…" he heard Jack hiss then the words he was about to say next got lost in his throat as Jack cried out when he felt his orgasm curling up like a wave, rushing from his toes to his head, making the world white out as he came. Ennis was with him in a short time, his hand moving to hug Jack tightly around his waist, pulling him up, refusing to let Jack plunge deep into the wave of ecstasy alone.

They collapsed on the bed, gasping heavily for air. Ennis moved to his side, taking Jack along. Jack sighed and shifted to turn his back to Ennis, the way he knew Ennis liked to spoon behind him after sex, but Ennis's hand stopped him then. Jack mouth opened slightly in surprise as Ennis's arms went around his back as they looked at each other face to face.

He couldn't see Ennis clearly in the dark but figured he didn't have to use his eyes to see. Jack scooted closer for a kiss and Ennis kissed back harder, taking control. He felt Ennis's embrace grow tighter, claiming what was his, had always been his.

Jack felt so in love, like every bone was filled with it, like his body might explode. And when Ennis finally let him fall asleep right there, face to face, with his head laying in the crook of Ennis's neck, his lips lingering on Ennis's chest, and their legs and arms entwined, Jack thought he could die of happiness.

----------

_"Dad?" Ennis squinted as he saw the familiar figure walking back and forth in the newly built barn, "That you?"___

_"Yeah, ya doing good, son. A foreman, huh?"___

_He shrugged, his heart flattered by a compliment from his old man.___

_"But ya ain't listening ta me."___

_"What cha talking about?"___

_"Ya forget that old queer, Earl? Dying in the gutter? Why ya doing this, Ennis?"___

_"Dad…"___

_"Look at that, son. And remember that's what happens to queers. I ain't letting ya forget this. See?"___

_Ennis turned in the direction that his dad jerked his chin. The dirty ditch in the middle of nowhere, some guy lying breathless, his member pulled out. ___

_He sobbed when he walked closer. It wasn't Earl, it was Jack._

_Jesus_, Ennis opened his eyes and realized instantly that it was a dream. He had been getting off easy for too long now. It was about time daddy came to him. Rubbing the sweat forming on his forehead off with the back of his palm, Ennis shifted his body but Jack, even in his deep sleep, snuggled close to him, arms hugging strong around his waist. He looked down but all he could see was Jack's ruffled hair under his chin.

He gazed around the dim room thinking about what he saw in the dream, as he waited for his heart to return to its normal rhythm. Daddy showed him the corpse again, as if to remind him how he would end up if he keep being what he was, wanted Ennis to turn away from this road before it was too late. But Jack wouldn't let him go. Ennis felt Jack tighten the hug as if to prove it and Ennis nuzzled the tip of his nose into the soft hair, loving the feeling of having Jack in his arms.

Ennis blinked, yeah, daddy was a daddy after all. Fathers cared for their children, like Jack cared for Bobby, like Ennis cared for his girls. He knew if he died, he would love to pop up in his daughters' dreams and talk to them, if that was what a ghost could do.

"Dad…" Ennis whispered,

_I'm sorry, dad, I can't turn back now. I fell in love so deep I figure I could never break the surface again. I ain't asking you to forgive me. Ya can curse me forever and haunt me in ma dreams, making me see old Earl dying again and again. But ya know, dad, I will just have ta live with it and do every damn thing to stop that from happening. Ain't backing away now.___

_Ya ain't here with me. Yer gone and God bless you. But Jack's here. And I ain't gonna let him go again. ___

_Never.___

_Will ya understand? Of course, ya will 'cause ya, too, been in love before.___

_Right, daddy?__  
_

TBC


	17. Chapter 17 :The Calm Before the Storm:

Chapter 17 **"The Calm before the Storm" **

"Ennis?"

Ennis turned toward the voice he wasn't overly familiar with and smiled as he saw Bobby standing awkwardly at the open front door of the bunkhouse.

"'Morning, Bobby."

"Good morning," the boy gave him one of the Twist family charming smiles. "Can we go see the horses now?"

"Yes, go see yer daddy and rouse him before the sun burns his ass."

Bobby grinned and disappeared inside the bunkhouse. Ennis knew the boy wanted to see his daddy but he wouldn't do it on his own. Having someone else ask him to do it would make it easier, like he had no choice but to see Jack as he had been told. An excuse Ennis was glad to give him. Then Jack came out of his room and Ennis had to wince at his red shirt and shook his head. _That fancy sonofabitch_. Jack mouthed 'what?' to him, grinning broadly like a mad man but Ennis managed to ignore him.

Bobby almost ran when he spotted the three horses out in the corral. It had become Joel's routine to free the horses for morning exercise since the corral was next to the house. He would let them out then continued his chores with the pear trees and such, leaving Ennis to feed the stock. Later he would join Ennis back at the hay field where they worked on planting the hay.

"Ya know what the first thing is ta do with a horse, big boy?"

Ennis heard Jack ask as they reached the corral. Bobby shook his head and Jack helped him climb up to stand on the pile of hay so their eyes were at the same level now. Black Shadows slowly approached and stretched her head over the rail in curiosity.

Bobby backed away from her a little but Jack held him where he was, a strong arm went around his son's torso, "The first things are respect and trust. Here Black Shadows wants to know you, give me yer hand."

Hesitating, Bobby put his little hand in Jack's and he watched as the black horse bent her long neck down to sniff on his hand.

Bobby giggled, "It's tickling."

"C'mon, touch her," Jack gently urged and Bobby slowly touched Black Shadows's neck, and to both their surprise, she nudged her nose on the side of Bobby's face, making the boy freeze. Then Bobby laughed and boldly moved his hand up her neck.

"Her skin is so soft, daddy."

"Yeah," Jack smiled. He let Bobby and Black Shadows get accustomed to each other quietly as he turned to Ennis. They exchanged small smiles.

"I'm going to the house," Ennis said and gave one last look at the two of them. Bobby was a good boy and things would be ok. He was Jack's son after all.

He knocked on the door and entered. Monica smiled at him from the couch. She was knitting something in blue,

"Morning, Ennis, ya eat something?"

"Yes, I had a sandwich at the bunkhouse already. Where's Joel?"

"On the phone with Don, having their usual morning chat," she joked and gestured to the kitchen with the expression on her face that read 'here we go again'.

Don and Joel couldn't just talk without fighting and Ennis wouldn't mind, it was none of his business anyway, if only the fight wasn't always about him.

"There you are," Joel walked out from the kitchen, hands on his hips. "Are ya my long lost brother or somethin? _Dad_'s on the line."

Then he stomped out of the house. Ennis's jaw tightened as he went in and picked up the phone,

"Don?"

"Ennis, is that boy always like this? Swear ta God I'm gonna kill him one of these days. He never listens to what I say. Ya alright down there?"

Ennis sighed, "He's a good worker, Don. We're getting along just fine." A little white lie wouldn't hurt.

"I just told him we need more horses. Luke and I can't haul our horses down there and we need them when we're helping out. At first he said 'ok, yeah, yeah, I think so' kinda thing. Then he lost it when I said yer good with horses."

"Ya shouldn't say that."

"It was the truth. Joel needs to learn to accept people. He can't do all the jobs alone. I can't imagine him being a boss like this when the farm gets bigger."

"It'll get better."

"I hope so," Don said. "Listen, Ennis. Luke said there'll be an auction in a few days. I asked Joel to buy a horse, preferably a broke one. We ain't got a lot of time for training one. Can ya help him out?"

"I will."

"Thank you, Ennis."

Ennis put the phone down in the cradle and leant on the table. He glanced up the window above the sink that overlooked the corral and stable. Bobby was up on Black Shadows now, with Jack holding the reins. They were slowly building back the trust they'd lost. But look at him now, he had just shaken the bridge between a father and a son. He didn't want to be a third person in a father-son relationship. Joel was a hard worker, he might not too skilled but he had a strong will. Don just needed to trust in his son more and let him do his job and Ennis had to maintain their distance to be able to work together. Didn't know what else he could do. Ennis figured he might as well let Joel handle the auction alone.

Three days later, things were going incredibly smooth. Bobby and Jack were getting along better, though they still avoided talking about the divorce. Bobby talked more and Ennis often found both of them playing around or reading something on his bed at night. Ennis would do his own reading in the kitchen then, enjoying the peace and quiet, and occasional puff of laughter from the Twist boys.

He had almost forgotten about the auction when he found a young stallion with a black coat loosely tied to the wood fence of the corral. He stopped short in his tracks and stared at the new stallion for he didn't know how long. Ennis had been around horses for a long time, he knew the minute he saw this horse, with its restlessness and slightly uncomfortable behavior, that it was not a trained – or as Don said—broke horse. Joel had bought the untrained horse for a purpose. He wanted to dare his father, to make it even more accurate, he wanted to dare Ennis, the one his father had regarded as 'being good with horses'. _Shit_. He shoulda known better, shoulda realized what Joel was likely to do. It was just the calm before the storm.

Ennis didn't join the others for dinner that night, he was exhausted. He should be mad, should have kicked stuff or even throttled that goddamn ignorant little prick, but he was too tired. And damn there was nothing else to do but watch that fucking hay grow and read those damn books. He never was the reading type anyway, so why the hell pretend he liked reading them. _Fuck it, I'm going ta bed_.

Without even bothering to take a shower, Ennis curled up on his side and clamped his eyes shut despite it being only seven. The thoughts about past events were swirling crazily in his head like a piece of cloth tumbling madly in the drier at the laundromat, Joel, those cold grey eyes and his careless glare, the vast hay field, the dry and two-week-old pear trees, piles of books and manuals, the damn new horse…then the images rolled themselves over and over again until they stopped at Jack, showing up in front of his eyes under the tree on the hill, Jack smiling under the bright blue sky, Jack laughing and talking about rodeo at the dinner table near him, Jack moaning his name as his sweaty body writhed under him, Jack sleeping in his arms…_Jack_.

Ennis opened his eyes and, as if summoned, Jack leant on the door frame, a plate of bread in his hand.

"Monica baked the best carrot bread," he said, walking in and sitting on his bed, "Get up and eat some…and tell me what happened."

"Ya been here less than a week, what do you know?" Ennis grumbled and shifted position, his back now toward Jack.

"I knew something's going on between you and Joel the minute we had dinner the first night. I don't need a week to realize that…is it somethin' about that stallion?"

Ennis just grunted. Jack regarded that as a yes.

"He just …feels insecure, ya know." Jack said, his words slow and measured. "Don has so much belief in ya. Joel will learn to respect ya the way Don does. Ya have to hang on and wait, c'mon, we'll do this together."

Ennis looked at Jack over his shoulder. The word _we_ still sounded weird and surreal. It was almost unbelievable to see Jack this close, sitting on his bed in the bunkhouse they shared, not on the mountain. Ennis sometimes wondered if it was true, that Jack was here with him. That they could work side by side like they had when they were on Brokeback. He could hardly believe his eyes sometimes. He had to blink whenever he spotted Jack working outside the barn, yanking the fork in the hay wearing that fancy colorful shirt of his, or as he rode Black Shadows up the hill to check on the newly planted crop of hay there.

There they were, together, down the mountain, working for someone who…

Ennis sighed then, turning back to bury his face into the pillow, murmuring,

"He hates me."

"That can change."

"And he bought that fucking horse."

"Ya can train that horse."

"Ain't got no time."

"So we'll do something."

"Don't ya dare get me, or let _someone_ get me no damn book about breaking horses. I'm damn near choked up with all that shit already."

Jack laughed then, twisting at the waist and leaning closer to him, "For the record, I think Luke planned all that."

Ennis just grunted and they stayed in silence for a while.

"Ya know…" Jack whispered, "having Joel here is kinda…keeping this real for me."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if life was all rosy then I would think this is all just a fucking dream."

Ennis turned to look at Jack again. He allowed his eyes to linger on the fine figure of this man, the man who drove across a state to be with him, gave up his fancy life to stay with Ennis who could promise him nothing. Jack's eyes landed on his so soft and Ennis finally sat up, crossing his legs Indian style,

"Then I reckon ma dad wanna have his share in that."

"What?"

"Making this real for me."

Jack was facing him now, copying the Indian style of sitting, the plate of bread still cradled on his lap, "Ya dreamed a him?"

"Yep, on the first night you were here, showing me a dead body again."

Ennis didn't tell Jack whose body it was. Jack's shoulders tensed up a bit.

"What did he say?"

Ennis shrugged, "The usual, ya keep it up, you'll get beaten to death. Ain't nothing new."

"And what did ya say ta him?" Jack asked, trying to be neutral but Ennis knew Jack better than that. He knew Jack was on a mission to build up his fractured heart, the heart that had lost its hopes and dreams as a result of Ennis's continuous emotional torture. Jack had always been a brave man, stood up for what he really wanted and Ennis admired that Jack. He was sad to see Jack let go of that dream. Jack was fearing the worst now, fearing that they might have to walk back to that spot again, the spot where Ennis backed out when his daddy made a visit in his dreams.

But Ennis had walked past that. He had gone this far and he wouldn't have a life if it didn't include Jack from now on, for better or worse.

" 'Thanks, Dad, I'd be careful' kinda answer…" Ennis said and Jack shook his head in disbelief,

"No, ya didn't."

"Believe what ya want then."

He looked down at his hands that were twining on his lap, then Jack took one of them, lacing his fingers with one of his hands, palming the back of his with the other. Ennis stroked the side of Jack's index finger with his thumb, feeling the rough skin and loving the silent comfort that seemed to run through him from barely touching Jack. Nothing ever felt so right.

"Ya know," Jack broke the comfortable silence. "I know who can help us with that horse."

"Who?" Ennis frowned.

"Lureen is training a horse now. Maybe I can ask her for some tricks. And ain't Mr. Robinson running the horse breeding farm? Figure we can ask for his help, too."

"Lureen as in yer ex-wife?"

"Who else?"

"Last I heard, she was working in her daddy's farm machine business."

"But the latest I heard she quit and she's now working as a horse trainer."

"She is?"

"Yes. L.D. was so damn happy about her getting rid of me, never said a word about her quitting the job."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Jack smiled, "Told ya, she's real rebellious."

Ennis chuckled. Jack then pushed the plate of carrot bread his way,

"Eat something. Yer too thin, Ennis."

Before he could disagree, Jack squeezed his hand and bounced off the bed. He listened to the sound of Jack's boot heels heading to the kitchen as he shoved the bread into his mouth. It tasted good like Jack said.

Yeah, Jack always said the right thing. Maybe all this trouble was just the proof that this was not a dream.

It was eight when Ennis had finished half of the bread and walked out to put the rest on the table in the kitchen. He saw Jack fumbling with the laundry in the basket near the open back door.

"I need to do laundry tomorrow," Jack said, still keeping his eyes down on the dirty clothes. "Bobby will go back in five days and Lureen will kill me if his bag is full of dirty clothes smelling like horse piss."

"It _is_ horse piss."

Jack laughed, "I know, dumbass. He loves being around horses. He asked me if I could get him a black horse back home."

Ennis leant on the counter, his arms crossed, "So…you and him…made good?"

"Not really," Jack sighed, "he still don't understand why he can't stay with me."

"Tough one."

"Yeah, I can't tell him, ya know, 'yer mom got no one but I got you' kinda stuff."

Ennis wished he could help but he just didn't know what to say. He watched as Jack turned his back to him, fumbling with more clothes, noticed one item that was his – the white and blue striped shirt. He must have put it in the wrong basket. The next thing he knew Jack pressed that shirt up against his nose and inhaled the way he liked to do.

"Stop that," Ennis snatched it from Jack. He sounded too harsh but Jack didn't look upset. Instead, he laughed, blues eyes glistening with joy.

"This here got us in trouble once." Ennis shoved him, amused at how Jack liked to sniff his shirt. Then he reached out to squeeze Jack around the waist from behind. He kissed the back of his neck and felt Jack's body sag into his. Jack sighed, turned his head to lean his forehead on Ennis's temple, closing his eyes as his lips caressed on his jaw. Ennis's mind thought back to the two shirts in the closet in Jack's old room at Lightning Flat. His shirt had been there for twelve years…

"Ya should get enough of sniffing ma shirt…ya know," He whispered, smiling and pushing Jack away.

Jack blinked, "What do you mean?"

Ennis just shrugged. The urge to smile was threatening to break through his stern face but he could manage not to. But Jack knew there was something behind that look. He saw the twinkles in those brown eyes.

"What?!?" Jack asked, smiling despite everything as he watched Ennis ball up the shirt and throw it on the top of his laundry in another basket. "What's wrong with sniffing yer shirt? And why should I get enough? Ya know I never get enough of ya."

"Daddy!"

"Bobby," Jack turned to see his son running in through the open back door, couldn't help but feel relieved that he hadn't come in a minute earlier. The look Ennis gave him was saying that Ennis felt the same. "I told ya I'd go pick you up. Shouldn't go out alone in the dark."

"I didn't. Joel went with me."

Jack looked up and found Joel leaning on the door frame, his body and face all tensed up. His grey eyes stared hard at Jack, then toward Ennis and down to the white and blue striped shirt balled up in the basket, the glare hard enough to start a fire on everything along the way. Jack's pulse was throbbing as he swallowed the clog down his dry throat. He didn't dare look sideways at Ennis so he kept his gaze on Joel, whose lips were now twitching. Then he just nodded,

"Was closing the barn when the boy came down from the house. Figured I might as well walk him back here."

He sounded dry. Jack managed to pull himself together, straighten his back and nodded,

"Thank ya."

Bobby was running into the room when Joel moved from the door frame. His last gaze landed on Ennis. Jack, finally, shifted his eyes toward Ennis, too. Ennis was staring back at Joel, his face showed no expression as if what Joel had seen was the most natural thing in the world. But his eyes told a different story.

----------

"What's the damage?"

Jack asked worriedly, without opening his eyes or ceasing to massage his temples. He tried to keep his voice as low as possible, for fear of waking up Bobby who had fallen asleep not more than ten minutes ago.

Luke, who was sitting on the opposite side of the table, sighed heavily, "I don't know. He didn't say anything."

"Jesus," Jack hissed.

Luke had showed up after Joel had left, a bottle of whiskey in his hand and a bewildered expression on every muscle of his face. He had asked Joel to join them but the younger man ignored the invitation and went straight to the house. But he could put two and two together when he saw the equally shocked face of Jack and the pale, sweaty figure of Ennis, standing there looking like a ghost.

_Joel knows._

Ennis didn't say a damn word and it scared Jack. He was so scared, he didn't even have the guts to look him in the eye. It would be better if Ennis would just shout or break stuff. He could just punch Jack and he wouldn't mind at all. It was his carelessness again that had brought them to this point, the point where they had to deal with the fact that more people had learned about their relationship.

"I'm so sorry…" Jack shook his head and looked down at his lap, avoiding eye contact with both Luke and Ennis.

"We'll pack and leave,"

Ennis said plain, bringing both Luke's and Jack's attention to him.

"What?!?" Luke barked.

"Like I said, we're leaving."

"Wait up, Ennis. Ya already know packing and leaving ain't help nothing. Things will be getting more complicated." Luke leant in and looked into Ennis's eyes, "We'll figure out something."

Ennis laughed bitterly, throwing his hands in the air, "What? Ya know he hates me. I ain't done nothin ta him and he hates me already. Now he knows, what makes ya think he'll keep me? He might be telling the whole town about us right now and maybe they'll be coming after us with tire irons."

"Jesus Christ, would ya calm down," Luke said sharp with a warning tone. Jack just stared. "Ya never know. Ya have ta wait and see. Joel is not a cruel type. He ain't doing that. Please stay calm and I'll see him tomorrow. Give Joel some time to think. I'll see how much damage been done here. Ok?"

Jack bit his lower lip for the rest of the conversation. His head was blank. He didn't know what to do, every cell in his body kept on shouting that it was his fault, that he had ruined this. The life that Ennis had asked him to join, he had ruined it when they hadn't even taken the first step. Ennis would freak out and this would come to an end.

The room went quiet, the sound of the night insects filling the kitchen and Jack slowly glanced up. The first thing he saw was a pair of brown eyes looking at him. Jack didn't avert his gaze this time, wanting Ennis to understand how sorry he was, how bad he wished he could turn back the clock and stop this stupidity. Ennis's eyes got misty and the next thing he knew Ennis turned to Luke,

"Nothing fer him ta think, Luke. He hates ma guts. That's enough to send him over the edge."

"Hate is an easy thing ta feel," Luke continued. "But people are deeper that that. He ain't got raw experience to give him a lesson like I did. Give him time, he'll come around, like me, like Don."

"It's different with Don," Ennis snorted, "He ain't…"

He stopped, the blood drained from Ennis's face even more, if that was possible. Jack looked at Ennis's horrified expression and bounced to Luke. The man didn't drop his gaze from Ennis, his face strong and plain, delivering with a slightly working jaw the unspoken truth that had been kept a secret for God knew how long. Jesus, Jack's eyes got wider as he, too, slowly absorbed the hard truth. _Don had known all along.__  
_  
Luke got up then, putting on his hat, "Try not ta think too much, ok."

With a pat on Ennis's shoulder and a nod to Jack, Luke turned and walked out the back door.

The room turned absolutely silent again. Jack hated silence. He felt vulnerable. It reminded him that he was now being watched and, worse, judged. His dad's silence told him that he was worthless. Lureen's silence, before they got divorced, was no different.

Ennis shifted and Jack glanced up, "I'm sorry, Ennis…"

"If Joel wants us to leave, we'll pack and leave. And if he comes here with the whole town, wanting ta attack us with fucking tire irons…" He said through his clenched jaw, "Then we'll fight."

"Ennis…" Jack breathed, couldn't believe his ears. This we coming out from Ennis this time was the strongest one he'd ever heard. He felt as if he could win any war now if he got to fight along side Ennis, or if they had to lose then, hell, it was still good to die with him. There was nothing to lose now. Jack just nodded. There was nothing else better to say, either.

Ennis couldn't sleep that night and he knew Jack could not sleep either. He might feel even worse than him. Ennis had never seen Jack bite his nails before. But there he was, biting them absent-mindedly maybe trying to control his emotions – fear, frustration and maybe…insecurity.

Ennis knew he couldn't promise Jack anything when he asked Don if Jack could come down and help out with the farm. Don, bless his heart, had always been a kind and understanding boss. Ennis knew he would agree to have Jack here. But still, this farm was not his property. He was not fully welcomed here by Joel, the so-called owner of the farm. But he wanted to see Jack, to keep him near, and having Jack here with him seemed like the best idea now.

But what the hell, it wasn't like they could get married or anything. This insecurity was bound to happen.

"Jack," Ennis said and Jack turned to him, hooded eyes fixed on his, "ya know this is not forever, right? This is not a fucking dream, but it ain't forever either."

"Yeah," Jack whispered. "And I don't want that kinda promise, I done told ya that."

Right. Jack told him, up on the mountain on the last fishing trip, that he didn't care what they did as long as they were together.

"Me neither." Ennis whispered.

"Yeah."

They let their eyes fix on each other for a moment before Ennis looked down and held up one of his hands,

"Then I hope like hell this is enough."

Without hesitation, Jack reached out to grab it. Ennis's hand, strong and warm, gripped tightly in return.

"Ya know it is,"

Jack whispered to the joint hands, knowing this here alone, already meant forever in Jack Twist's dictionary.

_Let tomorrow come._

TBC


	18. Chapter 18 :Summer Storm Part 1:

Chapter 18 **"Summer Storm Part 1" ****  
**  
Jack wasn't sure if his eyes were deceiving him or the shadow looking like a group of men was following him for real. If it was then it must be a stupid and suicidal idea to go back and collect the clothes in the dark and small Laundromat now. To play it safe, Jack abruptly made a stop at a grocery store at the corner of the street. From the corner of his eye, he saw those men, bottles of beer in their hands, laugh and walk pass the store in less than a minute. Their destination might be that Cowboy Blues bar about a block away.

_Jesus, I'm going fucking crazy_. Jack leant on the door, feeling a bead of sweat rolling down his back, wetting a long line down his grey shirt.

Ennis had asked him not to go to town now that they were not sure of everything. Joel had been quiet, which was a bad sign, and Luke couldn't do much but closely observe Joel's reaction and so far there had not been any. But Joel did go out a lot after dinner, according to Monica. And Luke said that was not good at all 'cause he could have accidentally spilled something to his drinking friends any time. Luke went with Joel most of the time, simply to be his keeper, and asked Ennis and Jack to stay at the farm.

But Jack couldn't. He couldn't let his son get involved in whatever mess Ennis and him were about to face right now. He had to drive Bobby back as soon as possible and he really needed to do the laundry for him. Ennis wanted to go along but he needed to meet with a client who had agreed to buy the first lot of the alfalfa hay due to be harvested at the end of this month. He had asked Jack to carry a gun, but Jack had refused. He doubted that he would have a chance to use it if something really happened to him. Besides, carrying a gun to do laundry was kind of overreacting. Jack told Ennis he would be careful. It was noon, no faggot-haters would knock him down in the middle of the town in broad daylight.

Maybe nothing bad would happen. Jack walked in the grocery store. He was here, he might as well buy something, a toothbrush…something. Jack turned around and almost bumped with a plump woman with short curly blond hair. He knew her.

"Mrs. Robinson."

"Jack!" She smiled and grabbed at his elbow. "Grocery shopping?"

"Yes, ma'am." He smiled back. "I need a toothbrush but…"

"Oh, yer new here, I almost forget. This way, Jack."

She half led, half dragged him to the other side of the store and Jack let her. A little company wouldn't hurt now.

"Ya see the clerk at the counter? Norma Jean, a real nice girl. She's very helpful. Ya can ask her anything."

Jack just nodded.

"How's yer son? He had a good time in Aurora?"

"Yes, ma'am. He loves being on the farm."

"He's a handsome boy, like his daddy."

Jack laughed, marveled at how easy she was with a man whom she had barely met like him.

"He love horses?"

"Yes."

"Well then…you and yer boy can come…"

"Sarah," the stern voice of a man stopped her from talking more. It was Mr. Robinson. Jack opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Mr. Robinson had managed to take his wife out of the grocery store, despite the loud protest from her. Jack watched the scene in astonishment. Mr. Robinson gave him one last look, working his beard-covered jaw then spitting on the ground.

And with that Jack knew something was definitely going on.

----------

"Shit." Ennis cursed for the hundredth time and continued pacing back and forth in front of the stable. Joel wasn't home and Luke, without a question, was following him around like a shadow. Jack sat on the dry hay and looked up at Ennis.

"What are we gonna do now?"

"Shit."

That was all Ennis was capable of saying right at this moment.

"Bobby will have ta go back tomorrow but I don't wanna leave ya alone here."

"Then we won't leave, daddy," said Bobby, who had been watching from the stable door for Jack had no idea how long. He ran to his dad. Jack shook his head,

"Not now, Bobby. Please. Ya have ta go back to Childress."

"Why can't I stay here with you?" The boy was looking at him with pleading eyes. "I love being here. I'll help you with the hay."

"I'm sorry, Bob. But ya have to go back. Ya can come again, every weekend if ya want. But not now."

"Why daddy? Why can Ennis stay but I have to go?"

"Ennis works here and yer mama needs you."

"You don't need me?" Bobby was pouting, pale blue eyes watering an unshed veil of tears.

"Oh God, no, big boy…" Jack drew Bobby closer, glanced up to Ennis who had stopped pacing. But Ennis, too, didn't know what to say. He would love to have Bobby stay longer but the present situation was unsure and Jack didn't want anything to happen with Bobby around. That would break Jack's and his heart.

Suddenly the sky turned darker and Jack heard the thunder roaring from afar.

"Yer mama hates thunder, remember? You don't want yer mama to be home alone, right? What'd she do if there's thunder?"

Bobby seemed to think after what Jack had said but then he answered so soft, his lips and voice shivering, "But I am just a kid, daddy."

"Yer a brave kid, a strong kid and yer mama would cry if yer not with her."

"But I wanna be here," Bobby cried, disentangled himself from Jack and ran out of the stable.

"Bobby!" Jack's body bounced up. "Christ!"

"Ya go. I'm closing the stable," Ennis said and watched as Jack followed Bobby who headed to the bunkhouse.

Ennis threw himself back on the hay with a thud as the rain poured down.

He knew this was bound to happen. Not everyone would be kind and understanding to men like them, the way Don or Luke were…but it was happening too soon. And Ennis couldn't help wondering how many months or years he and Jack could stand all the hatred. Would it stop? If not, then how could they live with that until the last day of their lives?

Could they be together only behind a locked door?

Ennis shut the door of the stable forcefully, surprised himself at the sudden anger, at the desperation, the depression brought on by knowing everything was out of hand. There was nothing he could control or do to change how people would judge them, no matter how much they tried to do right by everyone and everything.

He punched the wall with his glove-clad hand and, without caring if it was raining, walked out to the bunkhouse.

When Ennis reached the bunkhouse, soaked from the rain, he found Jack sitting alone in the kitchen.

"He locked the door," Jack said wearily.

"Yer ok?" Ennis asked, sitting near him but his voice was quivering involuntarily from the cold. Jack frowned and stroked his hands up and down Ennis's arms as the thunder hit hard.

"Let's warm ya up." Jack's hand slid down to his hips.

"Jack…"

"I want ya warm, I want ya to hug me…take my mind off this shit."

"I'm so sorry," Ennis whispered, drawing Jack's face in for a kiss. His cold lips tingled as he sipped the warmth from Jack's lips, tongue licking soft in his mouth. Jack's hands moved up to cradle his face, his thumb caressing Ennis's earlobes, fingers crawling behind Ennis's ears.

Jack whimpered as Ennis stopped kissing, but the interruption was only to tilt his head and recapture Jack's mouth again at a different angle. He felt Jack's tongue in his mouth as the rain fell harder, big raindrops making contact with the roof and the ground. A bolt of white lightning traced a path across the sky, then CRACK! The kiss ended suddenly as both men jumped at the sound. Another roll of thunder rumbled angrily, shaking the earth in the aftermath.

"Jesus…" Jack breathed as their lips finally parted. He looked up to the ceiling and saw that the bulb was swaying visibly from the severe thunder.

"Shit!" Ennis cursed as something heavy fell on the roof. "What the hell was that?"

"Ya think lightning hit the tree? Knocked off a branch?"

Then suddenly the light from the bulb went out and the bunkhouse turned pitch dark.

"Daddy!!"

"I'm out here, Bob!"

Jack shouted back to Bobby, his eyes followed the sound of the door opening and closing in the darkness. Bobby lurched into his embrace in the next second and father and son hugged for dear life.

"What happened, daddy?"

"Think the power's out. We got a storm here. Ya ok?"

He ruffled the boy's hair, still trying to adjust his vision to the dark. Jack felt Bobby nod as Ennis stood up.

"Ennis?"

"I'm gonna get us some flashlights."

He listened to Ennis's footsteps disappear into his room and out again, a flashlight in his hand. Another series of thunder broke out and they all startled.

"Monica won't like this," Ennis said, looking worried amidst the glow from the flashlight in his hand. "She's alone. Let's go see how she's doing."

"Let me find a raincoat for Bobby."

Jack rushed to his room and grabbed the yellow raincoat for Bobby and put on his own black leather jacket. Then he got on his knees and hauled the boy up, telling Bobby to hold on tight.

"Put yer legs around me, yeah, like that. And don't look up, keep yer head down here. Ok?"

Bobby nodded around the crook of his shoulder. Jack tightened his embrace and followed Ennis to the front door. The wind was blowing fiercely and the rain was still coming down hard as they ran out.

Ennis grabbed Jack's elbow tight as they tried their best to go as fast as they could. But the heavy rain that pouring down blocked their vision, forcing them to slow down their pace.

"I can't see shit!" Ennis shouted through the veil of rain.

"Should be this way," Jack shouted back, taking a moment as the lightning struck to look for the barn and the stable. He saw them on the left, "C'mon, Ennis."

They had made it to the stable as the thunder cracked hard again, as hard as if it might tear open the dark sky. The next thing they knew, an arc of lightning hit the tall tree near the barn, the spark of fire burning bright like fireworks.

"Christ!" Jack cursed, crouched down to the ground with Ennis staying close, Bobby hugged him more tightly with fear, his whole body shaking.

They still didn't move when a big branch of that tree cracked and fell down hard on one side of the barn, sending out a loud thud that stirred Ennis up to his feet. The horses screamed wildly but they were safe in the stable. Ennis thought about the hay that was kept in the barn. With one side of the barn exposed like that, the rain would blow in. Soaked hay was useless and they had worked their asses off for it, he wouldn't let that happen.

Jack moved forward now and he turned back when Ennis still stood there, looking at the damaged barn.

"Ennis!"

Jack was calling from a few steps away and Ennis ran to him, hands wrapped hard around his forearms.

"Ya go on ahead."

"Ya crazy?!? Leave it be! It's a fucking storm, Ennis!" Jack shouted, raising his voice to be heard over the sound of the rain.

"I will just move the hay up to the second floor, Jack! As much as I can. Ain't gonna let that hay get soaked in the rain!"

"C'mon, Ennis!"

But Ennis shook his head. They locked eyes for a full minute. Jack couldn't see the expression on Ennis's face but he knew from the firm grip on his forearms that he meant it.

"Ok," Jack nodded finally. "I'll go help after I drop Bobby with Monica."

"Ok."

With a squeeze, Ennis ran down to the barn and Jack whirled and ran to the house.

"Monica!"

Jack knocked at the door but it wasn't locked so he went in, gave no thought to the fact that both Bobby and he were drenched with rain. The house was as dark and quiet as a black hole. It didn't look good, not good at all.

"Monica?"

He called again as he let Bobby down. The boy took off his raincoat and followed Jack closely farther into the house.

"Ja…ck?"

"Monica?"

He turned to where he heard the faint call of his name. He took a step further into the dark, figured he was now heading to the kitchen. Then he stepped on something. He looked down, a candle, no, there were two…three of them. Bobby's hand was clutching around his thigh as the lightning struck, white light cracked into the house through clear windows. Jack moved his eyes to the left of the candles and saw Monica lying on the floor, a small pool of red blood forming around her thigh.

"Oh my God."

----------

"Fuck."

Grunting, Ennis put the small flashlight in between his teeth as he climbed the stairs to the second floor of the barn. He threw down old blankets that were kept up there and seized a tool box. The damn tree fell down on the side of the barn, cracking open a big hole the size of two fridges. Thank heaven, the whole wall didn't crash down.

He put down the flashlight on the floor, adjusting so that the light was shining his way. _Gotta close this damn hole first thing_. Ennis took the blanket in one hand, a hammer in the other, nails hanging in between his teeth, and moved to the hole.

It wasn't easy to attach the blanket to the wall with nails from inside the barn. The wind blew in strong and the blanket kept hitting his face and body all the time as he tried to stretch and nail the corner of the blanket to the wall above the hole.

_Shit. This is a hell of a bad idea.__  
_  
Maybe he needed to do it from the outside. Yeah, at least the fucking wind wouldn't blow the blanket in his face.

Ennis grabbed the flashlight from the ground and put it between his teeth again as he lumbered out of the barn into the rain. He couldn't see anything and, even worse, he felt the hair on his neck stand on end and he knew from experience that the lightning was going to strike nearby.

_Shit. __  
_  
He crouched down on his knees, hands pressed on his ears as the lightning struck hard some feet away, sending the ground shaking in the aftermath.

_Fuck. This ain't gonna work._

Ennis got to his feet and ran inside. He was soaking wet and if he had to stay here for more than ten minutes, he would be freezing to death. But he couldn't not do anything and just watch the hay get soaked from the rain. Hands on his hips, Ennis looked at the hay and glanced up to the second floor. He needed to move the hay up, as much as he could. Jack would join him soon so maybe they could at least move half of the bales up there. The thunderstorm this bad would not last more than a half hour. Besides, moving his muscles would prevent himself from freezing.

_Let's get it done._

----------

"Monica, talk to me. What happened? Ya ok? Shit, yer not ok."

Jack took Monica's hand and looked at her under the orange light of the candles. Her hand was cold and he didn't like the way she looked.

"Ja…ck."

"I'm here." He wiped the sweat off her forehead with a towel he found on the couch. Her skin was damp and cold.

"I think…the baby is…" She winced and hugged her belly, her brown eyes glimmering with tears, "The doctor…I need a…doc…"

Jack jumped to the phone but there was no dial tone. He turned around and found Bobby sitting on the floor several feet from Monica, hugging his knees.

"Jack…"

Monica called him again and he came to kneel down beside her,

"The phone's dead."

"I know…I…take me to the…Robinsons'."

"What!?!"

"Sarah…she used ta be…nurse…she…"

Jack didn't wait for her to finish. He managed to find a raincoat from the nook behind the front door and he roughly covered her with it. Bobby watched as Jack ran back and forth from the house to his truck, bringing as many towels as he could find and laid them on the seat of the passenger side, adjusting the seat back down as far as it would go. Jack left the door of the truck and the front door of the house open as he came back in to carefully carry Monica out to his truck. Bobby stumbled close behind but stopped at the porch, waiting for Jack to run back to him.

Jack gripped his shoulders, "Listen, Bobby, ya stay here and wait for Ennis."

Bobby shook his head, tears spilling down his cheeks.

"Please, Bobby, this is very important. I trust you. Someone has to stay. I know you can do it. Yer a brave kid." He wiped off his tears, looking deep into his eyes. "Yer my son. Ya can do this."

Bobby seemed to study him, "Will you come back?"

"Yes, yes, of course, I will. Ya trust me?"

Bobby nodded. His tears dried.

"Stay in the house and be careful. Tell Ennis I'm taking Monica to the Robinsons'. I'll come back. Can you do this? Can I trust you? Big boy?"

Bobby nodded again, surer this time. Jack patted his shoulders, "Ok, go inside now and stay away from the window."

Jack watched Bobby run in and after the door closed, he jumped to his feet and went to his truck.

He started the engine and lurched out of the farm. The rain was still pouring down. Jack looked sideways and hoped like hell Monica and the baby, and Jesus Christ, Ennis and Bobby, too, would be alright. Jack reached to squeeze Monica's hand, "You hang on now, Monica."

----------

Ennis wiped the sweat off his forehead as he climbed down the ladder, glancing at the hay that had been left on the floor of the barn that was getting damp from the spray of rain pouring in through the hole. Crouching down on his knees, Ennis panted hard. He had hauled around thirty percent of the hay up to the second floor during the last 20 minutes and he felt his muscle going limp already.

He climbed up one last time to cover the hay with the dry blanket and decided to go to the house, would have to think later what to do with the soaked hay on the first floor. Now he wondered where Jack had gone. He said he would help him in the barn but, 20 minutes had passed, there was no sign of Jack.

Ennis ran out into the rain, the lightning seemed to have stopped. When he arrived at the front porch, he stopped to stomp the water from his boots as he tried to peer through the window where the pale yellow light of candles was peeking out from the crack of the curtain. Then he heard the footsteps coming his way from behind the door. Ennis opened it and collided with Bobby who immediately swung his arms around his waist, hugging and clinging for dear life.

"Bobby?" Ennis stroked the boy's hair, trying to look down at his face, "What happened? Where's yer dad?"

"He drove away with Monica. She's sick,"

Bobby said softly and looked up at Ennis, his eyes red and teary. "What?" Ennis glanced around the dim room as he tried to count from one to ten, one of his hands moved down to rub the boy's shoulder and he felt the cold damp on his palm.

"She was bleeding…" Bobby continued, loosening his hold on Ennis a little as he half led Ennis farther into the house. They walked carefully to where Monica had been lying almost a half hour ago. Gasping, Ennis stopped as he saw a towel smeared with red blood remaining crumpled on the floor near the table. He felt Bobby bury half of his face in his jacket, despite the soaked cloth, his hand clenched on the back of his shirt that was pulled loose from the waistband of his jeans.

_Oh my God, the baby…Shit, he'd been worrying about the damn hay in the barn when there was a heavily pregnant woman home alone in the lightning storm? He shoulda come home with Jack. Jesus, where could they be? The hospital was 40 minutes away in town and who the hell could drive in this vicious weather? Jesus, Jack…___

_Where the damn hell are Luke and Joel?__  
_  
"What did yer dad say?"

"Said he was going to the Robinsons'."

"Christ." _What a good time to go there, Jack_. Ennis bit his lower lip and grasped his fist, preventing himself from cursing and hitting something. Though deep down, he knew Jack had done the right thing. The Robinsons were the nearest neighbors and it was too risky to drive Monica all the way to the hospital in town. She was in a dangerous situation, not her alone, the baby was, too.

"Ennis?"

"Huh?" Startled, Ennis looked down and met Bobby's misty blue eyes. The boy looked scared, no, he didn't look scared but he was scared. Jack had no choice but to leave him here alone, he couldn't take care of a kid and a pregnant woman, who was also bleeding, at the same time. Ennis was the only person Bobby could cling to now after being alone in this house during a summer storm with the dim light from the candles. He had to get hold of himself and let Bobby rely on him until his daddy came back.

Ennis patted Bobby's back and gently nudged him to the living room. There was nothing he could do now but trust Jack and take care of Bobby, whose clothes were still damp from being out in the storm earlier. Ennis frowned,

"Ya have to change. No good staying in wet clothes, ya will catch a cold." Ennis looked around the dim room again. He had to find some dry clothes for Bobby and himself first. "Ya wait here, ok? I'm gonna find some clothes for us."

"Ennis?"

"Yeah?" Ennis stopped in his tracks and turned to Bobby.

"Daddy will be ok. He always says he's the best driver. He can drive the big machines, too."

Ennis smiled the first smile he had in days.

"Best driver, huh?"

_Ya should see yer dad drive his truck down the hill, boy, releasing his foot from the pedal and letting the truck glide down with gravity, going 'woo' at the top of his lungs like some wild teenager.__  
_  
Ennis chuckled at the thought. He had no idea why the boy had said something like that. Maybe his face had shown how much he was worrying and being Jack's only son, Bobby knew how to soothe him, too.

"I figure so." Ennis smiled again and Bobby smiled back. "Stay right where ya are, ok?"

Bobby nodded and Ennis, carrying a candle, went inside to look for some dry clothes, thinking about what Jack had said when he found Bobby sleeping on his bed on the first night he was at the farm. _"The Twist boys all seem ta be drawn to Ennis Del Mar."_ It was silly but he couldn't help but guess that maybe he, too, was drawn to these Twist boys.

And he was not sorry he was trapped with Bobby Twist in this house. But it would be better to have Jack here, too.

TBC with Part 2 in a few day….


	19. Chapter 18 :Summer Storm Part 2:

Chapter 18 **"Summer Storm Part 2" ****  
**  
"Jack, move up, move, move."

Jack jolted and he was pushed out of the way by Mrs. Robinson. He realized he had been standing still at the end of the bed, in shock and having no idea or energy to move a muscle. His legs and arms felt heavy as he stared at Monica who was now lying on the bed, her face pale. She was sweating and panting, both her hands rubbing frantically over her belly. She was in pain.

After Sarah said they had to get the baby out now, she and her sister sprang into action, bringing hot water, towels, lots of towels. Jack followed their movements and exchanged glances with Thomas Robinson, who was also standing at the doorway, looking as clueless as him. Jack remembered what had happened that morning. Thomas had dragged Sarah out of the grocery store and had spat on the ground. He didn't have to be fucking Einstein to figure out that Thomas already knew about Ennis and him. He wouldn't act like that toward an ordinary man who had just moved into town from Texas, only to a queer who lived next door to his ranch.

"Monica, dear. Stop rubbing your belly like that," Sarah said and it brought Jack back from his thoughts. "Talk to me, please, look at me."

Jack stepped away as Sarah tried to still Monica's arms and legs. He felt a drop of water run down his neck and on to his back, wasn't sure if that was a bead of sweat or a rain drop from his wet hair. He wasn't sure of anything, didn't even know how he had managed to drive Monica to the Robinsons in the severe thunder storm.

"Monica…" Sarah called out again and then turned to Jack. "Jack, can you please grab her hands."

"What?"

"Climb on the bed, where the pillows are, right." She directed Jack by pointing her chin toward the headboard, her own hands capturing Monica's ankles and bending them up. "Take her hands and stay right there, talk to her, be with her."

"Wh…" Jack hesitated, "I don't know if I…" He took Monica hands and his words trailed off as soon as he felt her return the strong grip, the hard grip that made Jack feel the pain in her. He was scared, but Monica was more scared.

"Talk to her, Jack," Sarah said, her voice quivering as she put Monica's feet flat on the bed and covered her lower body with a big towel. Jack looked up and saw just the top of her head emerge from the towel. "Thomas! Can ya check whether the phone is working again, please? And I need more towels."

He heard footsteps and within a second Thomas reappeared with more towels and went down on the floor beside the bed near Jack.

"Still no dial tone but I reckon the rain should stop soon," Thomas said. Then, without words, the two men looked at each other and lowered their eyes to the woman panting and sobbing on the bed.

"Monica," Jack whispered, trying to divert her attention from whatever Sarah and her sister were doing under the towel. She looked up at him, whining softy in her throat. "Breathe, yes, like that. Keep it up, come on."

"It…hurts, Ja….ck."

"I know…" Jack soothed, gripping her hands tighter. "But it's gonna be ok. Yer gonna be alright."

Monica cried out once and then shifted her body violently. They tried to soothe her and she calmed down again.

"Shit," Jack cursed under his breath and looked up. He met Thomas's eyes again and then he thought about something.

"What are ya gonna call him?" Jack asked. His question seemed to draw her attention from the pain.

"Him?" Thomas echoed, arching his brow, "How do ya know it's a boy?"

Jack shrugged, "Everyone wants a boy for the first child."

"Don and Maggie….want a ba…baby girl…" Monica breathed, her eyes focused on Jack's now. "But…I don't mind…Joel, too…"

"Ya will make a cute baby girl, ya know." Jack smiled and Monica smiled back, her lips shivered.

"My little girl loves babies." Thomas said, "I know she will beg me ta stay at yer farm all day just to play with yer little girl."

"So what will ya call her, if it's a girl?" Jack asked.

"Myrtle…"

"Myrtle…"

"Yeah," Monica smiled although she winced and her hands gripped Jack's even stronger than before. "It's…it's my mother's name."

"That's beautiful," he said soft as Monica closed her eyes, and her breath hissed. Thomas reached out and wiped her damp forehead with a small piece of cloth.

"Oh," Monica suddenly cried out and arched her back, her eyes flicked open and rolled around widely. Jack and Thomas exchanged another glance, both looked panicky.

"Come on, dear, push," Jack heard Sarah say and Monica followed her direction, held her breath and pushed. Jack didn't realize he also was holding his breath until he heard the sharp cry of the baby echo in the room. He smiled and looked down at Monica, now crying tears of joy.

"Let's welcome little Myrtle," Sarah said as she lowered Monica's legs down. Jack saw she was holding the baby, her skin crinkled and her dark brown hair damp. She was crying loudly as if to announce her presence to this world.

----------

Monica was still sleeping when Jack walked out to the porch. It was almost four a.m. and the rain had almost stopped. There was nothing he could see in the darkness but he just needed some air, and damn, he needed a cigarette, and a bottle of beer, too. That might bring his energy back 'cause right now Jack felt boneless, almost couldn't stand on his feet without leaning on to something. Most of all, he needed Ennis. That man was his energy. He wanted to make a call telling him about little Myrtle and wanted so bad to drive back to the farm. But Sarah had insisted he take a rest and wait until the sun rise.

Wondered how Ennis and Bobby were. Had Joel already come back? Shit. Thinking about Joel brought him back to reality again, wondering how drunk that man needed to be to forget that he got a couple of queers working on his farm. He mighta drunk a lot, so much that he couldn't drive back home last night.

Jack sighed and put his hands on the rail, turning to look back at the house when he heard the sound of the door squeaking open. Thomas Robinson was poking his head out.

"Ya should go back, ya know," he said. "Ain't good leaving yer kid there without you."

Jack nodded, totally understood why Thomas didn't want him here any longer.

"Alright," he took the key to his truck out of his jacket and was about to move down the stairs when Thomas came out onto the porch.

"Wait," he called out. "Take this. Figure ya need one after all ya been through last night."

He handed him a can of beer. Jack chuckled under his breath and accepted it,

"Thanks, ya have no idea."

"Reckon I do."

They stood there without saying anything for a while, then Jack nodded,

"I'd better go. Joel needs to hear the news."

"Yeah."

"Have a good day, Mr. Robinson."

Thomas just nodded and went back to the house. Jack looked down at the beer in his hand and took a swig, feeling like a truck being filled with gas, enough to be able to go back to the farm. The beer should taste as bitter like it always did. But the beer from the Robinsons tasted somewhat different, bitter still, but also sweet and smooth.

Jack took another gulp, smiling up at the sky. He wished Ennis was here and sharing this beer with him, the beer that somehow healed more than just the thirst in his dry throat.

----------

Ennis shook his legs, peering out of the window between the cracks of the curtain. Damn, when was the last time he felt so jittery? Ah, Ennis chuckled as he reminisced back to when he waited for Jack in '67, the first reunion after their departure from Brokeback. But back then, he was in Riverton and married with two children. Now, eight years later, he was in Aurora with Bobby Twist. Think about it, life could be so funny sometimes.

He looked at Bobby who had been dosing on and off lying on the couch for the last two hours. Ennis had asked him to go lay down but the boy was worried about his daddy and Monica as much as him. So he stayed on the couch in the living room while Ennis dragged the recliner to the window and buried himself there, staring into the darkness waiting to see the headlights from Jack's truck.

Ennis heard Bobby shift on the couch. He turned and saw Bobby kneading one of his hands.

"Ya sore?" Bobby looked up at that and barely nodded. "Ya'd better wear gloves. Ain't yer daddy handed you a pair when ya rode Black Shadows?"

"He did but they were too big so I took them off."

"Now we know why yer hands are sore."

Bobby gave him a sheepish grin. Ennis looked at him for a minute then, abruptly, he walked over to sit on the couch with him.

"Ya know what, I'll get you some of them gloves tomorrow. So next time yer here ya don't have ta borrow yer daddy's."

"Really?"

"U-huh."

"But if I go back, I can't ride Black Shadows," Bobby said softy, looking down at his hands.

"Ain't yer mama working on a horse farm?" He nodded. "I figure yer mama can teach you to ride, too. And ya know what, ya can surprise yer daddy."

Bobby glanced up at him, blue eyes shone with wonder and what Ennis would think of as curiosity.

"If yer mama teaches you every day, next time yer here, ya can gallop Black Shadows up the hill, making yer daddy's jaw drop to the ground. How's that sound?"

Ennis reached out and brushed the strand of his hair off his forehead as he watched Bobby stare past him, as if he was seeing some pictures projected on the wall. Then his lips curled up, bright blue eyes were back on him.

"And I can ride with daddy to the hay field."

"Of course." Ennis smiled.

Bobby leant on the back of the couch, looking somewhat content. After a few seconds of silence, he shifted to Ennis again.

"Do you think Daddy can come to see me on my birthday next month?"

"He sure can. He won't miss yer birthday."

"Can you come, too? Mama can bake a cake and we can have a barbeque at the backyard."

Ennis wanted to shake his head saying '_I am the last person on earth yer mama wants to meet'_ but he managed to swallow those words down his throat and simply shrugged.

"We'll see." Bobby's smile almost stretched up to his ears and Ennis had to smile back. "Yer daddy loves ya, ya know."

"I know…" he murmured, "And mama loves me, too. And she hates thunder."

"But you don't."

"Yeah, I stayed here alone last night." Bobby straightened his back, lifted his chin up proudly.

"Yer a brave boy." Ennis patted the boy's small shoulder when they both heard the sound of an engine heading to the house. Bobby jumped to his feet first and went out the door.

"Daddy!"

Ennis followed suit. The sky at 4:30 a.m. was dim but the rain had stopped completely, leaving the farm a mess in the aftermath of the storm. Jack parked the truck near some branches in the sea of leaves then turned off the engine and scrambled out, hauling Bobby up in the air and letting him down again. They talked and nodded, Jack down on his knees, rubbing up and down Bobby's arms and he saw Jack smile. Ennis waited on the porch, didn't want to interfere the moment between a father and a son.

He felt relief pouring down over him like rain and he didn't try to hide it when Jack looked up. Jack could see that 'cause he was now smiling, walking up to him with one hand going around Bobby's shoulder.

It was so natural when they just let emotion control their bodies, arms reaching out automatically, full body contact, noses nuzzling, seeking the warmth and familiar, comforting smell from the crook of each other's neck.

_Ya ok…?_ whispered Ennis and he felt Jack nod, buried his face deeper into his neck, arms went stronger around him.

Ennis sighed into Jack's hair. In '67, when Jack finally turned up in front of his apartment, there was a bear-hug like this and he thanked God and everyone else in heaven for having this man back in his arms again. For years, Jack had thrown himself into Ennis's arms, giving his life, dropping everything, depending on him and his selfish control over their relation. And all those years, Ennis had always been the one who let loose of Jack first, letting him slip away from his arms, watching his spirit shatter bit by bit each time they parted.

Eight years later, some things never changed. Jack Twist still threw himself into his arms, giving him everything. The same Jack, the same warmth of a man who always smelled like fresh air on the mountain, the air he needed to breathe in to prolong his vague, empty life.

"Ennis?" Jack said softly. Ennis might have tightened his embrace at the thought involuntarily.

"I hurt ya?"

And Jack shook his head.

"Can I stay like this for a minute?"

"Ok…"

Ennis realized now that eight years later, something had changed though. He would never let go of this man ever again.

He didn't know how long they had stayed that way, must have been longer than necessary 'cause then they both felt little arms going round their waists. Jack chuckled, looked down. It seemed like Bobby wanted to join the group hug. Ennis had to laugh. This boy was too much like his daddy.

"Daddy, can I ride Black Shadows again before I leave?"

Jack opened his mouth but nothing came out. Instead of asking why Bobby wasn't fussing over going back to Childress no more, he simply ruffled the boy's head,

"Yeah…but we might need some help from a brave boy with the clean-up first. Ya think ya can help us clean the place up?"

Bobby nodded, "I will clean the stable with Ennis."

Jack frowned, "Why with Ennis?"

"'Cause he's always with the horses. I want to be with Black Shadows."

Snorting, Jack glanced sideways at Ennis who looked amused. "And you're leaving me with all them leaves and junk from the storm?"

Bobby's giggle was an answer. Jack rolled his eyes, patting the boy's back gently.

"Ya go inside now, get some sleep. We'll work when the sun's up."

Without argument, Bobby ran into the house and shut the door. Jack heaved out a heavy sigh and leant back on the porch rail.

"How's Monica?" Ennis asked and Jack smiled up at him.

"She's alright, little Myrtle, too. She's sleeping now."

"Little Myrtle?" Ennis's forehead crinkled for a moment then his eyes went wide, looking alarmed all of a sudden. "Monica had a baby?!?! But…ain't she…what? seven-months pregnant or something?"

"Seven and about a half. She was bleeding badly and Sarah said it was dangerous. She was a nurse in the army once."

"Jesus…"

"Don't worry now, Ennis. She's alright. The baby is fine now though we need to tell Joel this. Where the hell is he?"

Jack looked around trying to find a hint of something that indicated Joel's presence.

"He's coming," Ennis said. "Luke called thirty minutes ago saying they can't drive back 'cause of the heavy storm. They stayed at the bar, with a bunch of drunken rednecks. I told him that Monica's not feeling well. They said they will rush back once the rain stops. Should be soon."

"Can't imagine how he's gonna feel, the baby was born the night he went out to get drunk."

"Yeah…" Ennis put his hands on the rail next to Jack, looking out as he heard the sound of an engine. Soon after, an unfamiliar red truck came straight up to the front of the house. Joel jumped off the back of the truck with Luke who turned to thank the driver and with a wave, the driver wearing a black cowboy hat spun the truck around and head off the farm.

"Ma truck got stuck in the mud. Someone from the bar was kind enough to give us a ride," Luke said out of breath as he reached them on the porch. Joel was standing right where he'd jumped off the truck, hands on his hips, panting and looking lost. Luke stepped closer to Jack, "How's Monica?"

"She's alright now. She's at the Robinsons." Jack looked over Luke's shoulder to Joel and took out the key to his truck from his jeans pocket. "She's waiting fer ya, not only her though."

Jack threw the key and Joel caught it. They exchanged a measured glare for a second and Joel's face turned white as a sheet of paper. Then he got into the truck, gave the three of them one last look, and gunned it off the farm in the direction of the Robinsons. Jack thought he saw Joel smile behind the steering wheel.

"Monica had a baby?!?" Luke sounded surprised. "Oh shit."

Jack simply nodded and leant back on the rail, shoulder bumping with Ennis's. No one said anything more, just listened to the sound of each other's soft breath. Luke shifted his feet, shaking his head as he looked at both of them at last.

"Ain't it good ya didn't pack and leave? Ya proved yerself now and I bet my head Joel won't no longer look at you and see you…the way you are."

Ennis just sighed, "Accidents happen. And you don't know yet, about Joel. Besides, we ain't doing this to prove nothin'."

"I know that 'cause I know you. But with other people, ya have to prove yerself, Ennis. Prove to them yer good enough as a human, that ya can do stuff and make them see the real you instead of the mask branded with all them damn labels. It's the price ya gotta pay, ya know.

Ennis and Jack looked at each other and Ennis shrugged, "Ain't too sure how much we can pay, and for how long. It ain't important anymore as long as…" Ennis leaned over a bit against Jack, letting their bodies touch from shoulder to thigh, allowing his body language speak the rest of the sentence. Jack glanced sideways as he felt the back of Ennis's hand caress his jeans-clad thigh softly.

"Still, it's worth a try," Luke said, his voice strong and full of will. "Hell, ya kept an eye on the farm when he got drunk, then helped Monica. If Joel still wants to kick ya out after all that, I'll even help ya pack. I'll pack ma own stuff, too. Ya deserve better."

"Ya gave him that loan, Luke. Ya can't run out on him," Jack said.

"Why the fuck can't I?" Luke snorted. "It's ain't like he ain't gonna return my money with interest if I'm gone or anything. It'd be fun to watch the guy run back and forth between the hay field and pear orchard, too, ya know. Serve him right."

Ennis chuckled and glanced up from his boots, Luke fixed him with a serious glare. Ennis knew he was in no mood to joke around this time. So he kept his mouth shut, peering at Jack who was looking down at their hands that were slightly bumping here and there intentionally.

"Wait and see, ok?" Luke continued. "This definitely won't be the last time this kinda shit will happen. At least ya got each other."

Jack's head snapped up at that and he gave Luke one of his cheeky grins, "I thought there're three of us."

That suddenly drew Ennis's attention to Jack. He watched that man's fine smiling face in wonder and averted his eyes to Luke whose slow grin was spreading across his wary face.

"Well," Luke shrugged, turned to Ennis and bounced to Jack again. They fell into an awkward silence, each shifting restlessly, didn't know what to do in this situation. Should they hug, shake hands? Or simply go on with their business? When Ennis glanced up, Luke knew what he wanted to do. He walked their way with arms open wide.

"Not in this life," Ennis blurted out and put his hand up, stepping away and on to the stairs. "Gonna have to go to the barn now. And the damn pear trees need checking."

Jack smiled affectionately at Ennis. His eyes followed Ennis who murmured and walked out to the lawn, hand digging deep in his jeans pockets. Jack turned to Luke and accepted the one-arm hug from him instead. They patted each other on the back and then stood apart.

"Thanks, Luke."

"No big deal." Luke then glanced around at the broken tree branches and leaves scattered around the farm. "Damn, we got work ta do, ain't we?"

"Yeah."

Jack took a deep breath, gave Luke one last pat on his shoulder and followed Ennis, who was about three steps ahead, to where the barn was. Ennis slowed his pace for a second and looked back toward them, brows knitting.

"Ain't ya coming?" Jack looked over to Luke. He knew he wasn't the one Ennis was talking to. Luke just blinked but still kept his feet solid on the porch, hands gripping the rail. He looked totally clueless despite hearing what Ennis had just asked.

"Jack and I can't haul the hay out of the barn alone. It will take days, c'mon."

Luke blinked again and finally moved down off the porch, shaking his head as he approached Jack,

"We should have a code or somethin', ya know."

"What?" Jack and Ennis asked almost in unison.

"I don't know when I should make my presence known and when I should not anymore when ya two are together. Ya know…I don't wanna be killed by that devil glare of yers later for…well…being in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Jack knew what Luke mean and he laughed loudly while Ennis shot him that so-called devil glare,

"We are going to the _barn_, Mr. Nosy-as-hell. I think it has a very clear meaning in itself."

"No, it doesn't." Luke spread his arms, "C'mon, you're going to the _barn_! Hello?"

Jack was laughing even louder now when Ennis grunted with annoyance and walked faster, stamping his boots on the damp ground as if to bore holes there.

"Damn," Luke chuckled, looking mighty pleased he could tease Ennis.

Jack shook his head, wondering why the hell he'd ever gotten jealous over this man. He was saving Ennis's soul, as a friend, during the time they were apart. Ennis had gradually changed, he was more open and more comfortable about saying or acting upon his own feelings during the past months. And saving Ennis's soul was the way to save Jack's, too. 'Cause Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist had one soul.

"How bout 'fishing' as a code, Ennis?!?"

"Shut the hell up."

Jack giggled again. He slowed his pace, looking at the back of Ennis who walked with his hat-covered head dug lower. He had been throwing himself at Ennis and following his lead for twelve years, for fear of losing him if he ever walked a different line.

"I ain't no queer." _"Me neither."__  
_  
"See ya around."_ "Yeah."__  
_  
"We should have our own cow and calf operation." _"That's not gonna happen."_

"Can't meet this October. Gotta be busy with branding the cows."_ "Alright."_

But now things had changed.

Jack squinted his eyes as he saw the horizon line turning a pale orange behind the barn. Ennis turned to him then, stopped walking and waited.

"Shit." Their eyes fixed when Luke cursed at the view in front of Ennis. "This place looks like hell. What do we do with it now? Christ. It looks like the lightning hit every damn pole round here."

Luke walked ahead into the barn, grumping some more, as Jack reached Ennis. Blue eyes smiled into brown ones as they both turned and continued to walk, side by side this time.

No matter who would lead or follow, Jack couldn't care less. He didn't follow Ennis 'cause he was scared of losing him no more. He knew Ennis would be here to stay. And he wouldn't leave him either. It was real. They were actually doing it and for better or worse, they were in this together.

TBC


	20. Chapter 19 :Wiser Time:

**Wiser Time** Chapter 19  
**"Wiser Time"****  
**

_No time left now for shame__  
__Horizon behind me, no more pain__  
__Windswept stars blink and smile__  
__Another song, another mile___

_You read the line every time__  
__Ask me about crime in my mine__  
__Ask me why another read song__  
__Funny but I bet you never left home___

_On a good day, it's not every day__  
__We can part the sea__  
__And on a bad day, it's not every day__  
__Glory beyond our reach__  
_  
_Seconds until sunrise__  
__Tired but wiser for the time__  
__Lightning thirty miles away__  
__Three thousand more in two days ___

_-----Wiser Time by the Black Crowes (1994)__  
_

"C'mon, Jack, go see yer goddaughter."

Smiled broadly to Monica who was sitting on his right, Jack got up from the chair in the kitchen and went over to where little Myrtle was lying on the mattress in the middle of the small living room. Bobby was already by her side, half sitting half leaning, a stuffed brown doll in his hand.

Jack was amused at the way Bobby swayed the doll and used its little arm to tickle Myrtle's neck although the girl was practically sleeping most of the time.

"Looks like he's got a new toy," Monica pointed out. "Where is Ennis? It's almost dinner time."

"He's ah…closing the stable. Should be here soon."

Though Jack wondered if Ennis would show up. He looked up at Luke who was nursing his whiskey on the sofa and returned the let's-hope-he-will stare back to him.

It had been the fourth day that Ennis and Jack had been treated to the silent treatment from Joel. He acted civil to them, but no talking still. He thanked Jack once the day he brought Monica and Myrtle back to the farm, a faint and almost inaudible thanks, before he kept himself in his house for the whole afternoon. Luke had assured them that the man was in a state of uncertainty when what society and his real experience told him turned out to run into two totally different directions. People said ungrateful things about queers but it was not what Joel had known from the past few days.

_Ya done yer part, now let the man make peace with himself_, Luke had said.

Ennis, Jack and Luke started the repairs on the stable the next day. It was just the roof that needed fixing so they could do it by themselves. But the barn and the bunkhouse were seriously damaged. Extra workers from town would be needed, but they seemed to be busy fixing houses here and there as a result of the storm. The soonest they could come out to the farm was a week later.

Jack and Ennis had agreed that it was safe enough for Bobby to finish his intended stay at the farm. The boy was originally scheduled to go back tomorrow and if they stuck with the plan Jack wouldn't need to explain to Lureen the reason why Bobby was returning to Childress before the agreed-upon date. He didn't want to throw another lie in her face.

Ennis and he ate dinner at the stable or simply out in the hay field for days. They didn't want the awkwardness to continue around the dinner table. Bobby ate there though. It seemed, like Monica said, he had found his new toy in the little girl and wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, even when it was just to see her sleep. Bobby was so fond of Myrtle. But as it was the last day for Bobby here, Monica insisted that they have dinner at the house tonight, though there was still no sign of Ennis.

Bobby just finally decided to lie down beside Myrtle when the phone rang at the same minute as the front door opened and Ennis walked in, scanning the place, and finally moved to sit on the other side of the sofa next to Luke.

The door of the main bedroom opened and shut before Joel appeared and rushed to the phone.

"Hello?"

No one wanted to listen to the conversation but it was hard to ignore since the room was quiet, with only the ruffling sound of Bobby shifting his body to get closer to Myrtle.

"Yes, Dad, we got the horse. Luke said the baler will arrive in two days…yeah…oh, yeah, we're alright. Your granddaughter is the cutest little girl. Mom will be crazy over her."

Everyone could hear the smile in his voice. Joel was quiet then, listening to what Don had to say for several minutes. Finally he spoke again,

"Sure thing, hold on." He lifted his chin, "Ennis, it's Dad."

Ennis almost startled. He looked at Joel from where he was sitting, brown eyes blinking and measuring.

"He will be here in two weeks and wants to talk about harvesting at the end of the month. He wants ta know who will buy the first batch of hay."

Ennis shrugged, speaking low, "Ya know everything, ya can talk to him."

"Yer the foreman. Besides, reckon my little angel needs some attention now."

There was no heat or sarcasm in Joel's voice this time. He simply put the phone down on the kitchen counter and walked to where Myrtle was sleeping. Ennis watched him lying down beside her and pushing his head in the crook of her little neck, murmuring something irrelevant in a small teasing voice. Bobby giggled when he saw Joel's hand sneak under the baby's clothes to tickle her belly.

Surprisingly, Joel was the first one to walk onto the bridge, meeting him half way, obviously exploring new terrain himself. It was up to Ennis to take a walk and test the waters too, seeing how deep the water was at the middle of the bridge. Maybe the depth there was deliberately at a level both of them could stand without sinking.

Jack watched as Ennis slowly got up from the sofa and walked to the phone, his steps were soft but firm and determined. Jack let his eyes move to Luke who suddenly jumped to his feet,

"Well, I'm hungry. I could eat a horse right now. What are we having tonight, Monica?"

"Roast chicken." She said, smiling, "And Sarah sent her cherry cake especially for Bobby."

"For me?" Bobby sat up straight.

"C'mon now, or I'll eat all of it." Luke bent down and playfully pushed Bobby's back forward on his way to the kitchen. His hand also landed on Jack's shoulder,

"C'mon, Jack."

There was a hidden message from Luke's simple gesture. It was almost like he was talking to Jack with just the hand on his shoulder, saying this was alright now. Joel had done his part, decided to give Ennis, Jack and Joel himself another chance, the chance to start over and look at one another again but not from what society might say, but from the truth that lay in the depth of the soul of human beings.

Jack suddenly felt hungry, as every cell and every pore in his body was throbbing into life. He could smell the delicious roast chicken now for the first time that night.

Ennis finished talking with Don and they had dinner in something that Jack regarded as 'it-will-be-fine silence' with occasional grunts from Luke and Joel when Ennis told them about their work plan. They still guarded their gestures and chose their words carefully. Jack saw Ennis hesitate as he reached for the bread which was on the far side of the round table. Joel grabbed the plate, looking like he wanted to hand it to Ennis directly but then passed it on to Luke who was sitting between them instead. Ennis murmured a thank you and began to eat.

"Daddy, I want the bread."

Bobby straightened his back and looked for the bread.

"There ya go," Jack picked up one piece and put it on Bobby's plate. His other hand went down to Ennis's thigh, squeezed around the back of his knee.

It seemed Joel wasn't the only one who was making peace with himself. Ennis and he, too, needed to learn the same lessen. If you stayed put and proved yourself, people would see that you mattered.

_And that they had to remember._

It was almost nine when Jack and Ennis said goodnight and walked out of the house. The bunkhouse was waiting for repairs after the storm almost destroyed half of it. They'd had to set up two tents for sleeping but Monica very kindly offered to have Bobby stay in the house.

"What else did Don say?"

Ennis shrugged, "Nothin' much. He just wanted ta know what kind of person is buying the hay and he asked if he shows any sign of wanting to be our regular customer."

"Maybe I can talk to him when I got back. See if I still can use my salesman skill with him," Jack said, nudging Ennis gently with his shoulder. Ennis grunted,

"Sure ya won't chase him away?"

"Shithead."

They chuckled.

"Ya go on ahead, I'm going to check the stable one last time."

"Kay."

Jack simply nodded and watched Ennis walk to the barn.

He knew Ennis was cautious. Hell, they hadn't even slept in the same tent for the last three nights. Jack didn't blame him. He knew it was another price they gotta pay. They had to be careful though sometimes Jack just wanted to fuck the world and rip off Ennis's shirt in the middle of the hay field. It was such torture to see that man's muscles, glistening with sweat, moving beautifully while he was working with the hay. Jesus, he got hard from just watching.

_Shit, and he got hard from just thinking._

Shaking his head, Jack headed to the tent. He washed his face, brushed his teeth at the faucet attached to the bunkhouse then stripped to only his boxers and crawled into his tent. He had to drive a long way tomorrow, might as well get a good night's sleep.

Jack didn't know how long he had been sleeping when he opened his eyes and saw Ennis poke his head in between the flaps of the tent. That man looked mighty fine under the pale moonlight. Jack smiled lazily as Ennis climbed on top of him,

"What cha doing?" It was a stupid question, especially when Ennis's hand rubbed along his thigh up to the side of his hip.

"Fuck everything," Ennis grunted, bent his head down to lick Jack's jaw and sucked the sensitive flesh there. "Can't stand this anymore. I've had a hard on for three fucking days."

"Um…" Jack purred, fingers reaching down for the buttons of Ennis's shirt. "I think it's going ta be ok. Joel is talking ta you now."

Ennis arched his back, planted his elbows on either side of Jack's head and looked deep into the blue pools of Jack's eyes.

"Ya think so?"

"Yeah, I have a feeling he even wants to know how good you are as a foreman. This whole thing is making him want to find out some more 'bout us." Jack kissed his chin and Ennis bent down to capture his lips. They kissed for a long time as if to make up for the three days they hadn't even touched, kisses that left them both panting with desire to get into the real thing. Jack pushed his hips up and gasped as he felt their hard flesh, throbbing now with the desire for release.

"Is that a good thing?"

"Reckon it is. He wants some evidence before judging and I think we can live with that."

Jack slipped Ennis's jeans down past his hips, his fingers burned a trail of fire back up to Ennis's chest, his own hips rubbed more crazily with Ennis's, "I want you."

"I want somethin' else," Ennis whispered and tugged at Jack's side. Jack got the message, he swapped their positions, Ennis was lying on his back now with Jack's warm weight fully spread on top of him.

"Ya sure? It's been a long time since we did it this way. When was the last time?"

"Yer birthday."

Jack winced, "My birthday? At the Tetons last year? No shit. How did ya get away this long, Ennis Del Mar?"

Ennis's answer was a throaty chuckle and a wet kiss with tongue.

Ennis was not so comfortable with being the bottom in their relationship. He felt vulnerable, too vulnerable that he felt the man in him would disappear bit by bit each time Jack was in him. But he gave it to Jack when he wanted so badly to show how much Jack meant to him. Ennis was not good at expressing his feelings in words. He let his actions speak for him. And tonight he wanted to show Jack this, and make Jack remember how important he was to him when he was away.

Jack knew. He smiled his sweet, child-like smile down at him, the tips of his fingers caressing the curls on his forehead. Then he looked around the tent.

"Ya know what, I feel like we've gone back to Brokeback. Look around, we're even in the damn tent."

"We're not."

"Yeah, yer not gonna leave me for the damn sheep once we wake up." Jack rubbed his neck with his stubble-covered chin.

"I didn't wanna leave you."

Jack looked down at him, "Oh please, Ennis, ya couldn't run away from me fast enough after that first night."

Ennis felt his eyes throbbing, the image of what had happened twelve years ago suddenly emerging in front of his eyes like some kind of mirage. Suddenly he recalled how he felt that day, the numbness that made him incapable of thinking straight after waking up beside Jack in the tent with his jeans around his lower hips.

"Ya didn't even talk to me."

Jack's voice didn't sound bitter now but Ennis knew Jack was hurt. He sighed, "I won't lie to ya, Jack, I was scared shitless. But that night…that second night, I wanted you so much. It scared the shit outta me to feel that way. I almost hoped ya would kick me outta that tent once I came in."

Jack traced the tips of his fingers along Ennis's hair line, looking down around his cheekbones then up, "I was wondering if I should wait at the camp or go up to the sheep to see you. I didn't know how you would act but I couldn't not do something. The last thing I wanted was to see ya turn yer back on me. I didn't wanna lose you."

"So ya went to see me up at the pasture," Ennis whispered.

"Yeah…"

"And ya went to see me with that lasso on our last day on Brokeback."

"Yeah, and ya punched me."

"And ya came to see me after four years," Ennis said, "and I sent ya away."

He finished the sentence by himself this time.

"Ennis…"

"Then ya came to me after the divorce and I sent you away again."

"That's the past," Jack kissed him on the corner of his lips. "Yer here now, we're here now and you've changed, we've changed."

They looked at each other and Jack bent down for another kiss, murmuring on Ennis's soft lips, "What made you change yer mind?"

Ennis nipped Jack's upper lip, "I never changed my mind. I feel the same way about you and that has never changed.

Jack stared down at him, unable to say a word. Ennis didn't avert his gaze, determining to let it all out.

"I just never accepted it. I closed my eyes at nights and would curse myself if I ever dreamed of us together 'cause I knew that was not gonna happen. I'd rather see ya twice a year than have one or both of us get beaten with a tire iron."

"Ennis…"

"I know I hurt you. I don't know how ta make you understand. When ya were in Riverton and someone was beaten by tire irons, I almost went crazy with worry. And that was when I realized my own feeling, Iike I said, my feeling never changed. I just didn't want to accept it."

"Why?"

"It's…it's love, Jack. Ain't ya scared?"

"I was. But I wasn't scared of love, I was scared love would drive ya away from me. So…"

"Ya never pushed."

"Yeah." Jack put his head down on Ennis's chest, his breath tickled the hair there. "I still can't believe we're here, together. What happened when you called me in Childress?"

Jack asked softly and Ennis felt their full body contact from their feet to their chests. The weight of Jack above his body was warm and solid. It sure was a man he was holding.

_What happened? It's you, Jack, you and those shirts in Lightning Flat.__  
_  
"Things happened, a lot. I've been wiser in a lot of ways," Ennis said after a long pause. "Remember Tom? The man that was hit with the tire iron?"

"Yeah," Jack shifted his body a little, putting his elbows beside Ennis's head. He seemed to be interested in what Ennis got to say about Tom.

"He got out from the hospital and …people were helping him. I thought maybe…"

"Maybe it wouldn't be that bad?"

"This isn't some cruel world, Don had said. He knew about us, I shoulda known. And there is this…Mr. Nosy as hell…"

"Luke," Jack chuckled. "He's a true friend."

"And a real pain in the ass."

They laughed.

"Have ta thank him though," Jack said. "If not for him, I wouldn't have laid down my last card, talked to Lureen and made a crazy confession to you."

"Right, ya were so damn jealous that time."

"Can't blame me, yer just too tasty. Can't stand even a horse getting close to you sometimes."

"Silly." Ennis shook his head as Jack tried to lick the tip of his nose. He stopped and let Jack lick and kiss his nose as he heaved a long sigh again. "And then…there were those…"

He stopped and Jack frowned at him. Ennis looked deep into Jack's eyes hoping Jack could look through his head and see the scene when he went to Lightning Flat and saw those shirts that finally kicked some sense into his thick skull. But Jack's eyes went cloudy, brimming with wonder.

"What is it, Ennis?"

"I..ah…" He averted his eyes to where their chests touched but Jack's fingers tilted his head up, insisting gently on an answer. "I went to Lightning Flat."

"You, what?"

"Ya heard me. I went to Lightning Flat, after the fishing trip, but you had already left."

"Why?" Jack's voice was hoarse.

"I don't know, just wanted to see you…at first."

"Maybe wanted to ask me, face ta face, to come here?"

"Couldn't be so sure. Yeah, maybe, but not after I found the…in yer room…the…"

Ennis looked up and Jack still captured his gaze, asking now with a quivering, soft voice, "What did you find?"

Jack's eyes still cloudy, brimming now not with wonder but with a veil of tears. Ennis had to swallow hard. He didn't think he read that look wrong. Maybe Jack could really see what was inside of his head.

"Ya don't know?" Ennis whispered, his thumb flicking at the corner of Jack's eyes. Jack just dug his head down and snuggled closer into the crook of his neck. Jack didn't say anything but Ennis felt a dampness on his chest. Jack was sobbing quietly and Ennis combed his fingers through his soft hair, showering kiss after kiss on every part of Jack he could reach.

"I'm not doing anything, Jack, it's you that drove me here, drove us here. I'm just an old truck but you're the fuel. You always stay and believe and that brought us here today."

They stayed like that for a while and Ennis might have dozed off some 'cause when he opened his eyes again, Jack was smiling, his eyes already dried, blue eyes shining now in the dim tent.

They kissed again and Jack whispered, "ya know why I stay and believe?" another kiss on his ear, "'Cause it's you, Ennis. It's you."

Ennis gasped, overwhelming with emotions. Jack kissed him again on his lips, his cheekbone, his temple down to his neck.

Ennis held his breath as Jack bit on his neck. He hissed and exhaled a series of shaking and throaty groans when Jack hauled one of his legs up above his shoulder. Their eyes locked as Jack coated himself with some lube. Ennis couldn't recall the last time Jack got all hot and bothered, but somehow this turned him on, a lot.

Jack didn't say anything as he eased himself inside Ennis, not too slow but not too fast either. Both of them groaned softly and Ennis closed his eyes when Jack was fully inside him, his grip on Jack's arm went tighter. He bucked beneath Jack's steady palm on his stomach. This was too much, Jack was filling him entirely. He felt like he was about to explode.

"It's alright," he heard Jack say softly and that made him calmer.

Ennis felt a hand rubbing up to his collarbone and at that moment, he thought he saw a man sitting with knees up to his chest in the dark behind his eyelids. And he knew who he was. It was him, Ennis Del Mar, sitting there, shaking with fear and shivering with cold, alone.

"Ennis."

And there was a voice calling him from behind the door, the black door on his side. He looked up and saw the doorknob turning. Someone was about to come in. He shrunk, hugging his knees tighter as the door opened wider, letting the white light shine into the dark.

"Look at me, Ennis,"

There was that voice again and Ennis dared to squint his eyes up through the crack of the door, the white light blinding his vision.

Then there was a hand, a big hand with long fingers, reaching in. Didn't know why he felt he would be saved by this hand, but Ennis reached out and grabbed it, allowing that hand to haul him up from the dark, out of the door and into the light.

_And no, it wasn't a white light, it was blue._

Ennis opened his eyes, a streak of tears rolling down his temple. Jack was hugging him tightly as he gave all of himself to Ennis, their rough cheeks burning, Jack tasting salty water from Ennis's cheek and he kissed it, kissed it dry and said something in Ennis's ear, something softer than a whisper but he heard it, as clear as the sky in summer. Ennis turned his face, another streak of tears falling as he said it back, from the depth of his heart and soul, wanting Jack to hear every syllable of it,

_"I love you, too, Jack Twist."__  
_  
----------

The hay was so green…and strong. It could survive in the storm while almost half of the pear trees fell down in the mud, Ennis wondered why. He never worked with hay and his knowledge about it nearly equaled zero. Now, after almost a month of annoyance, he found one fascinating fact about hay, its ability to stay strong in the raging storm, it bent and fell down at times, but stood up and pointed to the sun again.

Breathing in the fresh smell of hay, Ennis felt so peaceful, almost like he had been reborn, having a new life without burden and fear. He heard the sound of the tent being opened and Jack crawled out to sit near him in a second, a hand rubbing his eyes. He had roughly put on his shirt and jeans but didn't bother to button either of them.

"Morning," Jack said, his voice thick with sleep. Ennis handed him a cup of coffee,

"Morning."

"Ah, this smells good," Jack took a sip, his eyes closed as he lifted his face up. Ennis thought Jack was savoring either the coffee or the morning sun, or both.

"I like it here." Jack smiled and took another sip. "If we ever have our own business, I will have a hay field somewhere."

"Ya serious?"

"Yeah, I like looking at it." He looked sideways at Ennis. "But I know ya can't work with it all the time. Ya hate sitting still, always want ta move around. Reckon we'd better have more horses for you."

"How 'bout ya?"

"I don't mind looking at the hay all day." Ennis bumped his shoulder.

"Ya lazy ass."

Jack laughed and Ennis's heart bloomed. He looked at the side of Jack's face then, didn't try to hide the happy surprise of having Jack dream again. They didn't know what would happen tomorrow, a week later or even years to come. There would be a day when he had to tell Junior and Jenny about the true nature of his relationship with Jack. He would never want to hide anything from them. And Jack, too, needed to tell Bobby. But that was in the future, they would have to walk that line and do the best they could.

"Ya know there's one thing we haven't done yet," Jack said above the rim of his coffee cup. When Ennis raised his brows, Jack's lips curled up into a sweet smile, the one that made Ennis's stomach flip. "Damn, if one of us was a girl, we'd just have ta get married…" Jack trailed off then he glanced to the hay field and back, "Wait, who said we couldn't get married?"

"Stop right where yer at it, Twist, I ain't gonna go to fucking church and get hitched with ya."

"I ain't talking about going ta church, ya ass." Jack shoved his shoulder and before he knew it Jack took his left hand and silently tied a string of dry hay, the one he had picked up randomly from the ground, around Ennis's ring finger, two rounds, three rounds and finally tied a knot there.

Ennis opened his mouth to protest but he couldn't utter any words as his eyes followed Jack's fingers until Jack had finished tying a hay ring on his ring finger, a ring that was made of hay – strong hay that stood amidst the raging storm, the tender love that endured the harshness of the world.

"I am here beside you for the long run, Ennis," Jack said, still palming his hand. Ennis still couldn't say a single word as their eyes met, blue eyes compassionate but yet determined and Ennis hoped Jack would see the same things from his eyes in return.

But he couldn't be sure.

Ennis ducked his head down again, reaching with his right hand to the hay ring.

"Aw, Ennis." Jack groaned, "I know ya ain't Mr. Romantic but please at least don't take it off until I go…"

He took the ring off anyway, despite the protest. Jack was about to say something more when Ennis grabbed his left hand and put the hay ring on his ring finger instead. The ring went more loosely around his finger but Jack felt as if he would choke up from being squeezed too tight with a mere thread of dry hay. Jack was pretty sure his head was blank but if he wasn't really thinking about anything then where did the tears suddenly come from? He looked up and the vision of Ennis in front of him was all in a blur.

"Don't cha have ta say something?" Jack breathed.

Ennis smiled, "I said that already."

"Right…we said that part. What's next?"

They looked at each other when Jack scooted closer. If the dry hay was the ring then the tree could be the priest. Na, they didn't need no priest anyway, Jack grinned as he felt Ennis's fingers join his on his lap, caressing the thread of dry hay wrapped around Jack's finger like something so sacred. They closed their eyes at the same time when their lips touched, just once and apart.

Their foreheads were still touching when Jack fluttered his eyes up to meet Ennis's,

"Then?"

"Then?" Ennis echoed and abruptly straightened his back, 'causing Jack to slump forward, his head knocking against the bone on his shoulder.

"Ouch!"

"Time to work."

He got to his feet, looking down at Jack who was still rubbing his head, face crumbling in pain and grumping something more. He grabbed his jacket, hat and walked out. Ennis was grinning and he wasn't going to hide it.

"Some things never change," _Just when I thought he's getting more romantic_, Jack murmured, but his lips were smiling, too.

_That's my man._

----------

"When will he be back?"

Luke poked his head in the window of the passenger side of Jack's truck, trying to find more space to put the box of pears there. He had gone to the farmer's market that morning and found some pears for Bobby, who had been checking the pear trees at the farm every morning. He kept on asking if there were pears already, despite the explanation they all gave him that it took at least 4-5 years for a newly planted tree to bear fruit. Jack said Bobby might call every night to ask the same question when he was away and it was too much. Though he knew Jack was kidding, Luke figured he might as well let the boy taste some Colorado pears now.

"Several days." Ennis leant on the rail of the corral. "When will the baler arrive?"

"Tomorrow. We can either wait for Jack, or go on with the machine. What do you think?"

"Might as well start with manuals. Figure I'll go to see ma girls in Riverton myself next week. Jack can take over when he comes back."

"You can come back with Don then."

"I don't know," Ennis looked down at his boots. Luke shifted and leant his back on Jack's truck to face Ennis,

"Don't ya worry about Don. He never judged you back there, he won't judge you now. Yer one of his ranch hands and he trusted you enough to send ya here, Ennis. Shouldn't forget that."

Ennis sighed, "I ain't forgetting that. It's just…I don't know if I'm doing right by him, with everything he's done for me so far."

"Believe me, you've done enough," Luke said and he nodded to emphasize his words again when Ennis looked at him.

The front door of the house opened and Bobby ran out, with Jack holding the bag two steps behind. The boy ran to Ennis who went down on his knees.

"Ya keep yer gloves?" Ennis whispered and Bobby nodded, smiling.

"At the bottom of my pack. Daddy didn't see when I put them in."

"Great. Now Luke has something for you."

Bobby turned to Luke and his eyes went wide as he saw a pink fruit in Luke's hand.

"A pear!"

Bobby went to Luke. Jack put Bobby's bag in the truck and walked to Ennis while Bobby and Luke continued their pears story.

"Joel told me he will start working with that horse today," Jack said. "Mr. Robinson will come to help."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Ennis smiled and he got one in return from Jack.

"Listen, Ennis, I might go to see my folks next month. Gotta tell them I moved down here and pick up some stuff."

Ennis wondered for a moment if he should tell Jack about how he had switched the shirts. But then he kept quiet. He knew Jack would go up to that wardrobe of his first thing when he arrived at the Twist farm. Jack would see them shirts by himself. Ennis just hoped the shirts would tell Jack how much he cherished what they had between them, something he couldn't express in words.

"Alright."

Jack turned to his truck and back to Ennis, "Better go. I'll stay a few days there. Have ta take care of the rest of the divorce process. Ya take care, foreman."

Rolling his eyes, Ennis grunted a 'yeah, whatever'. Jack smiled lovingly and Ennis couldn't help but think it seemed like a long time when they just reserved this kind of affectionate gesture for times when they were behind a locked door or on the far away mountain. He watched as Jack turned to hug Luke. The older guy patted his back several times and let him free. Ennis walked closer as Jack got in the truck. He dropped his head to look at the Twist boys.

"Be careful, Jack. And ya take care ya big boy."

He reached past Jack to ruffle Bobby's head in the passenger's seat.

"Bye, Ennis."

Bobby waved to him, his expression was of a boy who had shared an important secret with Ennis and was proud of it, and that brought a grin to his face.

"Wait," Luke then jogged in, looking like he forgot to say something. He fished a key holder with two keys from his jeans pocket,

"Got the new keys to the main door of the bunkhouse, figure you guys should keep them."

Luke's gaze bounced to Jack and Ennis who still kept his hands in his jacket pockets. Ennis and Jack exchanged looks and Jack was the one reaching for the key holder.

"We just," he took one of the keys from the holder, "We just need one. Ya can keep the other."

He handed one key to Luke, fondled the other in his palm before handing it to Ennis. If Luke saw their fingers brush as Jack gave the key to him, then he didn't say anything.

"Ok, see ya, Jack."

"Later."

Jack and Luke shook hands. Bobby waved to the two men standing beside the truck again as Jack started the engine. Ennis waved back. Jack and he met eyes for a second, a short moment when they exchanged nods and Jack, too, waved to him. Ennis gave Jack his lopsided grin, gripping the only key to their place tightly, and let the smile linger there even when the truck pulled out of the farm and out of sight.

The last thing Ennis saw when Jack waved was the hay ring, remaining where it had been since this morning, the hay that Jack tied around his finger, and Ennis had given it back to Jack.

_The love that Jack gave to him, and Ennis had finally given it back._

Jack had opened the door and let him out into the light, loving him the way he had never been loved before. Now Ennis was going to wrap his love around that man hoping that it was enough for Jack to see that there were rings, if they actually represented love in this world, on their fingers all along.

And if Jack would start to dream again, maybe Ennis could help him with the sketch. They would draw the shape of their life carefully together, while sheltering in their little fort made of nothing but each other's embrace of flesh and blood. As fragile as it was, but loaded with belief and love that had been bound for twelve years, the love that both of them had tried to ignore, the feeling so powerful that it forced its way out to the surface eventually.

_The strong love that never grew old.__  
_  
And if there was no guarantee for their future now, their little fort should be good enough to protect them on this long and winding road…'til they found one.

TBC in Epiloque


	21. Epiloque

**_EPILOQUE_**_**  
**_  
_Oh, shit, oh,_

_Shit,__  
_  
He jerked it shut again as he saw Ennis and Jack doing something in an empty stall, Jack's back toward him. _Did they talk about 'fishing' back at the pear orchard this morning?__  
_  
"What?"

Luke startled as Ennis yanked open the door from inside the stable. He looked…well…it was difficult to analyze the look on Ennis's face 'cause the man always looked either grumpy or...well…more grumpy. He scratched his cheek, trying to smile as he read Ennis's facial expression. It wasn't angry. And that was good for now.

"You…" He cleared his throat, Ennis brows arching, "Are you guys…fis…"

"No."

_Now he was pissed._

Clearing his throat again, Luke called for his life saver, "Jack? Ya in here?"

"Yeah!" As if summoned, Jack poked his face out of the stable's door as Ennis walked back in to where Shooting Stars was tied. "What? Ya want something? Oh, ya want some advice for yer next date?"

"Aww, shut up," he growled. Jack still loved to tease him about the dinner he had with Norma Jean, the girl at the grocery store, several night ago, the dinner that turned into a little disaster when he spilled the wine on her dress and she screamed her head off. "I ain't talking 'bout that no more, look at this," Luke showed Jack a postcard, with a picture of a mountain and a big cactus in the desert somewhere, "_He_ answered my letter."

"No kidding."

Jack grabbed the postcard and turned to see the white area on the back. Ennis walked up to them now, jamming his head in to read what was written on there.

"What the hell do I do now? Shit, I never thought he would reply."

Luke shook his leg in frustration as he saw Ennis mouth the words while Jack read it in silence. He could remember every word on the postcard, hell, there were only two lines anyway.

_"Friend, if you visit your folks this Christmas, let's have a drink together and remember the old days, Cody." _

After getting Cody's recent address in California from his parents two months ago, he had been trying to pull himself together, gathering all the courage in the world to grab a pen and write to him. But he hadn't succeeded so far.

After the first harvest of the hay field last month, he told Ennis and Jack about this while they were nursing their whiskey and beers on the back lawn of the bunkhouse. Joel had joined them but had left early 'cause he had to meet with the owner of the pear orchard in Denver, the one he had met and befriended last month. Figured they would exchange some serious pear talk the next day.

Ennis and Jack practically pushed him to write and Luke had been trying to think of things to say in the letter, but ended up with just _"Friend, how's California? What are you going to do for Christmas?, Luke"__  
_  
He didn't think Cody would reply, let alone this soon, so it was a total shock to see this postcard in the farm's mailbox this morning.

_What the hell would he do now?__  
_  
Luke looked at his two friends, Jack and Ennis were still reading the postcard. Jack and Ennis, Ennis and Jack, the reason why he decided to ask Cody's parents for his address in the first place, the reason why he looked at the mirror, saw the scar on his eyelid and didn't feel the sharp pain in his stomach, just the dull pain – one that would be healed in time. Ennis and Jack whose courage put him to shame, but at the same time, whose friendship lifted him up from the pool of guilt, making him see the light of the possibility to fix things, that this Luke Martin could be a good friend, being there when friends were needed.

Maybe he could really stop blaming himself for what he had done to Cody.

Maybe they could be friends again.

_What the hell would he do now? Yeah, he knew exactly what he would do.__  
_  
"Give me that." Luke snatched the postcard back.

"The hell…" Ennis snorted as Jack just looked at him in bewilderment.

"I'm going ta the post office, ya can go back to…whatever ya were doing."

He walked away from the stable, waving the postcard without looking back. He heard Ennis growling something about kicking his ass as Jack laughed. Luke smiled. He could see the image of Ennis shoving Jack and walking away, grumping some more.

Luke looked down at the postcard again. This was easy, all he had to do was tell Cody he would be in New Mexico for Christmas, and yes, they would have a drink and remember the old days and re-build the trust to start the new days. Yeah, he could do this.

Luke opened the door to his truck and turned back in time to see Ennis and Jack, riding Shooting Stars and Black Shadows out to the hay field, side by side. It was the most natural scene ever, so natural like the scene of the mountain and the sky, the stars and the moon, the rocks and the river, the flowers and the trees.

So natural like something that was meant to be.

**_  
THE END_**

Thank you everyone who have been reading this little story from the start. If you wish to make some comment (which I would very much appreciate), please go to my livejournal account at ; http : fridayblues dot livejournal dot com / 6119 dot html

Thanks so much and have a nice Jack&Ennis day xxx :) 


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